19. Chapter 19

When Maya was 13 years old, she suffered from a heat stroke.

It was 103⁰ F that day in Seattle, and while all of Maya's friends were at Jessica Scott's pool party, Maya was on the track training with her dad. She remembers being exhausted before she even stepped on the track. The heat practically evaporated all the energy she had in her body within seconds. It was difficult to breathe because the humidity made the air feel so thick.

While she was running laps, her dad was standing in the shade under a tree with a jug of ice water and a mini fan. When she asked to take a break after her first two laps and he said no, she remembers thinking she hated him. She felt guilty for thinking that, so to punish herself, she kept her eyes forward and continued running.

She remembers feeling her heart beating gradually faster, but she didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until she noticed she wasn't sweating anymore and her skin felt clammy that she realized something must be wrong. She knew she needed to stop, but she didn't want to ask her dad for a break that he would surely reject yet again.

So she kept running.

One and a half laps later, she passed out.

Two hours later, she woke up in a hospital bed and overheard a doctor explaining to her parents what was wrong with her. She could hear the judgment and caution in the doctor's voice as she asked what had happened. Her dad spun some story about him repeatedly asking Maya if she needed a break and offering her water, but he said she refused. The doctor seemed to buy it. Her dad can be charming and convincing when he wants to be. The doctor told her parents she should take the next two to three weeks off from training and get plenty of rest to allow her body to recover.

Her dad gave her four days off, and then she was back on the track again, this time with an extra bottle of water as if that would make all the difference.

Maya had almost entirely forgotten about that memory, but it comes surging back to the front of her brain when she's trapped in the garage of a burning house on a call. Her body overheating brings back the sense of memory, and then the rest of the details come flooding in.

Maya has found herself in some pretty dangerous situations while out on calls, but she quickly realizes this might be one of the worst. That realization is only further validated with each degree in temperature the garage climbs.

"If we die in here, Carina is going to kill me," Maya lamely jokes to Andy.

They're sitting on the ground, leaned back against the damn door that refuses to open. She can still hear the rest of the team outside, down at the other end of the door and trying with saws and jacks to force it open even though it clearly isn't working. She appreciates the effort but has accepted it's useless. They're going to have to find another way out of here, but she's all out of ideas.

"If we die in here, Carina is going to kill me," Andy says with a half-hearted laugh. "And then she'll make her doctor friends bring me back to life just so she can kill me again."

Maya manages a wry smile, but she's too tired to really laugh. And she's too scared. She might be making jokes, but that's just because she's too afraid to really think about how Carina would react if Maya really were to die in this stupid garage.

Just 7 hours ago, she was lying in bed with Carina, lazily making out while they fully woke up. It wasn't heated or rushed; they weren't trying to actually have sex. They were just enjoying letting their hands wander aimlessly and kissing slowly until their lips were sore. Maya remembers thinking how happy she was knowing she got to kiss Carina for the rest of her life. She wasn't pushing for it to go any further than that because they have all the time in the world; there was no need to rush.

If only she knew how her day was going to go, then maybe she would've let things progress a little more quickly.

She can't die in here. She won't let it happen. She isn't done loving Carina yet.

++++

"It's good to have you back, DeLuca," Amelia says, nodding her head in Andrew's direction. "I never told you how sorry I was how everything played out with Dr. Bello. She's a very gifted resident."

Carina knows Amelia isn't able to notice, but she picks up on the way Andrew's spine stiffens at the mention of Sam. He's still barely holding it together. He's taken up residence back at Maya and Carina's place, back in his old room like he never left. Except now, he barely leaves his room. He eats meals with them but barely partakes in the conversation. He just wallows in his self-pity and misses Sam.

Carina doesn't blame him, of course. She can't even imagine being in his situation. Well actually, she would be in Sam's situation and Maya would be in Andrew's, but still. Being forced apart from the person she loves due to bullshit immigration laws? It makes Carina sick to even think about. She applied to extend her work visa three months earlier than was suggested just to make sure there was no chance of things getting delayed and her being sent back to Italy. She even started driving slower and making every effort to rein in her temper while behind the wheel just to make sure she doesn't get caught in a situation like Sam did. And though Maya never said anything about it, Carina knows that's something Maya is worried about too. Maya offers to drive every time they go anywhere together now, when before she was always glad to hand the keys to Carina.

They're both trying to help Andrew as much as they can, or rather, as much as he'll allow them to. He doesn't want to talk about it at all. He barely wants to talk about anything but work, now that he's actually back. It's the only thing distracting him enough to keep going. He doesn't know it, but Carina heard him leaving a voice-mail for Sam late one night when she went down to the kitchen for water. His voice sounded more broken than she's ever heard it and it took everything in Carina to not storm into his room and take her little brother into her arms. But she couldn't. He would've been so embarrassed that she heard him. So instead she said nothing. She decided not to get any water so she didn't make noise and alert Andrew that she was downstairs. She went back up as quietly as she could and crawled back into bed with Maya, pulling her tightly against her chest.

