14. CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 14
“She should be awake by now.” Amelia says as she bites her lip in frustration.
Bailey reaches over and touches her arm in an attempt to steady the neurosurgeon. “It hasn’t even been two full days yet.”
Much to the delight and appreciation of the whole Grey-Sloan Hospital family as well as the Station 19 family…Carina pulled through her surgery. Maggie and Meredith were finally able to stop the bleeding and her vitals started to stabilize. The only problem is…is that she is still unconscious. Amelia predicted when they were able to get rid of her breathing tube that Carina would wake later in the day. But the day went by and into the night with no sign from Carina of waking up.
Various people around the hospital flooded to her ICU room to get a peak of their friend through the window…each hoping they would be the one to see her wake up. But the only thing anybody ever saw when they looked through the window was Maya Bishop sitting at her wife’s bedside with her hand in her own.
After Amelia got done running yet another cognitive test on the slumbering woman she met Maggie and Bailey in the hallway where the three have been standing guard helplessly…watching the scene through the window.
“Hey! I just got out of surgery.” Teddy says walking up before taking a look through the window at Maya sitting by Carina’s bedside. “Anything?”
Maggie just shakes her head. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Teddy questions sadly.
“She’s the same.” Amelia informs the doctor before stretching out her sore neck.
Teddy looks up at the ceiling before back over to Maya through the window. “Has she gone home at all?”
“No.” Bailey chirps quickly. “She’s only left her side once to go shower in the lounge.”
“Last night she ate half a sandwich and passed out next to Carina.” Amelia adds before getting lost in her thoughts once more.
“At least she ate and sort of slept.” Maggie says as she tilts her head back and forth. “Here’s to small victories.”
Teddy looks to Maya and watches sadly as she runs her hand over Carina’s hair. “Where’s the baby?”
“Maya’s mom is watching her back at their house.” Bailey answers.
“Why isn’t she waking up?” Maggie scoffs in frustration. “Her numbers are looking good.”
“X-rays too.” Amelia says mostly to herself before closing her eyes in defeat. “I really thought she would be awake by now.”
Teddy sensing the tone looks to her friend, not wanting her to blame herself. “Amelia.”
“Damn it.” Amelia musters under her breath as she nurses a headache before taking a breath to get herself together for her patient. “Okay…I want to order some new tests.”
Bailey nods her head in agreement. “We’ll start with another brain CT.”
“We should take one of her abdomen as well.” Maggie adds quickly thinking it couldn’t hurt to double check.
“Let’s do it.” Bailey agrees.
Amelia just shakes her head and clicks her tongue. “I really thought she would be awake by now.”
“Me too.” Bailey sighs.
Back in the hospital room Carina lies in the bed as the monitors beep softly around her. Her face covered with tiny cuts and scratches and a tiny white bandage is visible on top of her head. There is no movement from the doctor, much to the disappointment of the woman holding her hand by her bedside. She is only met with darkness…until things become bright again.
Carina opens her eyes and she is back on the beach. She instantly smiles as she feels the warmth from the sun on her face and the tiny splashes of water hitting her legs. Carina hums in contentment when she sees somebody up on the sand looking at shells.
“Andrea!” Carina calls over to her brother excitedly before rushing to get closer.
Andrew looks up from the sand and waves at his older sister. “Hey!”
“I thought that was you before!” Carina exclaims through a giddy laugh as she gets as close as she can to the man she has missed so much.
Andrew gives her a smile and then tilts his head. “What are you doing here?”
“I don’t know.” Carina says before looking around once more at her surroundings. “This is San Lorenzo right?”
“Yup.” Andrew says as he pops the last sound through his lips. “Makes sense….you always found a sense of peace here.”
“Why am I here?” Carina asks confused before a lump forms in her throat. “Am I dead?”
Andrew kicks some sand beneath his foot before looking up at his sister. “Do you remember when we were kids and Mamma would bring us here?”
“Of course I do.” Carina says with a smile before she hears something in the wind.
“Carina.”
“You taught me how to swim here.” Andrew says looking out on the water. “Though I did almost drown.”
Carina lets out a snort and rolls her eyes. “You did not…don’t be dramatic.”
“I absolutely did.” Andrew argues back.
“It was one massive wave…I pulled you right back up.” Carina says as she waves her arms around to make a point.
“It was close.” Andrew scoffs.
“Carina can you hear me?”
Carina’s head pops up at the soft voice in the wind. “Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?” Andrew asks confused.
“Carina.”
“That.” Carina says as she turns around in a desperate circle trying to figure out where the voice is coming from. “Did you hear that?”
“Being here.” Andrew says still looking out at the water before smiling over at Carina. “It feels like the good parts of our childhood.”
