43. Amends
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Rey gets an idea from a friend.
Heads up: This is a "no Ben/Kylo" chapter. There will be one more of these before the story is over— a "no Rey" chapter.
"Relax…" Dr. Par lulls. "Relax…"
Rey lies flat on her back, eyes closed. She hears the hum of the scanner but tries not to focus on it.
"Just let go… Relax your face, your jaw…"
Rey's lips part, her muscles responding to the woman's voice. Dr. Par is one of the most promising medics in the Resistance, well versed in the biology of over fifty species, innovative with outdated equipment, but it's her voice that's made her the most well-liked doctor on the training base.
It's like nothing Rey's ever heard, soft as a whisper yet clear with high rolling tones. There's something tactile about it, each note felt in the body. Rey's found herself wishing she'd heard it earlier in life, so she could've recalled it during restless nights on Jakku.
"Ah," Dr. Par breathes. "And there it is."
Rey opens her eyes, blinking. The doctor's face comes into view— full, spotted cheeks, lines at her eyes and mouth, grayish-blonde hair hanging in ringlets.
"If I didn't know to look for it, I'd never have found it." Dr. Par places the scanner on a counter, then turns with a kind smile. "Removal will be tricky." She folds her hands in her lap. "I'll need to consult with my colleagues to determine the best approach, but the good news is, once it's out, the Resistance will have a piece of fully functioning First Order technology. Assuming it's intact after the procedure." She tilts her head. "We'll send it straight to engineering, see what secrets they can unlock."
Rey tries to smile. At least something good might come from this nightmare…
Dr. Par purses her lips in that way that presages a question. "Did he—" She stops. "Do you know if it does anything beyond tracking your location?"
"It, uh…" Rey swallows. "Measures my vitals."
"Really?" The doctor quirks an eyebrow. "It's quite small for such a complex function. The engineers will be very interested indeed."
Rey's lips twinge up, but there's a tightness to it.
"Well." The doctor softens. "I'll need to keep you a little longer, run some tests. The medical team will review the results, then we'll schedule the procedure as soon as possible."
"Yes." Rey nearly cuts her off. "The sooner the better. I want it out of me."
"I understand." Dr. Par nods. "I'll retrieve the equipment and be back in a wink." She pats Rey's arm before rising. The doctor heads for the door but pauses a few feet away.
Rey sits up on the bed, curling her legs into her chest. She watches the doctor, waiting.
"I…" Dr. Par turns slowly. "I need to tell you something." She clasps her hands, then presses them to her lips. For a moment, she's quiet, something heavy on her mind. "I need you to know… that I'm the reason everyone found out you came to med bay for contraceptives a few months ago."
"Oh…" Rey stiffens. "Yeah, I figured." Who else could it have been? Dr. Par's the only one who knew. It was one of the many tid bits of gossip floating around right before she confessed the truth.
"I didn't tell everyone, of course," the doctor hedges. "I told someone and… that someone told many others." Rey catches the slightest clench in her jaw. "Regardless, I submitted a malpractice report this morning for the committee's review."
"You didn't have to—"
"Yes." Dr. Par lifts a hand. "Yes, I did. I violated doctor/patient confidentiality, and I must face the consequences of my actions."
Rey lets her legs fall. "I don't blame you," she says softly. "It was a confusing time. No one knew what to think."
"That doesn't make it right though, does it?" Dr. Par dips her chin.
Rey looks into the doctor's eyes, feels her contrition in her heart. She shakes her head.
The doctor presses her lips together. "You know…" She steps forward. "There's nothing like nearly losing someone to make you see things a little more clearly. Since I heard about the attack, I've been thinking a lot about my actions, the things I've said and done, especially these past few weeks and…" She pauses. "I've come to realize that I haven't been setting a very good example for this community. We are family here." She steps closer. "And even if we have different ideas about how to bring peace to the galaxy, nothing will change that."
Rey takes a deep breath, relishing the change. She's only been on base for three hours, yet she's already felt it— in Dr. Par, her team, familiar faces she passes in the hall.
Home. After nearly a month of feeling like she's living in a battlefield, sleeping in the Falcon every night she's here, the base finally feels safe again, a place where she's welcome and accepted.
"Thank you." Rey lets out her breath like she's been holding it forever. "It's good to be home."
"It's good to have you back." The doctor smiles. "And in one piece." She widens her eyes.
Rey nods, but looks down, her hand drifting to the space above her collarbone.
"Well…" The doctor lingers. "I'll be off for that equipment." She turns for the door, pressing a panel. "Back in a wink!" She disappears into the hall.
Rey listens as the footsteps fade, the door whirring shut as they die away.
Then, there's nothing. Just silence.
The room is heavy with it. She can practically feel the weight on her shoulders…
It's the first time she's been alone since she found out about the tracker. The past ten hours have been a blur— crying in Rose's arms, then Finn's. There's been sleep here and there, crying in between. Then, she got to base and there was more crying, rivers of it, though not hers. She was mobbed the moment she stepped foot in the building, hundreds of faces, both familiar and unfamiliar, tearfully murmuring apologies as they squeezed the life out of her.
Rey's not comfortable with hugs, especially from people she doesn't know, but she's gotten better in the past three hours. She's received more hugs in that tiny slice of time than she has in her whole life.
Personal discomfort aside, it's been good to be the center of attention, have a thousand distractions to keep her from withdrawing into her mind. It doesn't keep the images and words from replaying but at least they don't linger in the midst of so many demands on her focus.
But there's none of that now. There's only silence and being alone… alone with the images… alone with the words… alone with her anger and her hurt…
She sees his face when she first woke up, that pattern etched in his cheek, probably from sleeping in the crook of his arm.
"I had to, Rey. You gave me no choice."
She sees him taking her hand, stroking her hair back, telling her she's ok.
"I'm not the only one here who's lied."
She sees the love in his eyes, the fear too, how scared he is of losing her.
"I will not apologize for trying to keep you safe."
Rey squeezes her eyes shut.
Where is Dr. Par? She said "back in a wink" did she not?
As if on cue, the door whirs open, and Rey snaps up.
But instead of the doctor standing in the doorway, it's Poe.
"Hey." He hovers at the entrance.
"Hey." Rey stares.
Silence. Neither of them move, waiting for the other to speak.
"I—" Poe steps in. "Is—" He stands awkwardly. "Is this a bad time?"