Carina is pretty sure Sam never called him back. She thinks Sam cut off communication entirely to try and make things easier. Carina assumes this is just as hard for her as it is for Andrew, probably even harder since she's the one who was effectively deported. And Carina knows it isn't Sam's fault, not in the slightest, but the protective part of Carina wishes she would talk to Andrew, even just for a minute. Anything to help ease his pain, no matter how fleeting that moment is.

Andrew hums and nods in Amelia's direction. "She is," is the only thing he can manage to say.

Amelia takes the hint to not press it any further. She looks at Carina with a sympathetic expression and a tight, understanding smile.

Carina returns the smile and then looks to Andrew. He looks marginally happier when he's in his scrubs and white coat. Helping his patients is a welcome distraction, she knows. Even if it's only temporary.

Just then, the ambulance siren comes blaring from around the corner and Carina makes herself push her concerns for her brother aside so she can focus on her patient.

Carina flinches each time the siren starts its next tone, something she's done ever since she started getting closer to Maya. Even though Carina knows exactly who's in this ambulance, she's still nervous. Every time she passes one on the street or when she's in the ER and hears a new one arrive, she's terrified Maya might be the one inside. Carina has realized that while Maya is at work, Carina has started holding her breath. She didn't even notice it at first, but sometimes she'll catch herself suddenly gasping for air in the middle of charting or waiting on scans or reading a new journal article. When things get quiet, when Carina isn't distracted by the fast pace of her job, she holds her breath out of fear for Maya's safety.

She hates how dangerous Maya's job is. She loves Maya and part of that means accepting Maya risks her life every time she goes to work. It scares her endlessly, but she knows Maya loves it. She thrives at work and she's good at it. Maya told her the fire chief recommended she apply for a lieutenant's position once Andy or Jack are promoted to captain. Maya's face had lit up so brightly when she told Carina. She was so excited and inspired. It's as if she had never imagined that path for herself until Chief Ripley suggested it. Now it's all she can think about.

And Carina is terrified.

But she supports Maya and wants her to succeed at her job. She knows how important it is to her. But she can’t help wishing Maya’s job were at least a little bit safer. Just a little bit.

Now isn’t the time to think about that, though.

She has a patient.

The ambulance comes to a stop and the doors swing open.

“Patient is Anita Burch, 27 years old. She’s experiencing mild dizziness and nausea after hitting her head during a fall. She’s 31 weeks pregnant,” the paramedic says, Carina thinks her name is Bonnie. She’s done her best to try and remember the names of all the paramedics that come through regularly.

Carina already knows all these details about Anita, but she makes herself be patient and lets Bonnie do her job.

“Anita, how are you feeling?” Carina asks. She knows Bonnie just told her, but she needs to hear it for herself. She can manage to be patient, but she can’t help being abundantly cautious when it comes to her patients. She needs to ask again.

“I’m okay, really. Nick is just paranoid,” Anita says, rolling her eyes and reaching back for her husband’s hand after the paramedics move her gurney to the ground.

“You can never be too paranoid when it comes to head injuries,” Amelia chimes in, bringing up a pen light to do a quick check on Anita’s eyes.

“That’s what I said!” Nick exclaims.

“Can you all handle this from here?” Bonnie cuts in. “Dispatch called about some firefighters trapped in a garage and they need additional units.”

Carina’s head whips up at that. “Which station?” She asks, suddenly forgetting entirely about her patient. She’ll worry about feeling guilty over that later. Right now, she’s too busy being worried about Maya.

“I don’t know. 29? 19 maybe?” Bonnie says, a little too flippantly for Carina’s taste, but maybe she’s just being too critical because Maya might be in danger.

“Yeah, you’re good. Get to the scene,” Andrew tells Bonnie, sliding in to take her place next to Anita’s gurney. “We’ve got this.”

“Thanks, Dr. DeLuca,” Bonnie says before climbing in the back of the rig and slamming the door shut. The siren starts back up and the ambulance rushes away in a flash of red.

An ER nurse and an intern step outside and help pull the gurney inside, thankfully, because Carina is locked in place. Her shoes feel like they’re filled with cement and her skin is ice.

Maya might be trapped.

They’re calling in additional units.

This could be really bad.

This is really bad.

All of Carina’s worst fears, the ones she always tries to tell herself she’s ridiculous for feeling, might be coming true and she’s unable to even move her feet. She might have stopped breathing. She has a patient that needs her help and yet she can’t move her damn feet.

“Carina, it’s okay,” someone says, but Carina isn’t sure who.

Her eyes are still glued to the end of the alley where the ambulance was just a few seconds ago. The ambulance that might be going to rescue Maya. The ambulance that might be back here before too long with Maya inside.

Yeah, she definitely stopped breathing.

Carina feels someone’s fingers on her chin, gently turning her head towards them. She reluctantly looks and sees Andrew’s stoic face looking back at her.

“Carina, it’s okay,” Andrew says, evidently the one who said the same words before. “She’s okay. She is,” he insists.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Carina admits. She didn’t know she was going to speak. She didn’t know she was able to. The words feel foreign on her tongue, even more foreign than English usually feels. Or maybe she had spoken in Italian. She doesn’t even know.

