46. Reunion

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Rey and Ben arrive at Resistance headquarters after their escape.

The Falcon creaks open, ramp descending with a mechanical hum.

Finn and Rose scurry down before it touches ground. They hop off, then bolt across the hanger, pausing briefly to glance back.

The shouting gets louder as Rey treks down the ramp, a towering form stomping after her. The two are a blur of screaming and finger pointing, faces red, arms flailing.

Finn and Rose turn to each other, wide-eyed. They start forward at the same time, racing between rows of transports like animals trying to outrun a storm. They're out of the hanger by the time Rey steps off the ship.

"If you'd just listened to me, we would've—"

"If I'd listened to you, both of us would be strapped to interrogation chairs right now!" Ben charges off the ramp.

"You stirred up the whole damn facility, nearly got us and Finn and Rose killed—"

"I saved all our skins. You're the one who nearly got us killed."

"I had a plan, Ben! A good plan, one that didn't involve blowing up half the building!"

"Your plan had us moving at half speed and getting stuck in a ventilation system. I made a judgement call."

Rey scoffs. "You just went with your instinct, which is to whip out that saber of yours and destroy whatever you set your eyes on!"

"First of all…" Ben towers over her. "If you think I actually wanted to harm First Order personnel, think again. Secondly, the last thing I wanted was to fight with a weapon that isn't even mine anymore!"

"Ben!" She groans. "All I did—"

"Was take it apart, change its nature, then put it back together with a damn tracker in it!"

"I had no choice, Ben," she mimics. "I will not apologize for trying to keep you safe."

"Hypocrite!" He gets in her face. "You are a childish hypocrite, and what you've done is so much worse than what I did."

"WHAT!? That is complete—"

"You took what is mine, and you ruined it!"

"I FIXED IT!"

"IT WASN'T BROKEN!"

"YES, IT WAS!"

He growls, jerking away.

"Just because you refuse to acknowledge an open wound doesn't mean it's not there, Ben."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know exactly what I'm talking about. I understand you, and I understand kyber crystals. You both needed this."

"It's not for you to say what I do and do not need!"

"Ben…" Rey sags. "When are we going to stop having this argument? When will you just admit that you need to heal?"

"Do not tell me—"

Suddenly, they both freeze.

They'd been too consumed in the fight to sense her coming, but they sense her now. A door whirs shut at the back of a hanger, footsteps approaching quickly.

Ben goes white.

Then, he bolts to the Falcon.

"Ben." Rey lunges after him. "Ben, don't you dare."

He's nearly to the ramp when Leia jogs around a transport.

"Son?" She slows.

Ben halts.

The hanger falls silent. For a minute, it's like time stops, no moving, no speaking.

Ben stands by the Falcon, his back to Leia.

Rey's a few feet away, perfectly still except for her eyes, darting between mother and son.

Leia stands by the transport, her face as white as Ben's.

The room quakes with emotions, yet by all appearances, the scene is quiet, almost serene. They might as well be stone in a vast, empty hanger.

Leia is the first to move. She steps forward, never taking her eyes off Ben.

Rey catches him gulp, and for a moment, she thinks he's going to dart up the ramp, but he remains still.

Leia proceeds carefully— one step, two steps, three— like one wrong move could scare him away. As she gets closer, Rey notices she's trembling.

Ben tenses when she steps in front of him, keeping his eyes on the floor.

Leia glances at Rey, almost fearfully, then looks to Ben. "Son…?"

He keeps his head down.

"B-ben…?"

He doesn't move.

Leia covers her mouth, eyes glistening. "Ben…" She drops her hand. "Please, son. Please look at me."

No movement.

"Ben…?"

Nothing.

Leia darkens. "Boy." She adopts a tone of command. "Look at me."

Ben swallows.

Then, he drags his eyes up.

Leia instantly softens. "Ben." She frames his face. "Son." She looks him over like she can't believe he's real. "You're… so big."

He stares, dumbstruck.

"I'm so happy to see you." Tears spill over her cheeks. "I've wanted this for so long. I've imagined it every single day."

He gapes at her.

"I've… I've been wanting to tell you…" Her lips tremble. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry we gave up on you. I'm sorry we weren't there for you when you needed us. You have no idea."

His eyes tighten.

"And I… I wanted you to know that… I know how much you loved your father."

He bows his head.

"I know you hate yourself for what you did."

He squeezes his eyes shut.

"But I don't want you to. I want you to forgive yourself. And I want you to know that… I forgi—"

"No." He jerks away. "No."

"Yes." Leia grabs him.

"No."

"Yes, son." She moves in front of him. "You need to hear this."

"No." He keeps shaking his head.

"Oh, Ben…" Leia catches a sob. "Ben, please… please… If you can't hear the words, just feel it. Feel it like you did when you were little. Do you remember? Do you remember when I'd hold you, and we'd both close our eyes and just feel what was in the other's heart?"

He scrunches his face.

"Let's do that now." She takes him into her arms. He's stiff, but Leia doesn't seem to notice. "Feel what's in my heart, son."

He gasps.

"Feel how much I forgive you. I forgive you for all of it."

"No…" He croaks weakly.

"Yes. I love you, I forgive you, andif your father were here, he'd say the exact same thing."

Rey claps a hand over her mouth. Suddenly, she's weak, barely able to stand.

Tears are streaming down Ben's cheeks. He's shaking his head, squeezing his eyes tight, and Leia just holds him. He starts to collapse, shoulders hunching until he's bearing half his weight on his mother.