"Um…" Rey glances around. "Dr. Par should be back soon."
"Right." He nods. "Of course." He doesn't move.
More silence.
"But…" Rey tilts her head. "You can stay until she gets back, if you like."
"I can?" Poe looks hopeful.
"Yes. I'd like that, actually."
"Really?"
"Yes, really." A smile teases her lips. It's weird seeing Poe like this, so tentative.
"Ok." He steps forward. "Thanks." They stare at each other.
Then, the door whirs shut, and Poe whips around. "Whoa!" He slaps a panel and sticks his head in the hall. "Sorry, buddy."
Rey hears beeping outside.
"Yeah, it's ok. We can come in."
More beeping, too low for Rey to make out.
"Don't be ridiculous. Of course, she means you too."
Soft beeping and a whir.
"No, she didn't say you exactly—"
Frenzied beeps.
"Listen." Poe lifts a hand. "You're overthinking this, bud. Just get in here." He sticks a thumb to the room.
There's a low whine, then the sound of rolling. BB8 enters with its head down, gripping a long, metal rod in its probe.
"BB!" Rey hops from the bed. "I'm so glad to see you. What do you have there?"
The droid chirps quietly.
"For me?" Rey kneels, reaching for the rod. The droid releases it into her hand. "It's…" She knits her brow. "A hydrospanner?"
BB8 bobs back and forth, chirping.
"Well, yes, of course. I could always use a new hydrospanner. Comes in handy for repairs on the Falcon."
The droid beeps softly, lowering its head.
"Are you kidding?" Rey reaches out to adjust the droid's antenna. "It's perfect. Very thoughtful. Thank you."
BB8 perks up, chirping.
"I would love your help. No one's a better repair partner than you—not a droid, not anyone."
BB8 flashes red, beeping shyly.
A grin spreads across Rey's face. "Oh, BB. I missed you. Fixing things just isn't the same without you."
The droid lets out a low whine.
"No, I'm not mad. I never was. You have nothing to be sorry for. I put you in a very awkward position."
BB8 beeps matter-of-factly.
"I know you did the best you could. You always do." She adjusts the droid's antennae, then rises.
"He's been, uh…" Poe scratches his head. "Dying to see you."
BB8 chirps a confirmation.
"He really missed you a lot. He's been wanting to come for a while, but uh… he just didn't know what to say, how to talk to you."
BB8 slides its head back, whistling.
"Shut it." Poe points at the droid. "You're the one who was scared to talk to her."
The droid beeps accusingly.
Poe turns bright red. "Alright, buddy. That's enough. Time to go see Finn about those training droids."
BB8 whines, rolling back and forth.
"You'll see her again. You'll have plenty of time to see her, right?" Poe looks to Rey.
"Absolutely." She nods. "In fact, are you free around eight tonight? I could really use your help with something." She wiggles the hydrospanner.
The droid beeps excitedly.
"It's a date, then. Meet me at the Falcon. It'll be just like old times."
BB8 flies back with a happy chirp, then swings around, rolling to the exit.
"Hey…" Poe turns as the door whirs open. "After you're done, let me know how many of those droids need to be replaced."
BB8 chirps haughtily as it exits.
"Yeah, ok," Poe says dryly. "I'm sure you'll get them all working with nothing but confidence and a plucky attitude."
The droid doesn't dignify this with a response, just picks up its pace as it rolls down the hall.
Poe shakes his head, shifting to Rey. "Little guy gets more arrogant by the day."
"Wonder where he got that from." She winks.
Poe narrows his eyes but says nothing.
Rey turns, smiling to herself as she walks to the bed. She lowers to the edge, scooting back.
Poe stands by the door, unsure what to do.
Rey watches for a moment, sensing his discomfort. Then, she shifts, making space. "Are you just going to stand there, or…?" She pats beside her.
"Oh!" He nods. "Yeah, no. I'll uh… Just…" He makes his way tentatively to the bed. He lowers slowly when he gets there, settling as far from Rey as possible.
Silence.
Rey twists her lips to one side, then the other. She glances at Poe, but he keeps his eyes on the floor. She tries to read him, but it's difficult. His emotions are complicated— guilt, uncertainty, relief, resentment, anger.
But love. Even through all the rest, she feels that, steady warmth like a heartbeat. She closes her eyes, trying to concentrate on it at the exclusion of all else.
"I, uh…" Poe clears his throat.
Rey looks up.
"I…" He grips the edge of the bed.
Then, he sighs.
"Look." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm good at a lot of things— piloting, repairs, whipping these recruits in shape. But… of my many strengths, apologizing's not one of them."
Rey presses her lips together. Best not to comment on that…
"So, before I say anything else, I just want you to ask you to cut me some slack because this is the best I've got."
Rey nods.
"Alright." He straightens. "While I am still angry that you kept such a big secret from your so-called best friends. And I still think negotiating with the First Order in any capacity is absolute insanity that goes against everything the Resistance stands for." He grits his teeth. "And the fact that you even want to makes me feel very happy you're in a med-bay right now because I think you need some brain scans and maybe some psychological treatment…"
She rolls her eyes.
"But." Poe lifts a hand. "All that said… There are things that happened in the past month that I've come to… regret."
Rey glances at him. His eyes are fixed on the floor, but he seems keenly aware of her gaze. "Like…?" She supplies.
"Like…" He blows out an exhale. "Yelling at you. Not giving you a chance to explain. And generally just… making a bad situation worse. I haven't been a very good leader. Leia says the best leaders keep a community together even in the most divisive times, and I haven't been doing that. I've been doing the opposite, actually."
Rey senses a familiar feeling come over him, something she feels in him so often it might as well be his signature— the weight of responsibility.
"That's not to say," he snaps up, "that I feel bad for pushing so hard against this negotiation idea because really, Rey. It's just a mistake, a big, fat mistake. I don't even know where to start. Aside from the fact that attempting a negotiation at all would legitimize an illegal government that blew up the previous one, we'd also be postponing the inevitable. I mean do you really think—" He stops when he catches Rey's glare.
"But…" He draws out the word. "It's been pointed out to me that a better way to handle this would be to have a calm, rational conversation about it as though…" He stiffens. "As though I were an adult." He finishes resentfully and in a tone that very much sounds like he's repeating something he was told to say.
Rey's lips turn up. "Finn finally got to you, huh?"
