71. Past, Present, Future - Part 2

The next day 

Nicole looked at herself in the mirror as she tightened her tie and straightened up the collar of her white button-down shirt. After letting out a deep breath, she made her way towards the living room, where her father was pacing back and forth with his hands in his coat pocket. He stopped when he noticed Nicole and looked over her outfit before giving a small smile. 

“You look good.”

“Thanks,” Nicole replied with the corners of her mouth slightly tugged up.

He nodded before replying, “Well, we should get going.” He unhurriedly opened the door and led them out to his truck.

The whole ride was awkwardly quiet. Neither of them knew what to say, as nothing felt right for the occasion. Nicole stared out the window, counting the cars that passed by to keep herself occupied until they got to the funeral home for the viewing. 

Everything was a blur from the moment they parked the car until Nicole was standing over the opened casket. She had tried so hard to ignore her emotions and disassociate from reality to try to get through the whole situation. She had been mentally preparing herself for this moment; seeing her mother’ body. She knew it wasn’t going to look the same since she’d seen a few deceased bodies in her lifetime with being a cop and all, and she’d been to a couple of funerals, but nothing could prepare her for this. She looked down at her mom laying there, looking almost like a statue. She knew it wasn’t her mom, it was just her lifeless body, and suddenly a flood of emotions started coursing through her as her eyes welled up with tears.

She rushed out of the building before her dad could even ask her where she was going, and immediately pulled out her phone to dial Waverly’s number…

---

As soon as her phone started ringing, Waverly slowly opened her eyes. “Wynonna, turn off your alarm.” She groaned from where she laid on one of the couches, rolling her eyes when all she heard in response was loud snoring. 

The ringing stopped for a moment, but started up again, at which point she reached out to grab the source of the noise and realized that it was her phone receiving a call from Nicole.

“Hi baby,” she croaked with a small smile.

“Waverly, I can’t do this. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Nicole’s voice was clearly panicky, and it sounded like she had been crying.

Waverly quickly sat up, and instantly felt her hangover hitting her at full force, but she pushed past the pain. “What happened?”

“I saw her. I saw her Waves, and she didn’t look like her. She wasn’t her. She was dead. My mom is dead, and I’m never going to see her again.” Nicole dropped down to the curb as she began sobbing.

Waverly let out a heavy sigh, feeling sympathy for her fiancé and also feeling frustrated at how helpless she was with being so far away. “Do you want me to come?”

Nicole paused as she sniffled and began nodding her head, but quickly realized that Waverly couldn’t see her. “Yeah, I want you here. I need you here. I can’t do this without you.”

“Okay, I’m coming baby. Just hang tight, okay? I’ll catch the first flight over there. I love you.” 

Waverly jumped up from the couch and ran up the stairs to quickly pack her things — in record time — before rushing out the door. When she got outside, she winced at how bright the sun was and put her sunglasses on as she walked to the cab. She knew that this hangover was not going to be fun.

---

After a few hours, a driver pulled into the parking lot where Nicole had been sitting. She texted her dad to let him know that she couldn’t handle seeing her mom right now and she’d come back to the house later in the afternoon, which he understood.

“Baby, are you okay?” Waverly asked in concern when she jumped out of the car and immediately leaned down beside Nicole, leaving her bag in the trunk for the Uber driver to get out.

Nicole looked up at Waverly and immediately burst into tears as the brunette wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. Nicole leaned into her chest as they sat on the curb together, letting all of her emotions out.

“It’s okay baby, I’m here now,” Waverly cooed.

“I don’t know if I can go to the funeral tomorrow,” Nicole said through her sobs.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I know it’s a lot to take in.” Waverly rubbed the redhead’s back.

“But what if I don’t go and I regret it?”

Waverly let out a small sympathetic sigh. “Well, what if you go but then leave if you don’t feel like you can handle it?”