She staggers, struggling to hold him up. Rey moves to help, but Leia waves her away.

"It's ok." She grips her son. "It's alright. I've got you."

"I-I…" He weeps into her shoulder. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I know. I know."

"H-he… He came to me and I-I…"

"Shhh." She strokes his hair.

He sobs, leaning more of his weight on her. "I-I don't… I don't deserve this. I don't deserve forgiveness."

"It's not about deserve, son. It's about love. And grace."

He sobs harder.

"I love you." Leia holds him tight. "I love you so much. And I've missed you. I've missed my boy."

Rey watches, wide-eyed. Tears stream down her cheeks yet she can't feel a thing but pain and release and joy, Leia's blending with Ben's blending with her own. It's too much for one body to feel at once.

Without thinking, Rey staggers to the Falcon. She starts up the ramp, stopping briefly to glance back.

Leia and Ben haven't moved, both too consumed to notice her.

She stumbles into the ship, heading straight for the captain's quarters. She's hardly aware of herself as she enters the room and walks to the bed, sinking on to it. The tears still pour, but she's never felt anything so good. Each one is restorative, like oxygen in the lungs, filling her with so much life she's overcome with the urge to share it, to seek out everyone who's ever felt pain or loss and give them this gift, the gift of healing.

She bows her head, playing the scene again and again, Leia holding Ben tight, the way he lost control, collapsing in her arms.

Rey knew he needed this, but she couldn't conceive of how much until she was there, in the moment, feeling it happen. It's like that part of him deep inside, the part where he keeps all his pain and self-loathing, cracked wide open, flooding him with everything he refused to face, and Leia absorbed it all, filtering it through her mother's love and giving it back to him as peace and forgiveness.

Rey takes a deep breath, relishing the joy, what it means for both Leia and Ben. She lifts a hand, wiping her cheeks, then rests her palms on the mattress, smiling so hard her face hurts.

Who knew it was possible to be so happy? Who knew love could feel this way, so purifying? When she was on Jakku, she'd imagine reuniting with her parents all the time, trying to conjure the emotions, but she never came even close to what she just experienced. Thinking back on that life, it's like she's remembering a different person, a girl who wanted love so badly but didn't have the slightest concept of what that meant, all the pain, joy, and responsibility that comes with it.

Rey looks down. Suddenly, she's not in the Falcon anymore but in Leia's office, their last conversation playing like a holo in her mind.

A week had passed since Leia ripped into her and Poe in front of Resistance leadership. After that, Rey avoided the command center, banishing herself to the basement to sort inventory from evacuated bases.

When Connix showed up to tell her she'd been summoned, Rey swallowed her shame and followed, entering the command center with a heavy heart. Leia didn't look up when Rey seated herself across from the desk. She just entered the last note on her datapad, then rose, moving to take a seat by Rey.

Rey kept her head down, braced for another tongue-lashing.

"So…" Leia began softly. "Tell me… About the tracker."

Rey looked up, surprised. She was met by gentle eyes, not the General's but Leia's, her mentor and confidante.

Rey let out a slow breath.

Then, she told Leia everything. She didn't hold back, reviewing every harsh word, every point and counterpoint. She didn't neglect a single detail, even when it became hard to speak. She laid it all out, reliving every moment until she was weak and drained.

Leia listened without interruption, like she always does. Her only reactions were nods or subtle mannerisms, a tilt of the head. After Rey finished, she was silent for a long while.

"Rey…" When she finally spoke, her face was careful. "I'm sorry. My son was wrong to do what he did. He was wrong to deceive you. He was wrong to violate you. He was wrong not to take responsibility for his actions. He was just wrong."

Rey narrowed her eyes, sensing the "but."

"But…" Leia drew out the word. "If I could've done the same thing to Han, I would've done it a thousand times over."

Rey balked.

Leia sighed, passing a hand over her face. "I… I'm not making excuses for my son. He was wrong to do what he did, and you were right to hold him accountable. He needs that. Trust me, I know." She patted her chest. "I know deluded that boy can be. Even from the beginning, he was always convinced of his own lies. When he was little, I once came home to find our entire house covered in honeycrusts. Do you know what he told me?" She leaned in. "He said that an Ewok did it. Then, when I punished him, he cried for days at the injustice."

Rey snorted.

"Ben needs someone to hold him accountable for being honest, with himself and others, but..." Leia hesitated. "There's another side to what he did, something I want you to understand."

Rey studied her, struggling to make sense of her emotions, love and regret, heartbreak beneath it all.

"When Ben left us…" Leia looked down. "It was hard. It was hard on me and Han, on our marriage. But the truth is… We were having problems long before then."

Rey moved her hands to her lap, waiting.

"We…" Leia struggled. "We fought a lot. You already know that, but what you don't know is what we fought about, the sticking point that came up again and again." She grit her teeth. "He was so restless, always going off on these self-appointed missions, and I'd ask about them. Sometimes he'd answer, and sometimes he'd just say, 'you don't want to know.'" She widened her eyes. "That's it. That's all the detail I'd get. Then, he'd leave, half the time not coming back when he said he would, and I'd lie awake at night thinking… what is it that he didn't want me to know? I'd imagine all kinds of things, mostly him dead in the middle of who knows where. I tried to put on a front for Ben, but he knew. Of course, he knew. He felt how worried I was, how frustrated. We spent so much of his childhood just waiting, waiting to know for sure whether Han was dead or alive…"

Rey listened, feeling the heaviness in Leia's heart.

