427. Entrance ~Recruiting Part I~

Tony eats a hotdog happily while sitting behind a desk. 

"Hello, Mr. Stark," Peter walks inside his office.

Tony's eyes widen as he shuts down the laptop, where it is revealed he is reading Bruce's files, but in reality, all they have on him is that his name is "John Smith," and that Bruce Wayne is a billionaire playboy no one cares about with several fake hobbies like horse riding and opera singing. 

Below is a Facebook text that says, "Great... I have to talk to the Inferior Spider-Man," with a reply of "XD!"

"Hey! Pete! Underoos! Spider-Boy! How's it going?" asked Tony.

"Just here for the Tournament that you're planning. Sorry, I'm late. People kept screaming at me every time I walked when the light was green," said Peter.

"You're supposed to walk at red, though."

"Oh...! Sorry."

Tony sighs. "It's... It's fine. Beginner's luck isn't for everyone, right? You're a good kid, Peter.God, you're so spectacular!"

"Thanks, Mr. Stark!"

"No... Talking to myself, there, kid. What do you want? And you're late because of that?"

"Sorry, sir... But then again, you should've told me about that, sir."

"Remember that YOU should've been smart enough to find that out! Right...!?"

"Right... sorry, sir... I just wanted to ask you... Why the heck does everyone need to have Arc Reactors worn-?"

"We have to create a suit of armor around the world, Peter. Alright... That's the end of the meeting! Lunch...?"

"N-No... Tony... I also want to ask you about the tournament. Why a tournament...?"

"Entertainment! Duh! Who wouldn't want to see the strongest warriors win against each other? Jesus Christ, Peter! I thought you were Peter Parker! The Spider-Man! Think, Peter! Think!" Tony puts his fingers on his head.

"But... what if someone gets hurt if someone takes over the-?"

"No one can take over my armor, Peter! Especially since I have you!"

"Good point, Mr. Stark!" Peter looks down, beginning to doubt his decisions...

Tony smirks. "Y'know... Before my Peter... died... He was just like you. The reason why I'm being a bit... hard on you... It's because I lost my Peter!"

"Really...?"

"Yeah! Just remember that I'm proud of you, kid!"

"Thanks!" smiled Peter.

"Uh-huh... Sure... Anyway! Lunch! Write down that each team should have 12 members with only up to 3 Omega Level Superheroes!"

"Yes, sir! You can count on me, Mr. Stark!"

"Sure, Sticky Boy. Let's go."

Peter and Tony leave the office as the Arc Reactor glows on his desk.

Is... Is he gaslighting Peter...?

Yeah... Jesus...

"Alright..." sighed Josuke. "Ugh... Uh-huh... THERE!!!"

Josuke smiles as he finishes sewing Suki's dress. "WOOHOO!!!"

The Jazz Fusioneers are all in the living room.

Finn, his children, and Jake are playing Smash.

Spongebob and Patrick are playing beer pong with Suki and the Ghost Guppies.

Gumball and Darwin are playing chess.

Yoshiko is reading a book.

Lady is cooking.

Carrie is asleep on the couch.

Erina is doing paperwork.

*CRASH!!!*

Mark crashed through the door.

"Goddangit," sighed Josuke. "WHY DO PEOPLE NOT RESPECT OUR DOORS!?"

"Sorry! But, GUYS!!! I know how we could fix your little problem with the media!"

"How...? It's May and Maharlica still hates Gabrielle JoJo..." Josuke sighs.

Mark shows a flier for a tournament. "I saw this webbed on the streetlights!"

"What...!?" Josuke reads the poster. "People still print these things...?"

"Josuke! Look what's inside!"

Josuke reads carefully. "Miguel is hosting a tournament...?"

"Weird that you call him Miguel, now," said Darwin.

"He insisted," said Josuke. "Probably because of therapy...Whoa! A Cash Prize of 1 Billion UNITS!!!?"

Everyone's wives/partners' eyes widen as they dart behind Josuke.

"'The Tournament of Maharlica is a tournament held in Las Vegas, New-S.A., New Israel that is presented by Maharlica. Miguel Ibarra will act as the host and will pay for everything. The Battle Royale will be for entertainment purposes only along with sponsorship. The event will be held next week. The Battle Royale will include teams consisting of 12 members... 3 of which are Omega Level in terms of strength. People Beyond Omega Level will automatically be disqualified. However, Beyond Omega Level people can enter if they wear a Stand-Dampener: A new device that disables a Stand's most powerful ability. No killing. You will be given energy-based non-fatal weapons that you should use to strike the opponent's head or torso, which can be detected via Arc Reactors offered to you by Tony Stark of Earth-838. Losers will be transferred to the front seats of the stadium.'"