Nicole slowly nodded. Her crying had calmed down a little bit and her breathing was becoming more steady

“But if you don’t go at all, then you might end up regretting it.”

Nicole pulled back and looked up at Waverly with puffy eyes as she wiped her wet cheeks with her sleeve. “You’re right. I already regret not coming to visit her when I had the chance. I don’t want to lose this chance to say goodbye either.”

Waverly nodded and gave a sweet smile. “Well, we don’t have to think about it right now. What do you want to do?”

“Can we go get some lunch or something? I just want to hang out with you for a while.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll take anything greasy.” Waverly chuckled lightly.

“Hangover?”

“Yep.” She nodded as she pinched the bridge of her nose. 

As Nicole rubbed her hand through Waverly’s hair, she noticed her bag and remembered that she had to put her stuff somewhere. “Why don’t we stop by my dad’s house first to drop off your bag, and then we can go out to eat?”

Waverly shrugged. “If you’re okay with that, then we can.”

“He should still be at the funeral home anyways.”

“Okay then.” Waverly smiled.

“I’ll get us another Uber,” Nicole replied as she pulled her phone out.

The car arrived after a few minutes, and they hopped in the back seat right beside each other with Nicole on one end and Waverly in the middle. They spent the whole car ride just holding hands, not saying a single word as Nicole looked out her window and Waverly looked out the windshield in front of her, occasionally glancing over at the redhead to make sure she was okay. When they pulled into the driveway, Nicole noticed her dad’s truck there.

“Shit. He’s here.”

“We can just take my bag with me to eat,” Waverly suggested, but Nicole shook her head.

“No, it’s okay. We’re already here. Might as well go ahead and take it inside. And get this over with…” She trailed off.

Nicole stepped out of the car and grabbed Waverly’s bag as she led the brunette up the front porch steps. Without pausing to give herself time to overthink everything, she knocked on the door. It didn’t take long for her dad to answer, and he looked at her in slight relief.

“I was wondering if you’d come back or if you ended up just leaving for good.” He gave a short laugh as he rubbed the back of his head.

“Yeah, um, I’m really sorry about that. Seeing mom, it just…” She trailed off with a shaky voice, and he held his hand up.

“It’s okay, I understand. I’m sure it was a lot to take in. Especially since that was the first time you’ve seen her in a while.” His attention shifted when he noticed a woman standing behind Nicole and he inhaled through his nose. He had a feeling he knew who this was. “Did you bring a guest?”

Nicole looked behind her at Waverly and suddenly felt relaxed by the brunette’s presence. “Yeah, this is Waverly. She’s my fiancé.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Waverly held out a hand and smiled brightly, hoping that a good first impression would overshadow any negative feelings he might be harboring towards their relationship.

He reached out and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you too.” He nodded as he gave her a warm smile and quickly began to wave them inside. “Why don’t you both come in.”

Nicole looked back at Waverly with a sigh of relief, and Waverly rubbed Nicole’s back as she grinned. When they got inside, they sat on the couch across from where he was sitting in his chair.

“I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting you to come here.” He chuckled nervously as he looked at Waverly. “Are you staying for the funeral tomorrow?”

Waverly politely nodded. “Nicole asked me to come.” 

“I hope that’s okay?” Nicole added hesitantly.

“Having people by our side helps us cope better. I get it.” He looked down, finally noticing the bag in Nicole’s hand. “Are you both planning to stay here tonight?”

“Well, we weren’t exactly sure.” Nicole looked over at Waverly, who looked back at her with a small shrug, and she turned back towards her father. “We can stay at a hotel if it makes you more comfortable.”

“Nonsense.” He furrowed his brow and waved his hand. “There’s plenty of room for both of you in the guest room. Which used to be Nicole’s room, actually.” 

“Speaking of which, what did you do with all my stuff?”

He paused for a moment as his smile slowly dropped. “Well, we weren’t sure if we’d ever see you again. The furniture we got rid of, but your mom had me put all of your personal belongings in storage. You’re more than welcome to take anything you want out of there.”