“I am at peace here.” Carina says forgetting the voice as the breeze from the water flows over her. “È una bella sensazione.” (It is a good feeling)
Andrew nods his head. “It is.”
Carina looks over to her brother and scrunches her nose playfully. “I’ve missed you…so much.”
“I know.” Andrew says still smiling before tilting his head towards the water. “Come on.”
Carina raises an eyebrow, but gives in and follows him in the water. “No splashing Andrea.”
“I would never.” Andrew jokes before suddenly reaching in the water to send a splash Carina’s way.
“Andrea!” Carina giggles before reaching in the water to splash him back in retaliation.
The two siblings splash and laugh together in the water like they did when they were kids as the voice can heard in the wind once more.
“Carina…please wake up.”
Maya asks…and pleads…and begs for her wife to wake up. The woman has been inconsolable as she watches over her slumbering wife. She keeps telling herself that her wife is simply sleeping...to keep away the dark thoughts from her mind. Her wife will wake up...there is nothing wrong with her brain. Everything is fine…Carina will be fine.
“Baby.” Maya says to Carina as she gazes at her face hoping to see those big brown orbs shining back at her. “Can you hear me?”
She gets closer to Carina’s face and gently places a kiss on her temple before pulling away slowly. Maya finds herself studying every cut and every scratch on her wife’s face.
“I really, really need you to wake up.” Maya begs desperately as she continues to hold on tightly to her hand in hers. “I can’t lose you…please.”
Maya swore that she wouldn’t break down at her wife’s bedside but it is getting harder with every hour and now every day that passes. When she closes her eyes in exhaustion she is pulled right back to the collapsed ER…and sees flashes of brown hair and blood on the floor. When Maya closes her eyes can picture the truck hitting her beautiful wife. So…she keeps her eyes open as long as she can. They don’t leave her wife...period. The woman can’t help but think that if she keeps watch on Carina…nothing bad will happen…as long as she watches.
Maya shakes her head tiredly and can’t help but whimper when she looks at the white bandage on top of Carina’s head.
“Your poor head.” Maya cries as carefully plays with the hair below the bandage. “I’m so sorry Honey…you don’t deserve this.”
Carina’s monitors keep beeping softly…no sign of change…..no sign of improvement.
“I have your ring here.” Maya says as she sniffs back her tears before grabbing her wife’s ear from her pants pocket. “They don’t want me to put it on you yet...but here.”
Maya puts the ring in Carina’s hand and stares at it for a few seconds. She then sniffs back more tears before grabbing her lucky penny chain off her head. Maya takes one quickly glance at the chain before putting it on top of the ring before closing Carina’s hand over the items.
“Please wake up…please wake up.” Marina begs her wife as her voice breaks. “Please.”
Meanwhile outside the hospital room the doctors are still standing in the hallway…defeated. As they wait for confirmation of the newest round of tests, they wait for a miracle. Dr. Grey and Dr. Hayes find them waiting when they come themselves to get an update on their friend.
“DeLuca?” Dr. Hayes asks.
“She’s breathing on her own.” Maggie says.
“That’s good.” Cormac Hayes says with a cheerful nod before noticing the utterly defeated looks around him. “Not good?”
“Other than that…there is no change.” Bailey sighs before shaking her head. “Her BP is slowly rising…we’re keeping an eye on it.”
Amelia nods her head. “She’s going down to take more scans shortly.”
“Any signs of infection?” Meredith asks.
“No…thankfully.” Maggie answers before looking to Carina through the window. “Her body was put through the ringer during surgery though.”
Hayes bites his lip and places his hands on his hips. “She could be fine.”
“Yes…but we won’t know anything until she wakes up.” Amelia pouts.
“What are the chances that she won’t wake up?” Hayes
Amelia just shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
Hayes getting frustrated squints his eyes at Amelia. “Is there anything you do know?”
“Hey!” Meredith chastises Hayes at the unwarranted attack.
Hayes sighs and holds up his hand before apologizing. “I’m sorry…that was uncalled for.”
“I get it…its fine.” Amelia assures the peds surgeon knowing that everybody is on edge over Carina.
“It’s not fine.” Meredith argues back while glaring at Hayes. “Yell at her again and see what happens.”
Amelia opens her mouth and puts her hand on Meredith’s arm in an attempt to calm her down.
Hayes holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry Grey, okay.”
“We need to stay focused and figure out what is going on with Deluca.” Bailey chimes in knowing they need to stick together in order to help Carina.
“I wish I had more answers.” Amelia sighs before shaking her head bitterly. “She should be awake…I must have missed something.”
Meredith looks her sister over and can see the exhausting radiating from her body. “When’s the last time you slept?”
“I should have done the craniotomy.” Amelia hisses…scolding herself.
