9. Chapter 9(1)

It had been easy to think of Earth-1 as not that different than Earth-38, but the differences come flooding in just as soon as Lena and Kara step through the portal into Kara’s apartment. Here, she’s a Luthor, and Kara’s a Super, and the world is not as kind.

Kara’s words still ring out between them we don’t have to leave that feeling here. But Lena can’t help but feel the walls between them come back up. Less solid than before, sure, but there nonetheless. She tries not to immediately stiffen in reaction or let Kara catch on to what she’s feeling, but she knows that’s a long shot.

“Lena,” Kara says, and her tone indicates pretty clearly that she sees right through Lena.

“Yes?” Lena asks with a gentle clearing of her throat. She drops Kara’s hand and runs a palm down her side, hating the sudden clammy feel in it.

Kara’s lips thin and she hands over the small duffel she carried for Lena through the breach. “You don’t have to pull away from me,” Kara says. “I’m not going to pressure you.”

Lena shakes her head, still feeling completely unstable from their emotional confrontation of moments before. There’s a lingering sense of Kara all over her skin and if she licks out against her lips it’s like she can still taste her there. “I’m not pulling away,” she says quietly, each word coming out slowly, carefully.

“You can stay here tonight. If you want,” Kara says and she moves as if to touch Lena again, but hesitates and something goes tense between them. “If you’re not ready to face real life yet.” 

There are what feels like a thousand different emotions rattling around in her head, voices yelling at her to do one thing or another and she can’t seem to think straight. There’s one begging her to let Kara take care of her, to avoid the world, and the familiar voice of her mother urging her to be a Luthor. But she also knows that the comfort Kara’s offering is emblematic of a larger question, about the path she wants their relationship to take from here on out. And that - she has no idea what to do about that, right now.

“Thanks, but I’ll be alright,” she manages to say and Kara looks at her sadly. “I have responsibilities I neglected for a week that I need to tend to.”

“I know,” Kara says and she sounds so resigned, defeated, like she knows what Lena’s going to decide at the end of the day and Lena doesn’t know how to tell her that she hasn’t made any decision. That her lips still feel swollen from kissing and she still remembers what it felt like to get pressed against a wall by Kara’s body. The skin at the small of her back still tingles from the feel of Kara’s fingers tracing there and there’s absolutely no way she can come back from that.

Lena opened Pandora’s box. With no regard for what would come out. Their I love yous still sit solidly between them and Lena just needs some distance to sort out her brain before she continues to crash into Kara consequences be damned. If she keeps going, it’s going to destroy both of them and it will be entirely her own fault.

“Hey,” she says softly and she sets her duffel bag on the ground to walk up to Kara. Just being close again makes Lena’s body start to hum and her mouth goes a little dry when Kara’s eyes drop immediately to Lena’s mouth. “I’m not forgetting. I couldn’t even if I tried." 

There’s no hesitation when Kara reaches out this time and their fingers tangle out together. “Okay. I’m not trying to - I want to give you whatever you need. I don’t want things to be weird between us just because we’re back here.”

There seems to be a disconnect between what Lena needs and what she can have and it’s darkly apparent in this moment when all she wants to do is press back against Kara’s body and fall in a tumble down onto Kara’s bed. “I know. We’re fine,” she says softly. “I promise.”  

“I want to give you the space to figure us out. No pressure.”

Figure us out, Lena thinks and she feels the ball get placed even more firmly in her court. Kara’s decision is all over her face and Lena knows that all she has to do is say yes and Kara is all in again. Part of her thinks that Kara never stopped being all in. It was Lena who had walked away, after all.

When she leaves it’s with a warm kiss to the corner of Kara’s mouth and a tight hug that Lena feels her entire ride over to her apartment.

--

The first sign that something is wrong with her brother is the sloppy way his tie hangs from his neck, the top button of his shirt open, and the disheveled look of his hair. The second sign is the bottle of whiskey dangling from his hand.

Tullamore DEW. Whiskey Lex likes to drink when he’s sad.  

He’s draped across an armchair in the living room when she gets home and concern flashes through her immediately.

“Lex?” She throws her purse and jacket onto the couch and paces over to him. His head lolls a little on the back of the chair and he smiles at her even if his eyes can’t quite focus. He’s not obliterated, but he doesn’t seem that far from it either.

“Hey there, little sister,” he drawls and he makes a finger gun gesture with his free hand at her.

“Are you okay?” Lex likes to drink, but he never gets sloppy drunk, is always some form of put together. It’s the Luthor way, after all. She sends up a silent thank you that their mother is in Madrid and doesn’t have to berate her golden boy for not handling his liquor appropriately.

“Oh, I’m great,” he answers in a tone that conveys he is quite the opposite.

She sits down on the coffee table across from him and reaches out to touch his knee. “What happened?”

Silence stretches for a long moment and he just looks at her, gaze glossy and unfocused. 

“Nothing,” he shrugs and she gives him a look until he sighs. “I was seeing someone,” Lex admits, his eyes rolling to the ceiling. He props the bottle of liquor against his knee and points at her. “I was like really seeing someone.”  

It comes as a complete surprise to her and she feels a stab of guilt that she wouldn’t know something so vital about her brother’s life. She gets so wrapped up in her own things, in doing well at her internship, pleasing her mother, graduating early, Kara. “Lex, what happened?”  

“Clark,” Lex answers, the name clicking off his tongue bitterly.

“You were seeing Clark?” Lena asks, trying to figure out what her brother is saying. “Who’s Clark?”

“Clark happened,” he clarifies before taking a pull of the whisky. “I was seeing someone and then Clark happened.”

“Who is Clark?”

“Clark is my best friend,” Lex answers and then he laughs mirthlessly. “Was my best friend.”

For the first time in her life Lena feels entirely distant from her brother. The idea that he could have two important people in his life that she knows nothing about squeezes painfully at her heart. Has she she really been that wrapped up in her own life so selfishly?

“Bastard,” Lex bites out, but Lena recognizes the look in Lex’s eyes. He’s not angry at Clark. He’s angry at himself.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lena asks in a careful tone.

He shakes his head, but sits up suddenly, looking serious. “You and Kara,” he says. “You guys are good?”

Lena’s chest aches a bit to think of her girlfriend up in Midvale, and her voice is hoarse when she finally speaks. “Yeah, we’re good.”

He nods, slowly, eyes narrowed. “You hold on to that,” he tells her, pointing with the bottle of whiskey. The liquid sloshes violently against the glass sides. “Enjoy it before it’s over.”

“Lex,” she says softly, sadly. Talking about Kara as something that could ever be over feels painful.

“We’re Luthors, Lena,” he says, licking out against his lips, eyes fluttering. “We’re not meant to have things that last.” He laughs again, this bitter broken sound she’s never heard come out of his mouth. “I mean look at mom and dad,” he continues with a sardonic smile and she assumes he means their father’s untimely death. It only confuses her more and Lena wants to fix the almost maniacally hurt look in Lex’s eyes.  

He shakes his head and waves the bottle around again. This time she grabs out for it and easily takes it from his hand.

“Why don’t we stop drinking out of the bottle like we’re uncivilized,” she says in a light tone as she puts the whiskey out of his reach.

His eyes roll over a little and he licks his lips. “Okay, Mother,” he replies sarcastically and Lena just shoots him an exasperated look.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“Nothing happened,” Lex answers and Lena sighs until he continues. “No, really.”

He leans forward, sitting up and clasping his hands between his knees. His tie swings down and a curl of his hair tumbles forward on his forehead. “Clark is a good guy, you know? Like the best guy I know. I get it.”

“So…” Lena ventures a guess. “This...girl?” She pauses to confirm and Lex just gives her a droll look. “Okay so this girl that you’ve been seeing. She left you for Clark?”

Lex laughs, falls back in the chair with a thud and Lena wishes he were sober so she could get a grip on this conversation. Then again, if he were sober she doubts they’d be talking about it at all.

“I left her actually,” Lex says with this haughty smirk that seems all out of place.

“You left her for Clark?” Lena tries and Lex laughs again.

“Do you know who Clark is?” He asks and she doesn’t, but she thinks it’s more a setup question than an actual one. “He’s this great wholesome perfect American boy. Good guy Clark. Who wouldn’t fall in love with Mr. Perfect?”

He says it in what she’s sure is supposed to come off as sarcastic or mocking, but Lena can read the actual respect, maybe even love that Lex holds for this mystery man. “And do you know what I am?”

“Lex,” she says softly because she starts to sense where this is going and her chest aches for the pain in her brother’s eyes.

“I’m Lex Luthor,” he tells her, voice dripping with disdain as he says his last name. “I’m the genius billionaire golden child of Lionel and Lillian Luthor and I love my work more than I could ever love anything else.”

“That’s not true,” Lena tells him seriously, leans forward a little to get him to hear her.

