Chapter 3: Preparation

"Do you know what every parent has to do?" Shmi asked Qui-Go over a cup of tea.

"Raise their child to the best of their abilities," Qui-Gon answered easily.

Shmi hummed and turned to look at Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka meditating in the living room. Obi-Wan was the only one who actually sat like he was meditating while Anakin was draped over his lap and Ahsoka was resting her head on Anakin's legs. Nevertheless, all of them were meditating, the Force swirling around them.

"I was prepared to leave Anakin here," Shmi spoke up again.

"What?"

Qui-Gon couldn't stop himself from exclaiming. Shmi smiled at him and nodded. He couldn't correlate the idea of Shmi leaving Anakin at the Order's steps with the image of the woman who just five years ago had forced Mace Windu to his knees with a single question. That Shmi, so headstrong and bright, hadn't seemed like a woman who would cave in to the Council's demands. She still wasn't. She questioned the Council left and right, had made the crèche her chosen starting point for change. It was good for the Order. Qui-Gon was fairly sure that if his Master would just step into the Temple again these days, he'd actually stay, witnessing how much change had been quite literally forced upon them.

"If there was no other way, I would have left Anakin here because he needed to be here more than he needed to be at my side. This is what every parent has to do sooner or later. We need to let go."

Shmi was looking at him and for all that she was still wondering about why the Force chose her, Qui-Gon knew. She had the same eyes as Anakin, the kind that saw right through you and stripped you bare.

"You need to let go, Qui-Gon," Shmi repeated directly. "You've done everything you can for Obi-Wan. He is ready, more than most of young Knights I've seen. Now you need to give him the space to stretch his wings."

"And fly away with Anakin?" Qui-Gon inserted, his tone bordering on the edge of upset.

Shmi smiled and sat her teacup on the table. "Why do you keep expecting everyone to always leave you?"

Because that was what people did, they left. But he couldn't say that, probably didn't even need to, Shmi knew anyway.

Let him go, the Force trilled. He's not yours to keep.

"I want him to stay."

Shmi rolled her eyes and with the mischief of a youngling, she actually kicked his legs under the table. "You are of the Force, are you not? Then he will always stay by your side."

X

When Qui-Gon finally recommended Obi-Wan for his Trials, Yaddle had the audacity to cackle. The old Master had taken quite a liking to Shmi, it shouldn't surprise Qui-Gon they had been gossiping. In the Jedi temple, the only thing traveling faster than the Force, was gossip. In fact, all of the Masters seemed to have been expecting it. The only one who hadn't gotten the message was Obi-Wan who nearly lost his composure.

"A great Knight, you will be," Yaddle said. "Your Trials you may take, Padawan Kenobi, if you think you are ready."

Qui-Gon had talked to Obi-Wan about his Trials, of course. He wasn't as sadistic as his own Master had been and just dropped him in front of the Council without any warning whatsoever. Still, Obi-Wan glanced at Qui-Gon for reassurance.

"I am ready," Obi-Wan said, his voice not wavering once. Maybe he hadn't been the one who needed reassurance.

X

Objectively speaking, Obi-Wan knew the Trials were difficult. They certainly challenged him and he hadn't been able to sleep the night before because of his nerves, but during his tests, he was laser-focused and having fun. He'd become a Jedi Knight like he had always known he would and he'd be one step closer to where we ought to be.

He did his best not to smile too widely when Qui-Gon cut his braid and said "Rise, Knight Kenobi."

No blade shall ruin you. Fulfill your calling, go, go, go!

All the pieces were suddenly assembling on the board. Obi-Wan didn't know what game they were playing yet, but he had his sights set on winning.

X

"Honorable Council," Obi-Wan began to speak and Qui-Gon was immediately about two seconds away from dragging Obi-Wan right out of the chamber. He knew that tone and his just knighted Padawan had no business sounding like that yet. "May I make a request?"

It was deceivingly polite; Obi-Wan used that tone when he was informing someone of a decision he had already made and couldn't be talked out of. Qui-Gon suppressed a sigh. He had hoped his former Padawan would wait another year at least before committing to his bond. Obi-Wan had surpassed all of Qui-Gon's expectation, already a much more formidable Knight than many were after a decade, but he was young still. He had time, another four years at least he needn't take on such a heavy task.

"You may speak," Mace said.

"I want to take Anakin Skywalker as my Padawan," was what Obi-Wan said, but what Qui-Gon, and every other Master actually heard was "I am taking Anakin Skywalker as my Padawan".

Master Yoda frowned and Qui-Gon wished he'd be able to determine what he thought. His relationship with Obi-Wan and the Skywalkers was strange to say the least. He claimed the Force was clouded around them, it made him wary, yet, like a clockwork, he showed up for tea at least once a week.

"Certain of this decision, you are?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes."

Destiny, fate, my dear Chosen, my children, keep them close, the Force laughed and then, with the might of a karyt dragon, they pressed down on them like they were guarding their treasure, forcing the air out of their lungs.

"Then go fetch your Padawan," Mace pressed out.

