2. CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 2
Carina slowly swallows the lump in her throat and blinks a few times trying to grasp what exactly it is she is hearing. When the bomb was dropped there was a silence in the air. Maya couldn’t help but gasp slightly. When she turned to look at her wife she was met with somebody who looked like she saw a ghost….all color left her face.
“Andrea?” Carina questions softly.
Amy Kentzman hearing this looks at her paperwork once more in confusion. “It says here Andrew DeLuca.”
“It’s--” Bailey sensing the confusion from the caseworker cuts in. “Yes….DeLuca is this baby’s father.”
After hearing that again the shock of it all finally hits Carina and she wavers a little bit where she stands. Maya sees her wife start to lose her foot and springs into action. She wraps her arm around Carina and steadies her.
“Woe, woe.” Maya says as she keeps hold of her wife in her arms.
Bailey grabs the letter from her jacket and holds it out to her friend. “Carina, here is the letter the baby’s mother wrote.”
Carina attempts to move her hand towards the letter but can tell by the constant shake of her hand that she is in no state. “Can you?”
“Of course.” Bailey says as she starts to open the letter.
Maya being able to feel Carina’s hands shake wraps her arm even tighter around Carina before reaching for Carina’s hand in her own trying to calm the Italian woman. Carina takes a few calming breaths and watches her boss slowly open up this letter to read.
Miranda clears her throat a bit before starting to read.
“Hello,
I’m not going to tell you my name but I am the woman who dropped off the baby girl yesterday. I am surrendering all my rights away. I am giving her to the hospital because the father used to work there. Andrew DeLuca and I were both in a bad place and pretty messed up when I got pregnant.”
Carina hearing this lets a tear drop and covers her eyes being reminded of the truly horrific place her brother was in. She can imagine him spiraling out in a maniac state with this girl who sounds like was in the same state to a degree.
Maya seeing the tears starts to rub circles on Carina’s back before nodding her head to Miranda to continue reading the letter.
“We weren’t really together and I didn’t get the chance to tell him about the baby before he died. He was acting crazy and we were drinking a lot but he did talk about his life. I named her Ginetta Rosa.”
Maya instantly turns to her wife. “Isn’t that--?”
“My mama’s middle name.” Carina finishes.
Maya nods and lets out a sigh. “And Rosa is yours.”
“Si.” Carina says as she stands up a little straighter going into her Carina warrior mode as Miranda continues.
“Andrew talked about his mom and his sister. The baby doesn’t feel like mine but…she feels like his. I know Andrew is gone but I hope somebody at the hospital will take care of her. Please take care of her.
Please don’t try to find me.”
Miranda finishes the letter before looking up at Carina and Maya who are still trying to soak it all in…or some of it in….any of it really.
“Mio caro, caro fratellino.” Carina says to herself as she clutches her chest. (My dear, dear baby brother) “Does the rest of the hospital know?”
“Only Hayes.” Miranda says before letting out a sigh. “We haven’t told anyone else.”
“Good.” Carina says before stepping out of her wife’s arms as she runs her hands through her long brown hair. “This is--”
“I know that this is a shock.” Miranda says as she waves her hand down. “And if you need a little time to--”
“How do we know that Andrew really is the father?” Maya asks.
The three women turn to the fire captain and Carina feels like she has just been gut punched at the question before admonishing the person behind it. “Maya.”
“Ahhh.” Miranda drawls feeling the tension before continuing. “Dr. Hayes performed a DNA test for me last night using DNA we had on file…the results came in this morning. It’s a match.”
Miranda takes a beat to take a look at Carina and notices her completely lost…drowning in her own thoughts. Anybody who had the privilege of seeing the DeLuca siblings interact knew the love between them. There was a bond there not found in many siblings. Carina would do anything for her brother and when he died the light left the woman’s eyes for a long time. And anyone would tell you the only reason it came back was a certain fire captain.
“DeLuca?” Miranda throws to the doctor trying to get her attention.
Carina shakes her head slightly. “Does the rest of the hospital know?”