Poe grunts. "No."
"Of course." She moves her hands to her lap. "Rose is the persuasive one."
"No..." He shakes his head. "Not Rose."
Rey tilts her chin up.
"It was, uh…" He hesitates. "It was Daja, actually."
"Really? You mean you two can stop fighting long enough to have conversations now?"
"Yeah…" Poe clicks his tongue. "Actually… we've, uh… we've been spending a lot of time together lately."
Rey knits her eyebrows. She notices Poe's cheeks turn pink.
Suddenly, she gasps. "NO!"
He keeps his head down but she catches the hint of a smile.
"Really…?"
Poe's cheeks are on fire now.
She leans back, gaping. "You and Daja?"
He lifts his shoulders sheepishly.
"But you two hate each other. All you ever do is fight."
"Oh, we still fight." Poe nods. "But now there's a fun part afterwards."
Rey tries to scoff but it comes out as a croak. "You and Daja…" She shakes her head. "I never would've guessed it."
"Well," Poe hedges. "It's not anything serious, er… not yet. It just kinda happened."
"Happened when? How long has this been going on?"
"The night after you told everyone the truth. I was all worked up, and she came looking for me. We got into an argument like always, but then…" His lips curl. "It turned into something else."
"So…" Rey's smiling so hard her face hurts. "I can't believe I didn't know about this. Does everyone know? Finn? Rose?"
"No." Poe turns his head. "We wanted to keep it between us until… I don't know. With everything as crazy as it's been, we thought it was the right call. But after the attack, she said I could tell you. In fact, she wanted it made very clear that she's the reason I'm here."
"Why?"
"Probably so she can gloat later."
"Sounds like Daja." Rey snorts. "And like you've found someone who can put you in your place."
Poe shoots her a look.
Rey just smiles. "You and Daja." She scrunches her nose, trying to picture it. "Yes…" She nods. "I think you two will be good for each other. She'll help you see that you can be wrong sometimes" She nudges him. "And you'll help her…" She pauses, choosing her words carefully. "You'll help her see that she's more than her past."
Poe instantly looks away.
Rey senses the shift, sees it in his body— his shoulders tense and rigid, eyes fixed firmly ahead.
"So, uh…" She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you know…? Has she mentioned…?"
"You mean…" Poe's tone is clipped. "That she used to cavort around with your boyfriend, slaughtering innocent people? Yeah, she mentioned that."
"And…" Rey presses her lips together. "Does that… change anything?"
"It should." His eyes sharpen. "I should hate her. I should be disgusted by her." He grits his teeth.
Rey tilts her head, studying him. It's a strange thing to look at someone, to see the anger in their face— hard lines, searing intensity— yet feel something very different in their heart.
Poe sighs, passing a hand over his face. "I don't know. I just don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. Everything's so upside down— I mean, we're having serious talks about negotiating with the Supreme Leader of the First Order, who you're in love with, all while I'm sleeping with one of the Knights of Ren."
"Former Knight."
"Right." Poe's lips twist grimly. "Right." He sighs. "I just… I feel like I can't see anymore, you know? Everything used to be so clear but now…?" He shakes his head. For a moment, he's quiet, staring into space. "I don't know. All I know is it's possible to hate what someone has done with every fiber of your being but…" He looks down. "Still love the person."
"Yes." Rey bows her head. "Yes, that's possible." Her throat tightens.
The images start to play again, moments of tenderness interlaced self-righteous rationalizing, the way he framed his violation of her body as if it were her own fault.
She clenches her jaw.
"You ok over there?"
"Oh." Rey snaps up. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm fine."
"Uh huh." Poe's tone is flat. "Perfectly fine."
She rolls her eyes, rising from the bed. She walks a few paces, her back to Poe. "Do you know…" She hesitates. "Why I'm in medbay right now?"
"Yeah," he answers softly. "Rose stopped by a little while ago."
Rey crosses her arms.
"She, uh…" Poe huffs. "Claims Kylo Ren isn't such a horrible guy. Though, according to Daja, he's a heartless bastard, so…?"
Rey feels her blood start to boil. "He's an idiot, that's what he is." She jerks her arms apart, pacing the room. "A blind, self-righteous idiot, and I don't know what infuriates me more, the fact that he lied…" She turns sharply. "The fact that he's still trying to control me as though I were his to control. Or the fact that he doesn't even see what he did as wrong." She whips a hand through the air, scattering equipment across the room.
Rey halts, surprised.
"Ok…" Poe lifts his hands. "I understand you're upset, but no need to take it out on medbay."
She tries to laugh but only manages a grunt. "I just…" She buries her face in a palm. "I just don't know. I'm like you. I feel like I can't see anything anymore. I don't know about him. I don't know about myself. I don't know what this stupid bond is for, or why the Force even came to me at all. Sometimes I think it would've been better if I stayed on Jakku, just rotted in the sand until I died there."
"You don't mean that." Poe shakes his head. "I know you don't. This whole base if full of people you rescued, people you gave a second chance. They'd never have that if you stayed on Jakku."
"I know…" Rey sags. "But that doesn't stop me from wishing things were easier, that I could actually see where my life is headed instead of constantly crawling in darkness…"
"So, you're saying…" His face is careful. "You're having second thoughts about this negotiating with the First Order thing?"
"Not just that— him, the man I thought he could be. I was so sure of where he was headed, where we were headed but…" She trails off. "I don't know." She grows quiet. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he can't change, or he can't change enough. Maybe…" She sinks. "Maybe he's always going to be Kylo Ren."
Poe instantly scoffs. "Yeah, uh… Sorry, but…" He grunts. "Did you honestly think he ever wouldn't be?"
She shoots him a look.
"Oh, come on, Rey— Think about it. What's he been doing his whole adult life? The guy's used to being in control, to taking what he wants by force. Trust me, I know." He taps his head. "That's not just gonna go away. No matter what happens, he's always going to be Kylo Ren."
"But people can change! You know they can. What about Daja, where she came from, who she's decided to become?"
"Actually, that's perfect." Poe points at her. "Perfect example, because you know what? That girl makes way more sense now that I know about her past— the way she just flies off the handle for no reason, how she can be all coy and purring one second, then ready to murder you the next. Remember how she scared the piss out of Joph that time?"
Rey tilts her head.