“Amelia…you made the right call.” Meredith assures her sisters firmly. “Your surgery was a success.”
“We don’t know what effect the crash had on her brain until she wakes up.” “The bleeding put immense pressure on her brain depriving it of oxygen.”
Maggie nods her head before tilting it to get a look in Amelia’s eyes. “We were able to get to her quickly.”
“She still could have neurological complications from the crash.” Amelia snips.
Bailey takes a breath and takes Amelia’s hand in hers, causing the younger woman to look up at her boss. “We’ll take some new scans and figure out what is going on.”
“There might not be anything going on.” Meredith chirps quietly.
Instantly the doctors look from the window over to Meredith…wanting her to explain her statement.
“What do you mean?” Maggie asks.
Meredith glances at the doctors before shrugging her shoulders. “There are a lot of reasons why people stay under.”
“Are you talking from experience?” Maggie asks.
Meredith simply shifts her focus back to the unconscious woman in the room. “We need to believe that Carina will wake up….when she’s ready.”
“I hope you’re right.” Bailey sighs before a thought pops up in her head. “That actually gives me an idea.”
“What does?” Maggie asks confused.
“Do you remember how we got Meredith to wake up?” Bailey asks.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andrew and Carina stand on the beach in silence and admire the water. The two have always shared an incredible bond. They could spend days together in deep conversation or days together with no talking at all. No matter which one the bond is still strong between the siblings…between the two halves.
Carina sticks up her nose even more and smiles. “I can smell the peppers from the café up the road.”
“Oh man…with the Prosciutto and Pancetta.” Andrew says as he immediately clutches his stomach at just the thought of the deliciousness.
“So good.” Carina hums.
Andrew nods his head before squinting his eyes at his sister. “What was the owner’s name?”
Carina thinks about it for a second before smiling. “Mr. Loren.”
“Mr. Loren!” Andrew laughs as he snaps his fingers. “He would hit on Mamma in front of Papà.”
“That’s right.” Carina says through her giggles. “And he would tell everyone that he was related to Sophia Loren.”
“Man.” Andrew sighs as he thinks back to those days with fondness. “He liked us though…gave us free soda all the time.”
Carina lets out an amused snort. “He was trying to get with Mamma…of course he would give us free soda.”
“Stupido.” Andrew says as Carina laughs along with him.
Carina lets her laughs die down before looking lovingly at her little brother. “I really have missed you so much.”
Andrew nods his head. “I know.”
Carina shakes her head and bites her bottom lip. “Mi fa ancora male il corpo.” (My body still aches.)
“Lo so.” Andrew repeats knowingly. (I know.)
“Andrea.” Carina sighs quietly. “I am so sorry…I shouldn’t have left you.”
Andrew shakes his head and holds out his hand at Carina. “It’s okay…I’m okay.”
“How can you say that?” Carina asks.
“I have no regrets over what happened.” Andrew answers his sister simply before shrugging his shoulders. “I just wanted to help.”
“You did…you saved those kids.” Carina says with pride.
“There was one part of it…that didn’t make sense though.” Andrew says as he squints his eyes together before picking up a pebble off the sand. “Leaving like I did.”
Carina looks at him confused. “What was it?”
“You.” Andrew says as he looks at the pebble in his hand before throwing it in the air. “Leaving you…felt unfinished.”
“Andrea.” Carina sighs sadly at the admission.
“And now I know why.” Andrew says as he picks up a second pebble off the sand.
Carina tries to think of a reason but has no luck. “Why?”
“Ginetta.” Andrew says with a big smile before throwing the second stone.
Nothing could have prepared Carina for the feeling she gets when she hears her little brother saying that name….nothing.
“Ginny.” Andrew says correcting himself before clasping his hands together. “She’s unbelievably cute, right?”
Carina nods her head and smiles. “So cute.”
“She looks like me.” Andrew jokes with his signature smirk.
Carina chuckles before motioning towards her eyes. “Yes…in the eyes.”
“She’s got your smile though.” Andrew says.
Carina nods before letting out a long breath. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to know her.”
“I know her.” Andrew argues back disagreeing with his big sister. “I know that she loves yellow…but hates bananas.”
“This is true.” Carina laughs.
“I know that she loves rocking with you before she goes to bed.” Andrew says continuing the list.
Carina bites at her lip emotionally before nodding her head. “Me too.”
“I know that she loves that thing you guys do with the pillows in your living room.” Andrew says as he waves his hand around. “She loves those dumb things more than you do.”
Carina chuckles out loud yet again. “Si.”
“I know…”Andrew drawls slowly before looking at his sister appreciatively. “That she is happy and so incredibly loved with you.”
“I love her so much.” Carina whispers lovingly before looking back to the water.