"And the thing I could never get that man to understand, the thing we fought about again and again, is that whenever he did this, whenever he left us to put his life at risk, he wasn't just risking himself but our family." Leia clenched her heart. "Because he was part of our family. We weren't whole without him. But he'd always shrug me off, tell me I was worrying too much. 'Trust me,' he'd say. 'I've gotten out of more scrapes than you'd believe,' he'd say. Mr. 'never tell me the odds,' and that—" Leia pointed at Rey. "Was the real problem. He'd weasel his way out of every tight spot he got himself into, and the more he did, the more invincible he felt. Why should he worry when he'd lived through hundreds of close-calls? To him a near death experience was just a good story."

Rey looked down.

"Does any of this… sound familiar?"

Rey tucked her chin, but she could feel Leia's eyes on her.

"I suppose it's fitting, in a way. Ben grew up worshipping and worrying about his father. Now, he's all grown up and with a woman who shares Han's best and worst qualities, his bravery and his recklessness."

Rey stiffened.

"Rey…" There was warning in Leia's tone. "We've discussed this before, how you need to exercise more caution. Tell me something."

Rey glanced up.

"Are Ben and I the only ones who've told you this?"

Her eyes flickered.

"That's what I thought." Leia sat back. "One person's warning is nothing, two's an indicator, but three? That's a pattern."

Rey rolled her eyes.

"I've heard the stories, you know. Every time you get back from another rescue, everyone's abuzz with the details, how you nearly got buried alive or sliced to bits but slipped away just in time. Each escape is more fantastic than the last, and every time you make it, you feel just a little more invincible, don't you?"

She didn't answer.

"Rey…" Leia said her name gently. "I'm not telling you this to reprimand you or try to control you but because I love you."

Rey softened.

"I love you, and I'm not the only one. You are surrounded by people who care about you, who would miss you if you were gone. And I know that's new for you, maybe in ways you never anticipated. It must be hard to go from a life where you're entirely on your own— no one to answer to, no one to worry over you— to being part of a community where you're expected to act as part of a group."

Rey looked down, memories of Jakku flashing.

"Do you ever miss it? Do you ever miss your old life, the independence of it?"

"If I said yes…" Rey hesitated. "Would that make me ungrateful?"

"No." Leia reached out, covering her hand. "It only makes you human."

Rey swallowed. "It's just… hard. Harder than I thought it would be."

"I know. Love is a gift, but it's also a responsibility. It means you're no longer beholden to just yourself but others too. You have to learn to be considerate, make decisions not in your own best interest but in your family's."

Rey sighed, nodding.

"And there's another layer of responsibility for you, a more important one."

Rey knitted her eyebrows.

"You have a galaxy to save, a destiny to fulfill, and you need to live long enough to do it, to become the leader I know you're meant to be."

"What!?" Rey snapped up. "No. No. You said it yourself. I started a war. Thousands are dying because of me and Ben? Who knows what Hux is doing to him? It's all my fault. I can't be a leader. I'm not cut out for it. I'm a complete—"

"Rey." Leia grabbed her hand. "I want you to do something for me. I want you to close your eyes."

Rey huffed.

"Do it."

She squirmed but did as she was told.

"Now, I want you to think about your attack on that center, the consequences of it."

Rey cringed.

"I want you to think about Hux, what he's doing, all the people who are suffering right now. I want you to think about Ben, what he might be going through."

Rey whimpered.

"Think about all of it, everything that's happening because of your decision."

Rey played through it in her mind, the galaxy in chaos, the lives lost, the destruction, where Ben could be. She saw him bloodied and broken from torture, a black mass on the floor. Tears started to stream as it weighed on her, heavier and heavier, everything she's responsible for.

"Open your eyes."

Rey forced them open.

"Welcome to leadership," Leia said wryly. "Welcome to making decisions that affect billions, for better or worse. And if you think I've never made a decision that had this kind of fallout, think again. You know…" Leia sat back. "An old mentor of mine once said you're not a true leader until you've made a mistake that cost a thousand lives. If that's the case, then consider yourself initiated. This is what leadership means, Rey. It means your successes are big and so are your failures, and trust me when I tell you, it will not get easier."

Rey gulped.

"But you have to keep going. You have to learn from your mistakes and do better next time."

"But—"

"No buts." Leia lifted a hand. "Not for you because you were meant for this. I feel it in my heart, and I know you do too."

"No…" Rey shook her head. "I was wrong. I must have been wrong. I can't—"

"You can, and you will. Everything you're feeling, all the regret and the shameand the heartache, all of it is necessary. It's working in you right now, helping you get that much closer to who you need to become."

Suddenly, the memory of Leia fades. Without realizing, Rey had reached for her crystal and is now holding it in an open palm. She looks down, surprised to see it there.

It's calling to her. It's always calling to her, but it's more insistent now, demanding her focus. It whips through her ears, whistling like wind, reminding her of sandstorms on Jakku. She moves it into both palms, staring as it starts to glow.

What do you want, little crystal?

She feels the question, sending it through the Force like she does with the crystals in the kyber cave.

But this one isn't like the others. It doesn't communicate like they do, only sings its song. Yet, Rey senses its response, an understanding felt in the heart.

I want to be remade.

Rey catches her breath. The crystal's glowing brightly now, casting shadows on the walls. It's warm in her hands, almost hot. She places it gently on the bed, then shoots up, scurrying to the closet. She fumbles around for a minute, throwing aside dirty clothes and spare parts until she finds what she's looking for.

