422. Catch-22 ~Mad King's Paradox~

"THE CONTROVERSY SPIDER-MAN MURDERING AN ASSASSIN OF THE LEAGUE OF ASSASSINS HAD CAUSED A PUBLIC OUTRAGE AROUND MAHARLICA!!! SHOWN IN THIS TERRIBLE VIDEO WHERE IN A TRAIN OF PASSENGERS HE MURDERED THIS LEAGUER!!!" yelled J. Jonah Jameson.

Peter jabs the ninja in the neck and his neck begins swelling. The people on the train gasp in horror.

"THE BODY WAS NOT FOUND!!! SPIDER-MAN TRULY IS... A MENACE!!! WHAT'D I TELL YA!? WHAT ELSE WOULD-!?"

Miguel facepalms and felt like crying. "Jesus Christ... We're losing support from the war..."

"Miguel..." said Anne. "It's okay..."

"Right... Yeah... I'm just... incredibly stressed..."

Gabby goes downstairs wearing very short jeans and a crock top.

"What the hell are you wearing...?" asked Miguel.

"I am going out with my friends, father," said Gabby.

"Gabby..." said Miguel. "Narcos and Mercuria, right? Of this universe?"

"Affirmative, father," said Gabby.

"Not wearing that."

"I will wear this."

Gabby leaves and slams the door very softly.

"What's gotten into that kid," said Miguel.

"She grew up," said Anne, smiling and walking back upstairs.

Miguel sighs as Gabby walks back into the house. "Gabby."

"Yes, father?" asked Gabby.

"You've been awfully hard-headed lately," said Miguel. "Talking back to me. Yelling at me. Talking about how annoying I am with your friends. Writing bad things about me in your diary."

"You read my diary!? You spied on me!? Father!"

"No. But I sensed that it could be true. And now I know it's true because you just told me." Miguel stands up. "You are the future Queen of New Israel. Don't you know how much time you're wasting...?"

"Father... My friends told me that I am allowed to have my own choices."

"But that doesn't mean you should just gallivant like this... Everyone hates us right now, and at any moment, Rasputin could nuke fucking Sydney or some shit!"

"Father, you're being paranoid..."

Miguel stands up and approaches Gabby. "Yeah! And if I'm not paranoid, the less likely that any of us are going to survive this piece of shit! Have a nice life, why don't you? But every second that you waste time, YOU'RE A SECOND CLOSER TO GETTING EVERYBODY COUNTING ON YOU KILLED!!!"

Miguel grabs his belt. He grabs it but doesn't take it out.

Gabby, seeing this, gasps and backs away. She gives a scared look, trembling in fear.

Miguel's eyes widen, look down and realizes what he was about to do. "No, no... I didn't mean to -..."

Gabby stayed quiet.

"I have to go..." Miguel opens a portal and leaves.

Entering the Hyperbolic Time Room, Miguel uses the Memory Gun to replicate his Uncle.

"You disgusting-..."

Miguel punches his fake Uncle in the face and punches him over and over again. He beats him to submission, angrily.

"Look what you've become..." his Uncle whispered, as Miguel's eyes widen. "No different from me."

Miguel stops and sits back down, tired.

He begins crying softly.

"Well... It truly is depressing..."

Miguel's eyes widen. "What did you do to Prismo?"

Prismo is shown to be crucified to the wall by red Eldritch ropes.

"He's alright." Rasputin Romanov gently smiled. "So, this is my rival's room? Cozy."

"If you're here to intimidate me, it won't work."

"Intimidate you? No, no, no... I'm here to do the final step of my plan.I'm not here to intimidate you.I'm here to kill you."

Rasputin then whispers a spell.

Miguel's eyes widen. "NO!!!"

Rasputin blows up his Hyperbolic Time Room.

Miguel lands on a floating rock nearby and warps out his sticks.

"Where's your spawn anchor now, Ibarra? I heard only Prismo can fix it..."

Prismo lets out a muffled scream of horror.

"I heard you end up somewhere else without it... A random spot in a random Multiverse unknown to all. It'd be centuries before you navigate your way back here."

"Fuck you," said Miguel.

"I heard you were the one who speaks a lot. Why am only I doing the talking...?Now... to scold you..."

Miguel throws his stick at Rasputin's face, but he warps out a Shashka and slaps the stick away.

Rasputin flips and slashes his Shashka at Miguel, who blocks it with one stick. He warps out his second stick and he overwhelms Rasputin. Rasputin snickers and summons a second sword, proceeding to do a sword rush at Miguel, stabbing and slicing him everywhere.

Miguel then kicks him and summons a giant Star Conqueror to try and pull Rasputin into an unknown galaxy, but Rasputin cuts off its tentacles and stabs it in the eye, using Eldritch Tao Mandalas to cut it in half.

