35. Chapter 35

Carina stands at the bedroom window, looking out, watching as it rains.

The plan was to go get ice cream after dinner and go to the park to watch the sunset with Maya. Now, with it raining, that can’t happen.

Maya comes into the bedroom. “What are you-“ She asks as she see Carina just standing there. But then she sees it.

“It’s raining.” She had checked the forecast and everything. So, it wasn’t supposed to be completely clear for today, but the man in her weather app said a 25% chance of rain. Carina hates when they do that. 25% what is that. That tells you nothing. 25% of what? 25% of the area has a chance of rain? There’s a 25% chance that it will be raining where you live? It’s so vague. That number too. It’s like false hope. 25% isn’t a high percentage, but if it rains where you are that an 100% chance.

And if the clouds don’t clear, it doesn’t matter if it’s not raining, there won’t be a sunset.

Carina turns her head, watching as Maya crosses the room.

“Okay.” Maya slides up behind Carina and wraps her arms around her waist from behind. “Did you want to do something else instead?”

“I wanted to do this.” Carina pouts, childlike. She puts her hands on top of Maya’s on her waist. “I wanted to go get ice cream and watch the sunset with you. It’s our thing.” They don’t always have ice cream but watching the sunset is definitely their thing.

“I know.” Maya sighs, resting her chin on Carina’s shoulder. She’s about to suggest that they just postpone until tomorrow, but she remembers that life is calling, and she has to work tomorrow. “I’m sorry.”

Carina spins around in Maya’s arms at that. “It’s not your fault, bambina.” She grabs Maya’s cheeks in her hands.

“I know, I just feel like-“ Maya shrugs. It’s been difficult trying to work through her emotions regarding Carina’s visa and her departure. She doesn’t want to complain about it, or seem ungrateful, or like she’s the one that’s struggling because she knows it’s hard on Carina too. But she is, struggling. She’s struggling to wrap her mind around everything. She’s struggling to keep her emotions in check for Carina. She’s struggling to know what to do to help, to make it easier, better. It’s a struggle.

“We should still do something this evening.” She rubs her right palm over Carina’s lower back. “Even if we can’t watch the sunset.”

She sees Carina nod in agreement. She sees Carina looking right at her, hands on her face, but she feels so distance. Her eyes don’t light up like they usually do. Her smile barely there when she does smile. Maya knows, she knows, all of this is having an effect on Carina too.

“How about we still go get ice cream after dinner?”

Carina nods and leans forward, resting her forehead against Maya’s, letting Maya pull her into a tight embrace.

“What would you like for dinner?” Maya whispers softly.

They have a whole freezer full of food thanks to Carina’s anxiety cooking. But Maya doesn’t want to touch any of that. Carina has told her more than once- that’s for when I’m gone.

The decision was made to just have whatever they could find in the apartment. Maya ends up eating a hard boiled egg and some crunchy peanut butter on toast. Carina also goes with the crunchy peanut butter but has it on two pieces of toast. No eggs, hard boiled or other.

Maya drives them. The rain hasn’t stopped, unfortunately. Carina tries not to pout about it, but this was probably one of their last opportunities to go and watch the sunset together.

“Where are we going?” Carina whines. She isn’t really in the mood to be out in public with the rain and the damper it has put on their plans.

Usually, they go to the ice cream places a few blocks from the apartment, but they have long driven past that place.

“You’ll see.” Maya reaches over and takes Carina’s hand in hers, leaving their connected hands in Carina’s lap. Carina wraps her other hand over Maya’s, holding it between her hands.

Maya finds a place to park, and they get out. “It’s a little walk. I’ve brought an umbrella though.” Maya would just forego the umbrella if Carina weren’t with her. It’s a warm summer evening. Not too cold, just damp and rainy. But she doesn’t want even a single rain drop to get on Carina.

She quickly opens the umbrella and rounds the car, holding it over Carina in ridiculous fashion. Maya smiles when her antics pull a little giggle from the Italian as she emerges from the car. She holds out her elbow and Carina wraps her right hand in it.