Maya and Miranda instantly look at each other and engage in a split second silent conversation. The repeat question from the OB/GYN is definitely a cause for concern to the two women who know her best.
Maya cautiously speaks to her wife. “Babe, Miranda already said--”
“No.” Miranda gently leans over to look Carina in the face. “Nobody knows yet.”
Before Maya can say anything more to her wife the alarm and dispatch announcement fill the room.
Dispatch: Engine 19, Ladder 19, Aid Car 19. Auto Collision, 16th Avenue South. Possible Fire on Scene.
“I’ve gotta go.” Maya hisses into the air cursing the timing before facing Carina. “I’ve gotta go.”
“I know.” Carina says as she gives Maya’s hand a squeeze. “Go.”
The three women watch as Maya and the other firefighter rush to the barn through the alarms to go on the call. As the flurry of excitement dies down the three women are let, trying to figure out the next step.
“DeLuca?” Miranda questions.
Carina takes a breath through her nose before pulling herself together. “I want to see her.”
“Of course.” Amy Kentzman says.
“Carina, I know this is a lot.” Miranda says to Carina who she can tell is starting to shove feelings deep inside. “I know how much Andrew meant to you.”
“Chief Bailey….I am good.” Carina says firmly shutting down the conversation. “I will follow you to the hospital.”
“Ok.” Miranda replies back as she watches Carina walk away.
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Carina drove around the block of Station 19 a few times before heading to the hospital. She stood outside the door for at least 15 minutes…trying to get the strength to go inside. When the woman realized that was not happening she found herself on the side of the building…sitting in the grass. As she sat on the ground with her back against the bricks she was brought back to a memory of sitting with Andrew…when they tried to convince him to get help. That felt like such a big moment….this is such a big moment.
As she sits in silence amongst the flurry of the hospital surrounding her, she doesn’t notice a friend walking towards her. He had dropped off a victim with Andy and when he saw the look on his wife’s face in the pit he told Andy to head back to the station without him.
“Hey.” Ben Warren says looking down.
Carina looks up and can see it in his eyes. “You know.”
“I know.” Ben says with a nod confirming her suspicions. “Miranda just told me…she’s worried about you.”
“She came by Station 19 and told us this morning.” Carina says.
“Are you going to go upstairs?” Ben asks.
Carina just shakes her head and looks straight ahead. “Maya’s freaking out.”
“You don’t know that.” Ben says back.
“I know my wife Warren.” Carina says looking up at Ben while stretching her arms out in front of her. “She’s freaking out.”
“I’m not worried about Maya right now.” Ben says as he holds his hands out before pointing at Carina. “I’m worried about you.”
“My little brother is dead.” Carina says into the air.
Ben lets out a sigh. “Yes.”
“He has a baby.”
“Yes.” Ben repeats.
“I should go up there.” Carina says firmly with her words but makes not movement to get up.
Ben waits for Carina to get up for a second but then steps over to the wall and slowly gets down to take a seat next to the brunette doctor.
“And you will….but let’s just take a moment.” Ben says as he leans his head back against the brick.
“Before I came to Seattle I was so alone.” Carina says with a sad laugh before looking off into the distance. “Then there was Andrea…and then Maya.”
“I know.” Ben says.
Carina lets out a short breath as she tries to keep the tears from falling. “And now Andrea is gone …and Maya is…”
“Carina.” Ben states firmly, getting her to finally look at him. “You still have Maya.”
“Andrea’s baby is upstairs.” Carina sighs.
“I know how much Andrew meant to you.” Ben says slowly and carefully. “How much you meant to him.”
Carina can finally feel a tear roll down her face. “His baby is all alone.”
“She is not alone DeLuca.” Ben disagrees before nudging Carina’s arm with his own. “She has you.”
“I’m not enough.” Carina retorts quickly.
Ben shakes his head and places his hand on his chest. “As somebody who knows you…you are more than enough.”