“Look at me,” Andrew says. “Guardami,” he says more intently this time when Carina doesn’t listen.

That was definitely Italian. Carina knows that much. She thought she was already looking at him, but her eyes were still straining to the left, trying to see if an ambulance is about to arrive. Her eyes bounce around Andrew’s face for a moment before they settle on his eyes, eyes that match Carina’s exactly.

Carina can tell there’s concern bubbling under the surface in those eyes, but he’s managing to keep his composure. He must know that Carina needs it.

“She’s okay. We have a patient,” Andrew tells her, his voice steadier than she’s heard it in weeks. He’s been such a mess since Sam left that his voice wavers almost every time he speaks, when he actually does manage to speak. But now, it’s sure and clear. “There’s nothing we can do right now except help our patient. There’s no sense in worrying until we know more.”

Carina knows he’s right. Maybe Maya isn’t trapped. Maybe it isn’t even 19 that’s involved. Bonnie thought it might have been 29. Maybe it is. Maybe Maya is back at the station, safe and sound. Maybe Carina is freaking out over knowing.

“Breathe,” Andrew says. “Breathe with me.” He takes a slow, deep breath in and then out. He repeats until Carina finally joins him. “Let’s go inside and make sure Anita’s okay. After that, we’ll find out what’s going on. Okay?”

Carina feels herself nodding even though she doesn’t remember her brain telling the muscles in her neck to make that motion. She’s agreeing though, like she knows she should.

“I can’t lose her,” Carina says, fully aware of the words she’s saying this time.

“You won’t.” Andrew’s words and eyes are unflinching. He brings a hand up and wipes a stray tear off of Carina’s cheek. “We won’t.”

Carina takes another deep breath and then another. Andrew is right. If Maya even is the one in danger right now, there’s nothing she can do to help her. But she can help Anita. That’s something she’s actually capable of.

“Okay,” Carina says. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Andrew nods. He takes Carina’s hand in hers and squeezes. “Okay.”

Andrew pulls her in the direction of the ER and Carina makes herself follow him.

She tries her best to push her concerns aside, at least for the next few minutes. That might be all she’s capable of.

++++

The hotter it gets in the garage, the more cold sweat starts to bead on her forehead, the harder it is to forget that day. It had been buried so deep inside her brain, but now she couldn't forget it. The details came rushing back and each one made her angrier and angrier.

She was angry at her dad for how he treated her. She was angry at her mom for letting it happen and not protecting her. She was angry at herself for being so oblivious to it all for so long. She was a little angry at Carina for picking up on it so easily, but her heart wasn't really in that feeling. She knew was wasn't actually mad at Carina, she just needed an outlet for all the rage she was feeling and that was an easy target. It wasn't fair when her dad deserved so much of it. Carina wasn't to blame here.

Maya had to stop thinking about this or she was going to lose her mind.

"We have to get out of here," Maya says as loudly as she can, trying to garner everyone's attention. She can't just sit here doing nothing anymore. She's a doer. She prides herself on her ability to take action. She has to do something, literally anything so that she isn't just stuck with her miserable thoughts.

"Yeah, no shit," Jack huffs.

Maya would smack him if she had the energy to reach across the few feet separating them. Instead, she decides she'll smack him later. Because there will be a later. There has to be. There's no way in hell this is how Maya Bishop gets taken out.

"She's right," Ryan says, defending Maya even though she's perfectly capable of defending herself. "We're running out of time. Everyone needs to think now. There's gotta be a way out of here."

Jack scowls at Ryan like he wants to kick his ass, which honestly he probably does given the way he’s been glaring daggers at Ryan and Andy any time they’ve been within two feet of each other, but now isn't the time. Luckily, he has that same realization because instead of challenging him to a duel for Andy's heart, he just shakes his head and leans back against the garage door.

"That door," Jack says, nodding to the door leading from the garage into the house. "It looks hydraulic. Could you hijack the motor? Open it to the inside of the house?"

"Isn't there a fire on the other side of that door?" Officer Reis asks like she's offended Jack would even suggest such a thing.

"We're firefighters," Jack shrugs, brushing off all her concerns with that simple gesture. He can never pass up the opportunity for a potential hero moment.

"We're not," Officer Reis says in a tone that implies she might be questioning Jack's sanity at that moment.

"We can get you guys out," Jack assures her, not even fazed by her worries.

Audrey rises from her spot on the floor and walks towards the door. She and her obsession for home security are the reason they’re trapped here right now and Maya still wants to yell at her about it, but know it wouldn’t do any good.

"I don't know,” Audrey says. “I didn't design the motor, but maybe."

Everyone jumps to attention at that. Well, they slowly stand up, but considering the heat is wicking nearly every ounce of strength from their body, it's a pretty impressive feat.

Audrey pries the fingerprint scanner off the wall, exposing all the wires behind it. Maya and Andy grab their crowbars and wedge them at the base of the door while she fiddles with the wires.