Andrew nods his head and joins his sister in staring out onto the water. “So…it makes sense now.”
“How?” Carina questions in wonder.
“I’m at peace now Carina.” Andrew answers, still sensing the doubt from Carina. “Tranquillità totale e totale.” (Total and complete peace of mind.)
“So you’re okay with it.” Carina ventures quietly. “Me being her mama?”
“Carina!” Andrew snaps as he waves his hand at the stupid question. “You’re not listening to me! Of course it is okay with me! Puoi essere così stupido a volte!” (You can be so stupid sometimes!)
“Andrea! Sono serio!” Carina snaps loudly. (I’m being serious!)
“You’re meant to be her mama.” Andrew tells his sister firmly before again waving his hand at his big sister. “Be her mama.”
Carina takes a minute to think about it before the self doubt comes out again. “Are you sure?”
Andrew rolls his eyes. “Carina! My god!”
“Okay, okay.” Carina drawls with a giggle to Andrew before taking a calming breath. “I love her so much Andrea.”
“I know you do.” Andrew replies before looking back towards the water. “The fact that my daughter gets to grow up with you as her mama…it’s everything.”
Carina looks at her brother lovingly and a feeling of pride and admiration takes over. The love she has for her brother and the love she has for the little girl she has claimed as her daughter…it’s everything.
“There is nobody that can love my little girl as good as you.” Andrews adds before shaking his head and smiling. “Well…actually, I guess that’s only kind of true.”
“What do you mean?” Carina asks confused.
“That wife of yours is pretty amazing too.” Andrew says with a smile. “Ginny, like you...absolutely adores Maya.”
“Maya.” Carina sighs with a smile before all the thoughts go cloudy in her head. The beach becomes foggy and Carina squints her eyes to get a better look. “Maya?”
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Across the street from Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital a group of firefighters have taken refuge in the walls of their favorite bar. After a long night and day in the waiting room Captain Bishop ordered them to all go home. They followed the command and each went home to get cleaned up and catch up on some sleep. But nothing was going to keep them away today. They wanted to give Maya some space but also be close enough in case anything would happen. Joe’s seemed like the perfect spot.
So Travis and Vic picked up Miller, Andy and Warren and headed over to the bar. They could have a couple of drinks and keep busy with songs on the jukebox and dumb dice games at the table.
Andy got through half a glass of carbonated water and a couple of turns playing Farkle before she needed some air. She retreated outside and leaned against the bricks of the building as the gravity of the situation hits her again. This is where Robert Sullivan finds her several minutes later.
Sullivan walks up from the sidewalk and gives her a little nudge with his arm. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Andy says surprised to see him here considering everything that has happened. “What are you doing here?”
Sullivan waves the worried woman down to offer reassurance. “Don’t worry…I’m not gonna go in there.”
“That’s probably for the best.” Andy chirps back at her estranged husband. “We have enough to deal with.”
Sullivan nods his head before his eyes go directly to Andy’s stomach. “How are you feeling?”
“Pregnancy wise…I am fine.” Andy answers before shaking her head. “I feel like my heart is breaking for Maya.”
“I know how much she means to you.” Sullivan says.
“No you don’t.” Andy argues back bitterly. “If you knew how much Maya means to me…you wouldn’t have done what you did.”
“Andy, come on.” Sullivan urges, wanting her to see it from his side. “I said I was sorry…I made a mistake.”
Andy just closes her eyes and shakes her hand at him. “I can’t do this right now.”
Sullivan looks at the woman and can tell she is barely hanging on. “Hey, just forget for a moment that you hate me and let me be here for you…just for a second.”
Andy rolls her eyes and lets out a heated breath. “I don’t hate you…that’s the problem.”
“Come here.” Sullivan urges softly as Andy leans her cheek against his chest. He wraps his arms around her gently and rests his chin on top of her head. “Carina is going to make it…she’s too scary not to beat this.”
Andy can’t help but chuckle against his chest at the comment. “You deserved Carina’s wrath.”
Sullivan can’t help but smile lightly. “I know.”
The two stand in silence for half a minute more when Andy’s phone goes off in her pocket. The abrupt sound wakes up Andy from her daze and she pulls away quickly from her estranged husband. Andy grabs her phone from her pocket and slides it open to read the message inside.
“It’s Bailey.” Andy says before opening up the text to read. “She wants me to go to the hospital.”
“Is something wrong?” Sullivan asks concerned.
Andy reads over it once more to make sure she hasn’t missed anything. “No, she just wants me to be there for Maya.”
“Go…I’ll tell them.” Sullivan tells his estranged wife.
Andy glares at the man knowing that is not a good idea. “Robert.”