She hurries to the bed with the empty shell Ben gave her, a lightsaber hilt that's only missing a single component. She settles on the mattress, grabbing the crystal, holding it in one hand and the hilt in the other. Her eyes flick between them.

This is unreal. She can't finally be here, can she, mere moments away from forging her own weapon?

The crystal's song intensifies, a tempest swirling around her.

Rey stares, dumbstruck. She's pictured this a thousand times, ached for it, but now that the moment's arrived, she can't will herself to action. The significance is crushing, like if she does this, then she'll have officially accepted her destiny, something so big and vague she can hardly conceive of it.

Her hands are trembling now. The crystal shines brightly, singing in her heart.

Make me. Make me. Make me.

Rey gulps.

We're meant for this. We're meant to remold the universe.

Suddenly, she snaps up.

Footsteps are coming up the ramp, distant but getting closer.

Rey scrambles, shoving the crystal and the hilt under a pillow, then turning to face the door.

The footsteps are in the ship now, heading down the corridor to the captain's quarters. A second later, the door whirs open, and Ben steps into the room.

Rey straightens.

He's not looking at her but straight ahead, shell-shocked. His eyes are red and puffy but otherwise he's blank. He stands for a moment, staring.

Then, he moves to the bed, stiff and slow. He lowers absently like he doesn't even see her there.

She glances at him, waiting for him to speak or acknowledge her.

But he does nothing.

Rey closes her eyes, surrendering to the bond. A second later, she whips a hand to her heart, pressing hard like staying blood from a wound.

She wasn't sure what Ben would feel after seeing his mother again. She knew that the experience would be intense, that there'd be many emotions at once. She thought it might be numbing or overwhelming.

But she never expected this. She never expected pain.

It's excruciating, the worst thing she's ever felt in him. She keeps clenching her heart, trying to contain or soothe it, but it's relentless. She's practically choking on it. All she wants to do is writhe and kick and gnash her teeth.

This isn't right… This isn't how it's supposed to be. He got everything he needed, his mother's love and forgiveness. Shouldn't it have released his pain or at least made it better? How is this possible? How is that he feels worse?

She trembles, struggling to sort through her thoughts as everything inside her screams.

No, no, no. He should be healing now.

Suddenly, a thought flashes, a sliver of a memory, something she translated from the Jedi texts. At the time, she dismissed it as just another stupid poem, but now there's something poignant in it. How did it go again…?

To heal is to understand pain

To become intimate with it

Healing reveals the depths of pain

Its endurance

Its toll

To heal is to hurt

Rey slumps, the realization settling heavy.

Of course, he's in pain. Healing is painful. Since her Force abilities started to develop, she'd forgotten what healing is for most people, but she's remembering now. She recalls bad falls on scavenging trips, setting broken bones, forcing herself to exercise the limb, regain movement and muscle.

Healing is a process, a long one, and sometimes it feels like it will never end. Sometimes it doesn't. Not all wounds heal completely. Many leave aches, limps, and deformities.

Rey hangs her head.

She wants so badly for Ben to stop hurting. She wishes she could just heal him like she did his crystal, reach inside him and speed through his recovery to get to the very end.

But she can't do that, not with this wound. The more she thinks, the more she understands. He's buried his pain for so long, but now it's in the open, something he has to face. Maybe this was why he was so afraid to see his mother again.

He knew, or at least a part of him did. He knew it would release all the anguish and the heartache, that he wouldn't be able to ignore it anymore. What she felt when he let her into his mind to show her about his father… that was just a shadow. This is the full intensity, the true pain.

And she can't make it go away. She can only help him through it, be with him as he starts the process of healing.

She presses her lips together. Very slowly, she slides a hand across the mattress. Her fingers find Ben's, squeezing gently.

For a minute, they sit like this, side by side, her hand over his. Then, he turns his palm up, weaving his fingers between hers. He exhales, the pain in his heart joined by a subtle warmth.

Rey closes her eyes, focusing on it, on how much she loves him. She thinks about how much he's grown, what he's come to accept about his past. It was such a shock to hear him admit to his mistakes, everything he's done to bring the First Order to power, but it was exactly what she needed to rekindle hope— in him, in herself, in their destiny. She thinks about the work he has ahead of him, the work they both have, to deal with their mistakes, to learn and grow.

I'll be with you, she whispers in her mind. I'll be with you every step of the way.

He seems to hear her because the moment she thinks the words, he slips his hand from hers, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close. She snuggles up to him, placing a palm on his chest and pressing her cheek to his shoulder. He brushes her hair back, kissing her forehead and lingering there. They're holding each other now, enveloped in one another's warmth until that's all they feel, just warmth and peace and love, the haven they create together.

Before long, his lips start to travel, from her forehead to her cheek. He tilts her chin up, claiming her lips with his, and the touch is electric, coursing through their bodies as sweet, sweet release. She slips a hand behind his neck as they connect again, then again, slow, soft kisses meant to savor.

The kisses speak, each one communicating its own nuance— I've missed this. I've missed you. I'm sorry. I'm so glad you're here. I don't ever want to leave.

Ben grips tightly as she pulls herself up, wrapping her arms around him, practically curling into his lap.

Suddenly, he breaks away, his breath at her ear. "Does this mean you forgive me?"

"W-what?"

"For the tracker."

She stiffens. She slides her arms away, pulling back just enough to look at him. "I don't know. Do you forgive me for your lightsaber?"

