5. Chapter 5

A few days pass and Maya is busy with work, but she makes it a point to stay in contact with Carina. Little texts asking about her day or sending funny memes. Maya has found that the Italian doesn’t exactly have the same sense of humor as she does, but that’s okay. She has also found that Carina will laugh at just about any dumb thing that comes out of Maya’s mouth, though, joke or not. And she’s starting to think that she has a new favorite sound and that it’s the sound of Carina laughing. Actually, she has two favorite sounds. The sound of Carina’s laugh and the sound of the Italian words that Carina speaks to her that she has no idea what they mean. Carina could be saying the grossest, most disgusting things in Italian and Maya would still think it’s the loveliest sounding thing in the world.

Maya surprises herself when she invites Carina over for dinner. Dinner was great but one thing led to another and they found themselves in Maya’s bed.

“So, as I was saying before we got distracted.” Maya smirks.

“Such a good distraction.” Carina winks.

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I don’t deserve the job. It should be Andy’s. It’s just so fucked up. It was just some guys basically deciding the lives of two female firefighters.”

“And Jack.” Carina adds. Can’t forget Jack was in the running for Captain too.

“And Jack. Not caring what the consequences were.” Maya groans and gets more comfortable in her bed, not that she wasn’t comfortable already.

“Sexist.”

“Yes, correct. It’s just it’s all so shitty. None of this had to happen. Andy and I could still be friends. I mean, I still think of her as my best friend, but that relationship is strained and damaged now.”

And there’s that foreign tongue again. Maya just smiles and watches Carina as she speaks. “I don’t understand a word of this. But somehow it’s working.” It’s soothing to hear.

Carina translates. “Go shine your light, bella. Tell your truth. Dammi un bacio.”

Maya has heard one of those words before. “Is that kiss me?”

“Yeah.”

Maya pushes herself up and Carina meets her halfway for a brief kiss.

“We always talk about my problems. What about you?” Maya is curious.

Carina gasps. “I don’t have any problems.”

“So, you’re just perfect? Your life is perfect?”

“Si.” Carina grins widely and nods.

Maya reaches out and finds Carina’s hand. “Come on. I feel like I’m always bitching and complaining, and you don’t have anything to say about anything.”

“Nope.”

Maya wraps a hand around Carina’s waist next. “I don’t believe you. You don’t have any co-workers that drive you nuts? Or complaints about patients? Or friends who irritate you sometimes?” She pulls Carina down on top of her. It gets a little squeal out of the Italian. “Who are your friends? Other doctors from the hospital? I know you know Ben. What do you guys talk about? Is there some secret doctor code that you’re not allowed to break?”

“Who are your friends? Other than Andy.” Carina raises an eyebrow.

“Well, Andy. Vic. Travis by association to Vic. Travis and Vic are attached at the hip most of the time. I don’t know if I can say Jack is my friend.” Maya looks away from Carina.

“Why?”

“I mean, I guess we could be friends. I don’t know. It’s tricky to be friends with someone after you’ve slept with them and now you don’t anymore.” She chances a glance at Carina. “And you work together.”

“Oh.” Carina pushes herself up into a sitting position. “Jack is your ex.”

“Jack is my ex.”

“Have you slept with anyone else at the fire station?” Carina quirks an eyebrow.

Maya laughs. “Not anyone from my crew but-“

“People from other stations.” Carina finishes for Maya.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you know you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure.”

“I do know that. And now I have you to save me from making that mistake again.” Maya reveals. She means it as more of a joke than anything.

Carina hums thoughtfully. She’s not sure if she likes that she knows about Maya and Jack now. If there was a world where she didn’t know they were a thing than Carina would happily live in that world. But now she knows and that changes everything. “So, you work with your ex?”

“I’m his boss. Is that going to be a problem?” Maya laughs awkwardly. “I actually dropped him when I got in the running to become captain.”

“Dio mio.” Carina rolls her eyes.

“Listen, I wasn’t like in love with him or anything. It’s fine.” Maya tries to downplay it. She thinks maybe she shouldn’t have even brought Jack up in the first place.