They walk up to the storefront. “So, I looked up this place online. I hope that’s okay. I don’t know how you feel about Italian places that aren’t in Italy.”

Carina gives Maya a curious look, a tilt of the head. “What do you- oh-“ She sees the name of the shop. “Gelatiamo.” She mumbles.

“Yeah, I looked it up. It said they have authentic Italian gelato.”

Carina just about bursts into tears on the sidewalk. She wraps Maya up in a tight hug, so tight that Maya stumbles backwards with the force, but steadies herself and wraps her arm around Carina. At Carina’s reaction, Maya second guesses her idea.

“Is this not okay?” It’s not their usual place, in their neighborhood. So, Maya doesn’t know. But she’s been thinking lately. Especially about how Carina said that she’s been profiled and judged by people while living in Seattle. And how Maya didn’t realize that was an issue and that Carina had to go through that. Maya started to realize that Carina is living in a world that, at first, wasn’t familiar to her, and second, wasn’t always accepting of her; that Carina was living in an American world; that Carina was living in Maya’s world. She’s realizing that now and Maya wants to do things to start to change that.

“È fantastico. Sei incredibile.” Carina sniffles a little.

“Okay.” Maya lets Carina lean against her for as long as she needs. “Good.”

Carina leans back after a minute, tears in her eyes yet. She cups Maya’s cheek with her right hand. “Grazie.”

Maya nods with a soft smile.

“I’m here like a blubbering idiota again.”

“You’re not an idiot.” Maya reminds her earnestly. “Just full of complicated emotions.” She jokes.

Carina grins and shakes her head. “Shall we go inside?”

Maya nods and holds her arm out for Carina to go first. Carina enters and Maya shakes out the umbrella before following her inside.

Gelatiamo doesn’t just have gelato. They are a café and have pastries and sandwiches, and even sorbet.

Of all the years Carina has lived in Seattle, she hasn’t been to this café. She thinks she remembers hearing about it from Andrea, but she had never gone. It was on the other side of Seattle from the hospital, and it never popped into Carina’s mind to navigate through the city to come here. It’s a little silly now that she thinks about it, because her and Maya come over this way to go to the park to watch the sunset, but it never occurred to her to spend the time to drive around looking for gelato. It just wasn’t important.

Until now.

Maya somehow makes the littlest things in life seem important. Like the sunset. Or authentic Italian gelato.

They get their gelato and head out. “Do you want to go see the gum wall?”

“Cosa?”

“The gum wall. It’s infamous. You’ve never heard of it? It’s only like five blocks from here. We can walk.”

“It’s raining, Maya.”

“I have an umbrella. I will keep you dry.” She jiggles the umbrella a little. “It’s a tourist spot but it’s interesting to see.” As if that sentence is going to convince Carina.

They walk a block and Carina agrees. “Since we’re out and in this area.” She shrugs.

They see the wall of chewed gum and head back towards where the car is parked.

“That was kinda gross.” Carina makes a disgusted face, then sticks out her tongue.

“But impressive, right? All that gum.”

Carina chuckles. “Si, impressive.”

They get back to the car and Maya walks with Carina all the way to the passenger’s side door, umbrella hovering over them the entire time.

“It’s fine if I get a little wet.” Carina somehow makes the sentence sound suggestive.

Maya stops as they get to the car, as she hears Carina’s words.

Carina spins on her, grabbing a fistful of Maya’s t-shirt, and pulling her into her body. She presses a kiss to Maya cheek before moving her lips to her ear. “Tonight has been amazing, bella. So amazing. Even if we didn’t get to see the sunset. But-“ She releases her hold on Maya’s shirt and runs her hand down her torso until her reaches the top of Maya’s jeans. She tucks her fingers into the top of Maya’s jeans, holding her close.

Maya squirms a little bit. “Ca-Carina.” She stutters, their proximity and Carina sexy voice already getting to her.