"I heard the Crime Boss, Giorno Giovanna, is gonna be in there! They said he came back after fighting a weird cockroach king in an unknown world."

"We can't go here! We'd get humiliated!"

"Josuke..." said Erina. "This is ONE... BILLION Units we're talking about!"

Josuke stares at Erina with a weirded-out face.

"A-And we can promote the company with this! Yeah!" smiled Erina.

"Erina..." sighed Josuke. "If we lose, it'd be bad publicity. Who would sign up for this, anyway?"

*beep! beep!*

Josuke turns on his watch. "Yeah?"

"*BURP!!!* There's a tournament. Get in there and win it for good publicity or you're fired.*CLANG!!!*"

Josuke sighs. 

The wives (and Patrick because of more food) smile.

Meanwhile...

Bruce reads the flier and sighs.

"Bye, Dad," smiled Damien. "We're going to school."

"Bye, Daddy!" smiled Cassandra.

"Bye," said Bruce. "Damian. Don't try to punch your bullies again, unless your sister gets bullied. And Cassie, don't do anything stupid so that you won't get bullied."

"Yeah, whatever," said Damien, walking outside.

"Sure thing, Daddy!" smiled Cassie, following after.

The door closes as Bruce continued staring at the picture.

"Are you thinking about joining?" asked Diana.

"Are you guys okay with that...?" asked Bruce.

"You have a really weird father-son relationship with Peter..."

"I have a weird father-son relationship with all my Robins, Diana."

"Yes... But Peter isn't really your Robin, Bruce. He's Spider-Man."

"I turned him into myself... I turn everyone into myself, Diana. That's why everyone leaves me."

"You never turned us into yourself," smiled Diana.

"Yeah... Because I had you," smiled Bruce.

Note: :( -> :|

Diana brushes her hair behind her ear and smiles. "You are quite the charmer, Mr. Wayne."

"Well... yeah... Because I'm Batman, Diana. I can charm any old lady."

Diana punches Bruce's shoulder, laughing.

"Ouch," said Bruce.

"So...? Do you want to get in there?" asked Diana.

"Should we...?" asked Bruce. "That means I'd have to fight Peter."

"Yeah... But that's always how you've solved things, right? Beating someone to a pulp."

"Not always."

"Right... World's greatest detective."

"World's worst father."

"Not really..." Diana kisses his lips. "Because I wouldn't have fallen for you if you were."

Bruce sighs. "Yeah... Well... I betrayed John. I got Dick killed. I dated Jason's ex-girlfriend and pissed him off and he became The Redwing. And I pissed off Tim by failing to save his parents and he became Red Robin. And now, I turned Peter into a killing machine."

"I think you just need to speak with Peter."

"Yeah... I guess... I've done some pretty disgusting things...Especially with Clark..."

Diana sighs. "I know... When will you tell him?"

"I was hoping never, but I feel like I'll tell him soon..."

Meanwhile...

Tony walks out of the limousine along with Spider-Man.

The moment when Peter walks out of it, everyone boos Peter.

"KILLER!!!" shrieked one woman.

"MURDERER!!!" shrieked a man.

"MY DAUGHTER WAS ON THAT TRAIN!!!" yelled a man.

"PEOPLE HAVE SOULS, ASSHOLE!!!" yelled a woman.

Tony and Peter then entered the stadium and entered an elevator.

Peter sighs. 

"You alright, kid?" smiled Tony.

"Yes, I am," said Peter.

"Oh. Alright."

Peter hums to the song of Bad Romance.

"Stop humming that song. It's annoying," said Tony.

The pair stood in the stadium's Speaker Booth, where Tony and Peter looked at drones.

"Hello!" smiled Tony. "Welcome to the newly built Iron Man Stadium where all Maharlicans could enjoy a completely legal Tournament.Now that New Israel had now officially become a member of the United Multiversal Nations, we will celebrate the liberation of the oppressed former Socialists through...The Tournament of Maharlica!It's a massive Multiversal Tournament where only the most powerful warriors of Maharlica will fight each other to not only celebrate freedom but celebrate the superiority of Miguel Ibarra! I have nothing but respect for Ibarra, and therefore, I helped him build this place so that the whole world could be united and become people far more superior than they already are!I will also be sponsoring Earth-616's team, The Avengers! With a new product known as Extremis 3.0! It is a new NON-ALCOHOLIC juice that... when drunken... is meant to make people physically stronger, smarter, and healthier!Buy it from Stark Industries!We made Red Huffer, so we can make you happier!With Extremis!Buy Extremis 3.0 today!"

"Mr. Stark. Extremis was a virus derived from the Supersoldier Serum on our Earth that turned a bunch of people into horrible Mutates that went out killing people and made them more violent."

