33. Chapter 33

“Here.” Maya gets some pajamas out of the drawer for Carina. She already has her own on. When they go home Carina insisted on neatening up the kitchen. Maya knew it was a distraction or avoidance technique on the Italians part, so she went and got ready for bed, changing her clothes, washing her face.

She holds the t-shirt and shorts out to Carina. “Go put your jammies on, get ready for bed.” She ushers Carina into the bathroom.

For her part, Carina doesn’t argue or whine about Maya forcing her to get ready for bed. It’s not like she would have resisted. Carina doesn’t need to be told what to do though. She takes the clothes and turns and heads into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face and change. She feels emotionally drained. It was a long day at the station with the Covid testing and then the news that she had to tell Maya about returning to Italy. Maya had mentioned that Carina wasn’t someone who wanted to be taken care of and Carina thinks she hit that point spot on. Like she needed to be reminded of that herself. But right now, Carina is thankful and lucky that Maya cares.

While Carina is in the bathroom, Maya hurries around the bedroom. She knows she only has a limited amount of time before the brunette returns. She goes around the room and ‘lights’ some battery powered candles. Once half a dozen are lit, she gets the lavender oil and adds a few drops to the diffuser that they recently purchased after having a discussion on ways that they can aid in calming down and relaxing lately. Maya isn’t sure if the lavender oil diffuser has helped any though. She’s a skeptic but she sets the thing up anyway. After that, Maya shuts the lights off, the candles providing a low warm glow to their bedroom.

That’s when Carina comes back into the room. She gasps.

Maya hops on the bed quickly, sitting with her back against the headboard, spreading her legs, and patting at the mattress between them. She gives Carina an inviting smile.

Carina closes her eyes for a moment, just taking it all in. The lighting, the lavender scent in the air, Maya who has done all of it while she was getting ready for bed.

When Carina doesn’t move and instead closes her eyes; Maya leans over and pulls the drawer open on her nightstand and pulls out her secret weapon. “You can’t have this if you don’t come to bed.” Maya grins devilishly.

Carina opens her eyes and shakes her head lightly at the item in Maya’s right hand. “And what if I said I didn’t want it.” She jokes.

Maya raises an eyebrow at that. “Oh really, you can’t resist this.”

She puts a knee on the end of the bed and challenges Maya. “You wanna bet?”

“A bet you’re going to lose.” Maya reaches out with her left hand. “Come here.” She needs Carina closer.

The Italian doesn’t waste anymore time and gets into position between Maya’s legs. Maya wraps her arm around Carina’s midsection as she settles back against her. There is a quick kiss to Carina’s cheek once they are both done moving about. “I love you.”

“Ti amo. I love you.” The long sigh that comes from the Italian is warranted and perhaps telling. At least as far as Maya is concerned.

“Now, are you sure about this?” Maya asks again of the item in her right hand.

“I think it is you who can not resist.” Carina teases.

Maya shrugs. “Well, you’re right about that.” She gives in and opens the chocolate Hersey bar and breaks off a piece for herself and then breaks off a piece and offers it to Carina, holding it out in front of the brunette.

Carina opens her mouth instead of taking the chocolate with her fingers. Maya laughs and places the pieces of chocolate on her girlfriend’s tongue. “Will you tell me about them?” She asks softly.

There is another long, sad sigh as Carina finds Maya’s right arm and wraps it around herself to go with Maya’s left that is already around her waist. “It was early on.” She starts on the story on her nonna and uncles.

“This information was all fed to me by my cousin, and you know how we like to embellish sometimes in our storytelling but I’m sure that all the major details are accurate.” Carina prefaces.

“I know, okay.” Maya lets her know that she gets it.

“It was early on. Not like super early but-“ Carina is just putting this all together in her head for the first time. She’s mostly just blocked it out, not thought about it until now. “I know when it was. It was when we were super swamped with Covid patients at the hospital here. When I was losing patients. When I was working crazy long shifts, working odd hours, helping out wherever I could. When it was the worst here. So I guess that wasn’t super early on for Italy. But to me it felt like it was. But to them-“ Carina shakes her head.

“Another chocolate?” Maya wiggles the bar in her hand.

