103. The Wedding Part I ~Gumball the False God~

Miguel fixes his tuxedo on a mirror in a fitting room.

Ghost Jedan emerges from Miguel.

"Someone should make a compilation of how many times your body gets fucked up by each of the antagonists," smiled Ghost Jedan. "Like... Ever since we fought Kira... Geez! You got oofed by literally everyone!"

"And that's why I consider you rather annoying," yelled Miguel, as he prepared his tuxedo. "It's my wedding day. Could you at least behave?"

Ghost Jedan sighs.

"304,579 deaths from the Battle of New York City," sighed Ghost Jedan.

"Paperwork and moral ambiguity," replied Miguel. "Hay Naku..."

"Well... You're finally catching a break," said Ghost Jedan.

"We brought back the Grimm Universe. We caught and reformed Kira. We beat the Eradicator. Lord just defeated Kapitan Dirigma. I just killed Stefan... What more could we ask for?" smiled Miguel.

"Your wedding day and forming a family?" asked Ghost Jedan.

"Yeah... And that's why I consider you my best man," said Miguel.

Ghost Jedan laughs. "Yeah... Thanks, man..."

Miguel sighs in relief as he fixed himself in the mirror.

"You ever wished that your dad and Jessica were here to see this?" asked Ghost Jedan.

Miguel smiles and sighs. "Yep."

Ghost Jedan laughs. "Yep..."

Silence entered the room.

"Oh... Did you polish the rings as I told you?" asked Miguel.

"The... rings?" smiled Ghost Jedan. "Uh..."

Meanwhile...

The Jazz Fusion is throwing popcorn into each other's mouths, each having a bag of popcorn.

"Yo," said Hierophant Green, appearing before them.

"Hey, Mr. Ghostbane!" smiled Josuke.

"Where are the rings?" asked Ghost Jedan.

"Uh..." said the Jazz Fusion.

Cassandra Beyonce had dinner with Princess Bubblegum.

"Are you sure that this will work?" asked PB in all seriousness.

"I'm sure that we'd be able to save Marceline from her impending doom if we simply work together," smiled Cassandra.

Meanwhile... back in the wedding...

"They're in Bikini Bottom, right?" asked Kariel, as the Jazz Fusion traveled in the oceans of Earth SB-129 in a Sea Moth, an underwater submarine that looks like a small UFO about the size of a van. Kariel is driving. "Boy, am I glad that I'm officiating the wedding. If I was the best man, I'd be so screwed."

"I think you would've done a better job than Mr. Ghostbane," said Josuke.

"Hey!" yelled Ghost Jedan, who is on call.

"Sorry!" smiled Josuke.

"Where do we find this underwater Kingdom?" asked Finn.

"They're found somewhere in the Bikini Atoll," said Kariel. "In this world, the Nuclear Testing never happened in Bikini Atoll, which allowed the intelligent life there to flourish."

"Cool place," said Jake.

"Yep! From different Reef Fish, Crabs, Pufferfish, Lobsters, Sponges, Sea Stars, Plankton, Robots, Trench Monsters, Sea Monsters, Mr. Seaweed Monster-Man, Sentient Krabby Patties (which are having an anti-hate movement), Anchovies, and many more live in! Oh! Also a squirrel," said Kariel. "Spongebob, you're going in there..."

"Aye-Aye, Captain!" yelled Spongebob, saluting.

The Sea Moth slowly loomed over Bikini Bottom.

"Whoa..." said Finn. "Hey," smiled Finn, waving at the sea creatures.

"ALIENS!!!" yelled Old Man Jenkins. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!"

The fish run around in circles.

"No! Worse!" yelled Mr. Krabs, coming forward. "Those people? They're land critters. They're here to fish for us!"

Mr. Krabs prepares his claws.

"I'm not afraid of ye... Come on at me, ya bottomfeeders!" yelled Mr. Krabs.

Kariel looked down on Mr. Krabs and gave him a death stare.

Mr. Krabs gasps and runs behind Squidward.

"Eat the octopus! He's fresh meat!" Mr. Krabs shivered in fear.

A door opens from the bottom.

Spongebob is dropped from the bottom of the ship as he floated downward.

"Bahahaha! Hey-ya, Mr. Krabs! Hey Squidward!" smiled Spongebob.

"Wait... Is that-?" asked Squidward.

"Spongebob!" laughed Bikini Bottom.