"And the way she drinks herself to death every other night. Shit." Poe widens his eyes. "She's really messed up, Rey. Surely, you've seen that. She's trying to change but…" He shakes his head. "I don't know. I think that part of her, the part that lead her to do what she did all those years… that's always gonna be there."
Rey presses her lips together. She stands still for a minute, images of Ben and Daja flashing. She walks absently to the bed, lowering beside Poe.
He glances at her but doesn't speak. For a minute, they're silent, lost in their own thoughts. Then—
"Do you know the difference between Daja and Ben?"
Poe knits his eyebrows. He straightens when he remembers who "Ben" is. "What?"
"Daja…" Rey draws out the name. "Actually wants to change. She wants to confront her past, make amends, heal. But Ben?" She bows her head. "I'm starting to think he'll never want any of those things."
Poe stares awkwardly, not sure what to do. Finally, he lifts a hand, hovering a moment before resting it on her shoulder.
Rey squeezes her eyes shut, a tear escaping.
Suddenly, they both snap up, jerking to the door.
"Oh." Dr. Par looks surprised. "Commander Dameron. I hope…" She glances at the equipment scattered around the room. "I'm not interrupting anything."
"No, no." Poe stands. "I just dropped by for a visit."
The doctor glances between Poe and Rey, trying to get a read on them.
"We've been, uh…" Rey wipes her cheek. "Making amends."
"Ah." Dr. Par parts her lips. "Of course. It seems you'll be getting your fill of apologies by the day's end." She turns to pull a hoverlift through the doorway. "Speaking of which, I'm sorry for the wait. That wasn't quite a wink, was it?" She guides the lift to the back wall. "But I was delayed for good reason. I—" She stops, glancing at Poe. "Commander…" She starts carefully. "In the interest of patient confidentiality, I'm afraid I must ask you—"
"He knows," Rey cuts her off. "And he's welcome to stay. I don't think we'll be keeping secrets from each other anymore."
Poe's eyes crinkle to a smile.
"Very well." Dr. Par clasps her hands together. "I ran into Dr. Odai while gathering the equipment, and he seems to think removing the device will be easier than my initial estimates. We'll have to run tests to be sure, but if my findings match his predictions, we could schedule the procedure for tomorrow morning."
"That's…" Rey lets out an exhale. "Perfect. Thank you."
"This is great." Poe reaches for her arm. "Less than a day, and you'll be off the grid. Now…" He turns to the doctor. "What's the likelihood the tracker'll be functional when you take it out?"
"Difficult to say." Dr. Par shifts through some equipment on the hoverlift. "The priority is removal, and we don't know how it works. Though I did mention to Odai that it measures vitals and—"
"Whoa! Seriously? A tracker that measures vitals?"
"Yes." Rey looks down. "I think the idea was, uh… If I ever got hurt…"
"Well," Poe tsks. "I hope we can get it out undamaged. That's pretty useful tech, though, if it's still working— shit!"
"What?"
"Just…" Poe closes his eyes. "The First Order knows everywhere you've been, the location of all our bases. Damn it."
"I doubt that." Rey shakes her head. "These rescues have taken me hundreds of places, and there's no way of knowing why I was at any of them."
"But you're here when you're not somewhere else, so…"
"Yeah, but…" Rey lowers her voice. "They already knew about the training base because…" She mouths "Daja."
"Right." Poe's lips twist grimly. "So glad I've been busting my butt to keep this place secret."
"Hey— take heart. She did mention not everything she submitted was, um… accurate?"
Poe just grumbles. "We need our own damn spies…" He mutters, turning away.
Dr. Par lifts a scanner and walks to a table by the bed, resting it carefully on the surface.
"Wait a minute!" Poe whips around.
Rey and the doctor look to him.
"I just remembered something, something Madani heard from one of our contacts, not a spy exactly, but the closest we've got. He claims the First Order has some sort of protection list of people who aren't supposed to be killed or hurt. The word is Leia's on it."
"Ok…" Rey knits her brow. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"Well, according to our contact, some people on the list have these things in their bodies that get picked up by troopers so they know they're off limits."
"So, you're saying…?" The doctor glances at Rey.
"No." Rey shakes her head. "There's no way it does that." She pats her collarbone.
"Oh, come on," Poe goads. "You've gotta be on that list."
"Poe, I'm telling you there's no way this thing gets picked up by troopers. The invasions, remember? Those operational camps were swarming with white helmets. Ben wouldn't want them wondering why some random slave was on a First Order protection list."
"So." Poe shrugs. "Maybe he modified it while you were in the camp."
"No." Rey shakes her head. "It'd be too risky. Ben's very careful, and especially after Bandomeer, I'm sure he's done everything he can to keep the rumors from being confirmed."
"Yeah, but what do you think he cares more about— rumors or keeping you alive?"
Rey presses her lips together.
"And if it's true, if you're on some protection list and that tracker shows it…" Poe gets a sly look. "You could walk into the damn Supremacy and no one could touch you. Think of what you could do…"
"Poe." Rey blinks. "No. Just no. Whatever you're thinking, it's a bad idea."
"Oh, come on!" Poe's hands fly out. "That asshole put a spy in our ranks and a tracker in your body. He has intel on our leaders, our bases, our training, you. He knows all about our organization meanwhile we're still crawling in the dark. And you think that's fair!?"
The doctor raises an eyebrow. She doesn't speak, but Rey can sense Poe struck a chord.
"How are we supposed to fight a war or even negotiate when we know nothing about our enemy— their weapons, their training, their communications? If we even have a chance to even the scales, shouldn't we take it?"
Rey looks down.
She must admit, he has a point. The Resistance still knows precious little about the inner workings of First Order. She's the closest thing they have to a spy and even then, she only knows what Ben's willing to tell, which is very little. Meanwhile, he's been sneaking around, gathering information from spies and trackers.
"What do you mean…" She slides her jaw to the side. "'Even the scales?'"
Poe's face lights up. "Just that we've got a lead on the potential location of a First Order data center, and it's not far from here. You could get there by tonight if you wanted to."
"How well-guarded is the facility?"
"That, I don't know." He tilts his head. "But there've been talks about putting together a recon team to find out."
"Hm." Rey considers for a minute. The leadership has been worried about Starkiller, how close it is to completion… A data center would have that information and a lot more— communications within the Order as well as with allies and heads of governments, plans for weapons development…
That would even the scales. And if Poe's theory turns out to be true…
She brings a hand to collarbone. Ben's face flashes, that hardness in his eyes when he admitted to the tracker— "I will not apologize for trying to keep you safe."
