I'm just a boy

It's the last bullet I have, I can't procrastinate anymore, I have to finish this now, he doesn't see me but I see him I have the advantage, I'll count to 3 then shoot, 1, 2, 3...

three days ago, my name is Ray cooper, I am a gambling lover despite my constant losses, I don't gamble to win, I know it's impossible to win at whatever gamble I take, and yet, here I am, I bought a ticket for the billion dollar bet that takes place every five years I gamble to forget the reality I live in, gambling is the only thing that keeps me alive and gives me hope, Hope is the only thing that differentiates between humans and animals, and it keeps us alive, but I lost it a long time ago, so I gamble to feel it, even for a short time, My dad is the least I can describe him as scum. As for my mother, I cannot describe her as anything because I do not know her at all. I've been living with my father for the past years, but now I'm living alone after his sudden death.

The police say he died because he was shot by some criminal trying to rob the bank, I've lived six months alone after his death and I'm starting to feel the difference I'd better without him at least I won't get brutally punched anymore I've been beaten up every night by him when he gets drunk, One of the teachers told me that I might look handsome without the bruises under my eyes and on my cheeks.

I study at the largest university in America, despite my extreme poverty. I got a scholarship that qualified me to enter it for free, What I hate in this life is everything. I hate my weakness. I have never won a fight in my life. I am always beaten and I can hear the laughter of the girls as they go to the one who defeated me to show him how much they admire his strength.

I hate this damn life, three guys approach me and start screaming "hey boy" I stopped to see what they want, and then someone said "We need money, give us everything you have, boy" I told them I don't have any money, They answered me aggressively "Well if this is your answer, do not blame us" Then they started hitting me so hard that blood started to fall from all over my body. I saw a man watching I started crying and I asked for help from him but he ignored me, An hour after they beat me, they left me on the floor. My blood was everywhere. I hardly woke up, but I could go to my apartment. My blood was on the stairs after I climbed the stairs when I opened my apartment door. The first thing I saw was an ax hanging on the wall, "I hate this damn life, I have to end this suffering".