Chapter 44

He runs back to the office. He has to report this. There might not be anything left to do, but he has to try, he can't sit back and do nothing.

The mist, it seems to travel slowly, not having reached most places of town. Right now, it should still be at the edges where the houses had been evacuated already. Good, that gives them more time to try and figure something out.

He decides to take a shortcut through an alley, but when rounding the corner he barely manages to stop himself from running over a kid sitting in the middle of the path.

The kid looks up, startled, and that makes Kit do a double take.

"Fen?!" Kit hadn't recognized him before with his face hidden between his knees. The alley is so narrow that even curled up, Fen had been blocking most of the way. What was a kid like him doing here? He was definitely not lacking anything back at home… Well, except maybe his father.

Kit immediately berates himself for the thought.

"What are you doing here?" Kit asks him. Kit looks around to see if he can catch sight of Adi, but the bodyguard is nowhere in sight. "Where's your nanny?"

Fen gives him a look. It's clear he's not in the mood for it.

"Sorry." Ah, now he feels awkward… "But Fen, seriously, why are you here?"

"It doesn't matter," Fen mumbles, resting his head on top of his knees, curling up on himself again.

"Ah, Fen, look…" He really doesn't know what to say. He's just no good at this. Baz should be the one doing this. "Come on, you can't stay out on the street like this."

Fen shakes his head, curls up even further. "It doesn't matter. You don't have to worry about me."

He doesn't know what might have happened or what the situation is, but he can hardly leave the kid out here like this. Kit sighs. "Here, I'll take you back home-"

"NO! I don't want to go back!" Fen shouts. "I hate it! I hate it there!" He stands up, his hands balled up at his sides. "I won't ever go back!"

"Fen!" Kit chases after him. "Wait! You can't run away like this!" With the mist spreading out, he really can't let Fen get lost on him. He wonders how much he should tell him without scaring the kid.

He manages to grab Fen by the arm. Thankfully, Fen doesn't put up a fight, and stops running.

"I don't want to go back…" Fen rubs his eyes with the back of his arm.

"Fen…" Kit places a hand on top of his head. Fen turns to look back at him, his eyes watery, and then he bursts out crying. He all but throws himself at Kit, clutching at him like a lifeline. Kit finds himself at a loss on what to do. Awkwardly, he pats Fen's head, hoping this is enough consolation.

"I'm sorry." Fen pulls away, wiping the tears from his face.

Without meaning to, Kit finds his heart going soft. This kid… He's too clueless, throwing himself at a near stranger like that. He's just like an open book, never bothering to hide his emotions. He's probably never felt the need to. But being like this, it's probably just going to bring trouble for him in the future.

"I just don't want to go back…" he whispers.

Kit sighs. "Look, I just can't leave you here alone… What exactly is so horrible you can't go back home?"

Fen shakes his head. "It's just- Everyone is acting so strange, I don't know what is happening. And mother, she-"

"Fen?" A voice behind them interrupts. "Is that you?"

Fen seems to immediately perk up at the sound of the voice. "Aki!"

"Ah, it's you," Aki says upon laying eyes on Kit. He looks between the two of them. "What are you doing?"

"Yes, um, about this…" Damnit, how should he explain this situation… "We kind of just bumped into each other, and I was going to take him back to his house-"

"But I don't want to go back!"

"Hm? How come?" Aki turns to face Fen. "You're serious this time?"

Fen nods.

"You've really made up your mind?" Fen nods again. "So, what? You're going to go and live on your own? You're going to leave everything behind?" Aki sighs, "Listen, Fen, I think you're a bit too young to be making such important decisions…"

"But I mean it! I really mean it!" Fen is adamant. "I hate it there… I don't want to be trapped in that house anymore…"

"But you will regret it later," Aki places a hand on Fen's shoulder, "if you were to leave now. It's possible you might never see them again. Can you really be satisfied with that?" Fen doesn't answer. "I think you should go back," Aki continues, "at least this way, you won't have any regrets later."

