Chapter four

A month had passed and nothing was the same without Ronan. After Ronan's funeral, Valerie and Ruben moved to another state. Valerie had said that everything reminded them of Ronan. Ruben could not stand being in the house where everything reminded him of his father. He was the most affected by his father's death. The Ackers were helping as they supported them in every way, they could but little did anyone know that the Acker home was also falling apart.

Don quit his job and did nothing but smoke and drink. He became so aggressive that even the children feared him. He no longer talked with them and would mumble something along lines of "it is all Lilian's fault" but no one knew why he always said that. Jessica spent her mornings crying and wondering what went wrong. She tried reaching out to Don to talk to her but he would end up insulting her and calling her a whore. They also tried therapy but Don had refused to go.

Don knew he was gradually losing his mind. He began to have nightmares of the day he killed Ronan after the funeral. Drinking became his coping mechanism as he felt absolutely nothing when he was drunk. He then began to blame lily in his mind saying none of it would have happened if she was not born.

Whenever Jessica would threaten to leave with the children, he would beg her, stay sober for a week and start drinking again. When Jessica could not take it anymore, she confronted him in their bedroom.

"Don, what the hell is going on. This has nothing to do with Ronan's death, right?" she yelled looking at him straight in the eyes and then continued. "You keep telling our daughter you wish she hadn't been born. How dare you, Don? Tell me right now what…"

Don rose from the bed trying to move away from Lily but she was not having it. This was the day she took her pound of flesh. He had constantly gotten on her nerves ever since Ronan's death. At first, she blamed it on grief but this had turned to more.

"Yes! You are a whore and I wish lily wasn't born!" He groaned "Fuck this, I need a drink "You slept with Ronan you slept with my own best friend" Don also yelled at her

"What are you talking about?" Jessica replied nervously

"Shut up you lying slut!" Don shouted at the top of his voice. "Lily isn't mine. I had a DNA test done and found out she isn't mine but Ronan's." The shock on Jessica's face was priceless. Don sighed as he pointed at her. "How did I find out? You won't believe my supposed daughter has the same birthmark with Ruben and Ronan. It's all your fault Jessica" He screamed as he picked up a decorative beside lamp and threw it against the wall.

"I swear on my life it was only once. I didn't mean to, Don." Jessica explained as tears poured from her eyes staining her face and making her morning mascara run. "It was in the heat of the moment Don. You were gone for years, years! And when that happened, we swore never to do it again. You came back days later. It ended I swear." She continued while trembling.

"And Lily, what about Lily, Jessica?" Don asked as he grabbed unto her shaking her, "What about my little girl?"

"I swear I had no idea." Jessica screamed crying as Don pushed her to the side. She landed on the bed still crying. "Don. I thought she was yours."

"She is not! She is not mine, Jessica. You know what? Everything is your fault! It is your fault Ronan died. I just had to kill him" Don spat out suddenly then there was silence. Jessica started up at Don with wide eyes, her tears frozen in time as his words replayed in the silence. 'I just had to kill him.'

"You…You" Jessica brough her hand to her lips. The words were heavy to speak but she needed to speak them "You killed Ronan. No, you must be joking." She said trying to make sense of the situation but a part of her knew that there was no joke there. "You…You would never do that he was your best friend!"

"My best friend who slept with my fucking wife!" Don yelled back at her. Jessica slowly sat on the bed as she tried to process what she had just heard. However, the bed felt too high so her body subconsciously pushed her to the floor.

Don groaned as he watched her cry. "You are crying for him." He scoffed "The bastard." He kicked at the bed paused then ran his hand over his bald hair. "Even in death he still receives your tears."

He turned and began to stalk out of the room.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Jessica asked. Her voice was louder as tears poured out of her eyes. She jumped to her feet and grabbed Don's hand.

"I need a drink." Don muttered pushing her away from him.

Jessica landed on the floor with a thud. "I am not crying for him." She screamed at Don. His hands paused on the door knob. "I am crying for you because you have lost your mind." At that Don turned the knob and exited the room

Jessica heaved as she cried and soon she let out a loud scream. How was Lily Ronan's child? she asked herself. She had taken the damn pills the next morning. Don had come home a week after and they had sex. She had been so sure that Lily was his. Her heart pounded so fast as she reached for a jacket then her keys and exited her room.