“I want you to take me home.” Carina whispers. “I want you to get me all wet. I want you to make sweet, slow, passionate love to me. With me.”

Maya’s knees buckle. The umbrella falters, slackening off to the side.

There is something powerful in Carina’s words. The command, the authority. It’s sexy and appealing and totally has Maya doing anything in her power to give Carina everything she wants and needs.

In the morning, the alarm goes off and Maya shuts it off immediately. She stretches out her legs under the sheet with a little grunt. She looks over at the woman next to her. The pinched together brows, the little wrinkle there that gives away that Carina is unhappy with the noise that has awoken her. Maya knows she’ll go back to sleep as soon as she leaves but it’s absolutely adorable how she looks with her grumpy little face.

Maya turns onto her side and reaches out. She runs her hand over the side of Carina’s head. She’s got to get to work. But moments like this make her not want to leave this bed. Their bed. The events of last night play through Maya’s head. Their unorthodox dinner, driving to the gelato place, Carina’s reaction, the gum wall, walking around in the rain on a warm summer night with her love. All of it. The little parts and the big parts. Everything. The way Carina pulled her in. The way she said what she wanted.

And then when they got home and spent half the night making love.

Maya had never thought of sex like that. It’s always just been sex to her. A physical act. Two people coming together to search out a release from the other. It was usually quick and a one time deal. That was the understanding of it.

But now she knows it’s so much more than that. And looking over at Carina, she knows that nothing or no one is ever going to compare to what they have. The connection that they have, physically, but more so, emotionally, is beyond what Maya can put into words. To know someone, inside and out, to know their needs, and how to fulfill them is a gift that Maya didn’t know she needed or possessed. To feel that emotional connection with Carina, to look into her eyes as she comes undone in her arms is the greatest feeling Maya has ever felt.

And that’s why it’s so hard for her to leave this bed, to go to work. Because the clock is ticking.

But she kisses Carina’s forehead with a whispered I love you and slips out of bed. Duty calls.

The thoughts that she’s been trying to keep at bay come back as she makes her way to work. Maya can’t help but feel like she should be doing more. Like they have this limited time together and they don’t know when they are going to see each other again. Maya feels like something is off. It’s not big. Just this little bit of something that isn’t sitting right with her.

She doesn’t want to say anything, verbalize her fears, because then that makes them real. The main one being that as soon as Carina gets home to Italy, that she’ll realize how much she misses it and never wants to come back to Seattle. And now that Maya knows that Carina has had difficult times living, existing, in Seattle, especially; it’s a fear that eats at Maya every single day and has been for weeks now.

But she pushes it to the back of her mind at the start of her shift.

Maya wakes up, it’s late. This is the day she’s taken off of work. The day before Carina is set to fly to Italy. She’s not sure what the day has planned for them, but she doesn’t have a plan. Maybe Carina does.

Evidently, the plan is packing.

After a late breakfast, Carina starts puttering around the apartment. Collecting little things and putting them in bags or in her suitcase. But not common sense things. Stuff like a bottle of olive oil. Or like putting sticks of butter in a Tupperware and putting them in the freezer to then put in her suitcase just before she leaves.

Maya wonders if it’s just anxiety and nerves. Italy is full of Covid and maybe Carina is worried about shopping or going out in public. But she doesn’t that stuff here is Seattle, what would be the difference? Maya doesn’t say anything though, as she keeps an eye on what is happening. Maybe it’s just something Carina does when she travels to and from Italy.

“Hey.” Maya gets Carina’s attention. There isn’t anything more depressing right now than watching Carina walk around the apartment, but not really doing anything. She’ll walk from the kitchen to the bedroom. Go through the drawers and her clothes, not seemingly making a decision on anything, and then walk back to the kitchen and do the same thing in there.

“Yeah.” Carina has her head down as she looks through the ‘junk drawer’.

“Let’s go do something, go for a walk?”

“I’m busy. I have to pack.” Carina mumbles.

“What have you actually packed though?”