“It’ll be fine.” Sullivan assures the woman before nodding his head towards the hospital. “Go.”
Andy takes a moment to think about it but decides to go. “Okay….thanks.”
Sullivan watches Andy walk across the street to the hospital before looking back to the front door of Joe’s. He glances one last time in Andy’s direction before walking in to the bar. The second he walks in he can hear the team at the table in the middle of the bar laughing about something. He gets nervous when he sees Montgomery, Miller, Hughes, and Warren huddled around playing games. Sullivan walks over to the table and clears his throat.
“19.” Sullivan says announcing his presence to the team at the table.
Travis looks up in surprise. “Chief?”
“What are you doing here…Chief?” Vic asks uncomfortably.
Sullivan clears his throat again before placing his hands on his hips. “I was talking with Herrera outside and she got called back to the hospital.”
“Is everything okay?” Warren asks as he gets ready to get up from the table.
Sullivan nods his head to reassure the man. “Bailey just asked that she go back.”
“Okay.” Miller says coldly. “Thanks for the update.”
Sullivan stares at the man before nodding his head. “I’ll see you next shift.”
The team watches as their Battalion Chief walks over to the other side of the bar. When the coast is clear all exhale and shake of the nervous energy brought on by their boss.
Vic lets out a breath she was holding when Sullivan is out of ear shot. “This is so awkward.”
“Let’s just focus on the game.” Travis says.
“Speaking of which…” Miller says glaring at Travis as he rolls the dice. “Why are we doing this?”
Vic rolls her eyes. “To keep ourselves busy so we don’t go completely nuts worrying about Carina.”
“But why…Farkle?” Miller asks with disgust in his voice. “There is so much counting involved.”
Travis looks up at Miller wounded. “I love Farkle.”
“Is this what you do at night since Emmett left?” Miller asks Travis with a raised eyebrow. “You Farkle.”
Travis glares at Miller before turning to his best friend for assistance. “Hughes.”
“Shut up Miller.” Vic snaps at Dean taking her turn with the dice.
“You need to get laid Montgomery.” Miller says with a laugh as he takes a sip from his beer before waving his free hand in the air. “Don’t you want me to do the happy dance for you like I used to.”
“I do miss the happy dance.” Travis chirps under his breath.
“You dance for him after he gets laid?” Ben asks Miller.
Miller lets out a sigh but nods his head. “I do…it’s a whole thing.”
Vic rolls the dice again and tries to count but clearly gives up. “There is so much counting….I need another beer.”
The table waves over to the waitress from another round as Jack, Willet, and Ruiz all comes walking in from outside. They immediately wave to the waitress for their own drinks before pulling up some chairs to sit by their friends.
“Any news?” Jack asks his friends.
Travis shakes his head. “No.”
“Damn it.” Jack sighs as he takes off his leather jacket before taking a seat by Miller.
Willet confused watches the firefighters drinking and playing a game. “Why are we here and not at the hospital?”
“We’re trying to give Maya some space.” Travis answers before handing the dice to Ben. “But we want to be close in case she needs us.”
Vic nods her head in agreement before bringing the bottle to her lips. “Plus…here we can drink.”
Travis clicks his tongue and points at Vic. “That too.”
“Where’s Herrera?” Jack asks noticing the lieutenant missing.
Warren finishes his turn before answering. “She just left for the hospital.”
“Look, there’s the chief.” Willet says to the group noticing the chief at the bar drinking a Diet Coke by himself. “Hey Chief!”
Miller rolls his eyes and snaps at the probie through his clenched teeth. “Hey!”
“What?” Willet asks innocently.
“What was that?!” Vic hisses under her breath.
Willet looks to Hughes confused. “I was just saying hi to the chief.”
“We’re pissed at Sullivan.” Vic adds coldly.“Still?” Willet admonishes innocently.
“We are not here to worry about Sullivan.” Warren says to the whole group. “We are here for Maya and Carina.”
Jack nods his head. “Warren is right.”
Vic lets out a long breath as she looks up at the ceiling. “Guys…what if she doesn’t wake up?”
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Maya doesn’t know how she got here. Amelia and Bailey told her that they needed to take Carina away for more tests and that she should go to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Maya nodded her head and started walking towards the cafeteria but somehow found herself in the chapel instead. The second she walked in to the empty chapel she was brought back to Carina lighting a candle for her brother and mother after the train station incident. She said lighting a candle helps those that need it the most.
So Maya lights a candle for her wife and takes a seat at the front pew. Before she knows it ten minutes goes by and a voice comes up from behind her.
“Mind if I join you?” Dr. Diane Lewis asks.
“Diane?” Maya says surprised to see the department psychologist. “What are you doing here?”
Diane tilts her head back and forth. “Jack called.”