Carina turns quickly to face Ben to argue that she is indeed not enough when she sees the look in his eyes. This is her friend and he is telling her that she can do it even though she does not believe it herself. She lets out a long breath trying to keep her emotions under control before taking a long swipe down her face, catching any remaining tears.
“You are not alone Carina.” Ben says, reaching for her hand. “And neither is she.”
Carina slowly nods her head and takes one final steadying breath. “Help me up?”
“You got it.” Ben says with a smile as he pops up to his feet before helping Carina to hers.
Once Carina is up she brushes herself off before turning to Ben. “You kinda feel like my best friend.”
“Us.” Ben says as he motions between them while they make their way to the sidewalk. We’re total best friends…did you not know that.”
Carina lets out a small chuckle before turning to her friend. “Thank you Ben.”
Ben nods his head with a smile before stopping them in their tracks. “Just don’t tell Amelia.”
“Probably a good idea.” Carina laughs as they walk up to the entrance.
Ben laughs back and nods his head. “Go get her.”
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It had been a pretty straight forward call…for them at least. The car crash was big but manageable and Maya orchestrated the scene beautifully. They manage to get all the victims out before Miller noticed gas leaking under one of the trucks. The team was able to pull everyone from the scene before the car exploded right on the road.
When the team arrived back at the house Maya walked to her office without saying much of anything to her team as she did. She took a seat at her desk and immediately stared out the window. Maya is so focused on the window that she doesn’t notice Andy at the door. When Andy got back to the station she saw all the other rigs gone and has been waiting for their return.
“Hey.” Andy says.
“Hey.” Maya answers back
“How was the call?” Andy asks as she leans against the door frame.
“Car crash.” Maya says as her eyes remain to the window. “We got the passengers out before the car exploded.”
Andy just nods her head. “How big was the blast?”
“Pretty big.” Maya says emotionless.
Andy tilts her head at her friend trying to get a read before closing the door behind her to give them some privacy. “Okay…you want to tell me something.”
“No…I don’t.” Maya deadpans.
“You were running weren’t you?” Andy says as she makes her way over and stands in front of the desk. “In your mind.”
“What?” Maya asks confused finally looking over to Andy.
“Just now.” Andy says as she motions to Maya and the window. “I know you Maya.”
Maya lets out a sigh and looks down at her hands remembering back to the time she went for a run in her head during the police stakeout a few years ago with Andy. She couldn’t leave the aid car and was feeling so anxious…so stuck…that she had to settle for running in her head. When she made captain and had more responsibilities she found herself running in her head a lot…just to keep going.
“You do that….when you’re stuck.” Andy says carefully to her friend. “What’s going on?”
Maya lets out another shallow breath before looking up. “We just found out that Carina’s brother got somebody pregnant before he died.”
“What?” Andy sputters out.
Maya just nods her head. “The mother surrendered her rights and safe dropped the baby at Grey-Sloan.”
“Wow.” Andy sputters again.
“Yea.” Maya sighs, leaning back in her chair.
Andy shakes her head a few times trying to process before looking to her friend. “How’s Carina?”
“I don’t know.” Maya shrugs.
“You don’t know how your wife is doing?” Andy asks.
Maya feeling attacked snaps at the woman in front of her. “No Andy! I don’t!”
Andy just settles into the chair and nods her head before looking at Maya…giving her the space to continue. Maya in turn sees this and feels terrible for yelling at somebody who is only trying to help. She takes a breath through her nose and looks down at her hands once more.
“I’m sorry.” Maya apologizes.
Andy waves off her friend. “It’s okay…this is shocking.”
Maya just nods her head before focusing her attention up. “She kept looking at me.”
“Who?” Andy asks.
“Carina.” Maya says getting chocked up thinking about her wife. “When Miranda was telling us about the baby, she kept glancing at me…like she was waiting for me to bolt or something.”
“Where is Carina now?” Andy asks.
“She is at the hospital with the baby.” Maya answers.
Andy nods her head. “So this is happening.”
“I wish I was running.” Maya throws out.
Andy squints her eyes at the comment. “From Carina and the baby?”