“Is it?” Carina wonders.

“Well, it wasn’t at first. He was pissed. But I didn’t care. I wanted to be captain, and this was my first shot at it, so I took it. My dad always trained me to go after things. To have goals and to do anything you need to until you reach that goal. So that’s what I did. Eyes forward at all times. The only thing that matters is the finish line.” She repeats her father’s mantra.

Carina frowns.

“What?” Maya asks of the frown.

Carina thinks about it. If it’s eyes forward at all times, then what does that say about the present. “It’s good to have goals Maya but-“

“But nothing. Think of a goal. Achieve it. Move on the next one.” Maya doesn’t see it any other way.

“Yes but-“

“What?” Maya is starting to get irritated with this conversation and Carina questioning her father’s mantra.

Carina sighs. “It sounds like you are living in the future. What about the present?”

“What about it?”

“Do you want to be captain or not? It almost sounds like you are ready to move on to the next thing.” Carina challenges. Just because it’s not going the greatest with Maya and her new captaincy doesn’t mean she should just quit and move on to the next thing. At least, that’s how Carina sees it.

Maya thinks. She really thinks about what Carina is saying. And she doesn’t know if she’d think about it if anyone else posed the question. But here Carina is challenging her, and she finds she likes it. She was irritated but maybe, just maybe, there’s more than one way to look at things. “I want to be captain.”

“But?”

“But it was like you were saying the other day. I need to earn it. I don’t have respect because of the situation in which I was made captain. And part of me just wants to move past that. Go on to the next thing. Something that I’ve gained and earned myself.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

Maya sighs and flops on the bed dramatically. “I don’t know.”

“Remember what I said.” Carina runs her fingertips up and down Maya’s arm, sending a shiver through Maya’s body.

“You want to do nice things for me.” Maya smirks. She knows that’s not what Carina is referring to.

The smile that she gets from Carina is well worth the stupid little joke. “That I do, bella. But, no, today.”

“Tell my truth.” Maya mumbles.

Carina nods. “Enough about this. What were we doing before?” She leans in to kiss Maya.

But Maya pulls back, avoiding the kiss. “Wait.”

Carina groans. “What?”

“I see what you’re doing.”

“Oh?” Carina raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah. You’re deflecting. I asked about you and your friends and stuff, but you turned it back on me. What are you not telling me, Dr. DeLuca?”

Carina hums. “Nothing. I just-“

“Oh, come on.” Maya slides her hands up Carina’s sides. “All we do is talk about me and my crap. You can’t be as perfect as you seem.”

“I’m not perfect.”

“You seem pretty perfect.” Maya challenges.

“Well, I’m not.”

“Do tell.”

Carina shakes her head. “One time a stole a lipstick from the drugstore.”

This surprises Maya. “Recently?”

“No. When I was a kid. I was an excellent thief.”

“So, you stole more than just a lipstick?” Maya grins, though she doesn’t condone theft.

Carina shrugs. “A few things. Over time.”

“What were you like as a kid?” Maya finds herself trying to imagine a young Carina.

“All lanky limbs and long hair. I would spend most of my summer out of doors.”

Maya chuckles at Carina’s words. “So, gorgeously tan?”

“Si.” Carina grins, cute as ever. “But I was a kid. So just a tan skinny kid.”

“Why did you want to become a doctor?” Now Maya wants to know more about young Carina.

“Because my papa was a doctor. He was my idol when I was a kid. He was so powerful and so cool. Or at least I thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that when you are a kid you see things and think things that are different than what they are. Like how kids are, you know. You don’t know the full weight of the world yet and everything is just great and wonderful and magical. Life hasn’t beat you up or beat you down yet.”

Maya nods in agreement. Carina leans in again for a kiss and Maya can’t resist any longer even though Carina still dodged her questions about her personal life.

The next day, Maya goes into the station with a specific thought on her mind. She’s been thinking it over and over and she has taken what Carina has said into consideration as well. The words repeat in her head as she marches to Sullivan’s office.

‘Shine your light. Tell your truth.’