“Of course.” Maya grumbles.
“One of the nurses in the ICU told me you were in here.” Diane says as she takes a seat next to Maya.
“My wife finds comfort in this place.” Maya says with her eyes straight forward. “Thought I’d give it a try.”
Diane nods her head. “How is your wife doing?”
“They took her run another round of scans.” Maya says before leaning back. “I’m just waiting.”
“Jack mentioned a little bit about her surgery.” Diane says.
“They were able to stop the bleeding in her abdomen and brain.” Maya tells Diane before getting lost in her head. “But uh…she still hasn’t woken up yet.”
“I’m sorry.” Diane apologizes.
Maya nods her head before looking at her hands clasped together. “They’re not saying anything to me…but I know they are worried that her brain went without oxygen for too long because of the trauma.”
“Maybe they don’t want you to worry prematurely.” Diane says wanting Maya to think about it a different way.
“I haven’t stopped worrying since we got the call.” Maya retorts coldly. “And that was before I found my wife crushed under concrete.”
Diane nods her head and takes a moment before looking up at Maya. She can see the exhaustion on her face and the worry in her eyes. But before Diane can open her mouth to say anything Maya beats her to the punch.
“Do you remember the conversation we had when you came to the station after Rigo’s death?” Maya asks.
“I do.” Diane says with a nod of her head before pointing ahead. “Eyes forward.”
“Yea….” Maya drawls through sad chuckle. “It’s funny you say that actually.”
Diane wondering why looks to the woman next to her. “Why’s that?”
“The night after we talked I asked Carina to go on vacation with me.” Maya says as a smile escapes her lips as she thinks back on their little getaway.
“You did?” Diane questions surprised at the admission. “That doesn’t sound like you.”
“I know.” Maya says through a tiny laugh before taking a long breath. “Well…when we were there I had a panic attack.”
Diane urges the fire captain to continue. “You did?”
Maya nods her head as she thinks back again. “I received a text about a four alarm fire and I started to panic about not being there…it was a full on attack. I couldn’t focus or breathe.”
“How did you come out of it?” Diane asks.
“Carina.” Maya says with a sweet smile before closing her eyes…she can still hear her wife’s voice in her head. “Carina calmed me down…she told me…no eyes forward…eyes only on me.”
“Smart woman.” Diane quips.
Maya nods her head and moves her finger around her head. “I run her telling me that in my head…when I start to panic now. Eyes only on me.”
The two women sit in silence for a little bit longer in the dark chapel before Diane leans her arm over to nudge Maya’s. Maya looks over to Diane and watches the woan smile and shrug.
“It sounds like you’ve found your cloud.” Diane says softly.
“I did.” Maya says as she finally breaks and tears begin to roll off her face. “She’s my cloud.”
She remembers telling Diane how she used to think about dying when she was a kid. How the only safe place she could find were the clouds up in the sky. The clouds always looked so soft and safe. How if she could just get to those clouds…she could finally rest and be at peace.
“I learned how to rest and sleep…and love.” Maya says as she thinks about all her wife has done for her…all her wife has taught her. “In this life.”
Diane nods her head knowingly. “I know.”
“Because of Carina...she’s the reason.” Maya says as she tries to wipe away the tears from her face but can’t keep up. “I can’t lose her.”
“Maya…”
“I can’t lose her…I can’t.” Maya says cutting the therapist off as she starts to spiral. “I won’t survive.”
Diane sensing the panic places her hand on top of Maya’s knee. “Maya, what are you to her?”
“What?” Maya asks completely caught off guard by the question.
“We have established that Carina is your cloud.” Diane says slowly before tilting her head at the fire captain. “What are you to her?”
Maya shakes her head frustrated at the question. “I don’t know.”
“Take a moment and think about it.” Diane urges.
Maya gets annoyed at the question at first but then the light bulb goes off in her head. The light bulb goes off and she knows exactly who she is to her wife.
“Home.” Maya whispers quietly into the quiet chapel. “She told me once that I was her home.”
“And what does that mean to Carina?” Diane asks gently wanting her to continue “Home?”
“It means…” Maya starts quietly before biting at her bottom lip. “That she feels valued and loved and wanted…and safe.”
“You make her feel all those things Maya.” Diane reassures the fragile woman. “You make her feel safe and valued and wanted and loved.”
“Yea.” Maya says through a watery sigh.
“You have to believe that she’ll make it.” Diane tells Maya firmly. “She needs you to believe.”
Maya lets out another cry but finds herself nodding her head in agreement. She knows that she needs to be strong for her wife…now more than ever. When Maya places her hand on top of Diane’s, the door to the chapel swings open.