“Isn’t it?” His eyes narrow critically, lips thin. “We’re the Luthor children, Lena,” he tells her again, like she’s going to forget any time soon. “Our sole purpose on this Earth is furthering our family’s legacy. You and me.”

“You’re sounding too much like Mom,” Lena says in a soft careful voice, not knowing how to help him. 

“Mom has a point,” Lex says with a shrug of his shoulder and that’s when she knows Lex is too far gone to be rational.

“You’re drunk,” Lena deadpans.

With a sloppy grin, Lex shrugs. “Doesn’t make me wrong.”

“We’re more than just our last name, Lex.”

He nods slowly, looks away with a sad twist to his lips. “I loved her,” he says and it takes Lena to realize they’re back to mystery girl and not still talking about their mother. “I loved her as much as I’m capable of.”

A twist of guilt digs deeper. All the times they’d talked about Kara, about Lena’s love life and her fears and everything and not once had she thought Lex might be going through the same thing. “But you left her,” she says softly and he smiles. The kind of smile Lena knows hides pain.

“Better to leave someone before they can do the leaving,” he says sagely and Lena thinks there’s red rimmed in his eyes, but she doesn’t think she’s ever seen her brother cry. Isn’t sure she’d know what to do if he starts now.

“Why does anyone have to do the leaving?”

His smile deepens, darkness swirling in his eyes. “They’ll all leave in the end,” he says with such dramaticism to his tone that she almost laughs. “I’d rather be the one that leaves than the one that gets left.”

“That’s hyperbolic.”  

He rolls his eyes, ignores her statement. “I left her so she can be happy and go off with the most perfect of all humans, Clark. Clark who gets the girl and the happiness and everything and -” he laughs again. “He was my best friend.”

Lena’s throat feels thick with empathy for her brother. “Let me get you some water,” she murmurs. “Maybe some food.”

“No,” he says when she gets up to move and he reaches out to grab her wrist, keep her there. “Can you just stay for a bit?”

With sad eyes she tries to smile reassuringly, grips at the hand holding onto her arm and sits back down. “Of course.”

In the morning, after Lena makes sure Lex wakes up to a bottle of aspirin and a large Gatorade, her brother is all apologies and has only vague recollections of their conversation.

Lena doesn’t have the heart to drag him through it all over again and he looks leagues better than he had the night before. His hair is back to being immaculate, tie in a perfect knot and suit tailored to perfection. He buys her lunch at her favorite restaurant in Metropolis and acts like nothing is wrong.

Lena lets him.

--

Her apartment isn’t as swarmed with press as she had thought it might be and she assumes that’s largely because she up and disappeared for a week. There are only a few reporters camped out, a few flashes that go off as she dodges them and ducks inside her building.

She isn’t there for long, just to drop her bag off and change into something more appropriate for heading into L Corp.

It’s late afternoon, but she knows her inbox has to be overflowing with things she needs to take care of and based on the three hundred notifications on her phone, all from today, she’s sure even her team of secretaries haven’t been able to handle everything.

By the time she gets to L Corp the evening security shift is just coming on and the man at the desk shoots her a surprised smile when he sees her, waving her through the checkpoint with a, “Welcome back, Miss Luthor.”

There’s very little of her looking forward to having to spend the next few days putting out fires and facing the fallout of her confrontation with her mother, but there is undeniably still a part of her that feels better just walking into this building, her heels clicking with authority against the floor. Painful as it may be, stressful as it may be, this is an area she knows how to navigate. She knows the players and the rules and has rarely felt out of her depth here.

Jess is at her desk when she gets up to her office and she sends Lena a relieved smile the minute she sees her, standing up. “Miss Luthor, so good to see you.”

“I’m sure,” Lena says with a wry smile. She hikes her bag higher on her shoulder and takes a deep breath. “I’m going to go through my inbox, catch up on what I’ve missed. I’d appreciate not being bothered.”

“Of course, Miss Luthor,” Jess replies and Lena sends her a warm smile.

“Thanks, Jess.”

There’s a pile of files waiting for her on her desk, including a stack of cards detailing all of the phone calls she missed over the past week. It’s overwhelming, but she has to start somewhere and with a deep sigh she sits down at her chair and pulls the stack over.

It takes her hours, but she puts a dent in the paperwork she’s behind on and responds to as many messages as possible before she feels like she might pass out at her desk. She packs up whatever work she can bring home and spends another two hours in her bedroom cleaning out her inbox and checking up on the progress of a few projects.

There are about ten different letters and messages from her legal team as well as her mother’s, and she knows one of them is a notification of the court dates, but she can’t think about that yet.

Kara texts her somewhere around three in the morning: hope you’re okay. sleep well, Lena. She doesn’t bother texting back, but the text brings some measure of comfort after a long, tiring day of phone calls and emails and panicked investors.

She falls into a restless sleep eventually surrounded by a scattering of papers and her laptop still open and glowing into the dim light of her room.

--

In the morning, Lena forgets for a second where she is. For half of a second, she thinks she’s in the hotel room on Earth-1, and that Kara is going to come striding in with a cup of coffee and a smile. She blinks awake and stretches the ache out of her shoulders and neck for sleeping in an awkward hunched over position.

With a heavy sigh she pulls herself out of bed and mentally preps herself for another day of playing catch up. She’s walking into the lobby of L Corp when she gets a text and her heart flutters a little to see Kara’s name pop up on the screen. The unanswered text from last night floats above a new one on her screen.

is it bad that i kind of miss jitters? the text reads and Lena smiles fondly at thinking of the local coffee shop they frequented in Earth-1’s Central City.

Before she steps into her elevator she types out a quick why would that be bad?

The response comes as she’s sitting down at her desk. isn’t it kind of mean to noonan’s?

A laugh drops out of her before she can stop it and the tense feeling she’s had since waking up starts to ebb, just a little. I don’t think coffee shops have feelings.

It’s a quick interaction, but it’s easy and lacks the kind of emotional depth that their last meeting had. She hasn’t seen Kara since they came through the breach, but the casual way Kara slipped back into their text conversations as if nothing’s changed makes Lena feel like she can breathe a little easier.

--

As Lena plunges herself into damage control at L Corp, Christmas season falls over National City like a blanket of green and red and white lights. It largely escapes her attention until a memo about the annual Luthor Family Fundraising Gala passes her desk - a Christmas tradition as much as she’s ever had one.

Lex is in prison and her mother is on her way there. Holding the gala seems pointless to some degree, but she hates the idea it would look like she’s admitting defeat, surrendering her family’s name and reputation.

After a moment’s consideration she sends a quick email to her assistant and drafts a short memo about changing the name and purpose of the gala - L Corp instead of Luthor Family and New Year’s instead of Christmas - as well as revising the guest list. It’s a gamble to do something so drastic this close to the date of the event, but she never got anywhere by playing it safe.

It’s late into the evening when a knock interrupts her part of the way through responding to an e-mail about a weekly development meeting.

Jess walks in and Lena startles a little, suddenly remembering she’s kept her secretary here so late. “Jess please go home, you don’t have to be there.”

With an indulgent smile, Jess ignores the directive completely and walks a little closer to Lena’s desk. “A Winn Schott is here to see you. I told him you didn’t want to be disturbed, but he was insistent. He said you were expecting him?”

Brows pulling down, Lena closes her laptop and sits up a little. “Send him in.”

Jess retreats and soon after Winn walks into her office looking hesitant and holding a white plastic bag. Standing, Lena tilts her head to the side, a quizzical smile on her face. “Hello, Winn. What can I do for you?”

“Hey,” he says with a little wave before walking towards her. “Sorry, I know it’s super late.”

“Not at all,” she says and gestures towards a chair opposite her desk before taking her own.

“Kara sent me,” Winn replies and Lena feels a smile pull across her face unbidden. “With food.”

In the week since they’ve been back on Earth-38, Kara and Lena have barely had a chance to see each other. But Lena has grown used to the rhythmic nature of their texts, has settled back into expecting Kara’s odd, off-topic greeting in the mornings, and the even stranger late night commentary on things happening in the city or questions about Lena’s day. It reminds her, the littlest bit, of the summer they spent apart in college. It’s a comfort in a complicated time at L Corp, and Kara is reaching even further to ease her with this.

Lena arches a brow as he sets the bag on her desk and takes a seat. “Food?”

“I believe she called it ‘no pressure vegetable chow mein’ and told me to make sure I emphasized the no pressure part,” he answers.

Lena laughs a little. “Just because?”

Winn shrugs. “I’m just the delivery boy.”

“She didn’t have to do that,” Lena says, but she tugs the bag closer and peers inside. The smell alone is making her mouth water and she realizes quite abruptly that it’s been hours since she last ate. She wonders if Kara had known somehow, or if she had simply predicted. “Neither did you.”

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he says with a dismissive wave.

