213. Midnight Soliloquies

The group has traveled to yet another Earth. This world was completely empty and barren. It had oxygen, but there were no people anywhere. This was Prime-Earth-D4C-Magic, one of the three original Universes. An empty and dead world it was, and an empty and dead world it always will be. There is no sign of hope anywhere, as this world was destroyed by Enrico Pucci.

They settled camp somewhere in the former United States of America, an empty prison. It had the words "Green Dolphin Street Prison" on the fence. They stayed in for the night to keep warm.

"'Green Dolphin Street Prison...'" said Wade. "Weird name for a stone ocean."

"Why are we here, Mr. Wayne?" asked Peter.

"Because the other Peters told me that this is the Universe where it all began. This strange event we have to all fight in is all because of some guy named Enrico Pucci resetting this Universe, killing some guy named Jotaro Kujo, and jumpstarting the Multiverse. It's the cause of the Secret Wars... caused a variant of your brother to go rogue, Thor... It caused you, Barry, to go back in time and try and save your mother... All of this because of this Pucci's master... some guy named DIO," said Bruce.

"The ripple of one's actions," said Diana.

The group sat silently as Bruce roasts some deer they'd found outside.

"Wanna talk?" asked Peter.

Everyone turns to Peter with confusion.

"We just... never talk, you know?" asked Peter. "It'd be nice if we did... for once..."

"Okay... I'll start!" said Harley.

Everyone turns to Harley.

"What? We never talk!" she said. "I think it's best to finally introduce ourselves to each other!"

"Fine," said Bruce.

"Hi! My name is Harley Quinn! It's short for Harleen Quinzel!" she smiled. "I know! I know! I may act like a kid and whatnot, but I'm actually a psychiatrist before my skin went all white! I was the psychiatrist of my former one and only: Joker!I really loved him back then. I just love the exhilaration of being with him all the time! Then he ended up starting to kill children and do these awful things to me like hitting me or hurting me a lot! Then I learned that apparently, he's your brother, Bats!"

"I am well aware," said Bruce.

"He used to be so kind and sweet, but then he got so awful."

"You've killed people, Harley," said Bruce.

"So did you!" yelled Harley.

"You killed cops."

"Yeah!? Well, you know yourself that the cops in Gotham City!? They're not really the next people to look up to. I was raped in prison, Wayne! That bitch put a bomb in my head and I was forced to work for her without my consent! And you were too busy crusading in Gotham to know about what she did to us!"

Bruce looks down as his eyes quiver.

"I didn't want this life! The vat of acid kinda turned me crazy... Do you realize how many outsiders like me were killed just because of that bitch!? I've lost friends, Bruce! Friends! Boomerang! Flag! Polka-Dot Man! Milton! All gone because you don't see value in any of us!"

"YOU THINK I WANTED THIS!?" asked Bruce, standing up. "I'm only doing this because that boyfriend of yours murdered my parents!"

"Ex-boyfriend! And Thomas Wayne was a corrupt piece of shit, Bruce!" yelled Harley.

"BUT NOT MY MOTHER!!!" Bruce yelled. "My mother... was a good woman. She didn't deserve that treatment. I watched them die in front of me. My mother's brains and my father's blood vessels splattered all over my fucking face when I was nine Goddamned years old. Then I was crazy enough to throw myself in the fucking forest so that Arabic ninjas would find me and train me for the next decade so I can beat pieces of shit like you! The worst part about the job is that I'm no different than any of you."

"Yeah? Well the difference is that you had people who got your back," said Harley. "Before I found Wade and Cassie... I literally had no one. No one, Bruce... You had Alfred. You had your kids... I guess I got tricked into killing one of your own... I'm... I'm sorry."

Bruce sighs as he sits back down. "I forgive you... And I'm sorry that my incompetence made you lose your friends."

"I forgive you, too," said Harley.

Everyone stayed silent. Diana hugs Bruce and pats his back, kissing his forehead.

"Phew!" smiled Wade. "That was... something! Want it to be my turn or-?"

"Start or shut up," said Bruce.

"Oh! Okay! Well, hi! I'm Wade! Wade Wilson! Hi! My dad was Slade Wilson! Bailed on me when I was five. It was just me and my mom back then. I felt, I dunno... Is useless a strong word? Yeah... Probably is. I wanted something like... to feel like I have a place in the world... So I went to Canadian Special Forces. Semper Fi."