She has requested to speak with him and Andy. She tells them he made a mistake and gave her a job she didn’t earn. And that she believes that Andy should get the job of captain.

Of course, on one of their calls that day Chief Dixon has to show up and try to undermine Maya. There’s added pressure on her now that Dixon’s son is working on her crew. It’s not an ideal situation but there’s nothing Maya can do about it. She will treat Dixon Jr. just like any other person on her crew. She’s not going to baby him or keep him on the sideline just because he is Dixon’s kid. Maya does wonder if Emmett is cut out to be a firefighter though.

The shift is going well. Maya feels like if this is her last shift as captain then she’s glad that it’s this one and not some horrible day that she will remember forever. No, today was good.

That is, until Sullivan comes in and says that Rigo died.

Everything in Maya deflates. So much for a good shift.

He was supposed to go home today. He was getting better. How can this be?

Maya doesn’t feel anything. Well, maybe she feels dread. But that’s about it. She goes home after her shift and crawls into bed. There’s a heaviness in her chest that she can’t shake. It feels like there’s a brick sitting there and nothing she does can move it.

She knows firefighters die sometimes. It’s a part of the job. She knows as captain she is responsible for the whole team, no matter who they are to her. She knows that as long as she’s captain there is a possibility that she’ll lose more. But this is the first one under her command and it’s hard and she doesn’t know how to deal with it.

She texts Carina. She would have done it as soon as she found out about Rigo; but she knows she wouldn’t have been able to hold back her emotions long enough when talking to Carina about it to finish her shift with a clear head.

Maya finds herself thinking more and more about Carina these days. She isn’t sure what they really are but she’s okay with that for now. Maya likes that they can talk about things, work, struggles. Apart from Andy and Vic, Maya doesn’t really talk to anyone else about her feelings. But now there’s Carina. And Maya has found that she is an excellent listener and sounding board. Carina will say when Maya is in the wrong or she’ll agree with Maya on something, and it doesn’t have to be more than that.

Rigo died.

That’s it. That’s the message. That’s not what Maya wanted to send. She wanted a distraction. She wanted to ask Carina about her day and get lost in whatever it was that was going on in Carina’s world at the moment to forget about her own hell of a world.

But she already hit send. Maya rolls her eyes at herself.

Instead of getting a message in reply, Maya’s phone starts ringing with a video call.

As soon as Carina’s face appears. “Oh, bella.” Carina coos. “What can I do?”

Maya rolls her eyes. This isn’t what she wanted. She doesn’t want pity or sympathy or for Carina to have to deal with her problems. “I don’t know. I just feel crumby.”

“That’s normal.”

“Gee thanks.”

Carina chuckles lightly. “You just lost someone. It’s normal to feel crumby.”

“It’s like there’s a brick right here.” Maya puts her hand over the center of her collarbone, just below her throat. “It’s heavy, and it feels like I can’t breathe, and it won’t go away.”

“Where are you?”

Instead of answering using words, Maya swings the phone around to give Carina a view of her bed and bedroom. She pops back into the view. “Your new favorite place.” It’s a joke. It’s supposed to be a joke.

Carina isn’t in a joking mood though. Maya really isn’t either, but that is her go to if things are shitty. Try to make a joke to lighten the mood. “I’m still at work. I’ll come to you when I’m done.”

Maya sighs. “You don’t have to. I just wanted to let you know what was going on, what happened.” Now that Carina says that Maya feels like she is making a bigger deal out of this than she should be.

“And I appreciated that, I do, but Maya you don’t have to do everything by yourself. It’s okay to need friends. To need people.”

Maya doesn’t say anything to that. She doesn’t want to just be Carina’s friend. She knows that now. Maya still can’t put a name or label on what they have, but there’s no way they can be just friends. She knows that would never be enough.

“Andy talked to me today. Like in more than a work capacity. Speaking of friends.” Maya changes the subject.

“How did it go with everything?” Carina tilts her head to the side, with a soft smile, happy that Andy and Maya are making progress, however little it may be.