“Can you please inform my ridiculous girlfriend that she doesn’t need to send her friends to bring me food and if she does it herself it doesn’t feel like pressure?” It’s meant mostly as a joke, but Winn doesn’t laugh and after a second she realizes what she’s said. A glance at Winn, who has a slack jawed wide-eyed look about him, lets her know he heard it loud and clear.

It’s a testament to her years of practice in not visibly reacting to anything that she doesn’t so much as flinch when she rewinds the sentence in her head. Girlfriend doesn’t have to mean anything. Women call girls that are their friend girlfriend all the time.

It was the kind of slip that Lena was certain would provoke a few pokes and prods from a therapist, but right now - there’s no room to confront what her subconscious and mouth have just combined together to do. She’s had so little time to think about her and Kara’s relationship and its future, and has simply reveled in the companionship Kara’s given her without pressure. But as always when it comes to the two of them, something is hovering under the surface.

There’s absolutely zero way her sentence could be construed in a friends way, judging by Winn’s face, but she forces her expression to remain neutral as Winn gapes at her in the hopes he’ll become convinced he hallucinated it.

“I’ll - I’ll let her know,” he finally croaks out, still looking completely bowled over.

They both sit there for a bit in only slightly uncomfortable silence before Lena realizes she needs to do something before the memory of what she said is the only thing Winn walks away with. There’s been something nagging at her brain for a few weeks now and it’s no better time than any to bring it up. “Actually, it’s good that you’re here. I was hoping you could take a look at something.”

Surprise pulls across his face, but he sits forward a little. “Really?”

“Yes,” she answers succinctly before standing up. “Come with me.”

She walks towards her office door turning only when he doesn’t follow right away. He has a worried expression on his face as he glances between the bag of food on her desk and her face. “Kara kind of made it really clear that I make sure you eat the no pressure chow mein.”

With a touch of exasperation, Lena laughs, raises her eyes to the ceiling and gestures for Winn to follow her. “It will keep. And I won’t tell her if you won’t.”

He looks torn for a moment long before conceding and following after her quickly, a wide smile on his face.

--

After getting Winn the requisite security clearance and fitting him with a visitor’s badge, they make their way down to the labs at the basement of the building and Lena watches Winn’s wide-eyed stare around the room with growing affection for Kara’s best friend.

The minute they make it through the door Winn shoots away from her towards a nearby desk and stands in front of a small display of computer monitors that light up the minute he gets close. “This is face activated isn’t it?” he breathes out as the computer runs through a scan of his head.

Lena crosses her arms and watches him with a bemused smile. “It is,” she answers.

“I read a rumor about this. That you’re not just tracking points on a face, but scanning about seven layers deeper than that. I heard it’s part of a larger robotics program, like you’re going to have sentient robots in every household.”

“I’d love to talk about it,” Lena says, and she glances over to see Lana Lang walking her direction. “But that’s not what we’re down here for.”

“Right, yeah, of course,” he says walking slowly backward and waving at the computer.  

“Miss Luthor,” Lana greets when she gets close enough and Winn turns to step up back next to Lena. “I’d say that you’re here late, but I think that’s becoming our thing.”

Lena laughs warmly, but Winn just looks between them, a little confused, so Lena introduces them. “Lana, this is Winn Schott,” she says and then pauses a moment before adding, “A friend of mine.”

It’s a strange sentence for her mouth to form, but she pushes through it and Winn looks so suddenly pleased that Lena can’t help the way a smile takes hostage of her face. “Nice to meet you,” he says, shaking her hand.

“Can I help you guys with anything?” Lana asks and Lena shakes her head, puts a warm hand at Lana’s arm and squeezes in a friendly gesture.

“No, we’re fine. I just wanted Winn to take a look at something. Fresh pair of eyes and all that.”

“Of course,” Lana says with a polite smile for both of them. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Lana,” Lena says before stepping past her towards a back hallway that leads to their more secure workstations.

Inside a room at the end of the hallway that requires a triple security check holds some of the projects Lena keeps most private. The room only opens to a scan of her own DNA and Winn watches with some fascination as she presses her hand to the small device on the wall.

“Is this where you hold the keys to a proton cannon or something?” Winn asks when they step inside. “Because that would be cool.”

She laughs, arches an eyebrow at him and he just smiles. “Not exactly.”

The room is fairly large, and she leads him towards the back where a long table holds the plans to something she’s been working on ever since she came to National City and saw Kara again.

With a deep breath, she inputs a few commands and a hologram of a suit pops up. “Kara mentioned that you built her suit,” she says and Winn’s eyes roam over the information Lena’s displaying. “I was hoping you’d be open to suggestion.”

“No way,” Winn breathes, stepping forward as Lena pulls up a few different schematics for some ideas she’s had. “You and me, you mean? Working on Kara’s suit?”

Lena shrugs. “I just had some thoughts.”

A moment of silence happens and Winn’s face looks tight with something before he breaks out into a wide, enthusiastic grin and extends his fist towards her. “Science bros!”

Perplexed, Lena just sort of stares at his fist for a moment, but his smile never falters and he just wags his fist around like she’s supposed to do something with it. Intuition tells her this is akin to a high five and she hits her own fist lightly against his. It only makes him smile wider, triumph lighting up in his eyes.

She laughs and so does he and it feels so easy.

--

Later, after she and Winn have spent a few companionable hours toiling away in the lab, Lena texts Kara to thank her for the food.

You didn’t have to do that, she sends.

It takes Kara a bit to respond, but when she does it’s a pointed, i hope you ate it or winn is in trouble.

Lena wavers on a reply for a few seconds before sending if you’re worried about such a thing you should do the delivery yourself. She waits a moment longer before adding a no pressure.

The response is immediate and Lena smiles a little at Kara’s okay i will accompanied by three smiley faces.

--

It’s a random Thursday afternoon when she hears what she thinks is laughter coming from outside her very thick office doors and she sends a puzzled look at them for a long while.

When the laughter comes not just once, but more than five times, Lena gets up to investigate who is standing outside her office hosting a comedy of show of some kind and is greeted by the image of her ex-girlfriend standing in front of her assistant’s desk. The two of them laughing at some apparently hilarious joke.

Jess notices her immediately and startles, sitting up in her chair and wiping the smile off her face so quickly that Lena feels a twinge of guilt that she interrupted the happy moment. Kara however, doesn’t stop smiling. If anything, her expression grows when she looks at Lena.

“Hi,” Kara says brightly.

“Are you here to see me?” Lena asks slowly.

Kara grins. “Duh.”

“Sorry, Miss Luthor,” Jess adds. “I was just about to send her in.”

“It’s no problem, Jess,” Lena replies with a shake of her head. She feels a little foolish now that she’s come out here, but Kara steps forward with a warm expression.

“Jess was telling me about this place called Lulu’s that has a burger made with grilled cheese as the buns,” Kara says, in a nearly reverent tone. “It’s also got fries and cheese curds on it and if you can finish it you get your meal for free and a t-shirt.”

In a natural reaction, Lena lets out a soft chuckle and rolls her eyes fondly. She looks at Jess. “Do me a favor, and don’t tell her such things. You’re not the one that has to watch her eat it.”

It seems to make Jess relax a little and she puts her hands up in front of her. “Of course not, Miss Luthor. Never again.”

Lena backs up into her office door to open it and gestures for Kara to walk inside even as her ex-girlfriend lets out a grumbled, “No one told you you had to watch me do amazing things.”

Jess laughs at that and so does Lena and they share a quick smile before Lena follows Kara into her office.

“What’s up?” Lena asks as Kara walks over to the couch and sits down. It’s only then that she notices a brown paper bag in her hand.

“I come with food,” Kara says with a grin.

Lena quirks a brow. “More no pressure chow mein?”

“No pressure burgers this time,” Kara corrects and Lena sighs.

“You’re atrocious for my diet. Not everyone has your metabolism nor your lead lined stomach.”

With an affectionate laugh, Kara pulls out a foil wrapped item and looks at Lena knowingly. “I didn’t just meet you, you know,” she says with a touch of exasperation. “I got you a black bean burger instead.”

“Oh,” Lena says with a little laugh. She walks forward and takes the offered item before sitting down on her couch next to Kara. “Well, in that case.”

Kara frowns a little, distaste twisting in her lips as Lena unwraps her food. “And you say that I’m the one that’s gross to watch eat.”

They share a companionable silence for a moment, as Kara takes the food out and hands over napkins and condiments.

“So what’s the occasion?” Lena asks after a minute of unwrapping the food and setting things out on the coffee table. “First you send Winn with food and now this? Are you actually afraid I’ll forget to eat or something?”

Kara shrugs. “No, just wanted to,” she says. “You said I could come by with no pressure foods of my own.”

“Well, thank you,” Lena says softly and Kara smiles so prettily that Lena has to look away.