“No!” Maya exclaims quickly before stammering on. “No...I mean…I just need to clear my head.”
“It’s going to be okay.” Andy says confidently.
Maya chuckles at the statement softly. “How do you know that?”
“Because I know you.” Andy replies quickly.
“I’ve never even thought about having kids and I was raised by a complete jerk.” Maya goes on to say. “There is no way anybody should leave their kid with me.”
“You are nothing like your father Maya.” Andy retorts.
Maya just tilts her head and leans back in her chair before looking out the window. “Well…let’s throw a kid in there and see if it happens.”
“Maya.” Andy says trying to get her attention back on her.
“I don’t have the answer here.” Maya says to the window before turning to Andy. “I don’t know the answer here.”
“I don’t think you need any of the answers right now.” Andy replies back before leaning closer to the desk. “The only thing you need to do right now…is be there for your wife.”
Carina thinks about it and knows Andy is right. She can do that…she can be there for her wife. If she concentrates on that part…then she can do this.
Andy then continues. “And be there for that little…”
“Girl.” Maya says filling in the blank.
“Girl?” Andy smiles.
“Mmmmm.” Maya hums as a small smile breaks from her lips.
“You and Carina will figure this out.” Andy states.
“What if we don’t?” Maya questions as she swallows yet another lump in her throat. “What if I don’t?”
“You will.” Andy says to her friend who clearly isn’t hearing her. “Hey…you will.”
Maya takes a steadying breath. “Thanks Andy.”
Andy nods her head and smiles. “And even though you can’t see it right now….that little girl is lucky to have you.”
Maya smiles at her friend and rubs at her face. “I hope you’re right.”
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Carina slowly gets off the elevator on the peds wing and starts to make her way to one of the nurseries. After talking with Ben she tried heading up right away but instead found herself in the chapel. She always thought that because f Andrea’s death she could never step foot in that place again but she was wrong. She still found a tiny bit of comfort in a place that reminded her so much of her family.
She finds herself at the nursery and takes a breath before slowly walking. She looks around the small nursery and notices the play area on the floor, the rocking chair in the corner, the few cribs, and the changing area where a nurse is finishing up with a baby.
“Dr. DeLuca.” Hayes says getting the doctor’s attention.
“Dr. Hayes.” Carina says before stepping further into the nursery.
“I’d ask how you are doing but I can guess this is all pretty shocking to you.” Hayes says with a soft chuckle.
“Shocking…yes.” Carina says returning the small chuckle before noticing the nurse by the changing table holding a baby. “Is that her?”
“Yup.” Hayes says with a mile.
Carina just nods and tries to get a better look. “She is tiny.”
“She is…but she’s been eating.” Hayes informs the doctor. “This is a good sign that she’ll put on the necessary weight.”
“How old do you think?” Carina asks.
“We believe she is about 6 months.” Hayes answers.
“So about 15 months.” Carina says before letting out a sad laugh at the timeline. “That checks out.”
Hayes just nods his head knowing the history between the two siblings and what happened during Andrew’s maniac episodes earlier that year. “Are you okay?”
“What have you found out?” Carina asks staying in doctor mode but then rolls her eyes when she sees Hayes go speechless. “I know you and Chief Bailey looked for the baby’s birth records even though the letter said not to.”
“We haven’t found anything yet…but we’re looking.” Hayes gives in.
“Will you please let me know when you do?” Carina asks.
Hayes nods his head. “Absolutely.”
As they are talking the 27 year old nurse comes walking over with the baby girl to the two doctors. “We are all fresh and ready to go.”
“Thanks Kyle.” Hayes says to the young man before focusing on the baby girl. “Hello there Ms. Ginetta.”
Carina goes speechless when she finally gets a good luck at the six month old baby in his arm. The baby girl is in a soft purple onesie with little purple socks. Carina is struck by the resemblances between the baby and other members of her family. She pieces of herself, of her mama, of Andrea….those eyes.
“Ca-can I hold her?” Carina asks nervously.
“Of course!” Nurse Kyle says as he hands Ginetta over to Carina.