The corner of his eye twitches. For a second, she thinks he's going to pull away, but instead he flips her on her back, pinning her arms to the mattress. "If it means we don't have to fight anymore…" He crawls on top of her, kissing her neck. "Sure. For now."

"Whoa…" She tries to free her arms, but he presses harder. "Ben, we need to talk."

"We are talking."

"No…" She squirms under him. "I mean really talk."

"Can't we do that later?"

"No. I don't want to put this off. It doesn't feel right. Ben, please."

He sighs, lifting up.

She wriggles an arm free, reaching for his face. "I love you…" She brushes his hair back. "But I need to know that I can trust you, that we can trust each other."

His eyes flicker. After a moment, he moves back, settling on the bed.

Rey sits up, crossing her legs. "I want to talk, but…" She sighs. "I don't want to fight. I don't want to yell or scream but actually communicate with each other, listen. I've been talking with Finn, and he says we really need to work on our communication skills."

"The defected trooper?" Ben grunts. "Trust me when I tell you, there was nothingin his First Order training that makes him any sort of expert on communication."

"Well then, he must be a natural because he and Rose have excellent communication, and he's been giving me some tips. For example, he said we need to try to put ourselves in each other's place, understand the other person's reasoning."

He blinks, impassive.

She suppresses an eye roll. "Alright… I guess I'll go first." She wiggles straight. "I've had some time to think about the tracker, and though I still very much disagree with it, the lie and the violation…"

His jaw tightens.

"I do realize you were primarily motivated by concern for my safety, and from your perspective, what you did was something of an act of love, if a little twisted. And…" She hesitates. "It's not like… I haven't given you any reason to be concerned."

He doesn't react, but she senses a twinge of validation.

"I've learned the hard way that I can be reckless, and sometimes I don't think things through like I should. I need to get better about that, and…" She shifts a little. "I need exercise more caution, realize I'm not invincible. I can die just as easily as any other person, and I should take care with my life, if not for my own sake then… for the people who love me."

He softens.

"I know it might sound strange but…" She looks down. "I'm not used to thinking that way. For as long as I can remember, I've always been on my own. I'd come home at the end of a day, and there was no one to ask me about scrapes and bruises, no one chiding me to take better care of myself. I've had so many falls and close calls, but I always made it through, and I was proud of that, proud of being a survivor but…" She trails off. "My life isn't just about survival anymore. It's about the Resistance, my family here, all the slaves who are suffering and need help, my destiny, our destiny." She looks up. "You."

His lips turn slightly.

"I want to live, long enough to make a difference, see what we can do together. I want to be with you, spend time with you, maybe even… grow old together?"

Something lights in his eyes. He starts to scoot closer.

"But…"

He stops.

"I need to know that I can trust you. Even if you had good reason to do what you did, it is never ok to violate me or spy on me. If you have a concern, you need to talk to me, ask me—"

"Rey, if I'd asked you to consent to having that tracker inserted, what would you have said?"

She sighs.

"Exactly. You never would've consented, and you'd be dead as a result."

"Ben, that doesn't excuse—"

"Yes, it does. If given the choice between respecting your privacy and keeping you alive, I will always choose the latter, just like you did when you put a tracker in my lightsaber."

"That was different."

"What!?"

"Ben, I didn't have the opportunity to consult with you. Hux could've been torturing you for all I knew. I had to get you out of there."

"So, you crossed a line to protect someone you care about, exactly like I did."

"No. You had plenty of opportunities to tell me about that tracker, talk to me about why you did it."

"Yes, and it's a wonder I was so hesitant to tell you considering how well you took it."

"Ben." She grits her teeth. "I took it so badly because someone I trusted deceived me and violated me. Can you not understand that? Can you not put yourself in my perspective for one second, and imagine what it was like for me to give my heart and my trust to someone for the very first time, only for both to be shattered?"

"I…" He looks down. "I don't have to imagine. I know. I… I know what it's like to be deceived by someone you trust."

"If you knew, then why did you do it?"

"Because I had to, Rey. You said it yourself. If I'd asked, you would've refused."

"Why is deception your only option in this scenario? Why couldn't you have just put in the time and effort to build trust between us, open me up to the idea?"

"Because you could've died before that happened."

She buries her face in a palm.

"Rey, I told you, I'm sorry for hurting you, but I can't be sorry for the tracker, not when it's the reason you're still here."

She sighs. "Fine." She drops her hand. "Fine. But if we're going to be together, I need you to understand that trust is important to me. No matter the reason, a lie is a lie, and if you're constantly rationalizing deceptions for the sake of my safety, then what's the point? Why keep me breathing at the expense of ruining what we have? Why can't we just learn to talk to each other and make decisions together?"

"I…" He takes a breath. "I guess…"

She raises an eyebrow, waiting.

"I can do that…" He says carefully. "If you can."

"Me?"

"Yes." He pulls out his lightsaber. "You." He drops it in front of her.

She rolls her eyes.

"Rey…" He draws out her name. "This is unacceptable. You cannot steal my property and do what you want with it, no matter what good you think you're doing. How would you react if I took your crystal, forged it and bled it, then claimed I was doing you a favor?"

She sucks in a breath.

"Not such a pretty thought, is it?"

She huffs, looking away.

"And it's not like you were forced to do it, that you couldn't have consulted me before you tried your little experiment. You want me to be honest? You want me to talk to you? Try living up to your own standards."

She bites her lip. "Alright." She tilts her head. "That's fair. In fact, why don't we make a pact, right here, right now? Let's agree that if one of us thinks the other is doing something harmful, to themselves or someone else, then we'll try to talk it out first, even if that's hard and takes time. No sneaking around, no shortcuts."