She sets her jaw. "Poe."
"Yeah?"
A moment.
"Tell me everything you know about this facility."
The hanger is empty except for a pair of Stormtroopers marching between rows of freighters. Every step echoes, filling the space with an eerie cadence.
They march until they reach a wide opening, stopping just where the concrete floor meets clumpy, red earth. The pair turn their heads slowly, nodding in unison to a third trooper standing a few feet away.
The trooper nods back.
The white helmets turn to face open space stretching out a quarter mile before ending in a thick wall of forest. It's close to midnight now, the trees barely visible. The planet only has one moon and an atmosphere heavy with clouds, making it all the darker.
It's a typical spot for a First Order data center— a dim, sparsely populated planet in the middle of nowhere. The leadership has always been keen on keeping their intel as far off the grid as possible. Of all the places a trooper can be stationed, this is one of the safest.
And also the most boring.
Nothing ever happens here. All they do is march and stand guard, train twice a week, complete protocol modules every other week. Expectations are pretty low, and oversight is negligible.
Case in point— Their sergeant hasn't come to check on them in nearly three hours. It's possible he's listening through audio surveillance, but probably not. Their unit's been here for over a month, so he's gotten lax in enforcing the protocol.
Not that the troopers are complaining.
The three men face the forest, the pair at the center of the opening, the other not far to the right. Minutes pass in silence as they hold their blaster rifles, staring into the night sky. The pair have known each other for years— FN-3566 and FN-7499. Their friends call them Sixes and Nines. The other guy's new, joined the unit right before they were stationed here. He's fresh out of training, a volunteer (that's what they call the guys who joined as adults rather than brought up in programming centers).
Sixes and Nines are keenly aware of the other guy— FN-4132. They've been on patrol with him before, and because he's new, he tends to follow protocol exactly. The kid really needs to loosen up…
Sixes and Nines don't move, don't look at each other, but they're both thinking the same thing. Is it safe to talk? Will Mr. Sergeant's Pet report them if they do?
Nines decides to risk it. "So…" The trooper's voice is distorted by the helmet. He glances at the newbie before continuing. "Did you catch 'A New Hope' at chow?"
"Of course." Sixes snorts. "Ate in the supply closet just so I could listen to it."
"Can you believe that part about the Chainbreaker—"
"Shhh." FN-4132 turns his head sharply.
Sixes and Nines roll their eyes. Volunteers are the worst.
Nines sighs. Screw that guy. If he has to stand here in silence the whole night, he's gonna shoot that little shit out of pure boredom. He nudges Sixes. "Don't you love that she—"
"Shhh."
"Seriously?" Sixes whips around. "You've gotta lighten up, man, or you're not gonna make it in this unit. You need to learn the honor code— we won't report you if you don't report us." He turns back to his friend. "You're talking about the part where she—"
"Shhh!" The newbie steps towards them.
"Shut up!" Nines moves his rifle to one hand. "I am not standing in silence all night just because you—"
"No." FN-4132 shakes his head. "It's not that. It's just…" The newbie hesitates. "I… I haven't listened to the episode yet."
Sixes and Nines groan in unison.
"You've gotta be kidding me…" Sixes turns to the newbie. "Did you not go to chow?"
"No," FN-4132 hisses. "I had to go see the Sergeant about the module I missed."
"You're the worst." Nines turns forward, readjusting his rifle.
"It's not my fault!"
"Volunteers…" Nines grumbles.
"I know, right?" Sixes shakes his head.
The newbie huffs. "Listen, I don't care if you guys talk. Talk about whatever you want, just not 'A New Hope,' ok?"
The veterans don't respond, only stare forward.
FN-4132 sighs, resuming his post.
Silence. The next minute passes slowly, each second dragging on.
"So…" The newbie glances at the others. "Did you guys hear about Osean?"
Sixes and Nines don't respond.
"Because I heard the Supreme Leader went there to rescue the Chainbreaker."
Nines rolls his eyes. "No, you idiot. He went there to hunt down the Knights. You know that. He's chasing 'em all over the Outer Rim."
"Uh uh." Sixes nudges his friend. "He got 'em already, killed two and threw the rest in prison. He's back on the Supremacy."
"You're both wrong." The newbie walks up to them. "He's on Osean because the Knights attacked the Chainbreaker, then he stayed there to take care of her."
"Bullshit." Nines whips around. "Where'd you hear that?"
"Colonel Seigan, tonight when I went to see the sergeant. It's a big scandal."
"Psh…" Nines turns from him. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes, I do!" The newbie steps closer. "It's real! Kylo Ren and the Chainbreaker are real."
"For our sake, you better hope you're wrong."
"What do you mean?" FN-4132 jerks back. "It's a great thing. It means there might not be a war and our odds for survival just got ten times better. I left a comm for my mom after I found out. She's gonna be so happy."
The veterans stiffen. They're not used to troopers talking about their moms. Or any family for that matter…
"You're an idiot." Sixes doesn't turn.
"Why?"
"Because," Nines spits. "If what you say is true, our lives just got ten times worse, not better."
"I don't understand."
"That's because you're new." Nines' tone is flat. "You don't get how things work around here. What do you think Hux is gonna do if all this Chainbreaker stuff turns out to be real?"
The newbie just stands there.
"He's gonna make his move just like everyone's been saying he's gonna make his move, then he's gonna be Supreme Leader and Kylo Ren will be space dust. And trust me when I tell you…" Nines turns to face him. "Our lives are gonna be way worse if that happens. You've heard of the 'Walk of Perdition' right?"
FN-4132 gulps. "B-but…" He stutters. "Kylo Ren would never let that happen. Hux isn't even a general anymore and—"
"So green…" Sixes shakes his head.
"So stupid…" Nines adds.
"You're wrong," the newbie snipes. "The leadership is loyal to the Supreme Leader, not some fallen general, and if he tries to do anything, Kylo Ren's gonna—"
"Oh shit!" Sixes whips up his rifle. He'd been too caught up in the newbie's whining to notice something humanoid emerge from the woods, approaching quickly.
"Halt!" Nines sets his rifle on the figure. "Halt right there!"
The figure stops.
