10. Chapter 10(2)

A few feet away, Kara’s head cocks suddenly, one side tilting upward, and then she’s standing, instructing the girl to keep pressing the cloth to her wound in a soft murmur.

Lena doesn’t stop. There’s soot as if from a fire on Kara’s cheek and her hair is in complete disarray. The fabric of Kara’s jeans is ripped at her knees and Lena knows Kara is invulnerable, unbreakable, made of steel, but none of that knowing stops the shake in her hands.

Kara takes a step away from the group, turning around with her arms open and Lena walks right into them, arms wrapping around Kara’s neck. It isn’t until Kara’s arms wind around her waist and she gets picked up into Kara’s body that she relaxes, blowing out a low breath.

“I’m okay,” Kara says softly, strong hands spreading out over Lena’s back. “I’m okay.”  

Lena just pushes her face into the crook of Kara’s neck and closes her eyes, blocks out the sounds of panic and confusion in the crowd around them for a long moment, trying to fight back the tears crowding her eyes. “What happened?” Her voice is no more than a whisper into the skin under Kara’s jaw, but she knows her girlfriend can hear her.

“I don’t know,” Kara says. “I think I was closest to the explosion, though. I should probably get away from here before someone notices. I think this was your shirt, too, so I’m sorry about that and I promise to-”

“Kara,” Lena whispers, and Kara’s arms tighten around her, pulling her somehow closer. She thinks she’s being moved further away from the insistent sounds of the crowd, but it’s hard to keep track as she tries to listen to Kara’s breathing and her heartbeat.  

“Your heartbeat is going crazy,” Kara says, right in Lena’s ear. Her hands are drifting up and down Lena’s back, clearly trying to calm her - but she can’t. She imagines running up the building only to be told that Kara was inside still. It’s an impossible thing, but it fully terrifies her, makes her feel like she can’t stand, makes her hands feel shaky and numb.

“You could have died,” Lena whispers, and she hears ambulances suddenly. This hug has probably gone on too long to be normal, but she can’t quite extricate herself from Kara’s arms. She needs this. She needs to know Kara is okay.

“I really couldn’t have,” Kara says, and she laughs a little. “I think - I think some other people might have if I hadn’t been so close to it, though.”

“That isn’t better,” Lena says, suddenly, rearing back to glare at her girlfriend, who looks bewildered at the anger being directed at her.

“Lena,” Kara says, her hands coming up to wipe at Lena’s face.

“If you - if you had been human, you would have died,” Lena whispers, and Kara’s face is almost impassive for a moment, before it softens. “I can’t do that.”

“You can’t die?” Kara asks, like she’s trying to make a joke. It makes Lena angry, that Kara would joke when Lena’s terrified, when Lena had thought - for one second of her life - that Kara Danvers was dead and wasn’t coming back to her.

“No, you can’t die,” Lena says, shoving a little at her girlfriend’s shoulders. “I can’t live with you being dead. It’s not acceptable.”

“I’m not dead,” Kara says. “I’m right here, Lena. I’m not going to go anywhere. I promise. I love you. Please calm down.”  

She tries to let Kara help her, but she doesn’t start to feel okay for a few hours, after Kara’s ditched her burnt clothes, showered, and held Lena through four documentaries. Even when Kara falls asleep later that night, Lena’s head presses as close as she can to listen to Kara’s heart beat.

--

When they leave together and walk out of the bar, it feels so natural that Lena doesn’t hesitate in allowing Kara to fly them home when she asks. Perhaps it’s the tequila or the gin still settling in her system, but she feels drowsy and content when Kara picks her up. The adrenaline of the day has washed through her system and exhaustion has started to take its place. The only thing she can think of doing is setting her head on Kara’s shoulder and falling asleep to the steady sound of her heartbeat.

After everything that’s happened, Lena dreads the idea of putting distance between them now and her fingers itch to keep Kara in touching distance as a constant reassurance she’s alive and well. When they get to Lena’s apartment and Kara escorts her inside, she tries to think of a way of asking Kara to stay without sounding desperate.

Things are still just uncertain enough that Lena’s not sure how to act. As a girlfriend she’d merely tug Kara further into the apartment and push her into bed. As a friend she could ask Kara to stay the night without it sounding suggestive.

As something in between, Lena has no idea what to do.

“Would you like a drink?” Lena offers as she hangs her jacket up in the hall closet and strides towards the kitchen. Kara follows her and idles in the entryway.

“I’m okay,” Kara says, sounding subdued and tired.

“Food?” Lena replies, though as she runs through a mental list of what might be in her kitchen she thinks perhaps takeout might be their only option. “We missed dinner, after all.”

Kara seems to react to that, managing to straighten up and cringe at the same time. She takes a step into the kitchen towards Lena. “I’m really sorry about that by the way,” she says and a look of abject worry passes over her face.