He narrows his eyes. "It's easy to make a pact like that now, but real situations are complicated. We may not always have the time to come to a mutual decision."

"That's why I said try, Ben. We're not promising to always talk out every little thing. We're promising to try to communicate, to learn to work together. Is that really so hard for you?"

"No."

"Let's agree, then. Let's agree not to lie or sneak around but talk to each other, be partners, true partners."

He softens.

"Let's agree to trust each other." She scoots forward. "To build something between us that will last."

His face is gentle now, no trace of hardness.

"So… we're agreed?"

For a moment, he just looks at her.

Then, he reaches out, brushing her cheek. He leans in, fingers drifting to her chin.

They connect softly.

"We're agreed." His lips graze hers.

"So, you forgive me?"

"Yes." He kisses her. "And you forgive me?"

"Hm mm," she murmurs, curling her fingers behind neck. "And I love you. Even when I'm furious with you, I still love you."

"That makes two of us." He slips a hand behind her waist, drawing her closer.

Suddenly, he pulls back, something caught between them. He looks down to see his lightsaber nestled in the sheets.

He darkens.

They move away from each other, silence descending.

He fixes on the weapon, more confused than angry. It's like he's not sure what to do with it.

Rey moves her hands to her lap. "How did it feel?"

He glances up.

"When you used the saber. Was it…?" She trails off.

His eyes drift down. He reaches for the hilt, curling his fingers around it. "It's… lighter than it used to be. It feels more controlled, yet… less controlled. I can't make sense of it. It just… feels like someone else."

She studies the saber. "I remember when you told me about this weapon, how you bled it to become Kylo Ren." She grunts. "You called it your first blood."

She can almost see him that hanger, whipping the fiery blade at his side. She remembers his pride when he told her how the crystal cracked, how that only made it stronger. She remembers asking if it hurt him, the way his answer grated against his heart.

She shakes her head. "That was Snoke's weapon, for Snoke's man." She reaches out, grazing the burnt metal. "But this… This is your weapon, for the man you're becoming."

His eyes catch hers. They have that strange quality, dark yet bright. There's so much in them— doubt, insecurity, hope, yearning.

He looks to the saber, a distinct kind of heaviness descending like he just woke and realized how much there is to be done.

But instead of a day's work ahead of him, he has a lifetime's.

He swallows, tightening his hold on the hilt. "What about you?"

Her eyes cloud.

"Your weapon? You haven't forged it yet?"

"No." She looks down. "Not yet."

"Why not?"

"I…" She fiddles a moment, annoyed with the sudden rush of nervousness. She twists around, reaching under the pillow for her crystal and the empty hilt. She pulls them out, turning to Ben.

"You know what to do, don't you?"

"Yes." She rolls her eyes. "I know how lightsabers work. I did take yours apart and put it back together you know."

"Don't remind me…" He turns, leaning to place his saber at the head of the bed. "If you know what to do, then why aren't you doing it?"

"Because…" She stares at the components, crystal in one hand, hilt in the other.

She never finishes the sentence.

"Rey."

She snaps up, startled by his hand on her knee.

"You're ready for this." His eyes are steady. "You were meant for it."

She swallows, managing a nod. It helps to look at him, to see the version of herself reflected in his eyes, strong and powerful.

She turns forward, scooting to the edge of the bed. Ben sidles up behind her, his warmth at her back. She holds out the components, one in each palm like she's offering them.

For a moment, everything is still.

Then, both the crystal and the empty shell float up.

Rey drops her hands, reaching out through the Force to open the hilt. There's a power cell at the bottom, field energizers at the top, and a space in the middle. She guides the crystal inside, slowly, deliberately. She nestles it between the cell and the energizers, crookedly at first, then straight.

"Does that look right?" She asks.

"Does it feel right?"

She closes her eyes, adjusting the crystal until its song quiets, the tempest dying to something gentler. "Yes." She closes the hilt, hearing it snap into place. "That's right."

She opens her eyes.

The lightsaber hovers in front of her, sleek and silver.

"You need to attune the crystal to the power cell."

"I know." She's too nervous to be irritated with him. She doesn't need his direction, but she's glad he's here all the same. It feels right doing this with him.

Maybe this was what she was waiting for all along.

She reaches out, taking the saber in her hand. The crystal hums inside it, singing in her heart.

Make me. Make me. Make me.

She closes her eyes, focusing on its energy, gently guiding it through the power cell. It's a strange feeling but one she's grown accustomed to, exerting her will through the Force yet letting it work through her, following its intuition. She's begun to master the art of gaining control by losing it.

She senses Ben behind her, his intensity and anticipation. She also senses pride, like a teacher watching his student.

Soon, the saber grows warm in her hand. It's a soft warmth, not too hot, suffusing with her blood and skin. Finally, she feels it, the room thrumming with the energy of the alignment.

"It's done." His breath tickles her ear.

She opens her eyes, gazing at the saber in her palm.

"That's your weapon." His hands slide over her hips. "Yours."

Her chest swells.

Her weapon.

"Come on. Let's see what it looks like."

She turns the saber in her hand, her thumb sliding to the top.

She pauses. "Wait." She hops up, running to the end of the room to dim the lights. When she comes back, she settles between Ben's legs, wiggling against him as he wraps his arms around her.

"Now, I'm ready." She lifts the weapon. She can hardly breathe as she holds it in front of her, thumb hovering over the ignition. She closes her eyes.