All three troopers have their weapons trained him now. Everyone's frozen, the clearing silent except for faint rustling in the forest.
Then, the figure starts forward.
"I said halt!" Nines barks. "Halt or I will shoot—" He jerks back, jarred by a flashing in his helmet. The words "No Kill/No Injury" blink on the screen as the figure approaches. He nearly drops his rifle when he sees the punishment for violating the order.
The entire division executed…?
The troopers instantly lower their weapons, glancing at each other. Whoever this guy is, he must be really important.
But as the figure gets close, they see it's just a girl, not even in uniform. Her clothes and hair are mussed from walking through the forest, and she's young, not a day over twenty from the looks of it. They scan her for weapons as she approaches, but she has nothing except for a pouch and a small metal hilt attached to her side. She stops just a few feet away.
The troopers stare dumbly.
"Um…" The girl studies them. "Hello. I'm here for the tour."
The troopers look at each other. "Tour?" Sixes tilts his head.
"Yes, of the facility." She gestures to the hangar. "The colonel said three of his best men would meet me here."
"You mean Colonel Seigan?" FN-4132 speaks before Nines can shush him.
"Yes, that's it." The girl nods.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but that information is incorrect." Nines steps in front of the girl. "All personnel and their guests have to enter through front gate."
The girl narrows her eyes. She scans the trooper, sizing him up. He studies her as well, trying to place her. She's vaguely familiar…
"Actually…" She steps around him. "I think I'll come in right here."
"Whoa!" Nines grips her arm. "Ma'am, you cannot do that."
"Yes, I can," she says evenly. "And you won't stop me. Unless you intend to hurt me?" She raises an eyebrow.
Nines swallows thickly. He releases the girl finger by finger.
"There's a good lad." She smiles. "Come on. Why don't you show me around?" She strides into the hangar.
The troopers turn, bug-eyed in their helmets.
Their sergeant's going to kill them…
Nines whips his hand up to his comm. "Sergeant?" He whispers in his helmet. "Sergeant, we've got a problem here. Someone on the No Kill/No Injury list just entered the facility. What's the command, over?" Nines waits, growing panicked as the girl gets further in the building.
The seconds pass like hours, yet no response from the sergeant. Is he even awake…?
Nines searches his mind, trying to figure out what to do. There's no protocol for a situation like this… He jerks to Sixes, catching his eye then tapping the settings on his blaster. Sixes nods, and they both change their weapons to stun. Nines looks to FN-4132 to see if he got the message, but clearly he didn't because he's jogging into the hanger after the girl.
Sixes and Nines follow, gripping their rifles.
"So, this is the only hangar in the building, right?" The girl looks over her shoulder.
"Yeah, that's right." FN-4132 trots up to her. "The Order likes to keep data centers off the grid, so it's pretty small, just a hundred personnel needed to maintain it."
Nines grits his teeth. Shut up newbie… They don't even know who this is! He nudges Sixes, tilting his rifle. They begin angling their weapons towards the girl.
"And what kinds of information is stored in this facility?" She's asking.
"Uh…" FN-4132 looks up. "I'm not sure exactly. We mostly just guard it. I've only been here a month so—"
Suddenly, the girl whips around, and the rifles fly out of the troopers' hands just as they were preparing to fire. The weapons sail over a transport, landing with a clatter on the other side.
Sixes and Nines freeze, the newbie looking frantically between them and the girl.
"Now that…" The girl lifts a finger. "Wasn't very hospitable."
Nines is practically hyperventilating in his helmet. What the—? Did that just happen? How did she—?
Suddenly, he gasps
It hits him at once, where he recognizes the girl. She's from the holo… the one from Bandomeer…
This is the Chainbreaker.
He croaks weakly.
"Wait a second…" FN-4132 turns to the girl. "You're not… Are you…?" He sputters. "You can't be… the Chainbreaker?"
The girl purses her lips.
"Oh my—" FN-4132 shudders in his armor. "W-what are you—? Why are you—? This is insane!" He squeals, doing a little dance. "It's such an honor to meet you!" He sticks a hand to the girl.
She eyes him carefully before taking it, more than a little surprised.
"My mom loves you!" FN-4132 gushes. "She saves all the holos that mention you. She's gonna go ballistic when she finds out I saw the Chainbreaker face-to-face."
"Um…" The girl shakes his hand with a bemused smile. "Call me Rey."
"Rey!" FN-4132 releases her. "Of course. Right. Rey."
Sixes and Nines gape at them, dumbfounded.
"So, um… Rey. Is that…" The newbie lowers his voice. "A lightsaber?" He points to the metal hilt.
"It is."
"Really!?" The newbie squeaks. "The purple one you used on those raids in the Colonies?"
She nods.
"That's so…" The newbie sounds breathless. "Incredible. Can I see—"
"Why are you here?" Nines blurts out, regaining enough of his senses to form words.
The girl snaps to him. They share a long, silent stare before she cocks her head.
"Why am I here?" She repeats the question.
"Yes." Nines stiffens. He feels naked without his weapon, hardly knowing what to do with his hands.
"I'm here…" She steps towards him. "For information."
"What information?"
"All of it."
Nines and Sixes share a glance.
"A-all of it?"
"All of it." The girl's face is cold except for her eyes, glowing like embers.
"Y-you…" Nines struggles to adopt a tone of command. "Need to leave. Now."
The girl just stares.
Then, she turns, striding to the back of the hanger.
Nines bursts forward, snatching the rifle out of the newbie's hands as he passes. He adjusts the settings quickly, then lifts the weapon, already pulling the trigger.
But the weapon flies right out of his hand and into the girl's with a smack.
She looks down at it, inspecting coolly. "Stun mode, huh?" She runs a thumb over the settings. "Let me guess…" She glances up. "You're on orders not to harm me." There's a glint in her eye.
Nines stands frozen, his chest so tight he can hardly breathe. The truth is setting in, what's happening, what it means…
This is the Chainbreaker. And she's on the First Order's No Kill/ No Injury list with the harshest punishment for violation he's ever seen. Which means…
It's real. It's all real. Bandomeer, the rumors… Kylo Ren and the Chainbreaker are real.
The girl turns casually, continuing to the back of the hangar with the rifle in hand.
Nines stumbles after her, reaching out.
"I wouldn't touch me, if I were you."