“Hey Bishop, we--” Bailey starts to say but stops when she sees Diane and Maya clearly in the middle of something. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“No worries…we were just finishing up.” Diane tells Bailey as Maya turns away to hide her tears.
Maya finishes wiping the last tear from her face before standing up to face Bailey. “Is Carina okay?”
“No change.” Bailey says carefully before nodding her head. “But…we have an idea.”
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“You want me to take Ginny in to see Carina?” Maya asks confused.
Meredith nods her head. “Yes.”
Dr. Bailey brought Maya back to Carina’s room where Meredith, Maggie, Amelia, and Andy were all waiting for her outside by the window. When they told Maya of their plan at first she got really angry…this is the best that they could come up with.
Maya thinks about it for another second before eventually shaking her head no.
“I don’t want her to get upset when Carina doesn’t talk to her…or smile at her.” Maya starts to ramble on nervously.
“She won’t Honey, she won’t.” Bailey reassures the worried woman.
Maya looks to Bailey before shifting her focus to the other doctors. “So…you really think that Ginny will help wake Carina up?”
“It could.” Meredith says offering her opinion. “My daughter helped me wake up.”
Amelia places her hands in her white coat pockets before shrugging her shoulders. “It couldn’t hurt Maya.”
“You were sick.” Maya says to Meredith not seeing the connection. “Carina suffered major trauma to the head.”
“You and Ginny are the most important people in her life.” Meredith replies back. “You two being in there with her could help.”
Maya takes a breath unsure before looking to her best friend. “What do you think?”
“I think that you should take your daughter and go sit with your wife.” Andy answers honestly.
“Okay.” Maya says giving in before running her hands over her tired face. “I haven’t seen Ginny since yesterday morning so, I’m in.”
“Good.” Bailey says before pointing behind Maya. “Here she comes.”
“What?” Maya asks confused as she turns around and sees her mother walking towards them with her baby girl lying in her arms.
“I took the liberty of calling your mother.” Bailey continues.
Maya just shakes her head. “Of course you did.”
“We’re here…we’re here.” Katherine whispers as she walks up to them, careful not to wake up the baby. “Ginny fell asleep in the car.”
“Thanks for bringing her Mom.” Maya says before carefully taking the baby from her mom.
“Of course.” Katherine says with a small smile as she hands her off.
“Hi my baby.” Maya says softly to Ginny as she cradles her in her arms before looking up at her mom. “Were you able to get her to eat today?”
Katherine nods her head and smiles. “Yes, a little bit of oatmeal and some fruit.”
“Good…I’ve been worried about her.” Maya says as she starts to sway with the sleeping baby in her arms while rubbing her back with her free hand.
“I know.” Katherine says knowingly as she gets caught up in the sight of her baby taking care of her own baby right in front of her. “You’re a good mom.”
Maya smiles proudly to her mom before letting out a long breath. “Should we go in?”
“We’ll wait here.” Andy tells her friend.
Maya gets ready to walk away but stops in her tracks and looks back. “How will Carina know that she’s even there?”
“She’ll know.” Meredith chimes in.
Maya nods her head and again attempts to take a calming breath. “Alright…here we go.”
Bailey opens the door for Maya and she walks into the room towards her wife. She glances down at the baby in her arms before slowly taking a seat on the chair next to the bed. Maya scoots back in the chair and looks to make sure the baby is still asleep.
Ginny hasn’t been able to sleep well since the accident…on some level she knows that something is wrong. Maya is convinced that like herself Ginny can feel the absence of Carina in her bones.
“Carina.” Maya greets her unconscious wife in front of her as she adjusts the sleeping baby in her arms. “Ginny’s here…she’s right by your side.”
Maya looks to her wife’s closed eyes and lets out a disappointed sigh before looking to Ginny’s little hand resting on her tummy. When Maya runs her fingers gently across Ginny’s forehead she gets an idea.
“Here.” Maya says before she grabs her wife’s hand to bring her fingers to graze over Ginny’s little cheek. “We’re both here…we’re not going anywhere.”
Carina has her eyes closed on the beach and thinks she hears a voice. She listens for it again when she feels somebody stepping over to her. Carina opens her eyes at the water.
“I miss the boats.” Carina says as she remembers back to her childhood. “I loved to watch the fishing boats head out on the water.”
“I remember you watching the teenage boys on those fishing points.” Andrew says with a laugh as he teases his big sister. “Drooling.”
Carina lets out a giggle. “Do you remember when you ate the sand?”
“Are you talking about the time you made me eat sand.” Andrew asks.
“So dramatic!” Carina exclaims out. “You tripped on my foot.”
“Because you stuck it out in front of me.” Andrew argues back as he points to the sand in front of him. “And then pushed my face in the sand!”
Carina simply shrugs her shoulders. “You shouldn’t have told Papà about my crush on Monica Murino.”