"You don't say that in the Canadian Special Forces," said Frank.

"Yeah... Well, I did. And my friends would think I'm annoying. Then I was injected by some weird Super Soldier Serum that turned me into something Super... But I was far from being a hero. I still am. I always wanted something... I was a simple man... I even got a stripper for a girlfriend... A stripper with a heart of gold. Then she got pregnant... We were gonna name her Cher. But apparently, time travel doesn't work that way in my Multiverse and apparently, I just helped create a Multiversal War...I was nobody... Until I found you, Harley. Maybe I could be somebody now... And finally, be a hero Vanessa and my mom always thought I was."

Harley smiled as she grabbed his hand. Wade kissed her hand and laid his head on hers.

"Frank?" asked Wade. "What's your story?"

"Unlike most of you, I actually had a family of my own. I had a wife... Maria... Two kids... Frank Jr. and my little angel Lisa. We were very traditional. My wife would cook. I'd go out to work and go home as early as I possibly could.I sound normal, right?Wrong. Because sooner or later people would call me the Punisher.I worked on this one mission with my friend, Billy Russo. We worked in something called Operation Cerberus. I thought it was a regular operation. They turned me into a hitman.My family was shot down and killed by a gang war that was set up by that piece of shit Rawlins. He gunned down my entire family and Billy Russo, that piece of shit, helped out in the killings. You know what I did?"

"Frank..." said Matthew.

"I murdered every last one of them. And I didn't stop. I gunned them down and blew their fucking brains out. Anyone who works for them, I murdered them. Anyone who killed my family, I murdered them. It didn't matter. It doesn't matter. It will never matter."

"Frank, these are human lives," said Matthew.

"THEY MURDERED MY FAMILY, RED!!!"

"They're all dead, Frank," said Matthew. "That doesn't matter anymore. What matters is you keep moving forward. Just saying-..."

"Yes, it does."

"Then when will this bloodshed stop?"

"I told you this once and I'll say it again. You put them down, they stand right back up. I put them down, and they stay down."

"When will it stop, Frank?"

"IT WILL NEVER FUCKING STOP, MURDOCK!!! THESE PIECES OF SHIT DON'T BELONG ON MY LAND!!!"

"You are not the law."

"Neither are you."

"But I don't kill anyone."

Frank stands up.

"Sooner or later you will, Red. And you'll enjoy it. You'll enjoy every last bit of it. You'll swallow it every day like your fucking ecstasy."

"I don't think you enjoy this. I think you're tired... I think you feel awful... you feel like you're a monster. You feel like you're failing your family because you know if they see what you've been doing until now... They'll hate you for it."

Frank grabs Matthew as Matthew swipes Frank's leg and drops the baton in his face as it bounces back on his hand.

Bruce grabs Matthew and stops him.

Frank spits out blood.

"Both of you calm the fuck down," said Bruce. "You both hate yourselves anyway... Believe me, I can tell."

Frank slowly stands up and sits back down.

"I'm sorry," said Matthew.

Frank nods.

"What's your story?" asked Frank. "Never asked your story before."

"I was a regular kid," said Matthew. "Going to school. My father was a boxer. He'd always get beat after every game. One day some radioactive waste was splashed all over my face and blinded me. It gave me enhanced senses."

"So that's how you do it," said Frank, chuckling.

"One night, I made my dad promise to win the next game. But he was paid to lose that game."

"Hold on... Are you the kid of Jack Murdock?" asked Frank. "The boxer?"

Matthew nodded.

"Shit, red..." said Frank. "Loved that guy when I was a kid..."

"I got older.. trained by a blind ninja from this weird magical world, K'un Lun... One day when I was studying law, I met someone... A woman... She got me to face the man who killed my father."

"You killed him?" asked Frank.

"No... I couldn't."

"Why didn't you? Don't bullshit me with that 'I'm weak' crap."

"I wanted to, Frank! Believe me! Every bit of my Goddamned soul, I wanted to! But I'm a lawyer, Frank. I'm a Catholic. It goes against everything I believe in.Bruce, you get it, right?"

"I do... I've actually lived both of your lives," said Bruce. "Both lives aren't really easy... Neither is easier than the other. One is all about abstinence that keeps you from feeling complete and the other is all about this... gross obsession that makes you feel complete yet in despair. All I can say is that you're more alike than you think, the both of you. So you both have to stop pissing each other off."