“For missing dinner?” Lena asks with a little laugh, not understanding why Kara looks so concerned suddenly.

“Yes.”

“Kara,” she says stepping forward until she can reach out and grab Kara’s hand. “You needn’t apologize. I think you had a pretty good reason.”

“I just-” Kara hesitates, twists their fingers together nervously and Lena tracks the motion with confusion swirling in her head. “I was really looking forward to it and I’m sorry I screwed it up by getting stranded on some planet.”   

“I was looking forward to it too,” Lena says with a genuine smile, studying Kara in an attempt to read whatever Kara’s hiding between the words. “It’s not entirely your fault that we had to miss it.”

“It’s not as if anyone forced me through that portal,” Kara argues. “Not for lack of trying, I suppose.”

Lena laughs a little if only because she can’t understand the hesitant look on Kara’s face. “Kara, I cancelled on you nearly five times because work got in the way. Surely you were due a rain check as well.”

“That feels different.”

Shrugging, Lena squeezes Kara’s hand to stop her fingers from fidgeting and smiles. “It’s not.”

There’s a skeptical crease to Kara’s brow when she looks to Lena. “Are you sure?” 

“Sure I’m sure,” she says. “Maybe we should just set a date for four different dinners as contingency plans. That way we always have a backup date.” 

There’s surprise in the way Kara’s face shifts that Lena’s not sure how to decipher. “So you want to reschedule?”

Maybe she’s had more to drink than she realized. It’s the only thing that could account for how much trouble she’s having following this conversation. “Why wouldn’t I want to reschedule?”

“I just wasn’t sure if what happened made you rethink your position,” Kara answers softly.

And after a moment of unpacking that, Lena figures it out.

“You’re afraid I’m going to change my mind,” Lena says in a quiet voice, realization making her tone go breathy around the edges. “Kara.” 

“I mean, I missed our date because I jumped through a portal without knowing where it would take me and I did that because I’m Supergirl and that’s my job now and that’s obviously a little different than college and maybe you don’t want to-”

The words start to ramble together as they continue to tumble out of Kara’s mouth and Lena reaches up to stop her with a finger at her lips. “Kara, stop.”

Kara obeys, closing her mouth with a soft click.

“We’ve spent all that time talking about me and my feelings,” Lena says softly, kicking herself for not realizing something as simple as this earlier. “We haven’t really talked about yours.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Why are you afraid I’m going to change my mind?” Lena asks and she thinks of her conversation with Alex at the DEO just hours ago.

“We’re different people,” Kara says but the words sound forced and awkward. “You kept telling me that and I realized that if anyone is different here it’s me. It’s not like you fell in love with Supergirl all those years ago or signed up for all the baggage she brings with her.”

Lena thinks on that for a moment watches Kara’s face carefully. “Why do you refer to Supergirl in the third person?” 

Kara shrugs. “That’s how it feels sometimes.” 

It brings back a memory of Kara in her kitchen months ago as she told Lena about her mother and Cadmus. The symbol on Kara’s chest had felt like a beacon at the time, blinding Lena and making it hard to focus. The image of Kara’s face falling when Lena sent her from the room to change spikes a cold feeling of guilt in Lena’s chest.

“You’re just as much Supergirl as you are Kara Danvers,” Lena tells her. “Or Kara Zor-El for that matter. I fell in love with all of them.” Lena pauses, realizes there’s no point in hiding a truth that’s already been spoken between them. “I’m still in love with all of them.”

“My life is way more complicated than it was in college,” Kara says in a whisper and Lena tries not to laugh.

“Kara, darling,” she says in as soothing a tone as she can manage. “No one’s life is as easy as it was in college. Mine certainly isn’t.”

“If you could walk away then,” Kara starts in this small voice that makes Lena’s throat burn with the threat of tears. “I don’t see what would stop you now.”

It takes a second before Lena feels like she can speak without breaking the dam holding the sudden wave of tears back. “Walking away wasn’t easy for me back then,” she says and forces herself not to remember the way Kara’s face had looked all those years ago. “It was brutal and the only thing that kept me going was a stubborn belief that I was doing the right thing.”

Kara nods, a sad smile teasing her lips that makes Lena want to pull her close. But this needs to get said before Lena loses the moment. 

“I don’t want to say I regret it,” Lena continues carefully. “I regret that I made decisions based on things that didn’t matter to me as much as us. But you’re the one that always says each moment is a bridge to the next. Things happen for a reason, right?”

“Right,” Kara breathes and her smile shifts a little bit into something warmer than before.

“All that time we spent apart - I have to believe it happened for a reason. Maybe part of that reason is so that I could stand here in front of you and say with confidence that I don’t want to walk away from this again. Not without fighting for it first.”

Lena takes a deep breath, smiles and feels the rims of her eyes fill just a little. “I’m probably going to make at minimum thirteen more mistakes when it comes to us.”