"Some of the wires are melted, but if you guys are fast, we may have a shot," Audrey says.

Maya says a quick, silent prayer. To what, she doesn't know. She's never been religious, but in this moment she finds herself wishing there actually is some higher power out there in the universe and she wishes more than anything that they'll help her out right now.

Suddenly, there's a whirring sound from the door and Maya pushes down on her crowbar with a strength she didn't know she was capable of. She hears Andy grunting and sees the muscles in her arms straining, telling Maya she's giving it everything she has too.

This feels like the only chance they'll get. Now or never. They're either getting out of the garage in the next few seconds, or they aren't getting out at all.

Maya manages to push even harder on the crowbar at that thought.

Just as she's starting to feel the door give the slightest amount, there's a sparking noise from the wires and she hears Audrey shout as she jumps back.

"Dammit, the wires are too fried," Audrey laments.

Maya feels her stomach drop, feels like it just fell onto the ground by her feet.

She really might die in here.

She'll never forgive herself for doing this to Carina.

++++

"She leaves her phone in the engine on calls," Andrew tells her softly, even though he knows this is something Carina already knows.

He's handling this so much better than Carina is. She knows he's probably only holding it together as well as he is because Carina is falling apart and he knows losing it as well won't help matters. She loves him dearly for keeping his emotions in check so he can support Carina. She knows on the inside he's freaking out just as much as she is, sick with worry over Maya, but he's holding it all in so he can be there for Carina. She reminds herself to thank him for it later.

He was the one who kept her calm enough to treat their patient. He was the one who offered to stay with Dr. Shepherd waited for Anita's CT results so Carina could excuse herself to an on-call room to obsessively call station 19 until someone picked up at the front desk and told her what was happening. He's the one who delivered the good news to Anita that everything is fine and covered for Carina by saying she was with another patient. He's the one that knew the moment he stepped into the on-call room that Carina found out Maya was one of the firefighters stuck, just by the look on her face. He wrapped her in the biggest hug and didn't filter even once.

In the midst of his own personal crisis, he managed to dig deep and help Carina through hers. She doesn't know what she did to get blessed with the most wonderful baby brother, but she's forever grateful she did.

"What am I supposed to do, Andrea? I have to do something. I can't just sit here knowing Maya might be dying ten minutes away." Carina does her best to blink back tears, but she tastes salt on her lips as they fall anyway.

Andrew's face falters. He wants so badly to break down too, but he clears his throat and steels himself. "She's not dying. This is Maya we're talking about. She'll probably break the door down with her bare hands and then won't stop talking about it for a month."

It's a half attempt at a joke and Carina wants to be grateful for it, but all she can manage is a small shake of her head. She turns towards the window in the direction she knows the house is where Maya's trapped. She of course can't actually see the house, but she's still tempted to start running in that direction until she finds it. She knows there's nothing she could do even if she were there, but at least then Maya would know she was there for her. At least then maybe she wouldn't feel so helpless being so close and yet so far away.

"I can't lose her," Carina says, the words practically a whimper. Once they leave her mouth, she realizes it was a terrible thing to say considering Andrew actually did lose the woman he loves, but all she can manage by way of apology is a sympathetic look in his direction.

He shakes his head like he's dismissing her apology, telling her it isn't necessary. "You won't," Andrew assures her, not even a hint of hesitation in his voice.

"You can't know that."

"But I do. Because I know Maya. She's the most determined, most stubborn person I've ever met. If anyone can find their way out of this, it's her."

Carina knows he's right, but she's having an exceptionally hard time believing it. It's so easy to let herself spiral.

She's never been like this. She's always prided herself on her ability to stay level headed and think clearly during difficult situations. But this? Maya being in danger? All ability to remain calm has been thrown out the window and she doesn't think she'll ever get it back.

She looks at Andrew. He's leaning against the door of the on-call room, his arms crossed and his eyes large and full of sympathy. Only the tightness in his jaw gives away how much this is upsetting him.

Carina has always been able to keep herself composed when she's looking out for Andrew. Maybe she can trick herself into calming down in this situation if she tells herself it's for Andrew's sake.

"She's going to be okay," Carina grits out. It takes more effort than she expected, but she does feel better after she says it, like speaking it will make it true.

"She's going to be okay," Andrew repeats, certainty ringing clear through his words.

Carina nods for a long time, thinking if she keeps repeating those words in her head, she'll finally believe them.

She isn't quite as successful as she hopes.

Luckily, Andrew is there to wrap her up in his arms when she falls apart completely.

++++

"The only thing that can get through that door is the thing trapping us in here--fire," Andy says, which makes the idea click in Maya's head a second later.

"We need an explosive," Maya adds.

They both look frantically around the room, looking for anything they can possible blow up. Maya sees Ryan look longingly at the car again, still convinced his idea to jump start it is the only thing that can save them.

"Wait, the water heater," Andy says before Ryan can bring up his idea again. "It has a pilot light. Pilot lights ignite things, cause explosions."

"Explosions turn anything into a high-velocity projectile." The gears in Maya's brain as turning now. She's exhausted physically and mentally, but she's starting to believe again they will actually get out of here.