Carina smiles a little. Maya just knows how to lighten the mood. Carina takes the chocolate bar from Maya and breaks off a piece for herself and then puts it in her mouth sucking on it, letting it melt on her tongue. She then breaks a piece off for Maya. “We shouldn’t have anymore or we won’t sleep.” She puts the chocolate bar back in Maya’s nightstand.

“Always so smart.” Maya squeezes her arms around Carina. “So, what happened?”

“My uncle, zio Antonio. Or zio Nio as we liked to tease him. He hated that- that-“

“Nickname?”

“Yeah, that. He said he’d rather be Tonio, or even just Americanized Tony than Nio. Anyway, I guess he got it first. They think he picked it up at work. He was one of the few people that was allowed to work because he owns a small shop. Like a corner grocery store or convenience store in this country. Those places were some of the few places that were still open so people could get food and essentials.” Carina explains. She folds her arms over Maya’s, finding her hands, her fingers, lacing her fingers between Maya’s as they hold around her. “He didn’t know he had it. And he went to go check on his mother, my nonna, to bring her groceries. He must have- I don’t know- messed it up somehow. Didn’t wear a mask, didn’t wash his hands, gave her a hug- I don’t know. A few days later he, zio Nio, was real sick. And a few days after that he was in the hospital. My mother’s brother.” She squeezes Maya’s arms, squeezing them tighter around herself.

“It’s okay.” Maya presses a kiss to her shoulder.

“No, it’s not okay, Maya.” Carina starts to get agitated. “He died. That’s not okay. He died and I didn’t tell anyone about it.” She tries to remove Maya’s arms from around her and get up but Maya holds tight.

“Stay.” Maya just whispers. “Stay here.”

Carina shakes her head from side to side. She knows she needs to do this. She knows she needs to talk about this. Carina takes a moment to try to compose her thoughts. “He gave it to my nonna. And she died. She refused to go to the hospital. So she died at home. My other uncle, Francesco, he volunteered to look after mi nonna and that’s how he got it. He stayed with her until she passed and then he let them take him to the hospital to get treatment, but it was too late for him too.”

Maya sniffles from behind Carina.

“Are you crying?” Carina tries to turn to look but Maya ducks her head and buries her face in Carina’s back, between her shoulders.

“Yeah.”

“This is why I didn’t tell you.” Carina adds.

“Because I would cry.” Maya chuckles dryly. “Gee, thanks.”

“Because it’s sad, Maya. Because everything has been so sad for us.”

“Not everything.” Maya knows, and she knows Carina knows, that not everything has been sad. “You moving in wasn’t sad.” She nuzzles her nose against Carina’s right shoulder.

Carina sighs. “No, you’re right about that. But I didn’t want to bring more sad here. I didn’t want to bring sad home with me from the hospital. I didn’t want to bring sad in from Italy. I just didn’t want it. So I didn’t talk about it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Don’t be sorry, my love.” Maya presses a kiss to her shoulder. She tilts her head and stares at the side of Carina’s face. She moves her right hand, placing it over Carina’s heart. “You don’t have to deal with your sad all by yourself. Or feel like it’s not warranted or allowed. Here, in this room, I like to think of this as our safe space. Where no matter what happens, it’s just you and me and whatever we are dealing with that day. Together. Or separately, but together, but in this room. You asked to come home. This is what you meant, right? To sit in this room. To feel safe and then be able to talk about your family.” Carina nods. “Okay, good, I’m glad I got that right.”

Carina chuckles a little. “You get so much right, bambina. So much.” She doesn’t think she’s ever felt so seen by someone the way that Maya sees her.

“Your family sounds amazing. Taking care of each other like that. Even though-“ Maya doesn’t want to leave that thought on a sad note. “They sound lovely.”

“Thanks, bella.”

“Now. Shall we sleep?” Maya releases Carina and presses her hands to the mattress on either side of her hips. “Or do you want to tell me more?”

“Not today.” Carina doesn’t know how much more sad she can go through in one day. “But this was nice. Not the part where I talked about my dead relatives but the candles and the lavender. Thank you, bambina.” Carina turns, finally looking back at Maya.