It feels a lot like college and, once again, Lena’s reminded of the limbo she’s somehow put them into. The feeling of Kara when they pressed together in their hotel room on Earth-1 still lingers in her memories, still haunts her late at night when she dreams. The attraction that has always been between them has seemed to only intensify, even though they’ve hardly seen each other since they got back. Sometimes, Kara will send a text before Lena goes to sleep, and she just desperately wants. It’s terrifying, all over again, how badly she wants Kara Danvers - and it’s made worse by knowing what she’s missing.

The knowledge that she has to do something about this chips away at her sanity. They can’t stay in this undefined area forever. Lena has to make a decision.

It’s just hard to remember all her reasons for keeping them apart when Kara is smiling at her a few feet away while she munches on french fries. They felt like thin reasons before. Now, after all they’ve been through recently, they feel mostly ridiculous.

“How has your week been?” Kara asks around a mouthful of food and Lena shrugs a little.

“A lot of lawyers,” she says wryly and Kara gives her a sympathetic look.

“Stuff with your mom?”

Lena nods, sets her food down on the table in front of her and dusts her hands off. “Her trial is set for after the holidays, but her lawyers and mine have been in and out constantly. Trying to set up witness lists, square away discovery.”

“Are you going to testify?” Kara asks and Lena leans back on the couch, crosses her legs and looks out the wide bank of windows across the office.

“Yes,” she answers simply and when she looks over, Kara’s setting her food down, leaning back against the couch and facing Lena.

“Is that what you want to do or something you think you have to do?” Kara asks softly and if it were anyone else Lena might scoff at the question.

“I want her to answer for what she did,” Lena says and when Kara doesn’t say anything for a moment she adds, “But she’s still my mom. As much as I ever had one.”

Kara reaches out across the couch to touch Lena’s shoulder, a warm palm sliding over the fabric of her shirt there and Lena sags into it just a bit, sighing through a dry smile. “Can we talk about something else?” Lena asks and Kara smiles sympathetically.

“Of course,” Kara says, taking her hand back and Lena nearly leans towards it to chase the contact. “Though I don’t have anything interesting to talk about. My week has been seriously boring.”

“Really?” Lena asks, a tad surprised. “No big bad for Supergirl?” 

“Nope,” Kara answers with a shrug. “And Snapper’s got me doing fluff pieces mostly. Holiday season I think. Everyone is being good and boring.”

Lena laughs a little. “When you think of what could be considered interesting in our lives that might be a good thing.”

Kara laughs too, smiles. “Very true,” Kara says softly. “Kind of like we brought a little of Earth-1 back with us.”

“Are you forgetting we went to Earth-1 to stop a large scale alien invasion?”

“No,” Kara says with a roll of her eyes. “But you know that’s not what I meant.”

That feeling doesn’t have to stay here, she remembers Kara saying and in that moment Lena’s sure the feeling came with them.

A decision, she thinks wryly as Kara hands her a french fry and an easy smile. Her mind scoffs at her. It’s becoming more and more obvious that there isn’t much of a decision to make. It’s clearly more a matter of accepting something her heart has been trying to tell her for years.

“I know,” Lena says and Kara gives her a crooked grin that skips across Lena’s heart.

--

The decision to take over Luthor Corp wasn’t so much a decision as something Lena just did. It seemed natural after all. A Luthor had to be in charge and with her mother all but washing her hands of the company after Lex was convicted, it left only one person really capable of filling the position.

The decision to move HQ to National City takes a bit longer to come to.

Moving out of Metropolis has to happen. The city is far too tied into the company. Her brother’s reputation is at the forefront of just about every resident’s mind, shadowing Luthor Corp’s public image with his madness. The company is never going to recover in Metropolis - Lena knows that, the Daily Planet’s rabid reporters know that, and so does her board of executives. Even Jack knows, though he’s barely spoken to her since she’s taken over the company and withdrawn herself from his life.

She holds meeting after meeting to decide the most viable option and tries oh so very hard to avoid the obvious choice.

National City.

It’s on the other side of the country from Metropolis, they already have corporate property there and a wealth of other subsidiaries are located nearby. It’s the perfect fit.

It’s also where Kara, and now Supergirl, live.

(She learned this two years ago because of a random phone call from CatCo shortly after Lex was arrested. Lena received a message that Cat Grant was looking to set up an interview and frankly, getting a call from the Queen of All Media wasn’t something Lena could readily ignore. If she was going to be answering questions, she might as well answer them from the best, and not from the sanctimonious Clark Kent at the Planet.

So she returns the call casually one afternoon only to feel her heart stumble at the clear, bright voice that picks up the phone.

“Cat Grant’s office, how can I help you?”  

There’s no introduction, but there needn’t be and Lena curses herself for not letting Jess set the phone call up instead so she could have avoided this. Lena feels frozen and apart from a quick sharp inhale, she makes no noise. It doesn’t matter though, Lena knows she’s making noises her human hearing can’t detect, but someone else’s can.

And when the voice comes back, Kara’s voice comes back, it’s hesitant and somehow knowing in its tone. “Hello?”

Lena slams the phone back down before anything else can be said and tells Jess she won’t be doing any interviews about Lex’s arrest. If anyone from CatCo calls, she doesn’t want to hear about it.)

So Kara is in National City and Lena’s faced with the decision of moving her family’s entire company that direction. It’s juvenile that Kara’s presence there is what deters her from making the best choice immediately. Even though her mother’s left the board and has absconded off somewhere to grieve, Lena can feel her taunting voice in the back of her mind, reminding her that Luthors can’t be bogged down by small people problems. Her ambition should override her apprehension, but it’s still there, like a rock in her heart.

It’s a big city, she tries to tell herself. Kara might not even work at CatCo anymore. She might be a permanent superhero now, only let out in the night hours to fight crime and do good.

She tells herself to stop thinking so much with her heart and stick to matters of the brain. This is the right move for Luthor Corp (soon to be L Corp) and her own personal drama shouldn’t stand in the way of that.

It shouldn’t matter at all - it had been years since she had said goodbye to Kara in that airport, and though it was rare for her to go a day without thinking of Kara or, now, Supergirl, it was silly. Kara Danvers is part of her past. A fond part, sure, but the past is meant to stay there.

When she finally delivers her decision to the board, she’s pleased at the reaction she gets. Part of her expected a bit of a fight, but most of them seem somewhat impressed and it pumps confidence behind her decision that she didn’t have before.

A week later she has an apartment and her Metropolis penthouse, the one she’s lived in for three years, is already on the market.

She tells Jack as soon as the decision is made - doesn’t want him to hear it in the news. He’s not shocked, but there’s anger simmering just beneath his sad smile and Lena aches at the sight of it. It doesn’t seem to stop him from offering to help her pack and that only makes her feel worse.

“You’re too good to me, Jack,” she confesses when he comes over with a stack of packing boxes and other supplies.

He smiles the same crooked grin he’s been giving her for years, but it’s sadder than it usually is. “When are you going to learn that there’s no such thing?”

They work methodically. Most of her bigger items are being handled by a moving company and some of it is either being donated or sold with the penthouse. She and Jack focus on her more private items, the things stored in her bedroom and deep in her closet.

In the midst of clearing out one of Lena’s bookshelves, Jack stops, a copy of A Brave New World in his hand. “You know. You don’t have to do this. You don’t owe it to anyone. Least of all your family.”

She turns from where she’s kneeling near her bedside table, sorting through a drawer there. “I’m not doing it out of duty, Jack,” she tells him.

“You’re telling me this has nothing to do with your family?” Jack asks and he drops the book in his hand in the box in front of him. “Moving all the way across the country? Leaving Metropolis and the entire life you’ve built here. The life we’ve built?”

Lena stands, faces him. Doesn’t know how to tell him that this is old hat for her. Uprooting a life she’s built is something she’s done before and this time it won’t hurt nearly as bad as it had before. “I’m not going to just up and leave my family’s company twisting in the wind,” she says quietly, willing him silently to understand.

“You don’t have to run Luthor Corp, Lena. You could stay here. Work with me at Spheerical on Biomax,” he pleads and she feels heat start to build behind her eyes, guilt twisting in her gut. “We could change the world together, Lena. You know that.”

Lena’s lips purse, knows there’s truth to what he’s saying, but it doesn’t sway her in the slightest when it comes to the decision she’s made. They’ve been debating this in some manner for the past few days and Lena doesn’t know how to get him to understand.

Tightening her ponytail, she turns away from her bedside table and walks into her expansive closet, observing what’s left there. She sighs when she feels him follow her and he leans up against the door frame.

“I’m a Luthor, Jack,” Lena says. “That hasn’t changed. I’m the only one that can captain the sinking ship that is my family’s legacy right now and I plan to do so.”

“You are not responsible for your family’s legacy.”

She starts to shift some of the boxes she had already packed in the closet and shoves them towards the door where he’s standing. “It’s not about responsibility,” she tells him with a clenched jaw and when she hands him a box to set outside with the others she maybe shoves a little harder than necessary.