Nines stops dead, the girl striding on without backward glance. His mind is frenzied, stuck between duty and fear. And he's not sure what scares him more— what she might do if he tries to stop her or what the Supreme Leader would do if he accidentally hurts her.
He turns frantically, searching for the others. The newbie's just standing there, but Sixes is gone, hopefully to retrieve their weapons. He looks back at the girl to see she's at the door. A second later, there's an electric hum, a purple blade shooting out.
That's it. Time to call it.
Nines breaks into a run, racing to a red lever on the back wall, the girl already slicing through the door. He leaps up to grab the lever, using all his weight to pull down.
A deafening buzz fills the hanger, red flashing from the ceiling.
He turns to find the girl disappear into the building. He gasps, whipping a hand to his helmet. "Code red, code red! An intruder disarmed the guard and has now entered the facility. Alert all actives now!" He races between the rows of freighters, Sixes running towards him with a rifle in each hand.
Sixes tosses him one when he's close, and they both charge for the door, or what's left of it, molten metal dripping from a large gap.
"Code red! Code red!" Both of them shout into their helmets.
"Guards en route," The sergeant finally responds. "Is—?"
"Intruder's entered on the South side!" Nines cuts him off. "FN-7499 and FN-3566 in pursuit." He leaps through the gap in the door, Sixes hot on his heels.
"Where's the intruder now?" The sergeant sounds panicked.
"We lost visual." Nines races down the hall. "But sir, I think she's heading to the command center." Nines catches half a curse when the Sergeant crackles in.
"Get there now, and take her out!"
"Can't do that, sir." Nines and Sixes whip around a corner. "Intruder's on the No Kill/No Injury list."
"Bullshit!" The sergeant sounds like he's running. "Take her out! Just do it!"
Nines starts to protest but stops when his sensors flash blue, friendlies approaching just ahead. A second later, five troopers pour into the hall.
"Command center! She's heading to the command center!" Sixes and Nines race past the troopers. The hall fills with the clatter of footsteps, and not far there's shouting and blaster fire.
Nines breathes heavily in his helmet, racing to the noise. Almost there…
The troopers round the corner and immediately slow, the path cluttered with their friends groaning on the floor, pieces of blaster rifles scattered around them. Nines looks to the end of the hall just as the blast door closes. "No!" He leaps over the bodies, rushing the keypad. He skids to a halt, looking around.
"Nnhu…"
He looks down to find one of the command center guard, FN-7724, slumped against the wall, his helmet in his lap. "Hey, buddy." Nines crouches. "I need the code to enter. You got it?"
The trooper doesn't answer. He just stares blankly, sandy blonde curls damp and sticking to his forehead. "She took it…" He sounds hollow. "She just reached in me and took it."
Nines sinks, sharing a glance with Sixes.
"We tried to stop her." The disheveled trooper coughs. "But she's No Kill/No Injury, and it happened so fast. We were flying, our weapons were flying. She never even touched us…"
"It's ok, buddy." Nines reaches for his shoulder. "You're ok." He rises, turning to the sound of footsteps down the hall.
The newbie and the sergeant enter from opposite ends, halting in front of the mess of troopers and scattered weapons.
"What…?" The sergeant scans the hall. "Is going on here!? Where's the intruder?"
Nines and Sixes both point to the door.
"You let her get inside!?" The sergeant bulls his way through the troopers. "You have one job— Protect the command center!" He charges up to the keypad, quickly entering a code. He jerks back when the screen flashes red.
"Looks like she initiated lockdown, sir."
"Impossible! The commander would die before he gave up those codes."
"She just takes it…" The troopers jerk to FN-7724 babbling on the floor. "It's like invisible fingers in your mind…"
"It's true." Nines turns to the sergeant. "She's some kind of Jedi. I think she's—" He hesitates. "I think she's the Chainbreaker, sir."
"WHAT!?"
Nines and Sixes glance at each other.
"He's right, sir!" The newbie scuttles through the crowd of troopers. "She told me so herself."
"She had a lightsaber…" FN-7724 mutters from the floor. "It cut right through our weapons. So fast…"
The sergeant tenses, on the verge of explosion. "Idiots!" He jerks away. "Idiots frying their brains on subspace radio trash!" He looks around, furiously assessing the situation. "We need to clear the building." He pushes through the crowd. "Gather the injured and prepare for the failsafe initiative."
"We can't do that, sir." Nines scurries after him. "The intruder's on the NO Kill—"
"If I hear another word out of you—" The sergeant whips around. "You'll spend the rest of your life in a mud hole."
"But, sir…" Another trooper interrupts. "It's true. We all saw it."
"Bullshit!"
"See for yourself, sir. Scan the area."
The sergeant growls, but lifts a hand to his helmet, adjusting the settings. The troopers watch, waiting. After a minute, the sergeant drops his hand, going limp.
"Did you see the punishment for violation?" Nines steps in.
The sergeant nods weakly.
"We can't initiate the failsafe, sir. The whole building will blow and her with it."
"We…" The sergeant swallows. "We need to clear the hall and seal the entry points. You." He points to Nines. "Take the injured out and get the rest in formation. Set weapons to stun." He charges to the command center, activating his comm. "All guard at the perimeter seal the facility now. No one gets in or out." He stops at the door. "FN-3566!" He barks.
Sixes scurries up to him.
"When the intruder entered, what did she have on her person?"
"Just the lightsaber, sir, and a small pouch."
"How small?"
"About half the size of a standard pack."
The sergeant goes cold. Large enough for a datacron… Who knows how much she's taken by now? He leans to the door, trying to block out the commotion behind him. He knows it's no use— the metal's too thick to hear anything— but he tries anyway, if only to keep from feeling helpless.
Soon, the commotion dies off, and the sergeant doesn't have to look back to know the troopers are in rows behind him, weapons trained on the door. He lifts a hand to his helmet, activating his comm. "All units— stay sharp and set weapons to stun. Maintain the perimeter but do not harm the intruder." He turns to the troopers. "You…" He points at them. "Will stay put. You will not advance. You will not retreat. You are a wall, understand?"
"Yes, sir." The troopers answer in unison.
"I want the intruder stunned before she steps foot in this hall."
Yes, sir."
The sergeant nods once, then positions himself between the rows, changing the settings on his rifle before lifting it to the door.
The hall falls quiet. Nines is at the head of one row, Sixes just behind him, both surging with adrenaline-charged focus.
No one takes their eyes off the door.