Maya can see the tear tracks on her cheeks. “Oh, love.” She reaches up and wipes at Carina’s cheeks with her thumbs. She didn’t know Carina had been crying. They must have been silent tears. “Come on, let’s get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I hope so.” They lay down and Carina nuzzles up against Maya’s side, her head on her chest. “How do you feel about going to Italy?”

Maya rubs her hand up and down Carina’s back. “Not today.” She uses Carina’s words from before and presses a kiss to the brunette’s head. Maya thinks they need to only focus on one thing at a time. First, this conversation about Carina’s family. The travel to Italy and all that’s going to entail can come tomorrow or the next day.

“I need to sign all my patients over to the other OB’s, I need to clean out my office, but first I need to talk to Dr. Bailey about resigning.”

“Okay.” Maya is folding laundry at the end of the bed, the basket on the mattress next to her.

Carina is in the bathroom. “I just don’t know how to even start that conversation. I set up an appointment with her for the day after tomorrow but how does that even go?”

“I’m sure she’ll understand. There’s nothing you can do about your immigration thingy, right?”

Carina rolls her eyes. Glad that Maya can’t see her. “No, there’s nothing I can do about my visa or it’s status right now.”

Maya nods. “She’ll understand.” She doesn’t really enjoy this conversation. Because it means that when Carina quits her job that her leaving to go to Italy is solid, it’s real, it’s happening. Maya’s not dumb, maybe a little naïve, but not dumb. She knows it’s going to be difficult. She knows her going is going to be difficult. They haven’t talked about it yet, but Maya thinks the idea is for her to go with Carina. For like a week and then come back. That seems like enough time to get Carina settled and help out a little and then come back to Seattle without missing too much from work. That worries her a little bit right now. The situation with PD isn’t getting any better. Miller and his lawsuit against PD have only made things worse. Maya fully supports her firefighters, but she wishes that things weren’t the way that they are right now. The timing is terrible.

Carina comes in and puts her hand on the small of Maya’s back, placing a kiss on her cheek. “I’m going to have tea before bed, do you want some?”

“No thanks.” Maya tries to keep her anxiety at bay. She doesn’t need Carina worrying about her right now. She’s worried about PD, and this upcoming trip to Italy. She’s worried about Carina and how long she’s going to be gone. She’s worried about their relationship while they are away from each other. She can feel everything simmer there, just beneath the surface.

“Are you going to see your family while you are in Italy?” Maya calls through the apartment.

Carina shows up back in the door, leaning against the doorframe. “I doubt it.” She folds her arms across her chest. “I’ll be busy. And most of them don’t live near Paolo Calvino. I’ll see Gabriella though. She’s there.”

“Oh.” Maya didn’t know that.

Carina smirks. “Now don’t get all jealous on me, bambina. My eyeballs are only for you.”

Maya laughs at that, releasing some of the anxiety. “You’re funny.”

Carina hums and comes over. She wraps her arms around Maya from behind. “I’m glad you think so.” She presses her lips to the side of Maya’s neck, kissing her lightly.

“That tickles.” Maya squirms.

“I could do it harder. Then it wouldn’t tickle.” Carina husks in her ear, her hands roaming Maya’s stomach and sides.

Maya moans at the touch. “I’m trying to- do the laundry.” She cranes her neck to give Carina better access though.

“I see that.” Carina kisses her hard on the neck, cupping Maya’s right breast.

“Carina.” Maya closes her eyes and moans. She almost hates that she’s always so responsive to Carina’s touch, to the feel of her hands on her body, the lips on her neck. It’s like she can never get enough. It’s not a bad problem to have though, Maya thinks.

Carina kisses along Maya’s neck, to her ear, taking the lobe between her teeth. “Finish the laundry.” She husks and steps away from Maya. Just then the kettle on the stove starts to whistle. “Perfetto.” Carina chuckles and exits the bedroom.

Maya hangs her head with a soft groan. She shakes her head wondering how she got so lucky to be with this amazing sex goddess that is inside Carina. She wonders if it will always be like this or if that feeling will fade with time. That as time goes on, as they grow older, the feeling of wanting each other all the time will fade or go away. Part of her hates that she has to question or second guess everything. Maya wonders why she can’t just live in the here and now and be happy with that. That’s what Carina does. Why can’t she be like that? Why does she always have to think about every little thing and analyze and overanalyze everything? She shakes her head trying to shake of the thoughts.