"Ah! Me boy! Me moneymaker! He conquered and eased the land dwellers! Hip hip!" yelled Mr. Krabs.

"Hooray!" cheered Bikini Bottom.

Gumball chuckled. "Check this out," he smiled at Darwin.

"Nah, man... We are gods! I am the god of the ocean, Gumball!" yelled Gumball.

"No... Poseidon is the god of the sea! You're just the cat who got beat up by that alien on the news!"

"Isn't it Neptune who is the god of the sea?"

"Screw off, Neptunite."

"Whatever, Poseidonist..."

Spongebob lands on his house and enters it.

"Well... I pronounce myself as the god of the sea!" smiled Gumball.

"You can't do that! We have government and religion and stuff!"

"Who made you in charge?" asked Gumball.

"Our sovereignty! I'm the mayor, barnacle head!"

"Oh, wow... Politicians, man..." Gumball shook his head.

"What even are you? Some kind of blobfish?"

"I'm a cat," said Gumball.

"That's synonymous with a swear word that is also a lady part!"

"I'll show you a fucking swear word!" yelled Gumball, as Finn holds him back.

"Chill, man... Chill," said Finn.

"Gumball! Please stop angering the locals!" yelled Kariel.

"Your gods aren't real!" yelled Gumball. "If they are, they're probably political nutjobs who scammed all of you!"

*news music plays...*

"This is... BBN!!! Live to you today!!!"

"This just in! A cat from the surface stated that our gods are fake and that they're just probably political nutjobs who scammed us all!"

The news anchor spoke to King Neptune.

"King Neptune! What can you say about this cat's speech?" asked the news anchor.

"Uh..." King Neptune slams the door of his castle.

"King Neptune is a liar!!! THERE IS NO GOD!!! ANARCHY!!!"

"What about King Poseidon."

"Silence! That man looks like a freaking raisin!"

The fish immediately run around as if they're having psychotic breaks... which they are.

"Gumball... What... did... you do?" asked Kariel, clenching the steering wheel.

"Uh..." whimpered Gumball. "I have an idea!"

"Which is?" asked Kariel.

"We... colonize them!" said Gumball, as he gave a smile and brought out his hands in a happy gesture.

"G-Gumball..." said Kariel.

"But! Not with awful intent! We'll colonize them to help them until they become ready for independence!" smiled Gumball.

"This seems awfully familiar," sighed Kariel.

"Well?" asked Gumball.

The others stayed silent.

"I'll go with you!" smiled Patrick.

"At least Patrick has a brain!" yelled Gumball, as he wore his suit and swam downward with Patrick.

"Greetings, Citizens of Bikini Bottom! Let's say we get this party started!" smiled Gumball, floating down. "Just give us your resources and we'd be cool. Meet your new god!!!"

Gumball brings out an underwater iPhone. "THE INTERNET!!!"

Meanwhile...

Spongebob walks out of his house.

"Hey, Spongebob. Did you get the rings?" asked Kariel.

"No," said Spongebob.

"You said that they're in your home," said Kariel.

"They are," said Spongebob.

"Well?" asked Kariel.

"Gary ate them."

"WHAT!?"

"Gary ate them. Sorry."

"Their fingers are much larger than Gary! You're 4 inches tall and Gary's an inch and 3/4! What the heck!? Dude!"

"I don't know what to do!" yelled Spongebob. "Can we just bring Gary to the surface?"

"No," said Josuke. "Gumball's doing something stupid."

Everyone looks below.

Meanwhile...

Gumball and Patrick rebuild society as the locals are taught the English alphabet, made to give their resources to Gumball, given new social, political, and economic structures, and gain diseases called Cat Flu. Also, their new religion is now called "Internetism" by Gumball Watterson, where they praise an entity called the internet, who he thinks is the most substantial person in the five worlds.

(Song by Bo Burnham from Netflix's Inside)

Gumball sang on stage with a piano keyboard before him and sang with sunglasses on his eyes.

"Welcome to the internetHave a look aroundAnything that brain of yours can think of can be foundWe've got mountains of contentSome better, some worseIf none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first

Welcome to the internet. Come and take a seat. Would you like to see the news? Or any famous women's feet? There's no need to panic... This isn't a test, haha just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest

Welcome to the internetWhat would you preferWould you like to fight for civil rightsOr tweet a racial slurBe happyBe hornyBe bursting with rageWe got a million different ways to engage

Welcome to the internetPut your cares asideHere's a tip for straining pastaHere's a nine-year-old who diedWe got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sportsAnd a bunch of colored pencil drawingsOf all the different characters in Harry Potter fucking each other!

