246. Who The Hell Are You Supposed To Be?

Miguel opened the door as Rick reformed their house on the hill with his House Reformer. Miguel's clothes are tattered but he is fully regenerated.

Anne immediately hugs Miguel. "Oh my God! I saw in the news..." she covered her face. "People think that you killed all those people... You didn't, right? I know you didn't!"

"No... It was him."

"Who?" asked Anne, sobbing.

"Stefan."

"Wh-?"

Miguel walked past Anne and sat down. "Where's my tea?"

"Stefan was there? He's alive!?"

"Yes. Where's my tea? I put it here on the table. Now, it's gone. Where's my tea?"

"Miguel... We-! We-! We have to do something about this! We have to call Josuke! We have to call everyone! Lord!"

"No... I'm sitting this one out."

Anne stares at Miguel with disbelief. 

"You're kidding, right? That was sarcasm."

"No. I'm serious."

"Miguel... What happened?" Anne sat in front of Miguel. "Tea? What is this? Some sort of weird fucked up prank? All those people were robots and all?"

"No. They were real. He killed them. He made me kill them to assert dominance. The tea. Where is it?"

"Miguel... Why are you scared of Stefan?"

Miguel's eyes quivered. Flashes of ice... cold... shivering cosmic radiation breathed in his memories, flashing like horrific images. Miguel held his head in pain.

"Why are you scared of him? We know how to beat him."

"He got stronger. He got faster. He got more durable. I couldn't withstand his strikes. I wasn't fast enough to react. I wasn't strong enough to hurt him. Gold Experience didn't have time to react. It all happened so fast, Anne."

"Then we'll find a weakness like always! Miguel! Come on!"

"No."

"Why!?"

"NO!!!"

"WHY!?"

"BECAUSE!!!"

"BECAUSE WHAT!?"

"BECAUSE HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I'M MY OWN FATHER!!!" yelled Miguel, with his voice breaking. "YOU KNOW!? HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I FORCED HIM INTO A LIFE THAT HE DID NOT DESERVE!!! THIS SITUATION!? IT'S OUT OF MY GODDAMNED CONTROL, ANNE!!! THE WHOLE EIGHT WORLDS THINK THAT I SLAUGHTERED ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN MY OWN CITY AND I'M AFRAID THAT IF I TRY ANYTHING AGAIN, HE'LL BREAK EVERYONE I CARE ABOUT JUST LIKE HE BROKE ME!!!"

Anne silently, with tears in her eyes, stared at Miguel.

"Why would Stefan-!?"

"EVERY MAN NEEDS TO ASSERT THEIR DOMINANCE, ANNE!!! It's nature."

"NOW, WHERE'S MY GODDAMNED TEA!?" sobbed Miguel.

Miguel sobbed. He tapped his fingers alternatively on the table, as he cocked his head forward and backward.

"He killed children in front of me." He trembled and wept. He ends up Erstewoging out of emotion. "Children..." He shook his head in disbelief. "He tore one in half in front of my fucking face. It was to assert dominance, Anne. I mean... How fucked in the head is he? That motherfucking mind of his needs an exorcism." Miguel grabbed his face in horror. "First Trumpet... now this... People are dying because of me, Anne. Me! He made me question who I am! I thought... I thought I was different... from..." Miguel's face softened. "I thought I was different..." He grabbed his forehead, weeping.

Anne hugs Miguel and kisses his face. She sits down beside him as he lays his head on her lap. "I was... so... terrified... unlike I was before... It was the first time... since the island... I was terrified."

"It's okay..." whispered Anne.

"It's going to be okay, Dad," said Gabrielle, who hugs him.

Later...

Miguel is served his tea. Gabrielle drinks along with him.

"Dad? Why do you like tea so much?" asked Gabrielle.

"Before she died... your Grandma... my Mom... she would serve me this really good tea. Different kinds actually, whenever I'm down. Remember when that kid kicked you in the face and I gave you tea after?"

"Did bad kids kick you in the face, too?" asked Gabrielle.

Miguel smiles. "Yep."

"What did you do to stop them?"

"Something that you should never do. That's why I taught you to control."

Gabrielle stares at her father. "You're still woged."

Miguel sees the reflection of his Aswang form in her black eyes. "I know."

"Are you still scared?"

"I am."

"When I'm scared, I go to you."

"Yeah. Too bad I don't have a Daddy to help me out this time. Broke that damned mirror..."