“Hi there Piccola.” Carina coos to the baby in her arms. She can can’t help but sweep her fingers over Ginetta’s cheeks.
“I need to do my rounds but I’ll be back later.” Hayes says to Kyle and Carina before walking out of the nursery.
“Why are you shaking Sweetheart?” Carina asks concerned as she rests Ginetta against her shoulder, one hand cupping her bottom while using the other to rub circles on her back.The baby presses her face against Carina’s warm shoulder and reaches out to grab Carina’s shoulder.
“Has she been shaking like this before?” Carina asks the nurse.
“It takes her a little bit to get used to new people.” Kyle informs the doctor but smiles when he notices the baby’s hand. “But she’s never grabbed onto somebody’s arm like that…I think she likes you.”
“Do you like me Bambina?” Carina asks through a watery laugh from her tears.
“It has been a little bit since her last bottle. We have one ready here if you’d like to give it to her?” Kyle asks as he reaches from the bottle from the counter.
“Cosa.” Carina says as she continues to rub circles on Ginetta’s back. “I would like that very much.”
“Here you go Dr. DeLuca.” Kyle says as he hands the doctor the bottle with extra nutrients in it for the baby.
Carina takes the bottle and smiles at Kyle before effortlessly slipping the rubbery nipple into the baby’s mouth. Instantly the baby starts to drink the milk from the bottle while nestling her cheek against Carina’s chest. Carina can’t help but smile when she watches the baby swallow her snack quickly.
“You are one hungry girl.” Kyle says with a smile before turning to the doctor. “I’ve got other patients to check on, but I’ll be down the hall if you need me.”
“Thank you Kyle.” Carina says to the nurse genuinely, grateful that this little girl has been taken care of so kindly.
The nurse nods his head and makes his exit as Carina continues to feed Ginetta. She spots the rocking chair and slowly makes her way over to take a seat. As she gets herself and Ginetta situated they start to rock gently. Carina cannot keep her eyes off the baby as she relaxes into her and continues to drink away the milk. They sit like that for about ten minutes when the baby stops her gurgling and the milk is gone.
“All done little one.” Carina says as he removes the nipple from Ginetta’s lips with a pop.
With the bottle gone from her lips Ginetta opens her eyes she lands directly onto Carina’s eyes. Instantly Carina’s breath gets lost in her throat and her heart stops a beat…Andrea’s eyes. This little girl is all DeLuca with Andrea’s eyes. Carina always loved Andrea’s eyes.
“You have your daddy’s eyes.” Carina says softly to the baby before smiling down at her. “They are beautiful…yes they are.
Ginetta coos and Carina can feel her heart breaking in a million pieces from the cuteness overload at the soft sounds.
“Oooh...I loved your daddy so much.” Carina says to the baby as they continue to rock. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet him….it’s not fair.”
The two continue to rock back and forth when Carina starts to think that maybe they should do something else.
“Should we get up?” Carina asks the baby with a small smile. “Maybe find some toys?”
But when Carina gets ready to stand up she can feel Ginetta almost pushing her back down. The baby quickly nestles into Carina, resting the back of her head firmly in the crook of her arm.
“Do you want to keep rocking?” Carina asks as she holds on tighter to the little girl on her lap. She can’t help but smile when she figures out the baby just wants to sit with her and rock. “We can sit here and rock all day if you’d like.”
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Later that night Maya is sitting on their couch reading a magazine with the news playing on the TV. Station 19 had finished their extra 6- hour shift earlier that afternoon and she went straight home after that while the rest of the team went for drinks downtown. The rest of the shift went by fast and when she stepped into their house she was half expecting to find her wife cleaning out the spare bedroom for a baby nursery. However, when she got home she was met with silence and decided to prepare some soup for dinner. But then 5 o’clock….turned to7…and then 8 rolled into 9. Maya put the soup away in the fridge and headed to the living room to wait for her wife to come home. She thought about calling a thousand times but didn’t want to say words to her wife through the phone…it didn’t feel like enough.