"Mum." Jessica paused in her heels as she turned to Lily. Even at fifteen Lily still slept with a stuffed animal she like to call Betsy. She yawned as she tried to clean sleep out of her crusty eyes but failed. At that moment Jessica finally saw it. The spitting resemblance between Ronan and Lily. The small almond eyes, the pointy nose with a small bump on the top, she was Ronan's child.

"Baby why are you awake." Jessica asked

"I heard shouting." Lily replied "Are you and Daddy arguing again?"

"Of course not." Jessica replied as she brought the back of her hand to her cheek to swipe away a betraying tear. "We are fine. In fact, we are about to go out and have a date night."

"Dressed like that mum." Lily chuckled "You should put on a dress."

Jessica looked at her house jeans and faded t. "You are right." She managed a smile "Go to bed honey. I will go put on a dress."

"Okay mum." Lily replied as she turned to leave. "I love you."

Once Lily was gone. Jessica sighed and turned to continue down the steps at that moment she noticed Erwin's door slightly ajar as she peaked out from it. She saw the tears in his eyes and in that moment, she knew that Erwin knew everything.

"Er…" The slam of his door in her face made her swallow her words.

***

Jessica cranked down all the windows in her car as she drove through the city, with tears in her eyes. The night air flowing through her hair made her feel a little better. She was so lost in thoughts that she did not realize that she had stopped at a police station. A knock on her door brought her back to reality and then she wound down.

"Ma'am, are you okay? Is there anything we can help you with?" the police man who had a worried expression asked her. Deep down Jessica knew this was the right thing to do. Don was slowly becoming a nuisance what if he killed her also, what if he killed Lily? She did not want to take that risk but she loved this man, very much. Her was her husband and the father of her kids, at least one of them.

"Ma'am" The officer called once again pulling Jessica out of her thoughts.

"I am fine, officer." She said with a forced smile that did not make its way to her eyes.

The policeman narrowed his eyes at her. "Ma'am if there is something wrong. I need you to tell me." He stated "If you feel you are in danger and need help."

"Everything is peachy." Jessica lied

The police man saw through her act but there was little he could do once she had assured him that she was fine. "We are always her to provide help." He continued "You should go home ma'am driving around late is not very safe."

"Thank you, officer." Jessica replied. She watched him walk away with her side mirror. Once he walked back into his precinct, she let out a breath she did not know she had been holding.

Her night time drive brought her finally to the park. There were only good memories here. They had walked their first and only dog Chacha here. Don had purchased the beautiful golden retriever and brought him back home as a gift. She remembered how Erwin and Don pushed herself and Lily on the swings. She also remembered when Lily had begged Don to teach her to play chess. Such wonderful memories where all tainted with blood now because she had broken her marriage vows.

It had never been her intention to hurt Don like this. She had felt scared and alone while Donald was away, that night Ronan had come over to see them as usual. He had played games with Erwin and tucked Lily to sleep with a bed time story. It was what Don was supposed to have been doing but he was away serving the country. One thing led to another and she had kissed Ronan. The next minutes had been filled with hot pity sex and regret as they realised that they had both betrayed one of the most important people in their lives.

Jessica sighed as she pushed the white King on the chess board with the black King she held. "Check mate Jess." She muttered "Checkmate."

"I don't think you can win playing on your own." A woman with blonde hair the dark brown eyes stated as she came to sit in the opposite sit facing Jessica. "May I join you."

"I was just leaving." Jess tried to get up.

"Please just one game." The woman pleaded

Jessica mustered another forced smile as she agreed. "Very well." She said and they began the game. "Why are you out here so late?" Jessica asked the lady as they arranged the chess board.

"I could ask you the same thing." The woman replied

"I need fresh air." Jess replied "To clear my head."

"Likewise," the lady replied.

"I figured." Jessica replied "We woman always have a similar face when filled with worry."