Fen stays quiet, considering Aki's words for a while. Kit can't help but feel that Aki's words might have some deeper meaning. Could he be speaking from personal experience? But it would be rude to pry, so he keeps his mouth shut.

"...You're right." Fen finally says after a few seconds. "I wouldn't like that. Mother… I wouldn't want to leave her alone."

"There you go." Aki pats him on the back a couple of times. "Are you done throwing a fit now?" Fend nods. "Then I'll be taking him back," he addresses Kit, "I know the way, so there's no need for you to worry anymore. I'm sure there are more important things you need to do."

"Oh, right. Thank you." Kit gives Fen a tiny wave good-bye and then he's hurrying off again.

Surprisingly, when he arrives at the office, the Director appears to be in, her car parked at the front.

Upon entering, Kit immediately heads to the back where the Director's office is and most likely where she will be found.

The Director looks startled when she sees Kit burst in through the door. "What's wrong with you?! At least knock before you-" She falls silent when she sees Kit's expression. "What's happened?"

Quickly, Kit fills her in about the mist coming from the forest. After he's finished, the director stays quiet, her index finger tapping the surface of the desk restlessly.

"Something…" she starts speaking slowly, "something must have happened in the forest. The demon… You're right. It must be preparing to be over with this whole affair. But this…" She stands up from her chair. "I'll notify the authorities. Even though…" The rest of the sentence goes unspoken, but there is no need for her to put it into words, the meaning is clear: there is nothing to be done. "At least we can minimise the chaos."

She walks out of the office, already making calls and heading out once again. Kit can only hear pieces of the conversation, mostly just cut off words and fragments. The last thing he is able to hear before the Director is gone is her talking to someone, "No one is to go out, you hear me? No one! I'm being serious-" She's cut off by the office front door slamming shut behind her.

And now Kit is left alone in the office.

He paces around the office a couple of times. He was too restless; he can't stay here doing nothing. But…

The Director had been more than clear: there was nothing to be done. There is nothing he can do. She hadn't even given him any instructions. Might as well have told him to stay put. But he can't. He'll go mad if he does. He has to get out of here.

He considers the situation.

He heard what the Director said. Nobody would be allowed to go out. He can be expecting the announcement to be made in a couple of hours. So that gives him time. Gives him time to go out and look for Dee.

The forest. Yes, that's probably where they are. He'll go to the forest. He will-

He feels his stomach churn. To go to the forest- He can't.

But he has to.

He has to find Dee.

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. He has to keep his promise to Dee. Just as he's about to head out, he hears a voice.

"Kit." Baz's silhouette stands in the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" Kit tries to hide the surprise behind his tone. "I thought you would be with Aster."

Baz takes a step inside. "Jessica told us. About what happened." Another step. And another and another until he's standing right in front of Kit. "So I came to stop you. I don't know all the details, but," he sighs, running a hand across his hair, "I had a feeling that you would try to do just this."

Kit feels weirdly defensive. "Do what, exactly?" He tilts his chin up, as if trying to appear taller.

Baz sighs again, "I think we know each other too well, Kit. You're going out to look for Dee, no?" The sentence is phrased like a question, but it comes out sounding more like a statement.

"That's none of your business." His answer is curt.

"Kit." Baz grabs Kit's arm. "Kit, don't do this."

He gives way under Baz's gaze. It's so much trouble trying to hide anything from Baz. "I have to go. I have to find them."

"Stop trying to give yourself false hope. At this point, they're probably already—"

"Don't!" Kit shouts. "Don't say it!" Kit can feel the familiar sting of tears forming behind his eyes. "You— You can't know that for sure! And even if— I have to do it. I promised- I made a promise, and I have to see it through. So please, let me go." He tries to yank his arm away from Baz's grip, but it doesn't budge even a bit. "Baz," his voice grows angry, "let me go. Now."

"Don't go." Baz tightens his hold around his arm. "It's pointless and you know it."