She can already imagine Carina's arms around her once she's safe.

"It's worth a shot," Maya adds, knowing it's really their only shot.

"We just need something for the pilot light to ignite."

"An accelerant."

"Or gasoline, from the car," Ryan chimes in.

Maya would be pissed at Ryan for bringing up that damn car again if he weren't right. She's almost annoyed at him for actually finding a way to make his idea part of how they get out of here, but she's too damn thrilled to finally have an escape route that she gets over it.

The plan practically forms itself on its own from there.

They unhinge the water heater from the wall and lay it on its side so it can be launched towards the garage door. Ryan siphons fuel from the car and creates a makeshift explosive, which Andy positions right near the pilot light.

Everyone huddles down behind the car and braces for the explosion while Andy lights the flame. Maya watches with more tension in her spine than she's ever felt. She doesn't think she's ever been so anxious in her life. This is their one and only chance to get out. If this doesn't work…well, Maya won't even think about that. She can't. Not yet.

But then Maya notices the release valve is loose. She realizes that when the heater explodes, that valve could go flying anywhere in the garage and kill one of them.

She can't let that happen and she doesn't give herself the chance the think better about it. Andy tries to stop her, but it's useless.

Maya runs towards the heater and the moment she steps behind it, the thing explodes in a ball of fire and she's launched backwards into the air. Her feet leave the ground and she's sure for a second that this is how she dies.

The only thing she can think of is how pissed Carina will be that she did this to herself.

But she doesn't die. Her vision blurs and she's fighting slipping into unconsciousness, but she doesn't die. Her ears are ringing louder than any fire alarm she's ever heard, but her heart is still beating. Pain is radiating through her back from colliding with the wall, but at least she can still feel it so it can't be too bad.

It isn't until Andy grabs her shoulder and turns her around that she realizes even though she isn't dead, this might still be worse than she thought. She sees Andy's mouth moving, but she can't hear a single word she's saying. All the can hear is that high pitched ringing that makes her skin crawl. Nothing else. Not the shouts from the other firefighters as the flood into the garage. Not Captain Herrera's surely panicked words as he hugs his daughter. Not what she assumes are concerned questions from Vic as she does a quick medical assessment on Maya.

Nothing.

This is bad.

xxxx

Every time the phone rings, Carina jumps for it. The nurse running the desk got annoyed the first couple of times Carina snatched the phone out of her hands, but she's given up even trying to answer it. At this point she doesn't even look towards the phone when it rings, instead just letting Carina handle things and pass along whatever information is needed.

She's lost count of how many calls she's answered, how many times her shoulders slump when she realizes it isn't about Maya, how many ambulance sirens she's heard pull up and how many gurneys she's seen wheeled by the desk. She has no idea how long she's been there.

But then she finally gets the call she's been simultaneously counting on and dreading.

Incoming. One civilian. Two police officers. Three firefighters.

One of whom is Maya.

Carina is waiting in the ambulance bay before dispatch even ends the call. Andrew is right next to her only a second later with a steady hand placed on her shoulder.

Her heart is in her throat when she hears the sirens. She thinks dispatch told her they were all non-emergent, but Carina doesn't care. Maya could've died. Even if Carina is told Maya is medically okay, she won't believe it until she sees Maya for herself.

Carina is stepping forward and swinging open the door to the first ambulance before it's even fully stopped. When she sees it's just the civilian dispatch mentioned, Carina moves to the next one without a second glance. She knows she's a bad doctor at that moment, ignoring a patient in need, but she can't help it. Besides, there's a resident stepping up right behind her that takes her place so she's able to justify it.

When she opens the door to the next ambulance, she spots Maya sitting at the end of the bench, leaning back against the wall with her eyes closed. Carina rushes onto the rig immediately. She vaguely notices Jack and Andy sitting on the opposite bench, but she's too frantic to acknowledge them right now.

Carina sits on the bench next to Maya and takes her face gently in her hands. Maya startles, her eyes flying open and darting around before they settle on Carina. The surprised expression melts from her face and she gives Carina a tired smile.

"I'm okay," Maya says a little too loudly.

Carina pulls her into a hug and feels hot tears pricking at her eyes. All she's wanted the past few hours is to have Maya safe in her arms and now here she is. Carina told herself she would try to keep it together for Maya. She didn't want her to know just how scared she was, doesn't want her feeling guilty. But she can't help it.

Maya winces a little when Carina tries to tighten the hug and Carina jerks back.

"You're not okay," Carina says. "You're hurt."

"Yeah, getting thrown back into a wall will do that to you," Jack chimes in as he's moving off the rig.

Carina whips her head around to look at him. "What happened to her?"

Andy elbows Jack in the ribs and he glares so deeply at her, Carina thinks he has more grievances with his ex than just the blow to his side. Jack grumbles something to Andy, but gets the hint and says nothing further to Carina.

Carina turns back to Maya. "You were thrown into a wall? What happened?"