Maya shrugs. “We had a call, and it went really well, and I felt really good about it and if it was my last call, last shift as captain, then I was okay with that. But then Andy said I can’t quit. That I need to be captain. That if I quit it is quitting on all the female firefighters. It is quitting on all the female captains and future female captains. Basically, I need to be captain for everyone else. But what about me?”

“I think it’s important to remember that it’s Andy that is saying this. She’s not saying she wants to be captain or that she thinks it should be her job. That says a lot.” Carina puts in her two cents.

“I know it does.” Maya sighs.

There’s a knock on Carina’s office door. “Maya, I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you as soon as I’m done with work.”

“You don’t have to. I feel better already.” And she does. Maya feels just a little lighter now that she got to talk to Carina. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me but you are very welcome.” Carina grins with a little wink.

Carina sighs as she gets done with work. Her shift went long and now it’s dark outside and she hasn’t had anything to eat since this morning. The hangry is starting to take over. So that’s the first thing she thinks about.

The second is Maya. She shakes her head lightly. Maya has so much on her plate, and it just doesn’t seem fair, but that’s the way life is sometimes. She’s had a good time getting to know Maya other than just in bed, though, that’s great too. They seem to get along easily. Which is a relief because she really likes Maya. And now that she knows a little more about the blonde and everything that’s going on in her life with the captain stuff and the issues at the fire station, Carina feels for her. She feels things that she hasn’t felt in a long time. She feels like she needs to be there for Maya. Why? She isn’t sure. They just met not that long ago but she’s felt that from the beginning maybe. She is drawn to Maya in an inexplicable way. And not just drawn to her for one reason. It’s more like everything in her body yearns to be with her. It’s the craziest feeling and it gives Carina such a rush. Even when she’s just talking to Maya on the phone it feels like there is just this simple but honest connection. It just feels inexplicable.

Plus, the blonde is adorable and sexy and physically strong and even though she knows Maya is trying to play it cool and keep things casual, Carina knows that there’s more going on than that with Maya. She knows this. If it were only casual between them Maya wouldn’t be calling her all the time and asking her to come over when one of her firefighters died. Okay, so maybe Carina invited herself over, but Maya didn’t protest too much about it.

So, when she knocks on the door with a bag of food in her hand, Carina can’t help but smile when Maya pulls the door open. Those beautiful ocean blues are a little unsettled today. It’s the first thing Carina notices.

“How are you?” She asks.

Maya shrugs in reply, she doesn’t want to say. “What’s that?” She nods at the bag in Carina’s hand.

“Oh, I stopped and picked up something to eat. I’m starving and I didn’t think it would be kind of me to make you deal with my hangry mood.”

Maya chuckles a little at that. A genuine smile displayed across her face for maybe the first time since being notified of Rigo’s death.

Carina sighs, thankful that she got the blonde to, at least, smile. “Have you eaten?”

Maya shakes her head. “I don’t have much of an appetite.”

“You should eat something, bella. Even if you aren’t hungry.” Carina holds the bag in front of Maya’s face. “I got some soup and a couple of sandwiches for us.”

Maya smiles softly. Here Carina is again taking care of her. It irritates Maya a little that Carina can do this. Normally, she wouldn’t let anyone try to take care of her. She would push them away or, at the very least, resist until they forced her to go along begrudgingly. This though, gosh, it feels like the best thing in the world. Just Carina wanting to be there for her and take care of her makes Maya feel better.

Maya takes a step forward and wraps her arms around Carina, laying her head on her shoulder.

“Maya?” Carina whispers. Maya hums. “Are you alright?”

“Thank you.” Maya says, barely audible.

There’s a rumble before Carina can say ‘you’re welcome’. She grimaces.

Maya lifts her head from Carina’s shoulder. “What was that?” She thinks she might know but gives Carina a questioning look.

“My stomach.”

Maya takes a step back and looks down at Carina’s stomach. “No, it can’t be. It was sooooo loud.” She looks up and grins at Carina.

Carina bites her lip. “I don’t know what to say. It was my stomach. I told you I was starving.”