Miguel then summons a giant Exogorth as its tongue tries to pull Rasputin in as well, summoning more creatures from more portals, but Rasputin, annoyed, blows up each of the portals as both men are transferred into several universes: One where they're in the form of paint, one where they're animated like old cartoons, one where they're regular show characters, one where they're a couple of chairs, one where they're puppets, and one where they're glass. They then finally end up on an unknown breathable moon on a forested mountain.

Rasputin uses his sword to stab Miguel in the leg, but Miguel blocks the second sword with his stick.

Rasputin then spins and offers a flurry of slashes as Miguel blocks all of them with his sticks.

Rasputin then turns his sword into a chain sword, similar to Miguel's sticks, and grapples onto Miguel's neck to try and snap it, but Miguel destroys its blade with a Tao Mandala.

Miguel then takes out an Eldritch Whip to try and grapple and break Rasputin's arm, but Rasputin grabs Miguel and crashes him into the glass.

Rasputin begins dreamwalking and possesses infinite versions of himself which Miguel ends up fighting off.

Annoyed, Miguel summons the Infinity Stones and snaps his fingers to temporarily not allow Rasputin to dream walk.

Rasputin sighs and headbutts Miguel, beating him over and over again.

Rasputin stops for a second, tired.

"You Goddamned ASSHOLE!!!" Miguel uppercuts Rasputin and offers slow but incredibly heavy punches, each releasing massive shockwaves.

"Warning. Stats increasing. Entrance to a dark reality: Imminent," spoke Miguel's watch.

Rasputin then beats Miguel's face over and over again. "'Destroy. Do not wound.'Where is your support now...?A single failure of the world's most beloved superhero will amass to the fall of hope in all superheroes... and the loss of faith in the nation of the free... or so it claims.After they lose hope in Maharlica... They will lose hope in New Israel after their leader abandons them...I've broken you... and now... I'm about to exile you... hopefully forever.And I get to conquer the world... which should rightfully be equal.And with the new equalized world comes the fall of your foolish liberal-conservatism institution and comes the new age of a Socialist Super State."

Miguel summons the trees, which are possessed by Engkantos, each attacking Rasputin, but Rasputin snaps his fingers and erases all of them.

Rasputin then slowly gets bigger and swollen. "That was pathetic! I truly respect you... But right now... You're insane... Your mind is truly broken. Shattered. Only a nation that is insane would elect an insane ruler.And here you are... A king wants to deem himself not insane like his enemy because he allows victory in war without killing anyone is deemed insane because he wants victory in war without killing anyone. Therefore, he is insane."

"Fuck you..."

"I wasn't elected... I chose to become a ruler. A President who conquered and took matters by his own hands rather than being elected... telling a King who was elected to take matters by his own hands. Every meeting you avoided... because you had so much faith in your army.You call them an army!? HALF OF THEM HAD NEVER EVEN TAKEN A LIFE!!! You... have never taken a life.'A leader should not be loved. A leader should be feared.'"

"'If you cannot be both.'"

"Exactly. For people like us... people who are considered... different. We can't be both because nobody loves us. That's why the world should be fair. Equal. No man above the other. THAT'S how we do things, here. But then here you are, lollygagging and gallivanting while the HALF THE WORLD gets FUCKED over by a false god who just cries all the time thinking that he's the victim! But in reality, no you're not! You're not the saddest piece of shit! There are trillions more like you! Just another annoying character who sobs all the time and hates himself because he's so fucking PATHETIC!!!What I'm trying to do is actually help these people. My people! And soon, YOUR people!"

"You're a fucking dictator."

"I am judge, jury, and executioner. I decide because I know what it's like to suffer! Unlike you, I think about what's better for these people! You think about what's better for yourself! You can't take care of a country! You can barely take care of yourself!"

"I'm not crazy..." said Miguel. "I just need help."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Pour me a fucking vodka!" laughed Rasputin. "See!? Who is this madman!? You need help! I don't! I am capable! You are not! You're a joke! You're a pariah! You can't be anybody in this world! Unlike me who actually has the balls to kill people for his own family! I have the balls to lockdown the media of my nation that even I don't have the luxury to know what's happening in your nation and Maharlica!"

Miguel's eyes widen.

"I have the balls to kill my own people! I have the balls to conquer, pillage, and rape a whole fucking nation for my own people and these good people!"

"You... utilitarian fuck..."

"Kantian ASSHOLE!!!" Rasputin beats Miguel over and over, kicking him repeatedly. "You think kindness and love help everyone!? You think that believing that there are superficial things like chaos out there helps everyone!?"

Rasputin flies up and grabs Miguel's head, proceeding to scrape it on the ground. 

"AAAAAAAUGH!!!" sobbed Miguel.

Rasputin puts his boot over Miguel's face and stomps at it over and over. "I will let your family live after I gain my new world... And I will exile them. A world... over heaven."

Miguel stands up and uppercuts Rasputin, only for Rasputin to grab his fist.

Miguel then warps out his stick and throws it at his face. "STICKS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

Rasputin grabs the stick and stabs Miguel's leg with it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" sobbed Miguel.