Maya watches Carina's mouth while she's speaking, which is strange because Maya is always so insistent on looking people directly in the eye when she's speaking with someone. She pauses before she answers, like she needs a moment to process what Carina just asked her.

"I'm okay," is all Maya says, again a little too loudly.

Something is definitely wrong, but Carina doesn't get the chance to ask anymore questions because Andrew is stepping up into the rig.

"Maya, I'm so glad you're okay. What happened?" He asks, reaching out to put a hand on Maya's shoulder.

It isn't until he touches her that Maya looks over and realizes he's there. She smiles at him, but doesn't say anything in response to his question.

Oh god.

Carina has a sinking feeling as she realizes what must be happening. She reaches up and snaps her fingers by Maya's ear.

"Maya, can you hear me?" She asks, but Maya is still looking at Andrew and doesn't even realize Carina just said anything. "Maya, look at me." Carina uses her fingers to tilt Maya's chin towards her and repeats herself. "Can you hear me?" She snaps by her ear again, then the other, but Maya doesn't even react.

She must have been able to read her lips though because Maya's forced smile slips from her face and she shakes her head and says, far too quietly this time, "don't tell anyone. Don't tell the team."

++++

That much is painfully obvious.

She brings Maya to an exam room and does the general evaluation herself while Andrew goes to find Dr. Avery so he can look at Maya's ears.

Carina looks incredibly concerned at first as she carefully checks Maya over for any bruises or broken bones. There are more than a few bruises, but luckily nothing is broken or fractured. She touches Maya so delicately and keeps murmuring what Maya assumes are sweet words. She can't really hear the words, but she's starting to hear the dull vibration of sounds other than that incessant ringing. Judging by the concerned and loving expression on Carina's face, her words are definitely meant to be soothing even if they aren't heard.

But then Jack steps into the room for a moment to check on Maya and she's pretty sure Carina interrogates him to tell her what happened. Maya can't hear what all they're saying, but she sees how sheepish Jack looks and how Carina's concern is transformed into anger while Jack explains. She can start to hear more as Carina's voice raises and her hand movements become wild as she grows increasingly more upset.

Maya appreciates Jack coming to check on her, but she really wishes he hadn't. She knew Carina would find out about how Maya hurt herself, but she was hoping for time to figure out how to tell her on her own. Leave it to Jack to swoop in and ruin that plan. He's here checking on her because he cares, but Maya kind of wishes Jack weren't such a considerate person and teammate right now.

Then a sinking feeling hits her in the chest.

What if Carina tells Jack about Maya's hearing being messed up? He's practically her boss, unfortunately. This wouldn't be like Vic admitting to them she's spooked by fire and the team rallies around to help her. Jack would have to report this. Maya would be benched for the foreseeable future. And what I'd her hearing never returns to normal? She could lose everything, right as she's about to start down the lieutenant's track.

She knows she asked Carina not to tell the team, and she nodded in seemingly acquiesce, but what if she's so pissed right now that she just blurts it out? Jack doesn't look any more concerned than he did before, if anything he's just more concerned for himself because of the way Carina is losing it on him.

Dammit, Maya really wishes she had taken one more second to think before launching herself at that water heater. It could've saved her so much trouble.

Once Carina is finished berating him, signaled by the fact she jabs a finger in his face once more and then whirls around and crosses the room like she can't stand to be near him anymore, he looks at Maya with an overly apologetic face.

He mouths the word, "sorry," and then steps out of the room. Maya sees him rush past the window in a hurry to distance himself from Carina's wrath.

Maya takes a breath and manages a cautious look over at Carina only to find her seething. She's grateful she still can't hear completely because she knows that's the only reason Carina isn't blowing up on her right now.

She understands her anger, she does. If Jack told her exactly what happened in that garage, then of course Carina is upset that Maya put herself in such danger. It was dumb and reckless, Maya knows that now. It isn't often she owns to to having a bad idea, but that was a bad idea. She just reacted. She saw a problem that could've endangered anyone in the garage and she had to try and stop it. Unfortunately she nearly blew herself up in the process.

So of course Carina is pissed.

Maya just wishes she would pretend like she weren't for a moment so Maya could hug her again.

She didn't let her brain linger on the thoughts very long, but she couldn't stop thinking about never being able to hold Carina again if they weren't able to escape. She never thought it was possible to desire being in someone's arms as badly as she wants to be in Carina's practically every second of the day. The comfort and ease she feels in Carina's embrace is just as steadying as it is intoxicating. Maya can't imagine never having that again.

She wishes just for a few more minutes Carina could forget her anger and go back to comforting her.

Maya is about to ask her for just that when Maya actually hears a noise across the room. She turns to see Andrew pushing the door open and stepping inside, followed closely by Dr. Avery.

During the exam, Carina shifts back into being concerned and attentive, but Maya can tell her anger is still resting just under the surface. Maya is able to hear more and more as the exam goes on, enough that at the end she can hear Dr. Avery tell her that it looks like she's ruptured her ear drums, but he thinks they will heal on their own without surgery. He says her hearing might ebb and flow over the next few weeks and the ringing will come and go, but it shouldn't last. She might experience nausea and vertigo, but he can prescribe her something to help with that.