Breath pushes out of him with the motion and he shoots her a pointed look. “I don’t understand why you have to leave, I’m sorry.” He sets the box outside and looks back at her, reacts to her skeptical expression. “I am. I mean, do you even want to be doing this?” 

There’s a question hidden there that Lena can sense. Jack is finally asking what he really wants to know - is he worth less to her than her family’s company, her family’s legacy, her own career.

Lena doesn’t have a simple answer to that. She loves Jack. Even if it’s not in the same way he loves her. He’s been nothing but supportive and steady and he’s filled a portion of a void inside her heart that she thought could never be touched again. He’s her best friend at this point and the only stabilizing influence in the insanity that’s been plaguing her for the last year.

But the hard truth of it is that none of that is going to stop her from moving to National City. None of it is going to stop her from leaving him behind.

She thinks of Kara for a moment, thinks of her face in the regional airport close to four years ago and thinks that if that wasn’t going to stop her back then, Jack certainly wasn’t going to now.

“I do want to,” she answers in a soft but firm voice and she watches Jack’s shoulders deflate. He shakes his head, but steps further into her closet with a sigh.

“Okay,” he says and it’s with a resigned shrug of his shoulders. With a deep breath he scans the closet in front of them. “What else needs to go?”  

She starts pulling more boxes out, taping up a few that were left open and after a few more minutes of handing off boxes to Jack and giving him instructions, she stumbles upon it.

She’s been meaning to get to it, but her Kara box is sitting in the corner, dusty and untouched for years. The sight of it pulls her breath in abruptly and she feels frozen, incapable of doing anything other than stand over the box and stare down at it. It’s a nondescript box and there’s no indication as to what’s inside, but Lena knows what is. There’s a telltale bump in the packing tape from when her shaky hands couldn’t quite get it to go straight in her haste to pack everything up.

She stares at it for long enough that she doesn’t notice Jack come up behind her until he wraps his arms around her waist, ducking his head into her neck. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to make you feel worse about this.”

Her fingers twist with his own large ones where they’re settling over her stomach and she tries to laugh. “You’re fine. I know this is hard.”

“For both of us,” Jack murmurs and Lena just blinks watery eyes at the box on the ground.

“Yeah,” she says softly. 

“What’s in that?” Jack asks after a moment, his chin jutting out from Lena’s shoulder towards the box.

“Some stuff from college,” is all Lena can think to answer and he straightens a bit.

“The classic ex box?” He asks in a way that almost sounds like it’s funny and Lena jumps a bit at the idea of being so easily read. He laughs, jostles her in his arms a little. “Oh come on, that’s literally the only thing you ever talk about when it comes to college. What else would it be?”

“I should probably get rid of it,” Lena says though just the idea of that burns uncomfortably in her throat. “I just can’t.” 

“I burned the one I had for my high school girlfriend. She was the worst.”

Lena laughs as he lets her go and turns her around to face him, a teasing grin on her face. She tries not to wonder if Jack will have a Lena box and if he’ll burn that one too. “I’m not going to burn it.”

Jack shrugs. “Just a thought.”

Lena abandons the box in question in the closet and tugs Jack back out into the bedroom, decides to focus her efforts on finishing her bookshelves and some of her more personal items. They work in companionable silence for a long while.

“I’m sorry,” Jack says eventually, soft and sincere. “I really don’t mean to make this harder for you.”

“It’s okay,” Lena says, shrugging and walking over to put a palm against his cheek. He’s looking at her softly, a small smile quirking on his lips. “It means you care.”

He scoffs, smirking with that teasing wrinkle around his eyes. “Care? I would never,” he says, and it makes her laugh.

A week later, when he hugs her goodbye at the private air hangar she’s procured to leave the city, he tells her to say hi to Supergirl for him in what’s clearly meant as a joke. They both laugh and she rolls her eyes if only to keep herself from reacting any other way to the reminder that the plane waiting for her is only going to take her closer to Kara.

“I’m sorry, Jack,” she says when they pull apart and she’s not sure exactly what she’s apologizing for, but there’s understanding in the sad smile Jack gives her.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he tells her with such sincerity that Lena finds herself believing it. “Have fun conquering another city.”

She kisses him goodbye, hugs him again and holds him close for a long moment just inhaling against the familiar and comforting scent of him. “I’ll miss you,” she murmurs.

“Me too,” he says before letting him go.

Despite the fear and anxiety that grips a hold of her heart as she boards the plane, leaving Metropolis for National City feels a lot less like running from something and a whole lot like moving forward.

--

On a random Saturday afternoon she full on runs into Kara. Actually runs into her.

She’s been back in National City for months now, has never seen Kara randomly once and then it just happens. It’s in a liquor store not far from her building and as she rapidly turns the corner onto the pinot noir aisle, focused on answering an email on her phone, she smacks into Kara’s side.

At first she’s sure she’s hit a wall until a familiar pair of arms are holding her up by the waist and for a moment, she feels as if she’s a teenager again in the main floor of the science building outside a small coffee shop.

“Hi,” Kara says and unlike the first time this happened, she doesn’t let Lena go right away. They stay interlocked, Lena pressed into Kara’s body by strong hands at her hips. It’s hard to not mind when Kara’s face is stretching wide with a smile.

“Hi,” she repeats blinking surprised eyes at Kara and trying to catch her breath.

After another moment of staring at each other, Kara slowly lets her go, but doesn’t take a step back, her body heat reaching easily through Lena’s coat. “This feels familiar,” Kara says in low tone that can only be described as intimate. Lena’s cheeks feel a little warm at the sound of it.

With a gentle clearing of her throat, she shifts a little to put some space between them. “What are you doing here?”

Kara adjusts her glasses and it brings unneeded attention to the bracelet on her wrist. Lena swallows and moves her gaze away. “I’m going to Alex’s for dinner tonight and I wanted to get something to bring over,” Kara answers and Lena’s brow furrows.

“At this liquor store?”

“Yes,” Kara says slowly, her eyes looking away and smiling sheepishly.

“You live across town.”

“I was in the neighborhood,” Kara says and Lena wants to laugh. Technically, Kara is in every neighborhood always considering the speed with which she can travel.

“Sure.”

“This is the only place that carries Alex’s favorite wine,” Kara adds, reaching in front of her and grabbing ahold of a bottle. Lena raises a skeptical eyebrow that makes Kara chew a little on her bottom lip.

“Right.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Just stocking up,” Lena says and she pulls her trench coat a little tighter around her waist. “My lawyers are bleeding me dry of my office scotch and I keep drinking all my home scotch.”

“Can’t have that,” Kara says, laughing, and she turns suddenly, holding the bottle of wine and heading off further down the aisle, toward the whisky and scotch aisle. Lena follows after her, bumping into Kara’s arm companionably. “I don’t know how anyone can drink that stuff. It tastes like antifreeze.”

“There’s no accounting for taste,” Lena says, and Kara gasps, looking affronted at the insult. Lena reaches upwards on the shelf to grab ahold of the bottle she needs when they arrive, and Kara places a hand on the small of her back to stabilize her. It feels like fire, right through her coat.

God, she really should devote some time to thinking about this, before she runs into Kara on the street and somehow ends up in Kara’s bed.

Kara straightens a little. “Hey! Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?”  

“Sorry?” Lena asks, juggling the three scotch bottles she’s procured from the top shelf. Kara takes one out of her hand, and it becomes much easier to manage as they walk their way toward the front of the store.

“Do you want to come with me to Alex’s?” It’s an earnest question that Lena almost says yes immediately too before she remembers herself.

“I don’t want to intrude on sister time,” Lena replies and she glances over to where a man is scanning the cabernet sauvignon on the other side of the aisle. He looks at her, clearly recognizing who she is and Lena can’t help the way she shifts a bit, uses Kara’s body to block his line of sight. The blatant staring has become more and more prevalent as news increases about her mother’s trial. It reminds her too much of when Lex first got arrested.

“It’s not sister time,” Kara replies and she looks over her shoulder at the man. Whatever Kara’s face looks like, the man doesn’t linger on it long before scurrying to another aisle. “Maggie will be there.”

“Oh,” Lena says and Kara looks back with a half smile that looks more irritated than happy.

“Yeah.” Kara rolls her eyes. “I’m a total third wheel, but Alex really wants me and Maggie to get along.”

“Do you not get along?”

Kara shrugs, turns over the bottle of wine in her hand and traces the label. “We do, for the most part. It’s just Alex and I have been kind of weird since they started dating and I don’t know. I could use a buffer. If you’re interested.”

Lena’s not really sure what to say. It sounds suspiciously like a double date and though Lena feels weak to the uncomfortable way Kara talked about the dinner she also isn’t sure it’s something they should be doing.

Apparently, however, Kara is a mind reader because the next thing she says is a hasty, “Not like a date. No pressure.”