Kara laughs suddenly, relaxing the tension. “Lena Luthor admitting she makes mistakes all the time?”

“Don’t be smug,” Lena warns at the growing smirk. “And I said thirteen mistakes.”  

“That’s oddly specific.”

“As a scientist, I pride myself on accuracy,” Lena says, grateful for the way Kara’s eyes have softened from earlier. 

“Nerd,” Kara teases and Lena rolls her eyes, shoves Kara with enough force that Kara immediately reacts to it with an exaggerated sway that makes Lena laugh.

“After all that we’ve been through,” Lena says, still smiling, but growing serious once more. “I’d be crazy not to give this a shot again. I need you to believe me that I’m not going to change my mind about that.”

Kara sighs, but she nods, adjusting her glasses with a quiet chuckle. “I believe you.” 

“Okay,” Lena says and she reaches out to cup Kara’s cheeks, bringing their eyes into contact. “Please know that I love you. Regardless of anything else.”

Kara’s expression is serious then and her hands reach out to grip Lena’s hips. “I know.” 

“Good,” Lena says and with a final smile she lets Kara go to step away. “Now that that’s settled do you want that drink? I think I might have some food in here, but we can always order from Gordo’s down the block.”

They step deeper into the kitchen and Lena opens her cabinets, surveying what’s inside.

“Is Gordo’s the place with the red velvet cheesecake?”

“Probably,” Lena replies, shutting her cabinet with a look of distaste for its barren innards. She fishes in the bag she’s left on the counter and pulls her phone out. “Do you want me to order some?”

“I’ll do it,” Kara says immediately reaching for Lena’s phone and she knows that means they’re going to end up with far more takeout than they actually need.

“Kara, don’t over order,” Lena warns and Kara scoffs. 

“I have never in my entire life over ordered,” she says with a look of feigned indignation that makes Lena laugh.

The moment feels easy and warm in a way that’s so comforting after all the events of the day. Lena wants to sink into and live there forever, the rest of the world blocked out indefinitely. Kara is looking at her expectantly like she can trace where Lena’s thoughts have gone.

It strikes Lena for the hundredth time that day how close she was to losing Kara forever.

“You okay?” Kara asks after a moment of silence and Lena nods, smiling tightly.

She rounds the counter and reaches out to grab Kara’s wrist, palm sliding over the solid feel of Kara’s bracelet.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” she says softly and without overthinking it presses a soft but significant kiss on Kara’s lips. Kara returns it, slipping closer and pulling Lena in, lifting her up off the ground just the littlest bit. It centers Lena, pulls her away from the anxieties that have been plaguing her all day. 

Kara is the one who pulls away, a smile stretching across her face as she raises Lena’s phone up.

“I love you,” Kara says, pressing a kiss to Lena’s forehead. “But I’m starving. Please tell me you want cheesecake.” 

Lena rolls her eyes, knowing she’s going to have a fridge full of takeout by the end of the night.

Later, after she takes delicate bites of a slice of cheesecake, and Kara’s managed to eat four entire pieces, Kara mumbles something about having to go. The clock is hovering around one by now, but Lena still feels shaky at the thought of Kara being away from her.

“Just stay,” Lena says, and Kara, who’s halfway off Lena’s couch, blinks at her. “I know we still need to sort some stuff out, but I - I don’t want to be away from you, right now. So just stay, if you want to.”

“I - uh, I, sure,” Kara starts, looking a little shocked at the offer. She clears her throat, manages a smile. “Yeah, okay I want to.”   

So Lena hands over some sweats and a t-shirt and packs up what’s left of their Gordo’s order and slips it into her fridge.

When she finally makes it into her bedroom, Kara is playing with the Imperiex chess set Lena had set up on her dresser, humming down at the pieces with a look of intent focus that charms Lena to the core. 

“When are you going to teach me how to play?” Lena asks, letting her hair down from her bun, feeling Kara’s eyes latch to her as she reaches in her dresser for her sleep clothes. Kara makes another humming noise. 

“Probably ten years from now after we have our date,” Kara wryly and with a short laugh. Lena glares over at her, but is happy to see the insecurities of earlier seem to have evolved into teasing. She shakes her head a little before slipping into the bathroom and changing quickly. When she comes back out, Kara’s still in the midst of her game, but she’s moved it to the bed, sitting up against the headboard and staring down at the holographic pieces.

Lena slides into the bed next to her, but Kara barely looks over, just studies her game and Lena props her elbow into the mattress to watch as the game pieces hover in the air over the board. Before she gets a chance to ask for the strategy or even the most basic rules, Kara is moving one piece across the board quickly, and the game board begins shooting off holographic confetti with a large display that says she’s won.

“Congratulations,” Lena says, laughing as Kara huffs and turns the board off, moving it back to Lena’s dresser and flopping back into the bed.