Carina scheduled her appointment with Dr. Bailey for first thing in the morning. Or well the first available time that Dr. Bailey has open on a typical morning. She wanted it that way so she could get it over with and not feel anxious about the meeting all day.

Except, she’s sat in Dr. Bailey’s office waiting for her and Carina feels nothing but anxiety. It’s reminiscent of the very first time she met with Dr. Bailey and discussed her research with her and was looking for an opportunity to do that research at Grey-Sloan. She wonders if she was just as anxious back then. She knows she was. Carina always is when it comes to talking with a superior about a career related topic. She knew back then that Dr. Bailey had a reputation. For both as a strict no nonsense doctor and teacher but also a reputation as a surgeon that proceeded her. She was respected, renowned. There is a certain intimidation factor involved because of all that.

And today, she feels like she is letting Dr. Bailey down somehow. The Chief is going to be losing a doctor at her hospital. Not just someone who came here to do research. A practicing doctor who is a part of her team, during a global pandemic when everyone is stretched beyond their limits.

Part of her wonders if Dr. Bailey already knows. She doesn’t know what or who Maya told what about her visa expiring. She has a suspicion that Andy knows. But does Ben know and did he tell his wife. Carina wouldn’t be surprised by that at all. Maybe Ben knows but didn’t mention anything to his wife. He is loyal like that. It’s not his news to tell.

Carina can’t ponder on it anymore as Dr. Bailey walks in the room.

“Dr. Bailey, good morning.” Carina stands. She waits for Miranda to sit down before retaking her seat herself.

“Good morning, Dr. DeLuca.” She folds her hands together on the desktop. “What do I owe this pleasure? More crazy female orgasm research that you’d like to do?” She jokes.

The joke doesn’t land. Carina frowns. “No, actually.” She looks nervously down at her hands. “I need to resign. Effective immediately. Or as immediately as possible.” She looks up and over at Bailey. There is a look of shear confusion on the chief’s face. “I need to go back to Italy.”

“Need or want?” Dr. Bailey is upset that a doctor is bailing on her. “I know it’s difficult there but it’s difficult here too with the Covid.”

Carina shakes her head lightly. She isn’t wording this correctly. She takes a deep breath and tries again. “My visa is expiring. I have to go back to Italy. I don’t really have a choice. Immigration is shut down and-“

“Dr. DeLuca, why didn’t you just start with that?” Dr. Bailey smirks a little, folding her arms over her chest. “You’ve been one of my best doctors, most consistent, most professional, always here, always ready for whatever.” Miranda isn’t happy to lose one of her best doctors but if there’s nothing that can be done about the visa situation then she doesn’t have a choice. “Wait. Why resign? Are you not coming back?”

Carina sighs. “I want to come back. I have- there are important- Seattle is-“ She tries to hold her emotions in check. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen. It might be weeks, or months, or longer. That time period is not determined. I don’t want to leave you and the hospital in limbo. And if I can’t get my visa renewed, and I can’t return, then that’s not fair to you.” Carina knows that Dr. Bailey will need to find someone to fill her position in the next few weeks. “I would like to work this week on switching my patients over. Calling them all and letting them know what’s going on. And then after that-“ She shrugs.

“Be done.” Dr. Bailey says with finality. “Well.” She claps her hands and stands up. “Dr. DeLuca, Carina-“ She holds out her arms as she rounds the desk. “You came here under unusual circumstances but have become an integral part of this team. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you or that wonderful personality. You are an asset. Any hospital will be lucky to have you. And I mean this, truly, I’m going to miss you.” She pulls Carina in for a hug even though she knows they shouldn’t. It’s a quick one. She pulls away with a little sniffle. “And Andrew was-“ She shakes her head and closes her eyes. “How am I losing two DeLucas in a matter of a month.” The tears start though, and Dr. Bailey can’t get them to stop. “Oh, it's not fair.” She wipes at her eyes.

“No, don’t cry. It’ll be alright. I’ll be alright.” Carina starts crying too. “You have given me an opportunity here, and for that I will be forever grateful. And because of that I have done some very important research and helped a lot of people in Seattle. I have also met some amazing people. Like yourself, and your husband, all his co-workers. They are like my family now. After Andrea-“

“Bishop.” Dr. Bailey whispers as the realization hits her.