It’s not like she has other Saturday night plans other than finishing some work and ordering takeout. “Okay,” she says and Kara brightens so quickly that Lena’s heart feels light.

“Yeah?”

“As long as it’s okay with Alex. I don’t want to intrude.”

“Maggie’s the one that’s intruding,” Kara grumbles and Lena’s brow furrows a little.

“Did Maggie do something to you?” Lena asks, tilting her head a little to keep eye contact with Kara.

“What? No,” Kara denies but it sounds overly hasty and draped in feigned dismissiveness.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Kara sighs. “So you’ll come to dinner?”

Lena only hesitates a few more seconds. “If you’re sure Alex won’t mind.”

With bright eyes, Kara shakes her head so rapidly Lena almost loses track of the motion and she laughs. The man at the register looks up at the noise, and his eyes linger on Lena’s face as she hands over her scotch. He stops staring when Kara clears her throat and sends a heavy glare his way, handing over Lena’s last bottle. He doesn’t look up once through either of their transactions, actually, and it makes Lena laugh, that Kara Danvers has finally managed to cultivate a scary expression.

“I’ll pick you up at six,” is all Kara says, once they get outside, before she presses a kiss to Lena’s cheek and speeds away, into the late afternoon of National City.

--

“Maggie’s not here yet,” is all Alex says to them when they show up at her door. Kara shrugs and pushes past Alex into the apartment and Lena smiles, hands over the bottle of wine to Alex - it only marginally shifts the frown on her face.

“She’s late?” Kara asks, heading to Alex’s kitchen and beginning to open cabinets. Alex follows in her direction and picks up a corkscrew, the two of them working to pour three glasses of wine without so much as a word about it to each other.

“Got caught finishing paperwork,” Alex answers.

“That’s never fun,” Lena adds with a wry smile for both sisters. Alex hands her a glass of wine and Kara smiles.

“What are you making?” Kara asks, looking at the oven. She tips her glasses down her nose and answers the question herself. “Lasagna? Like...Eliza’s lasagna?”

Alex shrugs, takes a sip of her wine. “Yes.”

Kara licks out against her lips and Lena smiles at a vague memory of eating leftovers in college. “Awesome. You made two of them.”

“One of them is heavily modified,” Alex replies, a disgusted curl to her nose suddenly. “Maggie’s vegan.”

Kara looks affronted by the idea, but smothers the expression quickly with a, “Well that’s fine. More for me.”

Alex’s gaze narrows. “Neither of you are getting any until I’m done yelling at both of you.”

She and Kara both let out simultaneous, “What?!”

Alex is glaring from where she’s leaning forward against her kitchen island and she points at each of them with purpose. “I’ve kept my mouth shut since you got back because obviously you guys are going through something but if I ever find out you just up and left for an entirely different universe without so much as a plan or backup or…” Her expression is a threatening shadow of anger and Lena looks at Kara with wide eyes.

“Alex,” Kara starts with a disbelieving smile tugging at her lips. “We didn’t-”

“A text message, Kara,” Alex grits out, her attention slicing to her sister. “You sent me a damn text message saying you were off to another universe to help Barry and that was it!”

“We were fine!” Kara protests.

“You took a civilian to another universe on a whim without so much as a check-in with me or anyone else at the DEO.” Alex says and Lena can sense the tendril of fear that underlines the anger.

“She’s not a civilian,” Kara argues and Lena thinks to tell her that’s splitting hairs a bit, but Alex and Kara have squared off with matching glares. Lena’s not exactly eager to jump in the middle of that. “It’s Lena.”

Alex face shadows at the words.

“I expect this kind of behavior from her,” Alex says pointing at Kara and Kara’s nose curls up a little, defensively. “But you,” Alex continues, looking at Lena. “You’re supposed to be the rational one. How could you-”

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Kara interjects heatedly and she shifts a little until she’s more in front of Lena.

“Kara,” Lena says, but Alex plows through, keeps talking.

“Oh don’t do that, she’s fine,” Alex says, glowering. “She can handle it.”

“That’s not the point,” Kara retorts, puffing up a little.

“You’re right. The point is that you both made a decision to basically vacation over on another universe for a week without a second thought!”

“It wasn’t vacation,” Kara argues. “We were there to help Barry fight off an alien invasion.”

Lena clears her throat a little and looks away from where Alex is glaring at them. Sure they went to Earth-1 to help fight the Dominators, but that felt more like a side purpose for the trip. Most of the week could easily be described as vacation. They had even called it as such multiple times.

Alex’s frown deepens as if that were even possible. “What if you had died over there, Kara?! What then?! It’s not like I can just pop over to another dimension to save you.”

“I wasn’t going to die, Alex. Don’t be dramatic,” Kara waves off. 

“That’s not something you can control!” Alex retorts and Kara takes in a deep breath in preparation for something. It’s a sign this argument is about to escalate even further and Lena steps forward, puts a hand on Kara’s arm that deflates her instantly.

“We’re sorry, Alex,” she says with a placating smile. “It won’t happen again.”

Alex is tracking Lena’s hand where it’s stroking the skin of Kara’s arm and her glare almost intensifies. It makes Lena pull away a little and Alex sighs.

Before anyone else can say anything, there’s a knock at the door and the three of them jump a little.

“This isn’t over,” Alex tells them, pointing at Kara first, then Lena.

“Jeez,” Kara whispers sheepishly as Alex walks towards the door to answer it. “I didn’t know she was that mad.”

Lena retakes her grip on Kara’s arm, slides her palm down until they’re holding hands for a moment. “Not as mad as that one spring break.”

Kara groans a little at the memory and they both laugh. “That was your fault,” she accuses in a whisper.

Lena rolls her eyes. “It was your idea. Don’t go blaming me now five years later.”

They mock glare at each other until Alex clears her throat and they turn to see her standing with Maggie, a tight expression on her face that Lena’s starting to think is just how Alex looks these days.

“Maggie, right?” Lena says politely and she steps forward, away from Kara, to shake her hand. Maggie looks surprised, but she recovers with a smile, shakes Lena’s hand and nods.

“Yeah, good to see you again, Lena,” Maggie replies, gaze shifting behind Lena to Kara. “Hi, Kara.”

“Hi, Maggie,” Kara says and Lena can sense Alex’s exasperation.

The timer on the oven dings then, as if it can sense a growing tension in the room, and Kara turns quickly around.

“Let’s eat,” Alex says, hand at Maggie’s back as she leads her to the table.

--

Dinner is relatively uneventful until they’re mostly finished with the meal and have seemingly run out of the polite icebreaker types of conversation topics because Maggie picks up her glass of wine and smiles at Lena and Kara from across the table.

“So how long have you been together?” Maggie asks and Alex chokes so violently on her wine that everyone looks over. 

“Sorry,” Alex mumbles looking uncharacteristically sheepish as she wipes liquid off her chin and sets her glass down. “Wrong pipe.”

Maggie runs a palm down Alex’s back soothingly for a moment before turning back to Kara and Lena with an expectant expression, easy smile on her face.

Lena spares a glance for Kara before answering. “We’re not, actually,” she says and tries to ignore how much it feels like lying.  

The answer pulls such a quick look of surprise across Maggie’s face that Lena starts to wonder if she’ll ever be able to escape the constant assumption that she and Kara are together. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Alex answers for her with a dry tone. “Feels like they’ve been together for like seven years doesn’t it?”

When Lena looks over, Kara is glaring at her sister and Maggie’s smile is shadowing into something more confused. “Sorry,” she says with a shake of her head. “I don’t mean to be awkward. It’s just the way Alex talked about you and -” She laughs a little, looks at Lena with a touch of hesitance. “I mean there are rumors.” 

“We get it all the time,” Kara tells her with a wave of her hand and Lena’s brows pull together when she looks at Kara. Lena knows that she gets asked all the time if she’s dating Kara, but she hadn’t realized Kara was getting the same kind of questioning.

“What rumors?” Alex asks suddenly, turning to her girlfriend.

Maggie shrugs, glances at Lena again. “Nothing, just talk.”

Lena catches on and laughs a little. “That I’m gay you mean?”

The table goes a little still, which she thinks is completely ridiculous considering, and Maggie nods.

With an amused smile, Lena brushes it off. “It’s not a rumor. Nor a well kept secret.”

Maggie relaxes some at that, but the Danvers sisters seem to be locked in some kind of staring contest. “I don’t mean to bring up something unpleasant.”

“It’s hardly unpleasant,” Lena says with a tilt of her head, quizzical at the slightly uncomfortable look in Maggie’s face.

“Kara and Lena are old friends from college,” Alex suddenly says, ripping her gaze away from her sister to join the conversation. Kara takes a stab of her food and grumpily shoves it in her mouth.

“Oh,” Maggie replies, looking between them and picking her wine glass up. Her gaze seems to narrow critically, a lot like it looked the first time she met Lena. “That’s cool.”