Miguel turns around to see Josuke Higashikata waving at Miguel with a group of costumed heroes. Next to the heroes are Dark, Hercules, and Yuki, waving at Miguel with a group of "normally clothed" folks.

"Oh, dear God! Mr. Reaper! What happened to you!?" asked Josuke.

"Who the hell are you supposed to be?" asked Miguel. "Goddamnit... Are you going to kidnap me? This is the fifth time this month... Zoo wee Mama."

*CRACKLE*

It's raining.

Stephen is kicked by some normies, over and over again.

"HAHAHA!!!" cackled the teenager. "Trying to save this stupid duck?"

Stephen tries to protect the little duckling.

Some pieces of cinnamon bread are all over the ground.

"That duckling..." whispered Stephen. "It was bullied... by those other ducklings... It's a runt... and its brothers and sisters were pecking it over and over."

The normies laugh at him.

"What? I didn't understand anything he said!"

"Someone so weak... Doesn't deserve that kind of treatment."

The normies punch Stephen and grab the little duckling from his palms.

"NO!!!" sobbed Stephen. "Buppy!"

The normie clenches his fist as a soft crack and dying chirp could be heard in his palm. Blood gushes out from his fingers.

"FUCK!!!" sobbed Stephen. "No... No... No!!!" Stephen curled up in a fetal position, sobbing. "CINNAMON!!!" he yelled, hugging the baby duckling. "CINNAMON!!!"

The normies simply laugh at Stephen. They then take off their pants and urinate all over him. They then walk away, zipping their pants up. One kid spits on his face.

Stephen stares at the normies in hatred and disgust.

Today...

"Stop waving. It's creepy," said Miguel.

"Right! Sorry!" said Josuke, putting his hand down.

"I do what I fucking want, asshole!" yelled Dark.

"I am Josuke Higashikata!" Josuke shook Dark's hand.

"I do not care!" Dark replied, shaking his hand.

"Uh... Heya, Mr. Reaper!" smiled Josuke. "These guys need your help apparently need our help to recreate their Universes and reset their timelines!"

Anne serves them water. "Here is Jedan's special water! I saw the guests in the camera downstairs!"

"That sounds like a body fluid," said Wade. "Or poison. Guys. Don't drink the water!"

"Relax. It's like marijuana, but it's legal," said Dark.

"Oh... Thank God," said Deadpool. "Legal drugs! Finally! A country with respect to health!"

"Can you resurrect people?" asked Bruce and Jotaro.

"No... But I know how... weird... Bat person and... The guy who looks exactly like me who I am assuming is my variant..."

"Wait... WHAT!?" asked Josuke and Anne. 

"Calm down, you two... I could only do that with the Ark of the Covenant if the person was killed outside their destroyed Universe. I could also bring back the people who were killed, actually..."

"Ah..." said Josuke and Anne.

"So... Who are we bringin' back?" asked Miguel.

"Friends," said Giorno. "Guido Mista. Koichi Hirose. Okuyasu Nijimura. Yasuho Hirose... Trish Una."

"AND TRISH UNA, BLONDIE!!!" yelled Vegeta, about to cry.

"Vegeta... He just said Trish Una," said Goku. "Don't scream."

"SILENCE, KAKAROT!!! SCREAMING IS HOW I COPE!!!" yelled Vegeta, weeping.

"My kids. Damian Wayne and Cassandra Wayne. Thor. Harley Quinn. And... many others..."

"Hey. How come there are so many Christmas decorations? It's September."

"Exactly. It's almost Christmas," said Miguel.

"Do all Filipinos do this?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Why do Americans play football every thanksgiving?"

"Why do you hate Christmas?"

"HEY!!! I MADE AN ENTIRE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL FOR THAT HOLIDAY AND KIDNAPPED A GUY!!! and... HA! The joke's on you! I'm Canadian!"

"Tomaeto tomahto."

Miguel shakes Bruce's hand. "Miguel JoJo."

"Bruce Wayne. This is my wife, Diana. These are my friends. Frank Castle. Wade Wilson. Peter Quill. Barry Allen. and... Peter Parker."

Miguel JoJo shakes Jotaro's hand. "And you are?"

"Kujo Jotaro," Jotaro spoke in English. "Giorno Giovanna. Prince Vegeta IV. Son Goku. Josuke Higashikata. Josuke 'Gappy' Higashikata. Saitama. Shigeo 'Mob' Kageyama. Reigen Arataka." Jotaro shows his daughter, who he carries. "Irene Kujo."

"Hay Naku..." sighed Miguel. "So you're my variant?"