Everyone turns to Tony.

"Oh? Is it my turn? Hello. The name's Stark. Tony Stark. Lost my parents in a car crash. Turns out my ally's best friend murdered him when he was hypnotized by Neo-Nazis, but I digress. I became the richest man in the whole world. Then I started making weapons for the United States government. Then I realized I could do better than blowing stuff up. So I built a suit of armor to become a Superhero and so I could help people. Then I met some weird guys with spandex and paid for their food and everything they wanted. We called ourselves the Avengers. We broke up because, going back to the Neo-Nazis, my ally, Steve Rogers, had a best friend from the past. His name was Bucky. He killed my parents when he was hypnotized. So I tried to kill him."

"Even though it wasn't his fault?" asked Diana.

"I have my regrets, too," said Tony. "Found a kid. Then fought a war. Lost that kid... Then I settled down. Now, I'm fighting to both bring back half of the Universe and save five other Universes."

"This isn't fair," said Peter.

"What do you mean, kid?" asked Tony.

"Could you stay longer?"

"Once the Made in Heaven Event is over... I'll be going back to 2023."

"Mr. Stark, the world got destroyed when you went away!"

"And we can save it, right, guys?"

"I still don't think you should go back!" Peter grabs his head.

"Parker, the timeline needs to stay standing."

"YOU COULD STAY LONGER, AND-!!!"

"Kid, I'm the one who fights Thanos. I don't know how it happens, but that's all I know. That means only I could do whatever I should do."

"BUT IT ISN'T FAIR!!!" Peter broke down into tears. "Ever since Uncle Ben-... You were the only-!"

Tony sighed and hugged Peter.

"I'm sorry for shouting. I didn't mean to, Mr. Stark," said Peter. "I just thought you could stay longer."

"Anyone else wanna throw mustered up shit into the pile so we could exorcise it?" asked Deadpool.

"Diana?" asked Bruce.

"Just a girl from paradise brought into the world of men," smiled Diana.

"Really? No regrets at all?" asked Tony.

"Steve Trevor," said Diana. "He was my lover. We fought in the First World War. He sacrificed his life to save the world... Ever since then, I have wanted to save the world since then... But I didn't know if I could love again... Truly love again... Until I met Bruce, at least."

"Do you wish that things were different?" asked Cassandra.

"No, sweetheart. Because if things were different, I wouldn't have gotten both of you," smiled Diana, as Cassandra snuggled on her mother's lap. Diana smiles and offers Damian a hug, as Damian rolls his eyes and hugs her as well. "But I do miss him..."

Bruce stares at Diana with eyes squinting.

"I still love you, Bruce," smiled Diana. "You would've been good friends."

"Yeah, right," said Bruce, as he bottomed up some beer.

"Billy?" asked Diana.

"I'm just a guy whose mother abandoned him," said Billy. "Found a family... Lost that family... Now I'm trying to fight for them back."

"You were abandoned?" asked Diana.

"My mother was a teenager. She left me when I was really young. I spent a lot of time trying to find her... when I did... she rejected me," said Billy. "So I went back to my adoptive family... and promised as the oldest brother to protect them no matter what. That's why I'll beat Stefan to restore the Universe."

Diana smiles. Diana turns to Barry.

"Oh! Me?" asked Barry. Diana nods. "Hi. I'm Barry Allen. I'm the fastest man alive. I was created by having lightning from a particle accelerator created by Harrison Wells electrocute me. Well! I didn't have that lightning electrocute me. It just kinda happened. Wells then trained me to become the fastest man alive when I gained powers of Superhuman speed. Then turns out that guy, Harrison Wells, his real name... was Eobard Thawne. He was from an alternate timeline... the original future of my Universe... He created me so that he could use me to harness my speed and go back to the future. Then my friend, who turns out was his ancestor, killed himself and erased him. But for some reason, he keeps coming back."

"Why do you hate him so much?" asked Bruce.

"He killed my mom," said Barry.

"Why?" asked Bruce.

"I don't know... He keeps telling me dumb answers like 'I did this because I learned that I was destined to be your arch-nemesis!' or whatever... I think it's deeper than that," said Barry. "I think our rivalry stems deeper than that. I've fought Thawne for so long... Over and over... So many futures... so many possibilities... I've fought him... I don't know why, actually... I never knew why... He went back in time and killed my mother with a knife, then framed my father for the murder.I just hate him... hate everything he is..."