"I know that face." The woman replied with a chuckle which Jess eased into with hers. "So do you care to share?"

"My worry is too heavy for any ear." She chuckled but a traitorous tear dropped.

"So I'll go first" The lady replied.

"Well, I have cancer and I have just a week left to live." She sighed "I have been battling it on my own. I could not bring myself to tell my family." She groaned as she moved her pawn. "They would be so devastated. I only found out three months ago and was three weeks pregnant. I removed the baby." The lady explained "I want to tell them so I can live my last days with them but I also don't want to break their hearts. She continued. "You see this park? We come here a lot. That's why I came here and luckily, I met you."

"I'm so sorry." Jessica sighed "You should tell your family. I know they would be sad but I also know they would want to spend their last days with you." Jessica said to her. "No one deserves to lose family like that."

Immediately, Ronan came to Jess' mind. Gia and Ruben did not deserve to lose him like that. Even though they had betrayed Don, He did not deserve to die like that.

"You?" The lady asked

Jessica opened her mouth but hesitated.

"It is alright if it is too much to speak." The lady stated.

"No." Jessica sighed as she began narrating the tale of how she had cheated on her husband with his best friend and how she had just found out Lily was Ronan's. She left out the part of Don killing Ronan but lied that's he feared Don may hurt him. "I am confused."

"Wow." The lady sighed "That is bigger than mine."

Jessica chuckled "I am fucked."

"Ronan deserves to know that Lily is his." The lady opined. "Do not take away the opportunity of him knowing his daughter."

Jess fought tears. Ronan was dead thanks to Don. He would never know.

"And your husband if he loves you, he would forgive you." The lady continued "I would most definitely not hurt Ronan. He sounds like a good man."

Jess sighed. Don was supposed to be a good man but she was lost. The Don she knew was gone. He died the moment he killed Ronan in that fire. She knew what she was going to do now.

They played three rounds of chess. The lady one twice and Jessica once.

"I think that is enough dilly dally for one day." The lady chuckled as she rose from her chair. "My name is Edith Johnson" She held out her hand for a shake.

"Jessica Acker." Jessica took the hand.

"It's good to forget about everything once in a while, that was indeed therapeutic. I hope we can do it again." Edith replied while picking up her bag. Edith got a piece of paper from her bag and then wrote her number on it. "Here, you should give me a call sometimes. It's okay to rely on me. Edith said while handing over the piece of paper to Jessica.

Jessica took the piece of paper from her and kept it in her bag. They both hugged themselves and promised to hangout again, said their goodbyes and went their ways. Jessica took a deep breath as she entered her car. She was silent for a while before she decided she would set things right.

Jessica made her way to the police station but once she got to the curb, she halted her car. What was she doing? Don in prison would hurt the kids a lot. This would ruin her marriage more than it already was. Many thoughts ran through her head. She groaned. She needed more time to think, rash decisions were bad besides she knew she was just pushing back the inevitable. Jessica reversed away from the police station and turned her car around heading back home.

You ruined everything. Like clockwork Don's words began to play in her head again.

"Jess" She turned to her passenger's seat in surprise. Ronan sat there in his fireman uniform and his face covered in burn scars. "I deserve justice damn it." He screamed.

"Ronan" She shut her eyes. This was her mind playing tricks on her. Once she opened them again, he was gone.

"Jess" his voice again haunting her mind. "I deserve justice." She looked up into her rear-view mirror and that was when she saw him.

"You are not real." She sighed closing her eyes while she drove. Tears poured from her eyes unable to control both her emotions and her head, Jessica did not notice when her car swerved into the wrong lane. She heard the trailers horn first before she saw its bright yellow lights blinding her eyes.

The tortured woman grabbed a hold of her steering trying to steer clear of the trailer but she failed as her car came into collision with the trailers powerful nose face first crushing the front of the car and breaking the bones of its driver.

Jess felt pain as she watched men point different types of lights in her eyes. She heard the deafening sound of the siren and she fought the urge to pass out as she was hoisted into a bed. Even with her muscles relaxed on the bed she felt her life slipping from within her.