Miguel carries Gabrielle up.

Miguel and Jotaro pose menacingly while staring at each other, also menacingly.

"I'm guessing. You kinda look like me... but in a different race," said Jotaro.

"Hey! Why is everything animated in this Universe?" asked Deadpool.

"Shut up, Wade," sighed Frank.

"I was serious..."

"I'll... uh!!! I'll go make dinner!" smiled Anne, as she walked into the kitchen.

"Lovely lady," said Jotaro.

"She's mine," hissed Miguel.

"I know," Jotaro shrugged.

The pair stared at each other, still menacingly.

"This is nice!" smiled Prince Josuke.

Later...

The large group of people sat down at the dinner table, each looking at the other.

"So... What's your sob story?" Vegeta stared with vigilance.

"Who the hell are you supposed to be?" asked Bruce.

"I am Prince Vegeta IV. I am practically a killer of the gods."

"I beat gods for breakfast."

"Like who?" laughed Vegeta.

Bruce points to Clark.

"Such a pathetic power level," sneered Vegeta.

"Uh... a guy named Stefan?"

The people in Jump Force have their eyebrows raised.

"You beat Stefan?" asked Vegeta.

"Yep," said Bruce.

"You!?"

"Yep."

"You're a human."

"I equalized the playing field using Kryptonite."

"BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sadly, Saiyans have no weakness!"

"I think you do... I'm guessing you removed it long before to avoid having any form of weakness... Is that true?"

Vegeta tightened his belt. Bruce observes this.

Vegeta squinted his eyes. "Yeah!? Well, it can never come back, foolish Bat-Man since I have surpassed the power of the Great Ape!"

"Have you ever heard of the Nth Metal?"

"What!? BAHAHAHAHA!!! The legendary metal used by Thanagarians to reduce gravity?"

"It also has the property to regenerate and reincarnate people using its mystical properties."

"BAHAHAHAHA!!! FOOLISH-!!!"

Bruce immediately takes out a Batarang and stabs Vegeta's leg with it.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!!!"

Bruce grabs Vegeta's mouth.

"Bruce. Enough," said Diana.

Anne walks into the dining room. "Who wants Tortillas!?"

"ME!!!" smiled Deadpool.

"Just a little more, Diana. Every man needs to assert dominance."

Miguel points to Bruce and looks at Anne. "See?"

Anne rolls her eyes and has Sticky Fingers place the tortillas on the table as she walks back into the kitchen.

From Vegeta's upper ass, a tail slowly regrows.

"Nth is a mineral found in the blood of Super Soldiers, Ragclaws, and Ragdolls like Wade over here, allowing them to regenerate. Your tail must be this weak spot."

"How'd you-!?"

"You've been tightening your belt when I spoke about a Kryptonian's weakness. What are you hiding, oh mighty Prince?"

"Mr. Wayne?" asked Peter.

"Just... let him, Peter," Diana shook her head.

"HOW DARE!!! I AM THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!!! NO HUMAN HAS EVER DEFEATED-!!!"

Bruce pulls the tail as Vegeta flinches and his head drops on the table. He drools and his eyes go blank.

"Whoa!" smiled Goku. "ME NEXT!!! ME!!!"

"You..." said Bruce, turning to Saitama. "I don't think I can kill you anyway, but I can remind you repeatedly about how your existential crisis burdens your life.I could simply do that by saying this, 'You're never gonna find anyone stronger than you. Your crusade for defeat is pointless.'"

Saitama begins to cry.

"You..." said Bruce, turning to Shigeo. "You're physically weak. And you..." Bruce said, turning to Goku. "You're an idiot."

"YAY!!!" smiled Goku.

"You..." said Bruce, turning to Josuke "Gappy" Higashikata, Jotaro Kujo, and Giorno Giovanna. "You have a strong sense of family. I can't defeat the three of you, but I suggest myself that in case you go rogue, I will capture your loved ones to manipulate yourselves to commit suicide in the ocean, perhaps?"

"Tch-..." Jotaro squinted his eyes.

"And you..." Bruce turns to Reigen. Bruce squints his eyes as Reigen sweated like crazy. "You're pretty ominous. Guys, I think this one's the most dangerous out of all of you. I just can't think of any possible way to beat you." Bruce sighs. "Looks like I can't show off by showing how I beat everyone. How embarrassing. Forgive me for such atrocious behavior."

"That's when your behavior becomes atrocious?" asked Diana.

"I'm Batman, Diana. I'm the world's greatest detective."