So here she flips through a magazine she is not reading while a news story is on the TV she is not watching. As she flips the page she finally hears the door open.
“It’s late.” Maya calls out to her wife as she turns off the TV and sets the magazine down. “I was worried.”
“I spent all day and night going back and forth from the nursery to the chapel…back and forth” Carina says as she puts down her bag and takes her coat off. “I lit a candle.”
“Carina we need to talk.” Maya says.
“I can’t talk now.” Carina says to her wife as she makes her way to the living room.
“We need to.” Maya argues back as she watches Carina start to pick up little things from the coffee table. “What are you doing?”
“This place is messy.” Carina says as she grabs the magazine Maya was just reading. “We should do better cleaning.”
“Carina stop cleaning.” Maya says to her wife trying to get her to hear her. “Stop!”
“Okay.” Carina gives in as she sets everything back down on the table. She can feel Maya trying to be careful with her…careful of her actions and words.
“How is she?” Maya asks softly.
“She is small…for her age.” Carina says as she continues to look around the apartment. “Dr. Hayes says she is suffering from malnutrition. He put her on a regiment of vitamins to help with her nutrient deficiency.”
“Is she going to be okay?” Maya asks.
“Her tests look good.” Carina says as she looks anywhere but her wife’s eyes. “Dr. Hayes says she is just fine.”
“That’s great.” Maya says as she reaches for Carina’s hand. “What else?”
“She is…” Carina as a gently smile forms on her face. “Bellissima.”
“Of course she is.” Maya says smiling back.
Carina nods her head before losing her balance a bit. “Ohhh.”
“Are you okay?” Maya asks concerned as she watches her wife cradle her forehead with her hand. “Do you feel a migraine coming on?”
Carina continues rubbing her forehead before letting out a sad sigh. “I’m sorry Maya.”
“For what?” Maya asks confused.
“I’m sorry.” Carina simply repeats.
“Babe...let’s sit.” Maya says as she motions to the couch. When Carina makes no move she gently guides her down. “Come on.”
Carina takes a seat and tries to steady her breath as her wife starts to rub small circles on her back.
“Hey, it is going to be okay.” Maya whispers.
Carina just shakes her head. “It doesn’t feel real and--.”
“I know.” Maya says firmly. “But it will be okay.”
“My head is spinning and she is…here.” Carina says looking at her wife for the first time.
“I know.” Maya repeats.
Carina swallows a lump in her throat before springing up from the couch to stand by the coffee table. “Bambina…I know that we said we would worry about kids later, but…”
“Carina--” Maya tries to step in.
“And I know that the world is messy right now.” Carina goes on as she waves her hands around in the air before placing her hands to her chest. “But…I am all she has in this messy world.”
Maya nods her head and stands up in front of her wife. “Babe--”
“I am all she has.” Carina cries looking down.
“I know.” Maya says as she gently lifts Carina’s chin up so her wife can see her face.
“È la figlia di Andrea.” Carina says into the air before looking sadly to the woman in front of her. “Maya, I’m sorry Bambina….I’m sorry.” (She is the daughter of Andrea.)
“Hey, hey, hey.” Maya says chocked up as she notices Carina looking down again. “Babe, look at me….please.”
“I can’t.” Carina says sadly.
“Yes, the world is a mess.” Maya says, grabbing on to Carina’s arms with a soft touch. “But the world is changing…and it’s beautiful.”Carina hears this and looks up in a state of slight shock. “Bambina?”
“You said that to me…when you asked me to marry you.” Maya says with a smile when she thinks back at that day. “Of course we take her.”
“Cosa?”
“She is your family….our family.” Maya says plainly leaving no room for interpretation. “We take her.”
Carina just nods her head at her wife full of emotion. “La amo già così tanto.” (I love her so much already.)
“I know.” Maya says with a smile as she wipes a couple tears away from Carina’s face.
Carina grabs hold of Maya’s hand and keeps it on her face before looking into her eyes. “She needs us.
Maya nods her head and pulls Carina in for a tight hug before whispering in her ear. “She has us.”