*snore*

Everyone turns to Thor, who is sleeping with his hand on his crotch.

"Thor," said Quill.

Thor wakes up. "Huh? What?"

"Your story! Tell us your story!" yelled Quill.

"I am the God of Thunder!" Thor stood up.

"PUT SHIT IN THE PILE, YOU BEAUTIFUL BLONDE BEARDED MAN!!!" yelled Deadpool.

"What pile?" asked Thor. "Are we having an orgy?"

"What!? No!" yelled Diana. "Your story."

"Oh! My origins. I was born more than a thousand years ago as Thor Odinson. Then I went to Earth and lost my powers because my father said I had anger issues. And then my brother, Loki, who turns out was adopted, tried to take away all free will as the ruler of Midgard and the Universe. So I tried to stop him a couple of times. Oh, that wily Loki. Then, I lost my mother. Wait, I could do one better. I lost my father. Wait, I could do one even better. I lost my brother, Loki, who became pretty okay along the way to Thanos. Then I lost Heimdall and every one of my friends and family to Thanos. Then I became fat, lonely, and alone like the loser I was. And... then more people died..." Thor began to cry. "And everyone I know is dead... and... I'm alone now... and-..."

Thor sniffs in some leftover mucous in his nostrils.

Quill pats him in the back and stops him.

"Ah..." Thor wept. "Good times... What about you, Super... man?"

Clark nodded. "I'm just a normal guy from Kansas... Smallville. All my uh... life... I was told by both of my fathers two different things. One said that I should show my powers and use them for good. The other said that I should hide my powers and that if I show them, the people would hate me."

"What did you decide?" asked Diana.

"To hide my identity and help people," said Clark. "That way, both my dads are miserable."

"What do you mean 'both' your fathers?" asked Thor.

"I was sent to Earth by my father and mother, who were Kryptonians-..."

"Holy fuck! You're a Kryptonian!?" asked Thor, as he backs away. "WHAT THE HELL!? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS!? FORTISITES SLAUGHTERED MILLIONS OF ASGARDIANS TEN THOUSAND YEARS AGO!!!"

"Calm down. Kryptonians aren't like that anymore," said Clark.

"Sure! Why would I believe a Kryptonian!?" asked Thor.

"Did you seriously not know he was a Kryptonian?" asked Bruce.

"What's a Fortisite?" asked Tony.

"I know what would fix this. A Man Hug!" smiled Clark.

"No. I am not comfortable touching a bloodthirsty creature of endless power," said Thor.

Clark grabs Thor's hand and bro hugs Thor.

"See? Was that so hard, fella?" asked Clark.

"No, Kal-El... That was actually pretty nice," said Thor. "Could I hug you longer?"

Clark and Thor do a bro hug once more as Thor slowly reaches for Clark's lower back.

Clark pushes him away. "Whoa, there, Thor."

"I'm... I'm sorry... I've just been... so alone..." said Thor.

"It's okay... Thor... It's okay..." said Clark, patting Thor's back. "We'll get through this, buddy."

Thor turns to Damian and Cassandra.

"What!? We're ten! We barely have any stories yet!" yelled Damian.

Everyone turns to Star-Lord.

"Oh shit," said Quill, as he burps and pockets his flask. "Uh... The name's Peter Quill. I'm from Missouri. Kidnapped by a bunch of alien pirates called the Ravagers, paid by my dad, Ego. Mom died of cancer and I had no purpose until I found my family, the Guardians of the Galaxy. Then I met my dad and turns out he was an asshole who killed my mom. Then I lost my real daddy, Yondu, who died in my arms. I uh... I lost a lot of people... The only woman I've ever loved... Gamora... She died as well... Killed by that asshole Thanos. And then Darkseid killed the rest of the Guardians. So, here I am... I have nothing, now... I'm... I'm nothing... Maybe I could be something... If I save the world and bring everyone back..."

Everyone turns to Carol.

"Fuck off," she said.

"Alright..." said Bruce.

"If we were to actually have an orgy, I'd choose you as my sparring partner," said Thor. "Either you or the Kryptonian."

Carol gives Thor a disgusted look.

"Thanks, man," smiled Clark.