The sergeant grips his rifle, ears pricked for any sound. All he hears is the faint creaking of armor…
Seconds become minutes, and the tension in the air thickens, every heart racing, every mind consumed with rumors of the Chainbreaker, what she's capable of…
Suddenly, the door whirs open, and the troopers jump, fingers twitching on triggers.
The ones in the front scour the command center, greedily taking in details— the flashing red lights, the faint smoke, two operators slumped over switch boards.
But there's no girl.
They keep their eyes forward, sensitive to the slightest movement.
You are a wall. The command rings in their ears— No advance. No retreat. They will wait, feet planted, blasters ready, forever if they have to.
Seconds pass, long and agonizing, and the troopers lose sense of time, a minute feeling like an hour. Finally, the sergeant lifts a hand.
"Stay put." He steps forward, every hair standing as he enters the command center. It's not a large room, every wall a giant console, two rows of consoles in the center, another in the back, chairs scattered all around them. The sergeant looks left, then right, noting the commander out cold on the floor.
But there's no sign of the intruder.
Impossible, the sergeant thinks. This building was designed to protect this room. There's no other way out.
That's when he thinks to look up.
Too late.
In an instant, his rifle rips from his hands, and he catches sight of something above just before he flies across the room.
Stun shots fill the hall, the doorway a wall of blue rings. They die slowly, the troopers in the front searching for a girl's body.
"Did we get her?" Someone whispers.
Nines steps forward. "I think—" He gasps, his rifle ripping out of his hands and straight into a purple blade.
In a split second, the hall is chaos, blue rings shooting in all directions. The troopers are a frantic mess, the intruder flying around them, flipping and dodging, slicing through their rifles. It seems like there's two of her, the way she blinks from one spot to another, evading every shot. The troopers aren't so lucky, some of them hit by their own men, falling dazed to the floor.
"Take her out! Take her out!" Someone shouts, but most of the troopers have lost their rifles, the remnants scatted in pieces. In any other fight, they'd pull out their melee weapons—vibro-daggers, electric batons— but the words "No Kill/No Injury" keep flashing in their helmets, so they just hit the deck, feigning unconsciousness.
Only Nines snatches a dagger from one of his buddies and lunges for the girl. She flips over him and he barely keeps from crashing into the wall. He whips around to attack but stops cold at the sight of his friends scattered all over the floor.
The realization hits cold.
He's the only one left standing.
He gulps, eyes on the girl. She's standing just a few feet in front of him, purple blade crackling at her side.
Then, it's gone, disappearing into the metal hilt.
Nines grips his dagger, "No Kill/No Injury" still flashing in his helmet. The girl steps towards him, stopping just an inch from his blade.
Nines stares, trembling.
Suddenly, she softens, something like sympathy flashing in her eyes. "Sorry for this." She nods to the mass of troopers. "You're good soldiers, just doing your duty." She juts her chin up. "Like I'm doing mine."
Nines sets his jaw. He's right in front of her, the tip of his blade pointed at her chest. All he has to do is thrust…
But instead, he lowers his weapon.
The girl studies him, curious.
He stares for a moment. Then, he nods once.
She nods back, lingering before stepping around him, picking up to a jog.
Nines turns, watching as she disappears around a corner. He stands there after she's gone, her image burned in his mind. He gets a strange feeling, like he's in the moment but also far away, observing from a distance. There's a part of him that already knows he'll be telling this story for the rest of his life, the night he came face to face with the Chainbreaker.
What will he say about that moment, when he could have killed her and didn't?
He'll probably say it's because "No Kill/No Injury" was flashing in his helmet, but this won't be the truth. Most will probably think it's because he couldn't kill her if he tried, but the reality is something he can't fully articulate, not even to himself.
All he knows is that this girl could've killed him. She could've killed him the hanger and she could've kill him right here, him and all his friends.
But she didn't. In fact, she seemed to make a point not to.
He jerks to the hall at the sound of creaking armor, Sixes pushing up from the floor. Nines scurries over to help him.
"Did we get her?" He sounds groggy.
"No."
Sixes sighs, adjusting his helmet. "Well… at least we can say we met the Chainbreaker."
Nines grunts. "Come on. Let's get the sergeant. We gotta report this."
Sixes nods.
They turn, stepping over troopers on their way to the command center.
NOTE: I debated long and hard about whether or not to leave this note, and I ultimately decided in favor because there might be a reader who needs to hear it.
Like most conflicts between Rey and Kylo/Ben in this story, I designed the "secret tracker" plot point so that there would be rights and wrongs on both sides. I did this to reflect my real-life experiences. I can think of very few fights I've had with my SO, family, or friends where one person was squarely in the right and the other squarely in the wrong, and I wanted this story to reflect the moral complexity I encounter in my own relationships. So, yes, Rey is often too reckless with her own life, and yes, Kylo has good cause to be concerned and cross some lines to ensure her safety. But I wanted to make it clear that while there's a certain logic in what Kylo did, I personally believe he was wrong to violate Rey's privacy and bodily autonomy, and she was right to call him out on this (though you can make the argument she was overly harsh in how she did so).
Guys, we're living in an age where it's actually quite easy for a spouse to secretly track your movements. My sister is a lawyer who works with a lot of domestic violence victims, and she's taught me that one of the classic early signs of controlling and abusive behavior is an obsessive need to know where your spouse is. For example, she had a client whose husband took her phone and changed a setting so that he received a notification every time she left the county. When she found out about this and confronted him, he claimed he was trying "to protect her" (there'd been a recent instance of kidnapping in their neighborhood). Even though the intention was noble, this man was wrong to violate his wife's privacy, and it was ultimately a precursor to violations that were much worse. I firmly believe we as a society need to learn to recognize these early signs of abusive behavior and hold the violators accountable so their behavior doesn't spiral even further.
So, if any of you are (or know someone) who is in a relationship with a spouse who violates your privacy and/or autonomy under the excuse of "keeping you safe," I encourage you to sit down and have a serious conversation. Perhaps like Kylo, your spouse has good reason to be concerned for your safety, but this does not give him/her the right to violate you. Ideally, trust issues should be worked out through respectful conversation where partners clearly communicate their concerns, then set up solutions and boundaries they both agree to. If anyone would like to share information on recognizing/dealing with signs of controlling and abusive behavior, please feel welcome to do so in the reviews.