Nicole nodded. She was glad they hadn’t completely tossed everything like she expected. Not so much because she wanted to keep it, but because it meant that they didn’t want to get rid of her entirely. “Maybe at some point I’ll go have a look.” She smiled as she stood up from the couch and held the bag up. “I’m going to take this back to the room.” She looked down at Waverly and asked, “Do you want to come with me?”

Waverly nodded, knowing that if Nicole was asking it meant that she wanted her to go, and she proceeded to follow her down the hallway and into the room.

“He seems okay with all of this,” Waverly stated.

“Yeah, he does. He’s actually been pretty cool since I got here.” Nicole placed Waverly’s bag down on the bed and looked down at it as she rested her hands on her hips. “I think he’s actually changed. But I’m scared to believe that.”

“How come?” Waverly asked as she took a few steps towards the redhead and wrapped her arm around her waist, and Nicole wrapped her arm around Waverly’s shoulders.

“Because if he hasn’t, and I let myself believe he has, it’s going to make everything hurt even more.”

“He really seems to be better than when you were last here, from what I can tell. The fact that he’s even okay with us staying here is major improvement.”

“Yeah,” Nicole sighed as she nodded her head. A small smile spread across her face as she looked down at Waverly. “Yeah, you’re right. Hey, thanks for coming out here. I don’t think I’d be able to get through any of this without you. It was dumb of me to let me fears of upsetting my dad get in the way of you coming with me.”

“I’m just glad to hear that you actually need my support.” Waverly let out a breathy laugh. “I was a little worried that maybe things were easier for you without me.” Her voice got smaller with each word as her head slightly dropped.

“Are you kidding? You’re my rock. We’ve been through so much together, and I can’t imagine doing any of it without you.”

Waverly beamed as she looked up at Nicole, and she placed a loving hand on the redhead’s chest. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Nicole leaned down and pressed her lips against Waverly’s, letting herself relax into the kiss. She didn’t realize how much she missed Waverly’s kisses, even though she hadn’t been gone for that long. But they definitely always made her feel better.

When they heard the sound of footsteps approaching from the hallway, they quickly separated and looked to see Nicole’s father standing at the door.

“Oh, sorry.” He said with an apologetic smile. “I just came to see if you two were hungry. I was thinking about grabbing lunch somewhere.”

“Lunch sounds perfect.” Nicole smiled as she looked down at her fiancé.

---

“Wow, you sure know a lot about ancient languages.” Nicole’s dad chuckled as he continued to cut up his steak.

Embarrassment suddenly washed over Waverly. “I’m sorry, did I talk your ear off? I tend to do that.”

“No, no. It was actually quite interesting. And you taught me a lot of new things.”

“I love it when people learn something new from my rants.” Waverly chuckled as she brought her glass of water up to her lips.

“Have you ever thought about teaching?”

“Oh, no.” Waverly shook her head and smiled. “I don’t think I’d be good at that.”

“Why not? They’re always looking for college professors to teach stuff like this, and you really know your stuff.”

She paused as she thought about it. She knew she didn’t want to teach kids, but she’d never considered teaching at a college level. “I’d have to get my master’s probably.”

“You could do that if you wanted.” Nicole shrugged. “You could get that online too if you’d rather keep working at The Grind while going to school. Or you can quit and do school full time. Whatever you want, I’ll support you.” Nicole placed her hand on top of Waverly’s on the table as she smiled at her.

They were too busy looking at each other to notice the man approaching their table.

“Hey Nathan,” the older gentleman said as he quirked a suspicious eyebrow at the two women holding hands and locking eyes in an obviously more-than-friendly way. 

“Bill.” Nicole’s father quickly sat up in his seat, and Nicole moved her hand from Waverly’s. “What brings you here?”