Don had been passed out on the couch when his phone blared into his ears in the early hours of the morning informing him of his wife's predicament. She was not dead but she was close to it. Don had rushed out of the house without informing his children. On getting to the hospital, the doctor informed him of all that had befallen Jessica. She had multiple fractured bones, she was bleeding internally, even if she survived the damage to her spine with hinder her from walking for a very long time.

Pain, sadness, regret all of this filled Don as he kicked at the tire of his truck. This was not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to have a happy life, Jessica was supposed to be out here smiling at him. Ronan was supposed to be alive and Lily was supposed to be his or better still never born. He thrashed at his tire with his booted foot till it hurt.

"God please." Don cried as he placed his for head on the handle of his steering wheel. "I need Jess alive." He cried "She is my world and you know this." He snorted then punched the steering as he exclaimed "You know this damn it." He cried still hitting on the steering "You know this."

"I will be a better man." He continued "I'm going to right the wrongs I did just keep her alive for me, for the kids."

The kids. What was he going to tell them? How was he going to tell them? They would be devastated. There was silence as he drifted off into sleep inside his car. The blaring of his cell phone woke him up. It was Erwin.

"Son."

"um, hi dad. I was just calling because there was no one home when I am Lil woke up." He groaned "I know you and mum are having it rough but, are you and mom, okay?" Erwin had avoided his father a lot of recent because the man he grew up loving had slowly begun to change. He became distant and always picked a fight where there was none.

"Son, is your sister with you?''

"She is"

'Okay, listen to me." Don began "Your mom had an accident and I'm currently in the hospital. She is undergoing surgery but she will be fine." He continued "Take care of yourself and you can skip school today."

"Is she okay?" Erwin asked "What hosp…?" But before Erwin could finish Don cut the call.

"What's up?" Lily asked as she watched Erwin's face fall. He took deep breath as he turned to her. "Er, you're scaring me. What happened? Was that dad? Where's mom and dad?" All her question received no reply.

"Mom had..." He swallowed "Mum is…"

"Mum is…?" She urged him to continue as panic began growing in her belly.

"She had an accident Lil." Erwin replied

"That is not possible." Lily said shaking her head as tears began to form behind her eyes. "She went on a date with dad last night." Lily continued as she turned away from Erwin and began upstairs.

"Where are you going?"

"To prove to you that mum is fine." Lily replied "She said she was going to were a dress last night."

"L, calm down." Erwin closed the space between them and held Lily trying to comfort her. At that moment Lily's tears came to light as she began to cry.

"I want to see her." Lily cried

"Dad said…"

"We need to see her Er." Lily said looking into Erwin's eyes. He could not say no to her tear-filled orbs so he conceded "Go freshen up and well get going, okay?" Erwin said to lily but she refused. She insisted she needed to see her mom.

She ran upstairs as fast as she could into her room, she opened her wardrobe and reached for the first gown she touched, took of her house clothes and put on the gown. She did not even bother brushing her hair. She just grabbed her phone and ran back downstairs.

When she got downstairs, Erwin was already waiting. Although he didn't show, Erwin was just as worried as lily was but tried to hide it because somebody between them needed to be in control. He felt like if he broke down, it would affect lily even more. So, he decided to be strong for his sister.

"The cab is here, L, let's go" Erwin said as he set his eyes upon his sister.

The ride to the hospital. Both siblings were thinking about their mom. In all, they both had gone through a lot within a year and were practically begging to catch a break. At this point, all they wanted was to get to the hospital as fast as they could while also praying their mom was okay. The closer they got to the hospital, the heavier their hearts became as they had no idea what they would be facing.

"We are here." The cab driver said breaking both siblings out of their thoughts. They both got down from the car, Erwin paid the driver and they both walked into the hospital. They didn't need to go so far as they saw don seated at the reception with puffy eyes.

"Dad." Lily said hugging her father as hard as she could while finally breaking down in tears while Erwin just sat down quietly next to them. Don had not expected them to come but he did not complain. "What happened to mom, dad? What happened?"