"Pointless? How can you say it's pointless?! How can you be saying that? I promised them I would protect them; that I wouldn't leave them alone!" Kit feels like hitting something. There is something like he has never felt before boiling in the pit of his stomach. "If I broke my promise to them, I couldn't live with myself. I just— I have to go. Even if I die, I can't just stand by and do nothing."

"But you can! You can do it! You- You can choose to stay alive, and eventually, you will learn to live with it. You would have to, and—"

"Are you even listening to yourself?!" His ears start ringing from the sudden rush of blood to his head. "Are you really telling me to just let them die?! How shameless can you be?! You— You—!" The anger that had been slowly building up suddenly explodes. "You selfish, cowardly bastard! You're horrible! Would you really be saying the same thing if it were Valentine or Fluorite the ones in danger?!"

Baz doesn't answer.

"Well?! Answer me!"

"What do you want me to say?!" It seems like Baz has finally reached his limit too. "Do you want me to say no? That I would go after them? Is that what you want to hear?! Because I wouldn't! I wouldn't, and that's the truth!" He lets go of Kit's arm, only to roughly shove him against the wall. His hands grab the front of Kit's shirt so tightly his knuckles turn white, and their faces are mere inches apart from each other. "I am a selfish, cowardly bastard! I admit it, okay?! I don't care if that's what you want to think of me, I don't care if you hate me for the rest of your life, if you never want to see me again, but I don't want you to die! I don't want you to die, because… Kit, you- You mean more to me than you think. I can't- I… I love you. I love you, so please don't die." The words seem to burst out from his mouth before he can stop them, but Baz recklessly charges onwards. "I love you," Baz takes a step backwards, "I have for so long now, and I—" The sound of Kit's fist connecting against his nose seems to echo across the room.

Underneath his fingers, Kit feels a sickening crunch, and he knows he just broke Baz's nose. But he can't find it in himself to feel anything. As if in slow motion, he can see Baz reeling from the punch, and he stumbles a couple of steps backwards, covering the lower part of his face. After a few seconds, with a shocked expression, Baz looks up at him, still clutching his nose. Between his fingers, Kit can see a tiny dribble of blood running down his face.

"You scum. You fucking bastard," Kit says coldly. His voice sounds hollow even to his ears; it's like it's been bled out of all emotion. "You really are shameless."

Baz's eyes widen in panic. "Kit, I—"

"What the hell were you trying to achieve with that?" Kit takes a few steps forward, closing the distance between them, and he grabs Baz by the collar of his shirt. "Do you think this is some fucking sick joke? Huh? Did you?!" He shouts directly into Baz's face. "You really are a bastard, you fucking piece of shit. You're the lowest of the lowest scum." His ears keep buzzing, and he feels as if his head had been stuffed with cotton. "You get a kick out of playing with other people's feelings? Is that what fucking turns you on?!"

Baz tries to break away from Kit's hold, a panicked expression on his face. "No, Kit, I promise I—"

"Don't fucking try to lie to me!" Slowly, his emotions seem to be trickling back, and once again, his tears threaten to spill. "You come up with this, out of the blue, and you expect me to believe you?! How stupid do you think I am?! You- You knew that I— All this time…" All this time, Kit had been silently pining after him. He knew Baz would never return his feelings, but he didn't care. He was content with simply being able to be by his side. He had been okay with things as they had been until now. He didn't care. But now, here Baz was, saying he loved him back. It couldn't be true. Baz must have known of his feelings. Because, how could he not? He knew everything about Kit; he'd never been able to keep a secret from Baz. But Kit had just assumed that Baz had chosen not to mention anything to avoid making him uncomfortable.

All this time… All this time, silence, and now, out of nowhere, Baz was returning his feelings? It had to be a joke. Baz knew of his feelings, and he was using them against him.

"Kit—" Baz tries to speak, but Kit cuts him off.

"Get lost." He shoves Baz away from him.

"Please, just let me—"

"I said get lost!" he shouts. "Haven't you already had enough fun?! Get lost then! Just leave me alone!"

Baz looks like he still wants to say something, but he stops himself, shutting his mouth without making a sound. Slowly, he turns around and walks towards the door. Without another look back, Baz leaves.