“That was just the AI,” Kara tells her and manages to look completely petulant about it. “I wanted to see how difficult Winn programed it.”

“Clearly no match for you,” Lena says, sliding further onto her pillow as Kara follows, rearranging the blankets until they’re both settled.

“Well sure. Beating a computer is one thing,” Kara replies. “It’s not really a challenge.” 

“Maybe you can get Mon-El to play you,” Lena says. Kara groans, glaring up at Lena as she leans over to turn out the light. She can’t see Kara’s face particularly well in the darkness, but as her sight adjusts she can just make the indignation cutting lines around Kara’s eyes.

“A Daxamite playing Imperiex chess,” Kara scoffs out in a tone that conveys just how ridiculous that notion apparently is. “Sure. When Lumirs fly.”

Lena laughs, her brow knitting. “What’s a Lumir?”

“Something that doesn’t fly,” Kara replies promptly. “Obviously.”  

“Obviously.”

Kara shifts and Lena tries not to jump when their legs brush against each other. “Did I mention that Mon-El told me tonight that he wants to be a hero? He like wants me to start training him.”

“I can’t imagine why,” Lena deadpans, really not interested in talking about Mon-El of all people while she’s in bed with Kara.

Kara stills. “What does that mean?”

Lena purses her lips and decides she feels no fidelity to Mon-El’s secrets, if his crush could even be considered one. “Well, he likes you, Kara. I’d think that would have something to do with it.” 

Kara makes a strangled noise, like the idea is both surprising and disturbing to her.

“He does not,” Kara whispers, and Lena laughs at the expression that’s contorted Kara’s face, visible even in the darkness of the bedroom.

“Is it a Daxamite cultural tradition to kiss people you don’t like?”

“He had a fever,” Kara retorts. “And I already confronted him about it. He doesn’t like me.”

“How are you still so oblivious about stuff like this?” Lena asks but she can’t help the laughter that keeps coming out of her, charmed by the innocent bewilderment on Kara’s face.

Kara doesn’t answer for a moment, just glares at Lena through the darkness before her eyes grow suddenly wide. “Rao I totally forgot,” she breathes.

“Forgot what?”

Kara affects a smug kind of look. “Speaking of obliviousness, guess who was on Maaldoria?”

Lena jerks back a little, surprised at the sudden turn in conversation. “Who?”

“Your ex-girlfriend,” Kara answers with a haughty lift of her chin. It only confuses Lena more until Kara clarifies, “Veronica.”

It takes Lena a second to realize what Kara’s saying but when she does she narrows her eyes and shoves Kara’s shoulder. “How many ways do I have to tell you that Roulette and I never so much as dated before you understand?” Lena mutters and Kara grabs at the hand Lena’s used to push at Kara’s body, tangling their fingers together between them.

Kara hums in a disbelieving tone that makes Lena want to smack her again, but she keeps talking before Lena has the chance. “She was running the operation on Maaldoria with the Dominators,” Kara says. “I knew she was the worst, but human trafficking is really a new low.”

“I wish I could say I was surprised,” Lena says wryly and Kara shrugs a shoulder, shifts a little closer on the bed.

“She’s trapped there for now at least. I don’t feel bad about it,” Kara says looking almost guilty for saying that. “I don’t blame her for hitting on you all the time, but I do blame her for being a generally terrible person.”

A comfortable silence stretches between them and Lena yawns, eyes fluttering closed when Kara’s feet brush her shins. 

“Mon-El said you were very brave over there,” Lena whispers, clinging to the feeling of Kara so close now that their fronts are almost touching.

“Not really,” Kara says dismissively and Lena keeps her eyes open, studies Kara’s face in the dim moonlight illuminating the room. 

“He said you stood in front of the group and let them electrocute you,” Lena points out and she untangles her fingers from Kara’s to reach out and brush away a strand of hair from Kara’s temple. It makes Kara hum a little and shift impossibly closer, her eyes fluttering on the verge of shutting completely.

“Yeah, that didn’t feel great,” Kara answers easily and she licks her lips in a sleepy motion. “But I couldn’t let them hurt the others.”

It burns through Lena, suddenly, the heady mix of fear and love that’s always blended through her as she’s watched Supergirl. “Always the hero,” Lena murmurs and Kara’s hand drifts to Lena’s hips, sits there warmly over the fabric of her pajamas.

“Just doing my job,” Kara jokes but Lena knows it’s so much more than that.

The fear threatens to take over once again, but Lena steadies herself with the feel of Kara so close at hand.

“Thanks for staying,” Lena whispers, and Kara smiles back.

“Thanks for letting me.”

When Lena finally drifts off to sleep it’s with her head on Kara’s shoulder, her arm thrown across Kara’s body and wrapping around her ribs. It feels comfortable and content and Lena truly relaxes for the first time in what feels like weeks.