Maya grins. It’s funny to her just how loud Carina’s stomach just rumbled. “Then let’s eat.”

“I thought you weren’t hungry.” Carina raises an eyebrow.

“No, but you are.” She tugs on Carina’s free hand, pulling her into the kitchen. “I’ll get some plates. And some spoons.” Maya rummages around in the draw and then pulls the cupboard open to get the plates. “Do we need bowls, or do you think we can just eat from the soup container?”

Carina watches Maya as she moves about the kitchen. It’s strange. It’s like Maya’s earlier sullen mood is completely gone. Well, maybe not completely gone, but it has changed. Like the whole death has been forgotten or pushed aside for now. Carina finds it a little strange but very intriguing.

“Whatever you want.” Carina mumbles.

“Okay. I wouldn’t normally do this but-“ Maya spins around with all the items in her hands. “-let’s eat in my room.”

“In bed?”

Maya pulls her lips to one side. “Only if you promise to not get any crumbs in the sheets.”

“And what if I do?” Carina raises a challenging eyebrow.

“Well, then I just make you change the sheets by yourself.”

Carina laughs as Maya leads the way to her room.

They eat and then lay down in bed.

“How’s your stomach?” Maya tries to hold back her laugh, but it seeps out.

Carina rolls her eyes. “It’s fine now. But it was hungry.”

“Oh, I heard.” Maya grins over at Carina. She can’t help but be amused.

“Lay down with me.” Carina requests.

Maya lays on the back, staring up at the ceiling for a few quite minutes. The feeling of Carina’s fingers stroking up and down her arm aren’t missed. But it feels like there is an elephant in the room and Maya doesn’t want to talk about it, but she wants Carina to know that she is grateful. “Thanks for coming over. You didn’t have to.”

“I know. But I wanted to.” Carina sighs.

“Tell me about your day.” Maya asks, moving so that she can lay her head in Carina’s lap. That brick has returned to her chest.

Carina sighs. She puts a hand on the top of Maya’s head. “Well, it was uneventful, but I can tell you about all the boring parts.”

“Please do.” Maya wants nothing more than to hear about and think about something else other than Rigo, and a death investigation, and how she is going to rally her team after his death.

Carina goes into every boring detail about her day. She runs her fingers through Maya’s hair as she speaks. Maya has her eyes closed but hums every now and then to let Carina know that she is listening.

Maya shifts a little when Carina switches from English to Italian. She doesn’t know the language and can only recognize a couple of words that sound similar to words in English, but it doesn’t matter. Carina could be speaking in any language, and it wouldn’t matter. It’s the sound of her voice that Maya craves. It’s the sound of her voice that is soothing. It’s the sound of her voice that brings Maya a sense of calm.

Carina tells Maya everything she said in English all over again in Italian. She knows it’s silly, but she isn’t sure what else to say or talk about. And she knows Maya doesn’t want to talk about Rigo.

“Do you want me to stay tonight?”

Maya sighs. “I’ll be fine.”

Carina clicks her tongue at Maya. “That wasn’t what I asked.”

Maya sits up, immediately regretting the decision at the loss of contact. But Maya isn’t clingy. She doesn’t need someone to hold her and touch her and caress her skin. She folds her arms over her chest, defiant.

Carina sighs. “Maya, it’s late.”

“I know.”

She tries again. “Do you want me to stay?”

Maya closes her eyes. She wants nothing more, but she thinks it makes her feel weak. And she already feels weak enough. There’s a hand on her shoulder. And then lips pressed next to the hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll go.” Carina whispers, she doesn’t feel personally offended that Maya doesn’t want her to stay. She knows the blonde is going through something. She moves to get out of bed but doesn’t make it to even the edge of the bed when an arm wraps around her waist and prevents her from moving farther.

“Don’t.”

Carina is pulled down onto her back and Maya’s arms wrap around her tightly, her face buried against Carina’s shoulder. “Don’t go.” Maya mumbles into her shirt as tears start to fall from her eyes.

“It’s okay.” Carina rubs her back. She holds Maya as she cries until the blonde falls asleep in her arms.