“Just stopped by for lunch.” He smiled at his friend, and then at Nicole and Waverly, who were awkwardly smiling back at him.

“Bill, uh, this is my daughter Nicole, and her—” he quickly stopped himself before saying, “Friend, Waverly.”

Nicole felt the air deflating from her lungs as she looked at her dad, and how clearly uncomfortable he was. It made her feel the same way she did as a teenager; an embarrassment.

“Well it’s nice to meet you both.” The husky man smiled through his mustache and long beard.

Nicole raised the corners of her mouth until her teeth were showing as she looked up at him. “Actually, Waverly is my fiancé.” She took Waverly’s hand, not once breaking eye contact with him or dropping her smile. “We’re in the process of planning our wedding now, right baby?” Nicole looked over at Waverly as she brought the brunette’s hand up to her lips for a chaste kiss, enjoying how uncomfortable the man clearly was by their affection.

“Well then,” he cleared his throat, “I’ll leave you to your lunch. Good seeing you Nathan.” He gave a small nod before leaving the table, eyeing Nicole and Waverly as he did so.

“Did you have to do that?” Nicole’s dad asked in frustration.

“Did you have to do that?”

“What? What did I do?” He dropped his hands down on the table.

“You completely undermined our relationship.”

“Because I said you were friends?” He let out a small huff. “I didn’t think he needed to know.”

“Oh, and would you feel that way if Waverly was a man?” She raised her eyebrows, daring him to answer.

He paused for a moment as he inhaled through his nose, trying to calm himself down. “Look, just because I’m trying to be okay with your lifestyle doesn’t mean that other people around here are. I mean, come on, I have to work with the guy.”

“My lifestyle?” Nicole was completely dumbfounded. “You still think this is a choice, don’t you?”

“Well, isn’t it?”

She scoffed in amusement as she slowly shook her head. “Unbelievable. You really just don’t understand.”

He sighed. “I’m trying to, Nicole. I really am.”

“Yeah, well pretending like you’re fine with it behind closed doors is not being understanding.” She pulled out her wallet and threw some cash down on the table to cover both hers and Waverly’s meals before scooting her chair back and quickly standing up. “I’m gay. I will always be gay. And if you don’t get that, then that’s not my problem.” She grabbed Waverly’s hand and pulled her towards the door without looking back.

“Ugh, I can’t believe him!” Nicole shouted in frustration as she began pacing back and forth in the parking lot. “I really thought he had changed, but he’s just as bad as before.”

“Is he?” Waverly questioned with a quirked eyebrow.

Nicole stopped in front of Waverly. “You heard him! He called our engagement a lifestyle.” She shook her head.

“Well, have you ever talked to him about it?”

“Of course I have.” She aggressively crossed her arms.

“I mean other than just saying that you’re gay or that you like girls. Have you explained to him why? Have you explained that you tried to like men but you just can’t because you’re not wired that way? And that if you were to be with a man, you would be miserable?”

Nicole blinked a few times. “Well, no.”

A small smile spread across Waverly’s face as she gave a slight shrug. “Maybe he just needs you to explain it so that he understands it.”

“But why is it my job to educate him? Why can’t he just look it up online and try to understand on his own? There are tons of articles of people explaining what it’s like to be queer.”

“Because, he wants to hear your point of view, not some stranger’s. He wants to know his daughter.”

Nicole sighed as she shook her head. “You really think if I try to explain it to him, he’ll listen?”

“Yeah.” Waverly wrapped her arms around the redhead’s waist. “I really do.”

With her lips pressed together, Nicole looked at the entrance of the restaurant, debating whether or not to go back inside and have a conversation with her dad — especially since she had just caused a scene. “Okay, I guess I’ll give it a try.” She looked down at Waverly in appreciation. “Thank you for always making me feel better.”

“Always.” Waverly hugged her fiancé and gave her a quick kiss before following her back inside.

As they approached the table, they saw her dad finishing up his food as he looked up at them in confusion, clearly not expecting to see them again.