Welcome to the internet!Hold on to your socks'Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cockThey are grainy and off-puttingHe just sent you moreDon't act surprised, you know you like it, you whore

See a man beheadedGet offended, see a shrinkShow us pictures of your childrenTell us every thought you thinkStart a rumor, buy a broomOr send a death threat to a boomerOr DM a girl and groom herDo a Zoom or find a tumor

And here's a healthy breakfast optionYou should kill your momHere's why women never fuck youHere's how you can build a bombWhich Power Ranger are you?Take this quirky quizObama sent the immigrantsTo vaccinate your kids

Could I interest you in everything...All of the time?A little bit of everythingAll of the timeApathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crimeAnything and everythingAll of the time

Could I interest you in everything?All of the time?A little bit of everythingAll of the timeApathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crimeAnything and everythingAll of the time

You know, it wasn't always like this

Not very long agoJust before your timeRight before the towers fellCirca '99This was catalogsTravel blogsA chat room or twoWe set our sights and spent our nightsWaitingFor youYouInsatiable youMommy let you use her iPadYou were barely twoAnd it did all the things we designed it to doNow look at youOh, look at youYou, youUnstoppable, watchableYour time is nowYour inside's outHoney, how you grewAnd if we stick togetherWho knows what we'll doIt was always the planTo put the world in your hand

Hah hahahaha... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!Could I interest you in everything...All of the timeA bit of everythingAll of the timeApathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crimeAnything and everythingAll of the timeCould I interest you in everythingAll of the timeA little bit of everythingAll of the timeApathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crimeAnything and everythingAnd anything and everythingAnd anything and everything

And all of the time!!!"

The crowd cheers as Bikini Bottom started to look more like Elmore.

"What do we do?" asked Spongebob.

"We wait for it to pass?" asked Kariel.

*plop*

"Here they are!" smiled Spongebob.

"Ugh..." said everyone on the Seamoth.

"Gumball! Come here! Stop playing colonialism with the locals! We've got the rings!"

"CALL ME MAGELLAN 'CAUSE I CAUSED DEATH, DESTRUCTION, AND DISEASE!!! WOOP!!! WOOP!!!" yelled Gumball, dancing in the ocean.

"Do we just let him stay here?" asked Darwin.

"Wait... something's happening..." said Kariel.

"RISE BIKINI BOTTOM!!! BEFALL THAT BOTTOMFEEDER FROM ENSLAVING OUR PEOPLE!!!"

"Yeah! Down with the king!" yelled Patrick.

"Patrick!" yelled Gumball.

Patrick swims up and yeets into the sea moth.

"Well?" asked Kariel.

"Let's go home..." sighed Gumball, bowing his head.

"Not so fast!" yelled Mr. Krabs. "We have to purge yer mateys for enslaving us!"

"Wha-?! FOR FORTY-EIGHT MINUTES!?" asked Gumball.

"We have shorter lifetimes!" yelled Mr. Krabs.

"No, we don't!" yelled Squidward.

Mr. Krabs pinches his claw. "This close to getting fired, Mr. Squidward."

"WE SPENT OUR RESOURCES MAKING YOUR KEYBOARD AND STAGE!!!"

"YEAH!!!"

"BOO YOU!!! BOO, GUMBALL!!!"

"What do you want from me!?" asked Gumball.

"We want our lost forty-eight minutes!"

"How about independence?" asked Gumball.

Everyone in the crowd whispered to each other.

"Only if you're willing to say that we won in your fight!"

"No promises," said Gumball.

"And that you'd help protect us from nations that dare colonize us as well!"

Gumball stares at them.

"No promises-..."

"GUMBALL!!!" yelled everyone on the Sea Moth.

"Fine," sighed Gumball.

"Oh! And your apology!"

Gumball facepalms. "I'm sorry!"

"It's an hour before the wedding!" yelled Kariel. "Hurry it up!"

"Welp, bye!" yelled Gumball, as he swam up into the sea moth.

"Barnacle head."

The Sea Moth swam away into the far-away oceans in other worlds.

Side-Notes...

The rhythm of the Song from Chapter 39: It's Great to be a God

The Song from Chapter 41 (This Chapter): Welcome to the Internet

Catchiest song in the world in my opinion.