When the door clicks shut behind him, Kit lets himself drop to the floor. He feels as if he has been completely drained, and he shakily runs a hand across his face. Taking a deep breath, he tries to steel himself. He can't afford to be breaking down right now. He has to find Dee.

His legs feel weak beneath him, and he grabs the object nearest to him to stabilise himself. Looking up, there's a red spot on his knuckles. Blood. He feels dizzy, his vision swimming before him. The past scene keeps replaying in his mind on a loop.

His head has become a jumbled mess of thoughts, spinning around and around and making him light-headed.

Baz…

He doesn't want to think about it. But the more he tries to ignore it, the more it's present in his mind. And then it's just not their last conversation, but his mind is taking him back, replaying all their time together, all their interactions and conversations.

He feels nauseous.

On shaky legs, he heads to the bathroom and splashes cold water on his face. He takes a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Splashes water on his face again. Breathes. He can finally start thinking straight now.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror he barely recognises himself. His appearance is haggard, bags under his eyes and dirty, unkempt hair. His clothes are disordered and rumpled. He looks half dead.

No. No, that doesn't matter. He has something he needs to do. Shaking his head to clear it, he walks out. Out of the office and to the edge of town, towards the forest.

As he is walking, he starts feeling a slight pressure behind his eyes. His head starts throbbing, it feels like having someone pounding on his temples from the inside.

There's a sharp pain piercing through his head that makes him double over suddenly. His vision becomes blurry, distorted images float in front of him. The pain is so strong it's making him nauseous. He holds out a hand to lean against the wall and stop himself from falling down.

What…

He can barely think, the pain is overwhelming. Somehow, it feels like the opposite of magic exhaustion; rather, it is like an overload of magic flooding his brain.

The images keep coming, bleeding into his surroundings to the point he can't tell anymore what is there and what isn't.

Finally, it seems to stabilise. The images have focused into one picture. He can tell it's a room. It's dark, too dark to really make out anything with only a small ray of light filtering from a half open doorway. But he can sense there's something… Something terrifying. He can feel a chill deep in his bones. This feeling… It's fear. A mind-numbing, all encompassing fear that leaves you dumb and speechless, the type that eats at your mind until you go mad. And there's only one thing that's capable of doing this: a demon.

But how… Why is he able to see this? Kit racks his brains, trying to figure it out. He's suddenly reminded of the ink creatures he sent out when they were first looking for Dee. So many things had happened he had forgotten to call them back, and now, one of them had picked up on this enormous concentration of evil energy and Kit was receiving the signals.

This was bad. Worse than bad. The demon had finally showed up somewhere in town.

Kit hears a voice.

"Don't give me that look now."

Immediately, all the hairs on his body stand on end at the sound of it. Still, there is something that nags at the back of his mind. Why does this voice sound familiar?

"Well, didn't you enjoy the show," the demon (because it must be the demon the one speaking) partially steps into the source of light, "Fen?"

Kit sucks in a breath. Fen? How- He hadn't noticed the second presence in the room until now. The demon's presence had been too overwhelming and he hadn't been able to focus on anything else. But sure enough, there is Fen, on the ground and with a shocked expression on his face. But there was something else that was off… Kit studied Fen more closely. What was he-

His questions are cut short when he's finally able to take in the rest of the scene. There's not just two bodies in the room. In fact, there's multiple other bodies. Dead bodies. Through the connection with the ink creature he's able to smell the blood permeating the atmosphere. Fen's hands are coated in it as well as the front of his shirt and splatters of it have gotten even on his face, made even more clear by the tear tracks smearing his cheeks. He's surrounded by the corpses and he's clutching on to the hand of one.

The demons lets out a dry laugh. "What's this? You're quiet all of a sudden? You're not going to talk?" Finally it steps fully into the light and Kit is able to see its face, but the truth is more horrible than he could have imagined. Kit feels bile rising up his throat and his hands start shaking. "I'm sure you must be having an awful lot of questions right now, little brother," Aki says.