“That’s…fair.” Andrew deadpans.
“He took it as an attack…that I liked girls.” Carina says thinking back to that day. “But Mamma…she told me that Monica had pretty eyes and that I should always go for the girls with pretty eyes.”
Andrew smiles at the thought. “Mamma was right.”
“Carina.”
“Do you hear that?” Carina asks her brother.
This time Andrew nods his head. “I do.”
“Carina.”
“I know that voice.” Carina says as she closes her eyes and smiles before opening them up again. “She has pretty eyes too….the prettiest.”
“Still my favorite.” Andrew says with a smile.
“Carina, please wake up.”
The woman tries to focus all her attention to figure out where the voice is coming from.
“Carina.” Andrew says before pointing to the other side of Carina on the right.
Carina looks over to her other side and sees her beautiful wife standing in front of her about six feet away. She can’t help but notice how beautiful her wife looks dressed in her light blue sun dress against the water.
“Maya.” Carina greets happily.
Maya smiles softly. “Hi Honey.”
“Bambina.” Carina says lovingly...caught up in the site of her true love.
“I need you to come back.”
“My head hurts.”
“I know.” Maya says as she tilts her head sympathetically. “I know it does.”
“It’s peaceful here.” Carina explains to her wife truthfully. “Everything that has ever been too heavy to carry…is gone.”
“We all need you Carina.” Maya says pleading with the woman to come back. “I…need you.”
Carina nods her head. “I need you too.”
“Please wake up.” Maya begs.
“My head….I don’t think I can.” Carina says as a sudden flash off pain envelopes her head.
“Yes you can.” Maya tells Carina firmly in hopes of convincing her. “You can do anything.”
Carina smiles softly at her wife. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too…that’s why I need you to fight.” Maya replies back.
Carina is not sure if she knows how to do that. “Will you help me?”
“I’m holding your hand.” Maya says as she motions towards Carina’s hand. “Can you feel it?”
Carina closes her eyes and can immediately feel her wife’s hands in hers. “Yes.”
“Feel me…come back to me.” Maya pleads as she holds on to Carina’s hands. “Come back to us.”
Carina opens up her eyes and Maya is standing right in front of her. “You and Ginny?”
Maya nods her head. “We need you.”
“They need you.” Andrew says from the other side of Carina. “Maya and Ginny need you…go.”
Carina turns to Andrew but when she looks back for Maya…the woman is gone. She is filled with terror that Maya is gone forever but a sense of calmness runs over her when she can still feel her wife holding her hand on the other side.
Carina sadly looks over to Andrew knowing she can’t have them both. “I don’t want to leave you again.”
“You never left me Carina….not once. And I’ll never leave you….I’m always here.” Andrew explains to his older sister. “Due metà... una intera.” (Two halves…one whole.)
“Due metà... una intera.” Carina repeats.
Andrew gives her one last smile before turning to walk away. “Give that baby girl a kiss from me, will ya Sis?”
“Give Mamma one from me!” Carina calls after her brother who waves behind him as he keeps walking into the light.
“Carina.”
Maya keeps saying her wife’s name, pleading for her to wake up. As she wipes a stray tear from her cheek she swears she can see movement behind her wife’s eyelids and her heart stops in her chest.
“Carina?” Maya gasps to her wife whose eyes finally begin to open. “Carina.”
“Uhh...” Carina struggles to say as the light immediately attacks her awakening eyes.
“Hey…” Maya says softly as she leans closer to check to see if she is still her wife. “Say something, please….I need you to say something.”
Maya bites her lip nervously waiting for a response. Her brain has to work…please let her brain work.
Carina swallows a dry lump in her throat before grumbling out in pain. “Figlio di puttana.” (Son of a bitch.)
Maya laughs through her tears before closing her eyes. “Oh thank god.”
“Maya?” Carina asks after finally being able to focus a little bit.
Maya smiles as she squeezes Carina’s hand tighter in her own. “I’m here.”
“You’re holding my hand.” Carina says as she looks over to their hands together.
“Of course I am.” Maya says in a shaky breath as relief washes over her. “You’re awake.”
Carina smiles lightly at her wife before noticing the sleeping baby in her arms. “Ginny.”
“We’ve been waiting for you.” Maya informs her wife.
Carina lets out a few breaths of exhaustion before looking lovingly at the woman. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Maya says back before leaning in to sweetly kiss Carina’s cheek. “I was so scared.”
“Bambina…I’m okay.” Carina reassures her wife quietly.
Maya nods her head before kissing the back of Carina’s hand. “Thank you for coming back to us.”
“You pulled me back Bambina.” Carina smiles through the pain and exhaustion. “You’re the reason I came back...you're my home.”