Note: Watch Iron Man 3.

"Thanks, kid!" whispered Tony. "By the way... This is NOT... NOT the Extremis Virus that was derived from the Supersoldier Virus. It's different..." He smiles with charm. "Trust me." He winks to the camera.

"Buy Extremis now!It's safe for kids!Have a Superior Day!"smiled a familiar voice on the jumbotron.

The people cheer for Tony.

"Why'd that sound like me...?" asked Peter. "Is there another Peter Parker!?"

"I made an audio device to make it sound like you! Parlor trick is all!"

Peter senses a tingle. 

"What's wrong?" frowned Tony.

"My Peter Tingle's going crazy..."

"Pretty sure it's just tricking you..."

"My Peter Tingle's never wrong..."

"Yeah? Well, it is now...Or... Maybe you're thinking about... someone...?"

Peter looks down.

"It's Bruce, isn't it...?Don't think about that guy! He's such a fucking twit for letting you do those things... Making you lose yourself and shit! And here I am to guide you! I'm Tony Stark! I have everything! I have you!"

"We've... *sigh...* Well... It's just that... We've been through so much, Mr. Stark... I feel like I've been too rash with my decision."

"'Rash with your decision?' Are you hearing yourself!He's gaslighting you, Underoos!Without you, he still has his family! Without you, I'll be... spending time remembering my own Peter..." Tony looks down, as Peter sighs and smiles...

"You're right... Sorry..."

Peter hugs Tony, but Tony gives off a sinister sneer.

Tony sighs and pushes Peter away. "You, Spider-Man... Are forgiven..." he spoke on the mic. "MAY THE WEEK OF ENTRANCES BEGIN!!!"

Extra:

"So... you're a Stand-User, right?" asked the interviewer, who is a Bikini Bottomite Octopus (Like Squidward. Sorry, but Squidward is canonically an octopus). "All of you?"

Josuke, Finn, Jake, Spongebob, Patrick, Laserheart, The Smooch, and Invincible all stand together.

"All of us except Invincible," smiled Josuke.

"Uh-huh... Invulnerable... Right..."

Mark tries to speak up but is ignored and he writes it down.

Josuke pats him on the back.

"Where are your four other members?"

"We'll have them here by the end of the week!" smiled Josuke.

"Uh-huh..." said the interviewer. "Uh... What can you do?"

"I can blow stuff up!" smiled Josuke. "Anything I touch can turn into a bomb!"

"Okay... You're prohibited from using your Stand Ability."

"YES!!!" yelled Josuke.

"Uh-... Huh... R-... Right...And you?"

"Finn the Human. I can Time Travel!" smiled Finn.

"Alright. You?"

"Jake the Dog!" Jake turns his hands into noodles and creates a slide, as tiny Jakes slide down.

"You?"

"Spongebob Squarepants! I blow bubbles! I can wish for things and blow things up! Like this Lightspatula!"

"You?"

"I can get big! And I'm of below-average intelligence!"

"Charming. You?"

"I'm Laserheart: The Heart of Vengeance." He spoke in a Batman's voice.

The interviewer stays quiet.

"I can... throw stuff and spin 'em around... I trained in Naples..." he said awkwardly.

"Oh... Spin-User..."

"Also... The Heart of-..."

"You?"

"Same as him and I can shapeshift into animals."

"You?"

"I'm Invincible!" smiled Mark. "I told you alr-..."

"Oh, right... Unbreakable... Isn't he a war criminal?"

"No... He's dead, and I'm Invincible!"

"Right... Right... You're in..."

"What!?" asked Josuke. "ANYONE could just enter!? No Try-Outs or ANYTHING!?"

"Well, duh... We're being fair. Your weapons are already ready. But you should have your last four members sign up 'til tomorrow."

"TOMORROW!?" asked everyone. 

"You were fine with just next week!"

"Uh... because I lied? Uhuh! Uhuh! Uhuh! And please, get that Starfish out of my face... He's touching himself..."

Patrick stops rubbing his head.

Spongebob slaps the back of his head.

Patrick moans.

"I'm never touching you again, Patrick," said Spongebob.

"Get the fuck out of my office..." said the interviewer.

Later...

"NO!!!" yelled Gabrielle and Narcos.

"What!?" asked Josuke. "Why!? You're the only HEALTHY Omega-Level person we know that ISN'T IN A TEAM ALREADY NOR IS OFF-WORLD!!!"

"Because we uh..." Gabrielle turns to Narcos, who is looking away. "We kinda broke up."

The Jazz Fusion's eyes widen.

"Oh... dear God..." said Josuke.

"Who are these guys...?" asked Mark.