Then, she turns it on.

An electric hum fills the room, sharp at first, then gentle. She feels Ben start behind her, and when she opens her eyes, she knows why.

The light is blinding, so bright, it illuminates the entire room. She moves the blade away, squinting. It takes a few seconds before her eyes adjust to really see it.

She gapes, mesmerized.

At first glance, the blade appears white. It's a vibrant whiteness, like a star in its prime. But the more she studies it, the more she sees flecks of blue and red, green and yellow, purple and orange.

The blade's not white. It's the combination of many colors, all merging to create a single brightness.

The realization hits them both at once.

They've seen this before, in the vision the crystals showed them— two celestial bodies, one like water, one like fire, colliding to create an array of colors blending into a dynamic brightness, stretching to cover the entire universe.

They gaze at the saber, transfixed by the contradiction, a blade that's no color yet many.

"This weapon is one of a kind," Ben whispers in her ear. "I've never heard of anything like it, not for a Jedi or a Sith." His arms tighten around her. "It suits you."

She tucks her chin, smiling. She wiggles forward, Ben's arms falling away as she rises. She steps to the center of the room, lifting the saber straight in front of her.

Then, she lunges, thrusting.

The blade is lightning, fast and powerful. She thrusts again, once, twice, then spins around, whipping it through the air. She turns to Ben, flushed.

"How does it feel?" There's a twinkle in his eye.

"It feels like…" She looks to the blade. "Destiny."

The saber hums its approval. She gazes softly, focused on its energy. As the power surges through her, a memory flashes, the first time she entered the Jedi temple on Ahch-To.

"Something inside me has always been there…" She'd whispered to Skywalker. "But now it's awake, and I'm afraid."

She stares at the blade, colors flickering in her eyes.

She's not that girl anymore. She's not afraid of this power inside her. She's ready, ready to rise, ready fulfill her purpose.

She slides a thumb to the ignition, and in an instant, the blade disappears into the hilt.

She stares as it cools in her hand. Then, she steps to the end of the bed, placing it next to Ben's, the sleek, silver hilt contrasting with the scarred and burnt one. They look so different, yet so obviously a pair.

She studies them, complementary opposites. "We're going to stop this." She traces a finger along his saber. "All the fighting and destruction. We're going to stop it for good." She snaps to Ben.

His face is solemn.

She moves to the bed, never taking her eyes of his. "We're going to fix our mistakes." She settles next to him. "We're going to stop Hux and set this galaxy on a new path, heal the damage that's been done and build a peace that will last."

He stares for a long moment.

Then, he gives a single nod.

There's conviction in the gesture, but she senses what's underneath— wariness, doubt, but insecurity most of all.

He's not sure he's up for this. The part of him that yearns to right his wrongs grates against the part that fears this isn't possible.

She lifts a hand to his face, brushing aside a dark lock of hair. Her gaze is steady, full of the certainty he lacks.

It's such a strange thing, the way he makes her feel. She'd been so defeated since her attack on the data center, despairing of her grand ambitions to make peace between the Resistance and the First Order, to show the galaxy what love can achieve.

But then the bond brought her to Ben, flooding her with despair ten times worse than hers. He'd finally opened his eyes, saw his past for what it was, and the truth of it was crushing.

That was it. That was the moment she found the strength she needed to pick herself up and face destiny head on. It didn't make things clearer or less daunting, but it rekindled the part of her that never gives up, that's determined to find a way. Somehow, it's easier to be strong when she can feel how much he needs her to be.

She cups his cheek, filling with love and confidence, everything she knows he is and can be.

He looks into her eyes, searching.

She stares right back, letting him feel what's in her heart. She leans in, tilting her head as her lips press softly to his. She lingers there, one kiss blending seamlessly with the next.

He slips a hand behind her waist, drawing her close. Their kisses are full of gratitude, relishing in what seemed impossible the day before, being together, being like this.

She pulls back, but stays close. "I'm glad you're here." She strokes his cheek. "I'm glad we're here together, actually together, even under the circumstances. And…" She hesitates. "I'm glad for the opportunity."

He knits his brow.

"For the Resistance to see you, really see you. See the man that I see."

He stiffens.

There it is again, that insecurity.

She just smiles, leaning in for another kiss. He relaxes at the touch, stiffness melting away. She wraps her arms around him, pouring her love into every movement, her fingers in his hair, her lips pressed to his. It's all an expression of what she feels, who she knows he is.

A strong leader, tactical but compassionate. A man who's grown wise beyond his years, who knows what it means to carry pain as well as inflict it. A man who feels the weight of his mistakes, who aches to atone for them, who has the strength and will to do it.

The truth of it surges through her, flowing through the bond straight into his heart.

Suddenly, he grabs her, pulling her on top him. His lips are on fire, hands raking over her body. She meets him flame for flame, opening her mouth into his.

The passion is dynamic, bodily expression a reflection of something deeper, the way they make each other feel— stronger, better, ready to fulfill their destiny. This is what the bond is for as much as anything, to let them feel what they see in each other. It's what Rey's come to appreciate most about it, how she can be in Ben's presence and experience everything she is to him, revealing parts of herself she never knew were there.

This is how they make each other whole. They unlock everything inside the other, things buried by insecurity and past hurts. They nurture them, encourage them to grow, and as a result, they become a better version of themselves. Rey knows she wouldn't be the woman she is right now without Ben, without the bond. It's because of him that she's embraced her power, that she's ready to shed the vestiges the sad, lonely girl from nowhere and become the leader the galaxy needs her to be.