"You spend too much time dwelling. I would've really appreciated it if my opponent learned to move forward... rather than stay angered at his past.It's the past, Ibarra. It's a leap of faith to leap forward. You keep working on yourself... But when will you finally work on helping others...?"

Miguel looks down, softly.

"You don't know...? Agh hahahahahahahahahahagh!" Rasputin begins laughing psychotically. "You don't fucking know! Then why are you the Chosen One...?"

Miguel starts to cry. "I don't... I don't know..."

"And... that was me scolding you... So... This is the end..." Rasputin sighs as he prepares a radiation spell. "Now... to kill you..."

Miguel senses something awful. "You killed my mother..."

"What the hell are you on about...?"

"You... planned this. You... You wanted me to be broken... You wanted me to go down this toxic path..."

"That makes no sense."

"My mother never had radiation sickness before! She never had cancer cells until ten years ago!"

"What makes you say that!?"

"What the hell are you...?"

Rasputin sighs. "It seems you have the right to know first... You are the Chosen One, after all..."

Suddenly, he begins growing to get bigger and bigger, soon reaching 450 feet tall.

"You're a fucking Nephilim...!? Like... a literal Nephilim!?"

Note:Hi! Author's crash course here!A Nephilim is the child of a Niburuan and a mortal!Examples are...!Sleipnir, Son of Loki.Hercules, Son of Zeus and a human!Diana! Son of Zeus and Hypolita!Cuchulain! Son of Lugh and Deichtine!Khonshu! Son of Ra Atum and Cleopatra!King Arthur! Son of Uther Penndragon and Morrigan!Antichrists! Son of Lucifer and human women!

Exceptions:Messiahs! Son of God and human women.

He shrinks back to hir original form and fixes his suit and tie. "Ah..." he sighed out of relief. "That was intimidation. I am Lucifer's son..."

Miguel's eyes widen as he backs away. "What...!?"

"Before he was redeemed, of course... Before Aurora replaced Lucifer as Ruler of Hell... I was born... As the antichrist of the 21st century. So... You killed Mom?"

"To twist your mind. Yes. The Anarchist Wars were just a source of advantage for my nation... I realized that each time you fail, I could break that little mind of yours."

"Why!?"

"I don't want to hate you, okay? I truly want to save my nation. Yes! But our statuses as opposites just means we're destined to get in each other's ways. That annoying feeling of someone standing in what we're destined to do. I sure do understand the Monster Emperor... Fate... It always finds a way to make our lives annoying. I'm ruining your life because it's my duty to make you fail. I don't hate you... Not at all. However, I was shaped into this person not because I'm the Antichrist. But because of who I chose to be..."

"Then choose what's right... Choose to end this war."

"NO!!! No, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO!!! Without this war, I am nothing! Because I'm a machine, Miguel. I'm a machine who needs a function..."

Miguel realizes that these words are familiar. "Rasputin... Listen... You're not a machine... You're a per-..."

Rasputin kicks Miguel down. "But, hey! In the end, I'm the one who everyone keeps on betraying! OVER!!!"

Rasputin kicks Miguel in the face. 

"AND OVER!!!"

Rasputin kicks him in the face again.

"AGAIN!!!"

*CRACK!!!*

Miguel shakes as his fingers are spread out. He keeps his hands near his face.

Rasputin then grabs Miguel by the hair. "I watched you get nerfed from Day One. Let's see what the future holds for you."

Rasputin prepares to throw him off the cliff with spiked rocks beneath them.

"Wait! Wait! I have two questions!" yelled Miguel.

"Speak," said Rasputin.

"You don't watch our news, right? Why?"

"Because your news is filled with propaganda as well."

"R-... Right..."

First of all, look who's talking. Second, no, it's not.

Mhm... Dictators are usually hypocrites lol.

"Second question. Is it okay if I get to choose how I die?"

"Very well," said Rasputin. "But you SHOULD die... Or I kill one of your friends in the Jazz Fusion."

"Okay..." sighed Miguel, as he opens a portal, revealing a...

A Vat of Acid...

Rasputin laughs. "That's horrifying..."

"NO, WAIT!!!"

Rasputin lets go as Miguel falls down... into the Vat of Acid...

Suddenly, bones float up to the surface.

Rasputin gives a soft smile. "Goodbye, Miguel Ibarra."

He closes the portal and walks away, opening another portal and leaving to an unknown place. "Now... to conquer..."

The portal closes forever.

*SPLASH!!!*

*GASP!!!*

Miguel swam up the heated Mountain Dew. "Holy shit... This thing isn't useless!"

Miguel sighs with relief. "I need more of these..."

However, Rasputin, in the Socialist State Capital, gives off the order to conquer... 

"Let us now conquer...Sydney...THEN!!!The Philippines."

Meanwhile, Miguel leaves the Fake Vat as blood drips all around his body, limping away as he prepares to open another portal...

"I need... to stop this... I need... help..."

To be continued... lol... in the second Arc...The Earth-777 War.