"She got hit by a truck." Don explained "Apparently she lost control of the wheel and swerved into the wrong lane." He sighed "It's all my fault kids. Mum and I had an argument and this is it."

"We don't need a blame game right now." Erwin croaked "What we need is a miracle. Let's just hope that she'll be fine"

"You are growing up to be fine man. Look at you keeping it together while I'm here crying my eyes out" don said while rubbing Erwins hair.

"One of us had to keep the family." Erwin replied with a frown. "C'mon on Lil, let's get you breakfast."

Lily went along with Erwin.

"It's not his fault." Lily stated as they bought some snacks from the hospitals vending machine. She had seen the way Erwin had reacted to their dad. "He is still out Dad."

"Everything is his fault." Erwin offered "He was never home and when he finally came home he ruined everything."

The children returned to seat with their father.

"She will be out of surgery in an hour." Don replied

An hour came by fast and once Don saw a doctor approaching him, he was on his feet.

"The operation was successful" the doctor said. "It's all up to her fight hard. She's unconscious but you could go in to see her." The doctor turned to the children "I know you are all worried and want to see her."

"Thank you doctor" don replied. The nurse led the ackers to Jessica's room.

"Please be quick. I'll leave you all now" the nurse said while leaving the room.

They all broke down in tears upon seeing the condition of Jessica. She was attached to different machines. Her once perfectly beautiful scar free face was reddened and swollen. Stitches and bandages adorned her body. Nothing prepared any of them for what was in front of them. Lily fell to the ground and began crying. She couldn't believe her eyes. Erwin, who was also crying after trying so hard to be strong tried to pick Lily up from the floor. Don just stood in shock looking at Jessica. It was indeed a tough time for the ackers. Before any more words could be said, the machines began to beep and Jess' body began to convulse.

"Mum." Erwin called as he rushed to the bed. "Mum"

"Dad get a doctor." Lily cried

Don had already begun yelling for the doctors. Nurses and doctors rushed into the room. The nurses ushered the family out although there was a bit of resistance from Lily but a nurse assured them.

The waiting room was filled with silence. Don leaned against the wall as he waited for the doctors to come out. Lily and Erwin sat next to each other. Lily had her hand on her face while Erwin stared at the television but he held no interest for what played on it, his interest remained on his mother who was currently fighting for her life in a hospital ward. When the Doctor came out the Acker jumped him immediately. The look on his face was enough to tell them that Lily was no more. He struggled to maintain eyes contact with Don as he spoke.

"I am so sorry Mr. Acker but we…"

"No." Don whispered as she stepped away. "She cannot be dead."

"Mr. Acker we did everything we…"

"Then go back in and try again." Don screamed "Try the fuck again."

"You need to calm dow…"

Lily's thud to the floor stopped the words of the doctor and alerted Erwin and Don.

"Lil." Erwin shouted as he went to her.

Lily was hoisted unto a gurney as the they took her to a ward. Erwin followed but Don did not.

In the evening Erwin went to see his mother's corpse on last time. They were about to move her the morgue but he wanted to say good bye. "Mom, please wake up. What do you want me to do without you?" Erwin cried "You promised we would all go to my college choices together, why did you leave?" He sighed "Why mom? I love you. I love you a lot and I'll never forget you. I promise." He continued "I will take care of Lily and I will…" Finally, Erwin broke down and cried.

"Hey kid." A male nurse called "You shouldn't be in here."

"Give me a minute with my mum would you." Erwin replied

"You got a few seconds." The male nurse replied "And I am sorry for your loss."

Erwin nodded.

"She looks like she is sleeping." Erwin turned to Lily.

"You should be resting." He said coming towards her but she walked past him and went to Jessica's pale body. The bronze glow her face had had vanished. Her eyes were closed tight meaning no one would see those grey orbs shine bright ever again.

"Wake up mom, please. You can't leave me. I'm scared mom. I don't know what would happen next." Lily cried as she brought her hand to her mother's hair. It was the only thing that still felt alive. "She is not waking up Erwin."

Erwin remained silent he had no words to reply.

Don showed after a while, Erwin smelled the beer on him but he was not acting drunk so he ignored his father's excesses. He was done settling the bills and saying goodbye to Jessica.