She knows he feels it too. His insecurity is gone now, replaced by purpose and determination, her confidence becoming his own. He drinks it in with his body and his lips, muscles trembling as he grips her close.

Suddenly, she's on her back, and he's on top of her. They don't skip a beat, lips locked in passion, a tangle of limbs and searching hands. They lose themselves in sensation, physical and spiritual, all of it blending into one experience.

The fire between them calms gradually, roaring flames becoming a steady burn. Their kisses grow softer, their hands gentler. They want to savor this, appreciate it for what it is, a celebration of who they are together.

Ben pulls up, eyes searching. "I…" He hesitates. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Rey melts. She lifts her hands to frame his face, a thumb at each cheek. "You don't ever have to worry about that."

"You…" He swallows. "You promise?" His expression is heartbreaking.

"Yes." She caresses his cheek. "I promise."

He lets out a breath, forehead falling to hers. They close their eyes, lingering in silent prayer, a vigil to their reunion, their commitment to each other.

When he lifts his head, his eyes are soft. He descends, lips pressing tenderly to hers. She slips her fingers in his hair, one kiss becoming another, then another, a quiet conversation, intimate and unspoken.

Soon, their hands travel, hers sliding to his shoulders, his slipping under her shirt, seeking warm flesh. They lose themselves in the language of heart and body until there's only them, two halves blending to a whole.

The Force hums around them, expanding and contracting, the bond at the center like the eye of a storm.

This is balance. This is evolution.

This is destiny.

Thank you for reading! The next update will be September 28th.

Soon, their hands travel, hers sliding to his shoulders, his slipping under her shirt, seeking warm flesh. He moves slowly up her body, taking the fabric with him. She angles up, moving her arms to let him pull of her top and cast it to the floor. He frames her hips, eyes raking over bare skin glowing in dim light. She reaches to undo his belt.

One by one, they shed their clothing, but they take their time, often doing it for each other. There's patience to the process, nothing like the first time they came together, desperate and clawing.

No, this is more intentional. It's like they don't want to miss a thing, unwrapping each other slowly to reveal their vulnerabilities, scarred flesh, moles and freckles peppered across bare skin. They stop every now and then just to look at each other or press their lips to favorite parts, his that curve just above her hip, hers the scar she gave him in his shoulder. Each time she kisses it, she feels like she's transforming it so that when he looks there, he'll think of the softness of her lips, not the heat of her blade.

Piece by piece, they shed themselves until they're completely exposed. She falls back on the bed as he moves over her, eyes travelling over soft curves. He's the only person who's seen her naked, and she's always surprised by how comfortable she is, not a trace of shyness or insecurity. The way he looks at her makes her feel cherished, like she's the most precious thing.

He lifts a hand to her cheek, caressing with the backs of his fingers. They gaze at one another, relishing in what they see and feel. She reaches up, slipping her fingers in his hair, gripping gently to guide his lips to hers.

He moves over her, his hardness pressing against wet, sensitive skin. He's still kissing her when he slides inside, full and throbbing. She catches her breath, lips grazing his. At first, he doesn't move, just enjoying the sensation of being inside. She wraps her arms and legs around him, opening her mouth into his as his hands slide over her body.

He rises, starting to push, bare chest and arms gleaming in the light. She reaches for him, pressing a palm to hard muscles. She travels up his chest and over his shoulders, down his arms, then back again. His thrusts are long and slow, each one setting her aflame. She closes her eyes, tilting her hips up, the hardness inside her thick and full, yet she aches for more.

He picks up his pace, hands sliding to her hips to grip tightly. She moans as he buries himself with harder, faster thrusts, the pressure growing to something wild and unfocused. She feels all of it, his pleasure and hers blending into one.

She gasps when he jerks her up, pinning her back to the wall, hands gripping her flesh as he drives into her. She squeezes with her thighs, and he responds by pushing deeper, a moan escaping as she tightens around him.

Suddenly, she grips a chunk of his hair, yanking back.

He searches her, startled, but softens when he realizes what she wants.

They're still now, bodies entangled, eyes locked in a tender gaze. They don't have to say the words to hear them.

I love you.

Their lips turn in tacit understanding. He leans in, brushing his nose against hers. For a moment, they stay here, lingering in silent acknowledgement.

A second later, she's on her back, catching her breath as he thrusts inside her. She whines, arching her back.

"Please."

The word escapes breathlessly, and she's not even sure what she's asking for, but he seems to know. He grips her hips, taking her with fast, pounding thrusts, skin slapping against skin. He's lost all control now, and this is exactly what she wanted.

She's panting and moaning, thighs trembling as her pleasure teases at the edge. All she wants is this, right here, to be lost in him and him in her, forever. She cries out, an explosion ripping through her as she flutters around him, her body wracked with shivers. He groans, his thrusts slow and deep as he comes with her.

Their bodies are hot and slick with sweat, tremors of pleasure pulsing through them. He collapses on top of her, and she wraps her arms around him, drinking in the closeness— the weight of him, the smell of him, the feeling of him inside.

Time ceases to exist as they lie like this, so lost in each other that all semblance of individuality fades like an old memory. He lifts up, still buried in her, and their eyes lock. They're a perfect mirror, speaking the language of body and heart.

He doesn't pull out of her, and she doesn't want him to. They just gaze at each other, content to be whole.

The Force hums around them, expanding and contracting, the bond at the center like the eye of a storm.

This is balance. This is evolution.

This is destiny.