“So, Maggie,” Kara interjects with one last hard cut of her eyes to Alex. “I hear you worked with Supergirl a few times this week.”

Alex shoots Lena an exasperated look that almost makes her laugh, but Maggie is answering before she can with a heavy sigh. “I did, yeah.”

“What was that like?” Kara asks and it’s clear that she’s preparing for some kind of praise, if the here, watch this look she gives Alex is any kind of indication.

Maggie’s lips twist a little as she considers the question. “It was fine,” she answers. “If you like the feeling of doing all the hard work and then having someone swoop in last minute and take the credit.”

“What?!” Alex and Kara both ask at the same time, turning to Maggie. On instinct, Lena’s hand drifts to Kara’s leg when she feels tension run through Kara’s body.

Maggie shrugs, her smile never wavering. “Supergirl is great,” she says though it only sounds half sincere. “But nothing can beat out good old fashioned police work. I spend weeks on a case, conducting interviews, collecting evidence, setting up stakeouts and stings and everything. Supergirl shows up last minute, punches a few guys and she’s the hero.”

“She’s just trying to help,” Kara says defensively and Alex’s gaze is darting nervously between her sister and her girlfriend. Lena understands the wary expression in Alex’s face and thinks a little of the one and only time Kara and Lex got into an argument not unlike this one.

“I don’t think Maggie is saying she isn’t,” Lena adds, squeezing Kara’s leg under her hand. Kara’s fingers grip at Lena’s and she relaxes a little. It doesn’t escape her attention that Maggie notices the motion even though it’s under the table.

“I’m not,” Maggie agrees and she takes a sip of her wine.

“Dessert,” Alex blurts out and stands. “Kara why don’t you help me out with dessert?”

Everyone else startles a bit and Kara looks at her sister for a long, very unsubtle moment before standing. “Yeah, dessert. Okay.”

That leaves Maggie and Lena to smile at each other and shrug while the Danvers sisters continue a hushed argument in the kitchen.

--

The walk home is silent, but companionable, and it’s probably the most content Lena’s been on a Saturday night in forever. At least as far as her life on Earth-38 is concerned.

As they get to the front steps of Lena’s building, they stop, and it feels so much like stopping off at Lena’s dorm room that Lena almost tugs Kara inside on instinct.

It doesn’t help that Kara lingers in the same way she would in college, hesitating in Lena’s orbit for a long moment, not saying anything and Lena heart stops with the sudden idea that maybe Kara’s working up to kiss her goodnight. That is, until Kara starts talking.

“What did you think of Maggie?” 

Lena’s brow furrows and she shrugs. “Alex seems to really like her. And Maggie seems to really like Alex. I’m happy for them.” 

“That’s not really what I asked,” Kara says and Lena feels puzzled. 

“I don’t really know Maggie,” Lena answers, and as she watches Kara’s expression something clicks in her brain. “Is this about Maggie or about Alex?”

Kara pulls a face and tries to brush the question off with an obviously forced laugh. “What? Why would it be about Alex?”

Lena hums a little. “Do you remember when we first started dating?”

Kara’s face clears, a smile taking hold suddenly and Lena reacts to it in kind. “Of course,” Kara says.

“Do you remember the big fight you and Alex had over Fourth of July when I came out to Midvale?” 

Looking away, Kara seems to consider that with a twist of her lips. “Yes.”

“You and your sister have an insane bond,” Lena says with a soft laugh. It’s hard not to think of Lex, but she manages to stay focused. “Sometimes when other people get introduced to the mix there’s an adjustment period.”

“That’s not what this is,” Kara protests, but Lena just smiles knowingly until Kara rolls her eyes.

“I just want you to know that to many people I’m mysterious and unknowable,” Kara says, and it makes Lena laugh, imagining there are people in this world who can’t read Kara’s emotions as clearly as she can. They’re all written on Kara’s face.

“Try to remember that you love your sister and that you’re happy that she’s happy,” Lena says.

“Well, obviously,” Kara says with a certain amount of petulance that Lena finds adorable. She wants to run her thumb over Kara’s lower lip where it’s poking out just slightly. It’s hard to remember why she shouldn’t. The memory of their last kiss burns through her and for a heartstopping second she almost throws caution to the wind and steps into Kara’s personal space. It’s only Kara’s sudden change of subject that stops her.

“So, Christmas,” Kara says with a determined expression. “I’m not going to even ask you if you have plans and I’m just going to tell you that you should come over. We’re celebrating at my place like Thanksgiving and everyone is coming over. Winn, James, I think even Lucy might stop by.”

Lena’s brows pull together. “Lucy?”

“Lucy Lane,” Kara supplies and Lena’s eyebrows shoot up.

“You’re friends with Lucy Lane? As in Lois Lane’s sister?” Metropolis and National City are an entire country apart from each other, but sometimes Lena thinks they’re a lot closer than she could have ever imagined. 

“Well, I think she’s a lot more than just Lois Lane’s sister, but yeah,” Kara replies with a teasing lilt to her voice.

“I didn’t know that.” 

“She’s deputy director of the D.E.O. actually.”

Lena blinks as she takes in this information. “How have I not met her yet?”

Kara shrugs. “She spends most of her time at our other base or travelling around the world. She’s kind of a big deal. Hotshot lawyer and everything.”

“Really?” 

“Oh yeah,” Kara gushes with an almost dreamy look in her eyes. “She’s like stupid smart and successful and don’t tell Alex, but I’m pretty sure she would win in a fight between the two of them.”

Lena laughs. “You’re joking.”

Smiling, Kara just shakes her head. “Nope. She’s awesome. I haven’t seen her in what feels like ages.”

Feeling amused, Lena smirks a little, decides to tease Kara. “Wow, first Cat Grant and now Lucy Lane. Do you just have a thing for women in positions of power?” 

Kara gapes a little, sputters when she realizes what Lena’s implying. “What?! No.”

Lena pulls her lips into her mouth a bit through a smile. “You clearly have a type.”

“Lena,” Kara admonishes, but she flushes attractively and Lena grows warm at the sight.

“Just an observation.”

With a roll of her eyes, Kara shakes her head. “She and James used to be together, actually.”

“Really?” Lena starts to piece together parts of Kara’s life that she’s missed, the timeline slowly making more sense.

“Before you and James?”

Kara stills. “Before me and James what?”

“Before you dated.”

“Who told you we dated?”

“Kara,” Lena says with a knowing drawl. “Even if no one had said anything, it’s not that hard to figure out.” 

Kara’s eyes are wide and there’s a faint dusting of red in her cheeks. “Who said something?”

Brows coming together, Lena steps closer, reaches out to squeeze Kara’s arm. “Why are you acting so weird about this?”

“I’m not,” Kara denies and Lena’s mouth thins for a moment.

“It’s okay,” she tells Kara and meaning it. “You could do a whole lot worse than James Olsen.”

Kara can’t quite meet Lena’s eyes and Lena’s not entirely sure what the problem is. Both of them had dated other people and maybe it’s not the first subject she wants to talk at length about, but they’re certainly capable of such a thing. 

“He’s won a Pulitzer after all,” she jokes, if only to get Kara to react. Kara does, a short twitch of her lips.

“We didn’t really -” Kara shrugs a little. “I wouldn’t say we dated. We kind of...almost dated.” 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Lena says. “I was merely asking about James and Lucy.”

“It’s just kind of weird to talk about with you.” 

“Kara,” Lena says with a gentle smile. “We’ve been over this. Both of us have dated other people. It doesn’t have to be weird.”

“I don’t think I want to hear about who you’ve dated yet,” Kara says in a soft, careful tone, half-wary, half-defensive.

Lena’s jaw drops a little as she decides how to reply. “I wasn’t - I was just-,” she shakes her head to get her brain and mouth to connect better. “Let’s rewind the last minute and go back to Christmas.”

It takes a moment before Kara seems to acquiesce, nodding and dropping the tense look. “I’m not trying to pressure you,” she says and then rolls her eyes a little. “Even though I guess I am trying to pressure you because I know you and am sure you have some kind of ridiculous plan to make it a working holiday or something and I refuse to allow that to happen.”

Lena laughs, but doesn’t deny it. It’s not too far from the truth, though that’s more because of her family situation than anything else. “I feel appropriately pressured,” she answers and Kara grins.

“So you’ll come?”

Knowing that arguing with Kara will get nowhere and that the majority of her doesn’t even want to argue, she nods. “I’ll come.”

“Okay, good, because I already made you a stocking,” Kara answers with a little rock forward on the balls of her feet.

Lena’s eyes start to widen and Kara seems to notice, hastily adds, “a no pressure stocking.”

“It’s fine, Kara,” she says, laughing. And it is. Of all the things to feel pressured by, a stocking doesn’t exactly make the list. She plays with her watch a little and smiles. “I already bought you a gift and it’s, frankly, I must say, amazing, so you better bring your A game this year.”