Carina grins, cheeky. “Oh yeah, and Captain Bishop.” She chuckles a little. “Maya is-“ She sighs. She doesn’t know what Maya is. Well, she does but she doesn’t know how to describe it. Maya is amazing. Simply put. And maybe that’s a good summary.

“She is coming with me. For a little bit, to help me get settled. Which is a little silly. It’s Italy. It’s my home but- it’s- it- doesn’t really feel like it anymore. So, maybe it’s not so silly. I think she wants to do it because she’s afraid. Which is understandable. There’s a little bit of me that’s afraid too. I’m mostly scared about the time. How much time it could take to get back here, to Seattle, to her.”

“Aww.” Miranda holds her hand over her heart. “That’s so-“ She hums.

Carina rolls her eyes. “Anyway-“ She doesn’t really feel like talking about Maya or the trip to Italy. “-I have to go back to Italy. And I don’t know when I will be back.” She shrugs. That’s the basis of it.

“Wow, I wish you the best of luck Carina. I really do. It’s a tough position to be put in. Only made worse by Covid.”

“Well, if there is a bright spot, I’m hoping to help out the community where I did my residence. At least I can do that much.”

“See, that’s why you are such an asset.” Dr. Bailey pats her on the arm. “What’s the rest of your day like?”

“Well, I was hoping to go over to the firehouse.” She feels like a little kid under Miranda’s watchful eyes. Like she’s asking permission to go see her girlfriend.

Miranda grins. “Get out of here.” She waves her off. “Go find your girl. Tell her you quit your job.”

“She already knows. But yeah-“ Carina feels that anxiety again surrounding the uncertain future.

“Come back tomorrow and start getting things sorted out. I won’t schedule you past the end of this week but you are free to come and go as you please until you have to leave.”

“Thank you Dr. Bailey.” Carina stands up. “You’ve really done so much for me. I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough.”

“No need. Just go. Before you make me cry again.”

Carina bites her lip a little. “Sorry about that.” She chuckles, awkward.

“Go. Go find Bishop. And if you see my husband, tell him I say hi.”

Carina grins. “I will. Thank you.” She spins on her heels and is gone in a flash.

Dr. Bailey is left standing in her office shaking her head. She feels for the Italian and everything that she’s gone through in recent weeks and months, it can’t be easy. Carina is still standing though, and she knows it’s a testament to the people in her life, the people she has surrounded herself with. The same people that Miranda has the pleasure to call her family too. The people at the hospital and maybe more so for the both of them, the people at the fire station.

Carina leaves the hospital as soon as she’s done with Bailey. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be there right now but there are other places, people, she wants to see right now. Her priorities have shifted. Sure, she has to pack up her office and transfer her patients, but she has a few days to do that, with Dr. Bailey’s blessing.

In the past, Carina quitting a job and moving wasn’t ever a big deal. It was something she did when she needed inspiration or felt bored with her life in a certain place. She picked up and moved and looked for a new adventure, a new challenge, a new inspiration.

Now. The thought would never enter her mind. When Carina first got to Seattle it wasn’t supposed to be permanent. It was supposed to be to keep an eye on Andrea, see how he was doing, and hopeful do her research. But things change. Carina never would have imagined Seattle feeling like her home when she first showed up but now it does. It feels like the place where her people are. She has family back in Italy, but she has a family here now too.

Her movements lead her to that family. She arrives at the station and Ben buzzes her in. She looks in the captain’s office for Maya but doesn’t see her. Ben tells her they are out on a call. She’s a bit disappointed. She wanted to tell Maya how it went with Dr. Bailey. She feels a little loopy right now. She just quit her job, the future is uncertain, and it makes her head spin a little. She was hoping to see Maya so she could help ground Carina, stabilize her emotions. She gets that from Maya now; this sometimes overwhelming sense of safety, security, the grounding presence that she is.

Instead, she gets Ben. He is great. He’ll listen and maybe understand as a physician but he’s not Maya. They talk about her resigning and returning to Italy. He thinks he understands when Carina says Italy doesn’t feel like home anymore. He explains how he started out at UCLA and how that was his birthplace in medicine. It’s not what Carina needs to hear though she understands his point of view and how he is trying to sympathize with her. It’s kind and generous and he is a good man, but - he’s not Maya.