Carina whips around at that. “Are you accusing me of not packing? I’m trying to decide what to bring. That’s all part of packing.”

Maya shakes her head and raises her hands in the air, palms out. “Okay. Okay. How about you take a break from that?” Maya approaches Carina slowly, she slides her hand to Carina’s back. She closes the drawer with the other hand. “You’re stressing out about this?”

“It’s a stressful time.” Carina hangs her head.

“I know.” She tips Carina’s chin up, and over, so she’ll look at her. “How about a walk? And then maybe a snack or something to eat?”

“Okay. Yeah.” Carina lets out a long breath. “Thank you.”

Maya hums. “Don’t thank me, love. You would do the same thing if I were stressing out about something.” She grins for Carina.

“I would.” Carina leans in and gives Maya a soft kiss. She takes Maya by the hand. “Let’s walk.”

“Do you want to go out to dinner?” Maya asks as they return from their walk.

Carina scrunches up her face.

“I can make a reservation.” Maya offers.

“I don’t really want to.” Carina shrugs.

“But, it’ll be our last dinner-“

“Maya, I said I don’t want to.” Carina raises her voice.

Maya takes a couple steps back, away from Carina. “Okay. We don’t have to but-“

Carina runs her hands through her hair in frustration. “I don’t want to. I don’t want to have a last walk. And a last dinner. I don’t want to have all these lasts. Do you not get that? I don’t want to. Leave it alone.” She grits out her words. “I’ll be in the bedroom going through my things. Please, just leave me alone for a little while.”

All Maya can do is nod. It feels like everything is slipping through her fingers and there’s nothing Maya can do to stop it.

Carina goes into the bedroom and closes the door. She lays down on the bed and closes her eyes, trying to collect herself, her emotions. She ends up falling asleep.

Maya, for her part, stays true to what Carina asked her. She leaves her alone. Maya sits in one of the chairs in the living room and plays Solitaire on her phone. An hour passes, and Carina hasn’t come out of the bedroom. Maya also hasn’t heard any noise coming from the room, which concerns her a little.

She gets up after another fifteen minutes and uses the bathroom. She, then, pushes the door to the bedroom open a crack. She looks around at what she can see. She doesn’t see Carina, so she pushes the door open further, finally revealing her on the bed. Carina is facing away from her, but Maya assumes the woman is asleep.

Maya sighs and hangs her head. She wishes this wasn’t happening right now. Carina leaves tomorrow night. Maya wanted everything to be good when she left. She wanted to have a fun day today. She wanted them to relax and enjoy their final hours together. Instead, they are in separate rooms, frustrated and avoiding each other.

Maya starts on something to eat for dinner. She cooks up some grilled chicken and vegetables. She’s eating at the table when the bedroom door opens. Maya turns and looks and gives a tight-lipped smile.

Carina runs her hands through her hair and returns with her own tight-lipped smile. “What are you having?”

“Chicken and vegetables.” Maya shrugs.

Carina nods and comes over towards Maya. She leans down and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry about earlier. I was stressed out and needed some space.”

“It’s okay. There’s a lot going on.”

Carina wraps her arms around Maya’s chest. “Am I allowed to have some of that?”

Maya chuckles. “Of course, love. I made some of both of us.”

“Thank you.” She releases her hold on Maya and points to the drink Maya has with her meal. “I’m not drinking your gross green drink though.”

Maya laughs, releasing all the tension in her body. “Well, I didn’t make one for you anyway.”

Carina smiles at that and heads into the kitchen.

They eat and Carina does some more ‘packing’. Maya watches the news. The news soothes her for some reason. All the bad things happening in the world and watching them on the news makes Maya feel good. She loves the news. She loves watching the news whenever there are big world events. She doesn’t always get a lot of time or opportunity to watch the news but when she can, she eats it all up.

“Maya.” Carina comes over. She reaches down and removes the tv remote from Maya’s hand. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Really?” Maya tilts her head, appraising Carina carefully. “I thought you didn’t want any lasts.”