"Daddy." Lily hugged him and Don began to think. It all began because of her. His life had spiralled into shit in one year because of her.

"Dad, can we go now?" Erwin said breaking Don from his thoughts. Erwin did not want to stay any longer.

"Sure son. Let's get going." Don said ushering his children into the car.

Jessica's funeral happened a few days after. It was a quick and simple ceremony. Lily had not stopped crying and even as she gave her speech tears ran down her eyes. Gia and Ruben had travelled back for the funeral. After the funeral Don took his children home.

The drive home was a very quiet one with everyone lost in thoughts and yet still trying to keep it together for they all knew it would take just one person's outburst for another hard wave of grief to hit. They would get through this eventually. Finally, they got home and everyone began to head to their rooms.

"uhm, children?" Don called stopping them in their tracks.

Erwin held unto Lily.

"What Dad?" Erwin replied

"I just want to let you both know that I love you and I promise to be a better father." He began "We have lost your mother. So Let us try to be together." Don said with a remorseful look on his face.

Erwin said nothing to his father. It was not his fault that he did not believe the man. He did not want promises he wanted action. He knew his father's secret but he would never spill. However, he hoped truly that his father would do better.

"Okay dad" Erwin replied "C'mon L, let's get you something to eat."

"I am not hungry." Lily replied

"You haven't eaten anything all day." Erwin continued speaking to Lily like his father was not there. He was going to assume the position of not just a big brother but also a father and mother to his little sister. "I'll order pizza…"

"Nonsense." Don stated "I will whip up some fried rice, just the way mum used to."

"Just like mum." Lily asked

"Yes." Don replied with his eyes on Erwin. Looking at Lily these days were hard. She was a spitting resemblance of Ronan and Jessica, two people he loved who had hurt him. Two people he loved but had killed.

Lily had noticed this but she kept her feelings to herself maybe it her father's way of grieving. She was old enough to know that people mourned in different ways.

"Just go upstairs freshen up and we would have dinner." Don replied

Erwin narrowed his eyes at his father. He did not want him to start acting perfect now only to fall back to his old ways because quite frankly it was exhausting. Erwin had watched him rise and fail countless number of times when Ronan had died. The switch up in character had been mentally draining for the whole family. Erwin doubted he or Lily could survive that without their mother around anymore.

"Go upstairs L." Erwin said

Lily nodded and went upstairs.

"If you know that you are just going to go back to being a drunk after the first week you can stop the act now." Erwin began "Because dad it is freaking draining."

"Er…"

"Don't." Erwin sighed back tears. "I watched mum struggle to reach out to you. No matter what she did, she did not deserve to die." He let out a breath. "So don't try to make fried rice like her if you are not going to were her boot fully."

There was silence.

"Call me when the pizza guy gets here." Erwin replied and with that he walked upstairs. He stopped at the top of the stairs as his eyes spotted Lily standing in the door way of her room.

"Mom is gone." Lily said

"I'm here." Erwin replied "Go freshen up."

Lily silently closed her door and took off her clothes. She stared into the mirror as she pulled unhooked her ear rings. They were black hoops with a skull shaped pendant, a gift from her mother. Tears ran down her eyes as memories flooded her. The hugs that Jessica gave, the shopping sprees for training bras and cotillion dresses. Her mother was going to miss prom. For the first time, Lily saw her mother's face in hers. She realised that she was almost a spitting image and it irked her. Only one person should have this face and the person was gone. The shower was cold so she turned it hot maybe the physical pain would kill the emotional one. The taste of salt slipped into her lips and only then did she realise that she was crying. The young girl sank to hot floor of her metal bathtub and screamed so loud it shook the foundation of her very being.

"Lilly." She heard her name being screamed but she kept her eyes closed. She felt hands retrieved her from the hot shower. She felt her body being placed on a soft surface.

"She is burning up." Erwin said

"It's the hot water." Don replied "Get an ice pack."

When Lily woke up, she felt an arm wrapped securely around her in the bed. She was clothed and her body hurt.