Then the pregnant couple arrives at the station and Carina’s medical training and need to help kick in. She pushes her concerns and anxieties to the back of her mind for now. She puts on a face shield and gown and gloves and helps Ben assist the couple into the station.

At the scene, at the ice rink, Maya doesn’t have any idea how to safely put out the fire on the rogue ice resurfacing machine. She tries not to allude to that to her team. She tells them her best plan of attack for now until she can think of something better.

One of the problems is, Sullivan questions Maya’s authority while she’s trying to figure everything out. He doesn’t overtly undermine her but doesn’t comply with her instructions the way she would like. She’s gotten the sense now for a long time that Sullivan doesn’t like being bossed around by a woman. That’s pretty clear to her. He asks her who is going to be in charge of the station when she goes to Italy. She’s shocked that Andy told him that she was thinking of going to Italy and tells him that she hasn’t decided yet. She’s irritated that he’s asking her this during an active fire. His head clearly not of the fire but more focused on getting her job. That’s clear to her. She doesn’t say anything but files it in the back of her mind for now, trying to refocus on the fire.

Maya comes back to the shock of seeing Carina on the floor in the barn, between a woman’s legs. The woman clearly pregnant and in the middle of giving birth. Maya jumps into action when Carina tells her to. She holds the newborn baby as she watches Carina work on the woman in awe at the way her girlfriend handles this situation as if it’s nothing. Maya knows if it were her by herself, or her with one of her team, she would be panicking.

Carina smiles over at Maya. Thinking that it is amazing that she gets to do this in Maya’s fire station. That she gets to be here to help, to do this, like it was meant to be. She knows it’s not Maya’s station only but it’s amazing that she gets to be a part of Maya’s team. A part of the fire family that Maya has told her so much about. It gives her a sense of welcoming. Or sense of home. A sense of finding a place in life. Even though Italy is calling. She knows she’s going to come back here, to Seattle, to this place.

They wash up in the bathroom. Maya realizes she can’t go. Because of Covid and the PD tensions. But also, she knows if she leaves, Sullivan is going to take her job and she might not get it back. He is Andy’s husband and Andy is her best friend, but she’s struggling really hard with finding any love for him right now. He just rubs her the wrong way. And now today, him coming for her job. That was the last reason she needed to know she couldn’t go. The whole time there’s been this nagging feeling. Maya wants to go. She wants to be there for Carina, but she feels like there’s too much to risk if she does that. She’s been putting Carina before her job, before her career, for weeks now. It feels like a selfish thing to do, to say she has to stay, but Maya feels like that’s what needs to happen. She just hopes Carina will understand.

Carina knew Maya wouldn’t go to Italy with her. She knew from just about the beginning when Maya said she would go. She knew Maya couldn’t leave her job without risking her career. She understands that but is still a little disappointed that Maya is choosing her job over her. She can’t blame her though. If she were in Maya’s place she would probably make the same choice.

“We’ll be okay. I’ll be back before you know it.” Carina draws closer to Maya. “I’ll be back.” She presses into Maya for a soft kiss.

“Promise?” Maya whispers before Carina can kiss her.

Carina nods, bringing her hand up to her neck, stroking her thumb over Maya’s cheek, finally kissing her. “Prometto. Tornerò.” (I promise. I’ll be back.)

Maya leans against Carina, slipping her arms around her waist. “Are you done in here?”

“Si. Perché?”

“Lets go to my office.” She takes a step back from Carina, waiting for the brunette to gather her belongings before walking out of the bathrooms together.

They get to Maya’s office, and she flops down in her desk chair, feeling a little more secure in the office than the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” Carina asks.

“Other than everything.” Maya sighs, being dramatic.

Carina nods. “What haven’t you told me? Did something happen today?” She knows Maya is holding something back. She knows it’s because she doesn’t want to add more to their problems or that it’s something to do with her reasons why she can’t go to Italy. Carina rounds the corner of the desk, pushing Maya’s chair back.

Maya watches Carina’s every move, biting her lip, trying to keep from saying something.