Carina rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Don’t listen to me. I’m stressed.” She holds out her hand for Maya to take. When she does, Carina pulls her up from the chair. She tugs Maya along. Not that Maya isn’t willing to follow. She would follow Carina anywhere at this point. She almost did, all the way to Italy.

Carina undresses Maya before Maya can even wrap her head around what is happening, so mesmerized by Carina and her movements.

“Woah, woah, woah.” Maya stops Carina’s hands as they are about to slip her underwear down her legs. “Let’s slow this down. If this is going to happen-“ Maya licks her lips.

“Is Maya Bishop saying no to sex?”

Maya shakes head quickly. “I didn’t say that. I never said that. This.” She motions between herself and Carina. “Needs to be mutual. Not one sided. Take your clothes off too.”

Carina laughs lightly. “Okay, bambina.”

And Carina does. Maya watches and Carina removes her clothes. And as soon as Carina catches on that Maya has her rapt attention on her she slows her stripping down. She even puts a hand on Maya’s chest and pushes her backwards until Maya is sitting on the end of the bed.

Maya bites her lip as she watches Carina sway her hips back and forth, shimmying around in front of her. She reaches back and unclips her bra, the straps sliding down her arms slowly, the cups falling away from her chest. Carina takes her bra and holds it in front of Maya’s face for a moment before throwing it on the floor.

Next, Carina slips the legging she is wearing down her legs, bending, and making a show of pulling them from her feet.

Maya groans, reaching out for Carina’s hips. She pulls Carina down onto the bed. Carina laughs, half sitting, half falling over onto the bed. “I wasn’t finished.”

“You are now.” Maya wiggles her eyes. She keeps tugging at Carina’s hips, trying to get her to move. Carina takes the hint and moves to sit in Maya’s lap, hands on her cheeks. Maya’s right arm wraps around Carina. She leans in and starts pressing kisses to her chest, anywhere her lips can reach.

Carina tips her head back, her eyes closed, reveling in the feeling of Maya’s lips on her skin. She’s so lost in the sensation that she doesn’t realize that Maya is lifting her up, and flipping them over, and placing Carina on the bed on her back. “You’re so good at that move.” She marvels at Maya’s strength and agility.

Maya smirks. “Lots of practice with you. As much as I love you sitting in my lap. I love you underneath me even more.”

Carina moans. She pulls Maya’s face from her chest, up, so that those lips are on her own. She kisses Maya hard, pulling a moan and a grind of the hips from Maya.

While Carina has a hold of her face, Maya slips her hand between their bodies, grinning into their kiss when she reaches wet hot heat between Carina’s legs. She doesn’t waste any time slipping her fingers through Carina’s folds. Carina’s hips cant up, searching for more. Maya takes that as a hint and enters her with two fingers.

Carina pulls her lips from Maya’s, throwing her head to the side, moaning loudly as Maya is three knuckles deep inside her, pumping in and out in a slow rhythm. She pulls Maya’s chest tight to her own, wrapping her legs around Maya’s hips.

Maya kisses at Carina’s neck as she works her towards her orgasm, sucking at her pulse.

“Maya.” Carina moans, her hand coming up to tangle in Maya’s hair at the back of her head. “Aaahhh.” She bucks her hips up into Maya as she comes undone.

Maya lets her lover relax and come down from her high for a little bit, softly kissing and nipping at any skin that she can reach on Carina’s neck and face. Carina finally unwraps her legs from around Maya and she grabs Maya around the ears and pulls her into a searing kiss.

“Touch me.” Maya begs.

“Oh, bambina.” Carina snakes her hand between their bodies, rubbing, stroking between Maya’s legs.

Maya’s hips jerk at the first touch, but then they settle, rocking into Carina’s fingers as they rub. “Hold-“ Maya grunts. “-still.”

“Cosa?”

Maya closes her eyes, rests her forehead against Carina’s shoulder, and arches her back some. “Don’t move your hand. Let me-“ She ruts against Carina’s fingers, getting them in the exact spot that she needs them herself, reaching her climax in mere seconds.