Considering she's able to hear all that, it means she also knows she's going to hear the full extent of Carina's anger once Dr. Avery leaves, which is way too soon. He sees himself out with a kind wave and then it's just Maya and the DeLuca siblings.

Andrew eyes them both suspiciously, Maya a little nervous and Carina a lot upset. "What's going on?" He asks, too caring and attentive to them both to just take Carina's glare as a sign to leave.

"Why don't you ask Maya," Carina says, her words tight and measured, like she's about to burst open from all the emotions she's feeling inside.

Andrew looks at Maya like he knows she's in trouble and finally figures out he should give them space. "Or how about I go and let you two work out whatever is about to happen and then I'll ask for details later."

He doesn't give Maya time to protest and plead for him to stay with her as a buffer. He just steps closer and leans down to place a gentle kiss on Maya's cheek. "I'm glad you're okay," he tells her.

Maya gives him a quick smile, but it wouldn't even matter if she wanted to actually say something because he hurries out of the room. He's been on the receiving end of Carina's fury before and he clearly doesn't wish to experience it again.

Traitor.

Maya waits until the door closes completely before she looks over at Carina. She's so tired and her body aches so much, she would really rather just go home and take a nap. She considers asking Carina for just that, but figures there's no point in avoiding this. Besides, she won't sleep well knowing that Carina is so upset.

And there are things she needs to figure out first.

"What did you tell Jack?" Maya blurts out before she can stop herself.

Carina actually jerks back in confusion. "What?"

"Jack," Maya says slowly. She knows there's an edge to her voice that Carina doesn't deserve, but she's so afraid Jack is blabbing to their Battalion Chief right now which would mean Maya is going to walk right out of this exam room and into probation. "When he stopped by, what did you tell him? Did you tell him about my hearing?"

Maya is shaken by the disappointed look that flashes over Carina’s face. She doesn’t think Carina has ever been disappointed in her. Maya hates it, but she can’t help it. She feels her career slipping through her fingers. It’s a career she didn’t even know she wanted until a couple of weeks ago, but now she can’t get it out of her head. And now she might lose it before she even had a real chance to go after it.

She feels herself slipping into her old, hyper focused ways and it scares her. She doesn’t want to be like that again, but she doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to fight it.

“That’s what you care about right now? I was worried sick about you, afraid you were going to die, and you care if this will hurt your chances at becoming lieutenant?”

Carina’s voice is more betrayed than Maya has ever heard it. Even when Maya held her at arm’s length, insisting they couldn’t be together, Carina never sounded this upset. Her brown eyes are glassy with tears and Maya knows they aren’t angry tears. Maya broke her heart.

Maya hates herself in that moment. She wishes she could stop caring about this so much, but her dad is still in her head. Yes, she wants to become lieutenant for herself, but she also wants it to happen to spite her dad. He can take as much credit as he wants for her track career, she won’t fight him on that. As much as she hates it, he was unfortunately a big part of her success. But her firefighting career is all her own. She can become lieutenant, then captain, then battalion chief, then maybe one day even chief of SFD. She can do all of those things and not a single damn moment will be thanks to her dad. Not one.

She’s so angry at him today after all those memories resurfaced that she’s more determined than ever to jumpstart her climb up the ranks. Losing her hearing, even temporarily, could be a fatal blow to that climb.

“I wasn’t going to die,” Maya insists, even though there were several moments in that garage when she didn’t believe those words.

“You don’t know that!” Carina erupts, finally unleashing all the anger she’s been feeling. “Even if the heat didn’t kill you, Jack told me you ran towards a bomb! What the hell were you thinking?”

“It wasn’t exactly a bomb,” Maya tries to defend herself, but she trails off when Carina’s eyes narrow and Maya swears they flash red. It’s enough to get her to back down, if only a little. “Okay, it was kind of like a bomb. But I was trying to protect everyone. I thought I could make it in time. If that valve had gone flying, it could have killed any of us.” Maya cringes when she realizes she just proved Carina’s point, not that it needed proving because it’s something Maya already knows.

Maya could have died.

She really, truly could have.

She shouldn’t give a fuck about her hearing right now. She should just be glad she’s still breathing and was capable of walking out of that garage on her own two feet. She should be grateful she’s in the same room with Carina again, even if she is furious with her.

Maya could have died, but she didn’t. That’s all that matters.

"You could have died," Carina says, her voice cracking on the last word. She swallows down her tears and focuses on her anger, the internal struggle clear on her face. "And don't say you weren’t going to because Jack told me you could have."

Maya sighs and finally gives a reluctant nod. "Yeah, I could've died."

Carina's bottom lip flutters and she swallows hard. "You can't do things like that. I can’t lose you. What am I supposed to do if you die? How am I supposed to just move on? I don’t care how long we’ve been together. You’re the love of my life. You’re it for me. You can’t just go blow yourself up without even thinking about what it would do to me."