Once there’s enough space between the chair and the desk, Carina has a seat on Maya’s lap, wrapping an arm around the back of her neck. Maya’s hands automatically find Carina’s waist and she rests her head on Carina’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to make this about me.” Maya worries.

“It’s not, Maya, it’s about us.” Even though Carina has no idea what Maya is referring to. She can only assume that it has something to do with her visa and having to return to Italy.

“Sullivan.” Maya mumbles and looks down. “Do you know what he said to me today?”

Carina shakes her head and sucks her bottom lip into her mouth.

“It was during the middle of our call. Which was a first for me actually. An ice resurfacing machine, unmanned, on fire, driving around the ice rink. Anyway, not the point, but I was trying to figure out how to handle the situation and he came up behind me and ask who was going to take over the station while I was in Italy.”

“Oh, dio mio.” Carina shakes her head.

“I know, right. I knew in that moment. Well, two things went through my head. One, Andy told him about a conversation I had in private with her about my concern about traveling to Italy. I was looking for advice. But that’s another issue all together and not really something that I want to address right now. But the second thing was that this man, this man, is coming for my job. I knew in that moment and that was the final thing that made me realize I couldn’t leave. Because as soon as I do, he’ll take my job. How fucked up is that?”

“Very.” Carina moves her arms so that her hand is on the back of Maya’s neck, rubbing the skin of her neck and shoulders. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do without making a bigger deal about it. Nothing other than stay here and keep an eye on my position. I’ve never felt like it was in jeopardy until now. I know everything should be about you right now but this-“ Maya groans. Her head is a jumble. There’s so much going on and so much to think about and Maya knows the focus should be on Carina and getting her ready to go to Italy. And she knows she’s being selfish, and she can’t help it. She just wants to be a good girlfriend but sometimes it seems so hard.

“Don’t worry about me right now. We have time. I have three weeks before I need to leave. There’s time. Today we can focus on what happened today only. That I quit my job and that Sullivan seems to have ulterior motives.” Carina continues with the neck massage.

Maya closes her eyes. “I love you.” She plays with the fabric on Carina’s shirt between her thumb and index finger of her right hand.

Carina leans back a little. “Look at me.” She waits until Maya does. “I love you.” Carina seals her words with a kiss.

Maya nods and returns to her previous spot, with her head resting on Carina’s shoulder. They sit like that for quite some time, silently. Each just sitting in their own thoughts, hands caressing or touch the other the entire time though. A soft, intimate moment shared in the chaos of a fire station.

“You should go home.” Maya whispers.

“You trying to get rid of me, bambina?” Carina jokes.

“No, but you’re making me sleepy. With your magic hands.”

Carina laughs. “Okay.” She moves to get up.

Maya grips her around the waist, holding her there. “No wait. One more kiss.”

Carina giggles. “You are too cute.”

Maya stops, halfway to a kiss. “Don’t call me cute.”

“But you are.”

“I am not.” Maya puts her hands on the arms of the chair and puffs out her chest, a serious look on her face.

“Now you are being goofy.” Carina giggles at her some more.

Maya rolls her eyes. “Fine. But don’t you ever call me cute in front of other people.”

“I can’t make any promises, but I will try.” Carina smirks. “Baciami, bambina.” She hooks finger into Maya’s collar at the front of her shirt and pull her in for a kiss. “My sexy, sexy captain.”

Maya hums. “Mmm, Carina.”

“I know. I have to go. I just came to let you know how it went with Dr. Bailey and look what happened.” She chuckles a little.

“Crazy.”

“Crazy.” Carina agrees, patting her hand against Maya’s chest above her badge before she gets up.

“Let me walk you out.” Maya follows her.

Carina leaves with one more brief kiss at Maya’s office door and an exchange of I love you’s. Maya watches her exit the station with a content smile. Things are crazy but she feels happy about her relationship. It brings a sense of stability and normalcy to her currently hectic life.

She jogs up the stairs comes into the lounge where everyone is around the tv, looking at what is happening in Minneapolis. She stares at the tv and knows this doesn’t mean good things for her or her team involving the police situation. She then takes in the crew. All their faces, their reactions and realizes that there’s no way that this is going to be good for them.