Breathing hard, Maya wiggles herself down the bed, lays her head on Carina’s stomach, her hands gripping at each of the Italian’s hips. Carina, for her part, runs her fingers through Maya’s hair, scratching at her head lightly. She knows she shouldn’t say it, but Maya thinks it. She’s going to miss this. Not just the amazing sex, but the moments after. The sometimes quiet, sometimes vulnerable moments following sex. When Carina will ask her-

“What are you thinking?”

Maya sighs, turning her head, pressing her lips to Carina’s soft skin. “I love you.” She looks up and locks eyes with Carina, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“I love you, bella.” Carina puts two fingertips under Maya’s chin, tilting her head a little further, stroking her thumb along the underside of her jaw.

Carina has never had this much trouble packing, for anything. She doesn’t know what to bring, how long she is going to be gone. Are the seasons going to change, does she need a whole year’s worth of clothing? She knows she could buy things in Italy, but prefers not to do that.

So, she asks Maya to help her. After yesterday and trying to avoid Maya and block her out of her preparations; she thinks maybe the better thing to do is to involve Maya in packing. At least then, Maya won’t be sitting in front of the tv again all day. She knows Maya is watching the news to focus on something else. She always knows that Maya could be doing other things, like going for a run instead of watching the news; but isn’t because she doesn’t want to leave the apartment, doesn’t want leave Carina’s side.

Maya tries to stay focused on the conversation, but she watches as Carina wraps up some knives in a dish towel and uses some excuse that she doesn’t want a lot of deliveries coming to the rental. Maya thinks it’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever seen.

“How long are you planning on staying?” Maya pushes herself off the doorway and takes a few steps into the kitchen. The things that Carina is packing would indicate a long term commitment, staying in Italy for months. It’s also the most depressing thing to witness. Knives, one set of dishes. One of this, one of that.

She knows what would solve all of this. Maya knows Andy told her not to do it, but Maya can’t help but think that if she just proposes then all of this nonsense will go away. She’s ready. Well, not ready to propose, but ready enough.

There isn’t anything that Maya is surer of in this world than her love for Carina. Here they are and everything is breathing down Maya’s neck, that if she just does it, then maybe, they can breath for a little while. That it won’t be this big suffocating thing that Carina has to leave with no return date.

There is a pause in the conversation and Maya is about to bring it up. “Carina, I-“

“So, you never came out to your parents?”

Maya wishes she hadn’t brought that up a few minutes ago. The question gets her off track. The thought and opportunity to bring up marriage slipping away. But she finds a way to bring it back around. “Honestly-“

She wishes Carina would just stand still until she gets through everything she wants to say. She’s supposed to be the anxious, rambling, pacing one.

“Until I met you, I think a part of me always assumed I’d end up marrying a man.”

“Really?”

“But now I’m-” Maya is going to do it.

But then Carina cuts her off and goes on about how Maya’s dad forced her into certain ways of thinking. And again, Maya is frustrated that she just can’t get out what she wants to say. She just wants to stop Carina and say ‘listen, we could get married and end all this nonsense’. Maya feels like that’s where they are headed. Maybe not this soon, but at some point in the future Maya sees them married.

“-I never want to get married.”

Carina says it so casually that Maya can’t believe the words came out of the Italian’s mouth.

“You don’t want to get married?” Maya has a hard time believing that.

“Oh no, I don’t believe in it.” Carina carries on with her ridiculous packing, leaving Maya standing there in shock.

“Oh!”

She also can’t believe that Carina doesn’t believe in marriage. That totally ruins her plan to say ‘let’s get married’. Carina doesn’t want to get married. She doesn’t sound like she wants anything to do with it. That was the one option that Maya thought of that would prevent Carina from leaving for an extended period of time. It’s like a mini screw you to Maya’s plan. And now she feels like she’s an idiot for not knowing this about Carina.