"HA!!! I'VE HEARD OF YOU FROM MY WORLD'S COMICS!!! YOU'RE AN ORPHAN!!!" laughed Vegeta.

"So are you."

*sniff sniff...* Vegeta sniffed. "I WAS A BOY!!! NOW... I'M A MONKEY VEGETABLE MAN!!!" he sobbed.

"I'm guessing you have psychosexual disorders about your mother?" asked Bruce.

The whole house begins to shake as everyone shivered in fear (except for Bruce, who didn't care.) Vegeta, with tears in his eyes, stared deeply into Bruce's eyes.

"MR. WAYNE TAKE IT BACK!!!" yelled Peter.

Bruce then pulls Vegeta's tail again as Vegeta's face fell flat on the table.

"Who are you supposed to be?" smiled Prince Josuke.

"Oh! I'm... I-I-I'm Pete... Peter Parker... Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!"

"I'm Josuke Higashikata," smiled Prince Josuke.

"Another one," sighed Star Josuke

"Nice," sighed SBR Josuke. "Soon, everyone will be Higashikata Josuke."

Note: The Star Universe Josuke will be called Star Josuke/Duwang Josuke. The Prince Universe Josuke will be called Prince Josuke. And the SBR Universe Josuke will be called SBR Josuke.

"So!" smiled Peter. "You like Star Wars?"

"Boy, do I!" smiled Prince Josuke.

"You know what I like? A little bit of shutting the fuck up," said Frank.

"Frank!" scolded Diana.

"How do your powers work?" asked Peter.

"They're a cosmic alien virus that gives you spiritual abilities that allows me to get lucky by controlling space-time!" smiled Josuke.

"That's so cool! Mine is a genetic code that gives me powers similar to a spider!" smiled Peter.

"Whoa!" smiled Josuke.

"I am realizing right now how odd our universes are," said Deadpool. "It's as if we all had a... bizarre adventure!"

*ba dum tss!!!*

"Shut the fuck up, Wade," said Frank. "God..." Frank feels dizzy and sweats a lot.

Quill blasts out "Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede on Miguel's Smart TV.

"Quill!" yelled Diana.

"Sorry!" yelled Quill, turning down the volume. "But holy shit, guys! Did you know Earth has these televisions that can act like iPods!? AND THEY MADE A G.I.JOE MOVIE!!! AND TRANSFORMERS!!!"

"Jesus Christ," said Jotaro and Miguel.

Jotaro and Miguel gave each other soft smiles.

"That was quick," whispered Star Josuke to Giorno and Prince Josuke, who both nod.

"I'm actually liking this music," smiled Star Josuke. "Who sang this?"

"Blue Swede," smiled Giorno.

"I love Blue Swede!" laughed Quill.

"I prefer Punk Rock," said SBR Josuke. "I'll go ask Hercules and Anne to bake some large fries." SBR Josuke stands up and leaves.

Dark stares at Deadpool.

"The fuck are you looking at?" asked Deadpool.

"Nothing," said Dark. "You just weirdly sound like me."

"No, he doesn't!" yelled Yuki.

"Yes, he does!" yelled Dark.

"She sounds nothing like you, honey," said Yuki.

"I AM A PANSEXUAL MALE APACHE HELICOPTER!!! HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY GENDER!!!" yelled Deadpool.

"Oh, never mind. They sound exactly like you."

"Wade shut the fuck up," Frank tried to cover his ears with his wrists.

"I'M HOOKED ON A FEELING!!! DADADADA!!!" sang Goku.

"I'M HIGH ON BELIEVIN'!!! BADUDADA!!!" sang Saitama.

Mob curls up, afraid of opening up to the group.

Irene looks at her father and shrugs. Jotaro shrugs back.

Gabrielle does the same to her father. Miguel shrugs back.

"That you're in love with me!" sang Star Josuke and Reigen.

Giorno hums to the tune silently.

Frank sighs and takes out his pistol as he points to the ground.

*BANG BANG BANG!!!*

Everyone turns to Frank as they all shut up.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!" cried Wade. "WHAT IS WITH YOU!?"

"What's with me? Are you all fucking serious!? Don't none of you forget that people died for us to get here... at this moment, alright?" asked Frank, angrily staring at each and every one of them. "Don't none of you forget that..."

Frank sighs as he puts his gun back in his holster and leans back at his seat.

Everyone stayed quiet for the rest of the evening.

*flush*

Clark walks out of the bathroom, looking oddly fatter. "What did I miss? There were gunshots."