“Oh so we’re doing that again?” Kara asks with a playful smile. It’s an old competition in college to see who could out gift the other. Lena had an obvious advantage in spending limit, but Kara had always been the better of the two of them when it came to expressing sentiment through presents.

Lena shrugs, feigning indifference. “Are you scared?”

“Of you?” Kara scoffs. “Please." 

They both laugh at that and a warm feeling swirls around them so swiftly Lena inhales deeply against it, eyes fluttering just a little at the strong swoop of desire to sink into it. Kara is smiling and Lena wants nothing more than to tug her inside, pull her into the bed and drown in the solid feeling of being together. 

There’s an answering look in Kara’s eyes, but it’s different than before. There’s no longer the almost achy longing that sat between them when Lena first came to National City. It’s changed somehow since their trip to Earth-1 and Kara has this crooked grin on her lips. 

Inevitability, Lena thinks. It feels inevitable in a way she fought against before.

“Thanks for coming tonight,” Kara says, breaking Lena from her thoughts before stepping forward to pull her into a warm hug. Lena clutches at the back of Kara’s jacket and inhales against the comforting scent of Kara’s body pressing against her.

“What are friends for?” Lena responds and feels a puff of air against her hair when Kara laughs.

“I’ll see you soon,” Kara says when she pulls away and Lena nods. There’s an almost giddy feeling about the moment and she can’t help but feel eighteen again, breaking under the weight of an unstoppable crush on her best friend.

“You will,” Lena replies and with that Kara walks backwards and away, waving at Lena before she turns the corner. A burst of sound later and Lena catches sight of a telltale blur streaking up into the night sky.

--

When it finally happens neither of them plan it. Perhaps that was the key all along, Lena will think later, but at present, nothing of the sort is running through her head.

The only thing she can think about is Kara’s hands dipping lower than they ever have before, tugging at the waistband of her jeans.

They’re supposed to be studying. Lena’s notes for their quantum field theory class are spread out on the floor near the bed and they’re supposed to be going over them, but Kara had looked so pretty with her glasses slipping down her nose and the open collar of her shirt exposing a strong collarbone. Lena couldn’t be held accountable for the unstoppable need that shot through her. Why would she resist kissing her girlfriend if she doesn’t have to?

Which is how they ended up here. Because kissing had led to more kissing which had led to Lena’s shirt ending up somewhere across the room and Kara’s hanging off a bed post.

They’ve gotten this far before. Eleven times before actually - not that Lena’s been counting.  

Each time seems to inch closer and closer to what they both seem to want, but Kara always pulls back eventually. It hasn’t bothered Lena and they seem to keep making progress.

It’s especially evident now when Kara doesn’t seem to be stopping as she pulls Lena’s pants down her legs in a swift motion.  

The thud of her heartbeat distracts even her and she wills it to slow down lest Kara tune into it and lose her confidence. But then Kara’s smiling down at her, their hips fitting together and Lena can’t help but arch against the contact. The soft fabric of Kara’s joggers rubbing on the now bare skin of Lena’s thighs.

“Are you okay?” Lena asks, bringing her hands up to cup Kara’s cheeks. Her body feels like it’s buzzing with need, but she doesn’t want to push Kara too far, wants to keep checking in with her.

Kara nods, her gaze flicking down between their bodies and Lena feels the heat of it all over. “It helps to listen to your heartbeat,” Kara says in a soft confession.

“I thought that made it worse,” Lena says.

Kara shakes her head. “Not if I focus on just that.”

Lena can’t imagine that’s true. Her heartbeat feels erratic and unsteady and the electric feel of Kara’s palm sliding up her side isn’t helping. “Really?”

With a nod, Kara presses further down, noses against Lena’s jaw to press kisses across her neck. “Sometimes, when I’m really nervous or freaked out I like to listen to it and if I can focus the world down to just your heartbeat. It helps me calm down.”

“I thought you said it was distracting,” Lena says and she’s not really sure why she’s still talking while Kara’s mouth is against her jawline, but maybe Lena’s just as nervous about this as Kara’s been. If it continues the way it’s been going, it would be her first time, and as certain as she is that Kara’s her perfect choice, it’s still a new thing.

“It was, but it’s not anymore,” Kara says and she pushes up, a hand pressed down into the mattress near Lena’s head. “It’s better when I push all the other white noise out and just focus on you. Everything feels so much clearer.”

Lena smiles at that, cups Kara’s cheek with one hand and swipes her thumb across Kara’s bottom lip. “Yeah? Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you into something that is too hard-”

“Yeah,” Kara breathes, interrupting her. “Are you okay? Do you need to stop?”

“What? No, I’m fine.”

Skepticism crinkles between Kara’s brows. “You usually don’t talk this much.”

Lena feels indignant at that, scoffs and Kara kisses her cheek swiftly. “I didn’t mean it to be rude,” Kara adds. “I just want to make sure.”

“I’m fine,” Lena repeats and she swallows against the thick feeling of arousal in her throat. Kara’s hips are still pushing insistently between her thighs and everything feels warm and rife with intention. “I’m just worried about you.”

“I’m okay,” Kara says reassuringly, her free hand travels down Lena’s side until it’s cupping at her hip. “More than okay.”

They’re kissing after that, slow and soft and the kind of kissing that melts Lena’s insides. She doesn’t notice the slow roll of her hips into Kara’s, or how it feels like there’s no air in the room, or how, when Kara pulls off her underwear, she stares with the most wondrous expression.

There’s only Kara, and it’s perfect.

--

we’re doing secret santa do you want in? Is the text she gets on Wednesday and Lena stares at it for a good ten seconds before googling what Secret Santa is and responding.

who is we? seems to the be most important question, but Kara merely responds with an extremely unhelpful all of us as if that answers anything.

Instead of engaging in what could easily be a back and forth text chain that leads nowhere, Lena picks her office phone up and dials Kara’s number.

“Hi,” Kara says, a little breathlessly when she answers. 

“Hi,” Lena parrots, brow furrowing at the background noise coming through from Kara’s end. “Are you flying?”

“Yes,” Kara answers casually, like that’s a normal thing to be doing at six in the evening in the middle of the week. “What’s up? Are you in on Secret Santa?”

“Who else is participating?”

The wind tunnel noise seems to slow and Kara’s voice comes through a little more clearly. “Alex, James, Winn, possibly Maggie but Alex won’t get back to me about that, Mon-El, me, you, hopefully.”

“I’m not sure I know James or Winn well enough to play. I don’t want anyone to be disappointed,” she says, scrolling down on the wiki page open to the Secret Santa article.

“You’ll be fine,” Kara says and the distinctive sound of a crash resounds down the line. 

“Kara, are you okay? What was that?”

Kara makes a noise like she’s lifting something heavy - a sound Lena’s not sure she’s ever heard before. “I’m fine, just stopping this robbery - will you quit that, I am on the phone!”

Lena’s eyes go a little wide and she turns to look out her office window as if she could see Kara there. “Kara,” Lena breathes.

“Don’t worry about it, just come to the bar tonight at eight, we’re picking names out of a hat,” Kara says in a rush of words. There’s another sound like breaking glass and a crunching of metal before Kara is grumbling again. “Why do people try to outrun me? I mean, come on.”

“Kara maybe now is not the time to-” The sound of gunshots breaks out down the line and Lena’s heart starts to thud uncomfortably against her ribcage on instinct.

“Actually yeah, I should probably go,” Kara replies and there’s a quick rush of wind followed by a grunt of pain. “Okay, yeah, see you at the bar at eight, love you, bye.”

And with that, the line disconnects and Lena’s left to stare at her phone, bewildered and wondering when exactly her life became like this.

It doesn’t hit her until minutes later that Kara ended the call with a casual love you and when it does Lena thinks she’s starting to understand why everyone in their life assumes they’re together.

Frankly, Lena’s starting to assume it herself.

--

Everyone is already at the bar when she walks in a little after eight and not a single one of them bat an eye when she slides into a stool next to Kara. In fact, Winn actually smiles at her widely and James gives her a companionable nod. 

When she offers to head to the bar and grab everyone a fresh drink, Mon-El gets up with her and offers her a charming smile. “I’ll help,” he says, following her.

They order a full round for everybody and while they wait Mon-El leans an elbow on the bartop, looks over at her with an expression that seems somehow ominous.

“So,” he starts and she eyes him warily.

“Yes?”

“You and Kara are close, right?” Mon-El asks, playing with some short straws in a jar near his hand. “I think Winn said you guys were like,” he pauses, looks up as if trying to find the phrase and then makes air quotes, “BFFs? And that that is some sort of high distinction on this planet.”

Lena glances to where Winn is sitting, gesticulating wildly at James. “You could say that.”

“Great,” he answers immediately, a wide smile. “I was hoping you could help me.”