Maya really wants to get off the exam table and cross the room to Carina. She wants to take her in her arms and provide her any sort of comfort she can. The devastated look on Carina's face is breaking her heart and she hates she's the reason it's there.

She stays put though. She doesn't know if Carina wants her to touch her right now.

Maya swallows every ounce of pride she has and says something she rarely ever says, something she knows is just a start, but something absolutely necessary.

“I’m sorry.”

Tears finally break through and fall from Carina’s eyes as she crosses the room and pulls Maya into her arms. She holds her as tightly as she can without Maya wincing. It might still be a little too tight, but Maya holds in any sounds of pain. Feeling Carina’s arms around her is worth every bit of it.

“You can’t do things like that,” Carina says again, muttering the words into Maya’s shoulder.

Maya sighs again and hesitates before saying what she does next. “I can’t promise you that I won’t have to do something like this again.”

Carina sucks in a shuttering breath. “Maya,” she warns.

“I can promise you that I will do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen, but that’s all I can give you. I’m in dangerous situations all the time at work, Carina. You know that.” Maya leans back so Carina takes the hint and pulls away so they can lock eyes. Carina refuses to let her go, though. “I love you and I will always do everything I can to make it back to you. That’s the best I can promise..”

Carina closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to lose you. I was a wreck today. I was a bad doctor and I hated it, but I couldn’t help it. You were all I could think about.”

“I’m sorry,” Maya says again. “I can’t imagine what that was like. I couldn’t stop thinking about you either. Well that and…” Maya trails off. She hadn’t meant to bring this up. She didn’t think she was ready.

“What?” Carina asks carefully, reading Maya’s hesitant expression.

Maya takes a deep breath, figures she might as well tell her. She thinks she’ll feel better afterwards, she usually does.

Maya tells her everything. Her dad forcing her to train, the sense memory that brought the moment roaring back, the way he played the doctor, how he only gave her a fraction of the time off the doctor suggested. She watches as Carina’s face goes from sympathetic to angry to heartbroken to downright scathing. When she sees Carina grinding her teeth, she brings a hand up and traces her fingers along Carina’s jaw until the tension releases.

“It messed with my head,” Maya says. “When I wasn’t thinking about a way out or you, that’s what was taking up my headspace. I wasn’t thinking clearly when I ran towards the boiler. I’m not using that as an excuse and I’m not asking you to forgive me because of it. I’m just trying to explain. I’m responsible for my actions, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t distracted.”

Carina nods, reaches up and pushes some of Maya’s hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s not fair when the people who are supposed to protect us are the ones who end up hurting us.”

Maya knows that all too well. She also knows Carina has had more than her fair share of parental trauma. If anyone gets it, Carina does. And while she wishes Carina never had to experience any of it, knowing she understands a part of Maya that no one else does brings Maya a comfort she’s never known. She knows she can tell Carina anything and she’ll be empathetic. Even if she didn’t live that exact situation, she has some sort of parallel she can draw to it. Maya hates that for Carina, but she also knows she’s one of the few people she knows that can relate to her fully. It makes Maya feel seen. It validates all the things she feels and makes her know she isn’t alone. She and Mason still barely discuss their dad, it’s better that way. Maybe one day that will change, but for now Carina is the one person Maya can tell literally everything to and she knows she’ll never be judged for a moment.

Maya is infinitely grateful for it, loves Carina even more because of it.

“I’d completely forgotten about it,” Maya says. “It worries me to think what else my brain might be hiding from me.”

Maya knows that Carina wants to suggest she goes to therapy, but she won’t. She agreed to stop bringing it up. Therapy is certainly something Maya knows she needs one day, but she isn’t ready. Talking to Carina is one thing. Talking to a stranger is something else entirely. She thinks about it a lot and is coming around to the idea, but she isn’t there yet.

Instead, Carina leans in and places a delicate kiss on the corner of Maya’s mouth. “One day when you’re ready, you’ll be able to process it all.”

Maya nods, letting the topic rest right there. She lets out a slow sigh and squeezes Carina’s hips. “Can we go home now?”

“You don’t have to finish your shift?”

“Considering I almost died, I think I’ll be able to talk them into letting me cut out early.”

It’s not really a joke, but the nonchalant mention of her brush with death is not amusing to Carina. She narrows her eyes and Maya has the good sense to look regretful.

“Let’s stop by the nurses station on the way out so I can let them know I’m going. Then we’ll go home,” Carina promises. “And you’re getting right into the shower because you smell terrible.”

Maya feigns offense, knowing Carina’s 100% right. If only her sense of smell were damaged like her hearing. “As long as you join me in the shower.”

“I will join you for a second shower. You definitely need at least two.”

Maya steals a quick kiss before Carina steps back and lets Maya hop down from the exam table. Every muscle in her body aches and she knows she’s going to feel even worse tomorrow. A hot shower might be the only thing to soothe her right now.

Carina takes Maya’s hand and leads her out of the room. Maya is sure they have more to talk about. Carina isn’t just going to let this go quite so easily.

But right now, Maya is okay. They’re together and they’re going home.

The rest can wait.