“Okay.” Nicole said as she sat back down in her chair. “I realize that it’s probably difficult for you to understand all of this because I’ve never really talked about it.”

“I really want to get it.” He sighed. “I don’t know anyone else who’s...” He waved his hand in her direction.

“Gay.” Nicole said confidently. “It’s not a bad word. It’s a part of who I am.”

He gave a small nod. “I don’t know anyone else who’s...gay.” The word came out a little bit softer than the others, but Nicole was proud of him for actually saying it.

“Well, what do you want to know about it?”

He looked down at the table, shifting his eyes in thought for a moment before looking back up at her. “What is it about men that you don’t like?”

“What is it about men that you don’t like?”

He chuckled in amusement as he shook his head.

“See? It’s tough to answer because you just know that you don’t. You’re attracted to women, just like I am. It’s no different.”

His eyebrows scrunched together as he looked at her. “I guess I never really thigh about it that way.” As he leaned forward in his chair, he rested his elbows on the table and ran his hand along the hair on his face. “So, you don’t like men at all then? Not even a little bit?”

“Not anymore than you do, no.” Nicole pursed her lips. “How would you feel if your whole life you were told that you were supposed to like men, but you liked women. And all you wanted was to be with mom?”

He let out a small laugh before really letting the situation sink in, and his face became more serious. “I guess I’d feel lonely.”

“I used to,” Nicole nodded. “I couldn’t talk to you or mom about it, and I felt ashamed of it. But I don’t anymore.” The corners of her mouth lifted in a small smile as she held Waverly’s hand while looking at her fiancé before looking back at her father. “I can’t choose who I fall in love with. And Waverly and I love each other very much. We’re getting married, and that’s something that should be celebrated. When you tried to hide that, it really hurt. It made me feel like our love is something to be ashamed of, and I’m not going to go back to feeling that way again. Not for anybody.”

He nodded. “I wasn’t thinking of it that way.”

“There are always going to be people who look at being gay like it’s the worst thing in the world. But I can’t live my life for those people. My happiness is more important than them being comfortable. I’m not going to suffer just because they have a problem with a part of my life that I didn’t choose.”

“I’m really sorry.” He looked at her with apologetic eyes. “I didn’t know that I was...” He shook his head. “I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.” She slightly raised her shoulders as she smiled before looking over at Waverly, both of them smiling at each other. “Waverly makes me happy.”

He looked at them, and realized that Nicole was looking at the brunette the exact same way he always looked at her mother; his wife. “Good. You keep making her happy,” he ordered, although it was obviously with good intention.

“I will.” Waverly nodded, and she leaned into Nicole’s side as the redhead wrapped her arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

---

The funeral went by like a blur. Nicole spent the whole time just trying not to cry, as she hated crying in front of a bunch of strangers. In fact, she hated crying in front of anyone but Waverly. She held the brunette’s hand the entire time, not once letting go. Anytime she squeezed it, Waverly knew that it was because she needed to be comforted, and Waverly immediately rubbed the top of Nicole’s thigh, which instantly relaxed her. Waverly’s touch always made her feel at peace.

After everything was over, Nicole stood beside the giant hole in the ground and stared at her mom’s casket. “She’s really gone.”

“Are you okay?” Waverly asked in a sweet voice.

Nicole didn’t answer at first, which worried Waverly, but she eventually nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay.” She continued to look down as silence took over. “I really think she would’ve like you.”

Waverly looked up at Nicole. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” Nicole smiled.

They stood there for a few more minutes before walking towards the parking lot. Nicole didn’t really feel like mingling with a bunch of strangers. 

“So, are you ready to go back to Purgatory?” Waverly asked.

“Actually, I was thinking of staying one more day. I just want to get to know my dad a little more.”

Waverly wrapped her arm around Nicole’s. “Whatever you want, baby. Whatever you want.”