X

Ilum reminded Anakin of Tatooine in all the best ways. There were not so many people here as on Coruscant, listening to the sounds of the universe was much easier than it was on the crowded city-planet.

Obi-Wan had told him to have fun and enjoy the peace and Anakin was sure there had been a reminder in there as well about not causing any trouble, but he had been too distracted by how easy it was to breathe here. If not for the burning cold, Anakin was sure he could have stayed here for years and years to come. It was so easy to feel, his parent so close. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to pick just one crystal for his lightsaber. Not all of them called out to him, but he'd know how to use them anyway, how to shape them so they would fit perfectly.

"Anakin?"

Anakin turned around and saw T'Seely awkwardly standing behind him. Anakin didn't have too many friends his age. It wasn't their fault. He still didn't always know how to whisper instead of shout, keep all the light inside instead of burning and how to cut off the decay infecting others without his teeth. He was much better with Ahsoka's age mates who only knew him as Ahsoka's friend who taught them that they were all infinite possibilities. Their minds weren't restricted yet. T'Seely was Anakin's friend though.

"Yeah?"

"I don't like the dark," T'Seely said. "Can I- can I go with you? You make it go away."

Anakin beamed and all around him the crystals lit up, singing their own distinct song. Anakin was sure that if he concentrated, he could bring every Initiate the crystal they needed, but he supposed everyone else was supposed to face this trial on their own. "Sure!"

Anakin held out his hand and T'Seely quickly took it, staring at the caves surrounding them in awe. The artificial lights the Jedi had hung into the tunnels couldn't even begin to this mirrored night sky surrounding them.

"It's beautiful," T'Seely said.

Anakin was glad he could make others see the universe the same way he did.

X

Training Anakin would be a lot easier if everyone else would finally start minding their own business. Life at the temple was almost back to normal for Obi-Wan again. The other Jedi had become accustomed to them and for all of their snide comments, Jedi were protective of their own. Once you become a part of their community, they wouldn't abandon you. Obi-Wan was sure that if anything ever happened to him, or Anakin was in danger, their brethren would fight to protect them. They were stronger when they all worked together, were united in the Force.

But that didn't mean that they could shrug away centuries of teachings about restraining yourself, even when the sun itself was scorching you.

"I still scare them," Anakin murmured into the crook of Obi-Wan's neck, tears dried by now.

Anakin always smelled like storms and fire, but this time his scent was tinged with the distinct burn lightsabers left when they cut through hair. Perhaps Obi-Wan shouldn't have told Anakin to let loose completely while fighting. Anakin had been the strongest Initiate, but from practice Obi-Wan knew he had been holding back while training even then. His Padawan might be only nine, but Obi-Wan was fairly sure he could give even a couple of the older students a run for their money. They didn't just drop into the Force entirely unless they were fighting for their lives, unlike Anakin who had troubles staying out of it to actually learn proper stances.

"I know, I know," Obi-Wan said, trying his best to comfort his Padawan. "I'm sorry. It'll get better."

"I'm not scared!" Ahsoka proclaimed and sat up straight, her elbows digging painfully into Anakin's thighs. The child paid no mind to the abuse she forced upon her older brother. "You're not scary."

No, Anakin wasn't scary, he was terrifying. In all his blazing glory and chaos it was so easy to feel like you were drowning. He was always watching, you were incapable of escaping Anakin's grasp and Obi-Wan honestly couldn't claim that he wanted to. There was a sense of belonging pulling him in and for all that he knew Anakin was so small he barely reached Obi-Wan's hips, an entire galaxy was lingering within him, painfully constricted so it wouldn't devour everything within reach. Even Obi-Wan got a headache when he attempted to perceive Anakin for too long. The sensorial input was simply too much, leaving him with the vague impressions of stardust and blood dropping from razor sheep teeth, a darkness so void of life that the crown of light around his head was so bright it could cut, claws sharper and so much more dangerous than any 'saber that Obi-Wan wasn't even sure if Anakin had needed instructions on how to use his saber.

And the wings of stained glass that never failed to remind Obi-Wan of the meditation hall in the highest tower of the temple.

"Not scary," Obi-Wan reassured Anakin. "Not to us."

X

Ahsoka was a big girl. She was four years old already and the bravest of all her crèche mates. She would not cry when Anakin and Obi-Wan both had to leave the temple for a mission. If anything, Ahsoka should be celebrating. Skyguy was a Padawan now so he would be her Master very soon and then Ahsoka would be a Padawan and they would all go on a big adventure together.

"It's our first real mission!" Anakin said excitedly.

He kept tugging on his Padawan braid. Ahsoka still thought it was strange that it was attached to him, though Obi-Wan's had been the same.

"Just some diplomatic meet-up and Master Qui-Gon is coming, but we're going back to Naboo!"

"What's Naboo?" Ahsoka asked.

Anakin opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again thoughtfully. He frowned the way he always did when he thought about some very difficult things that didn't seem all that hard to her. Like always, Ahsoka just held out her hands for Anakin to take. Ahsoka liked speaking, singing, telling stories and making noises, but sometimes it was just easier to let Anakin show her laughter, happiness, home and love and peace.

Oh.

"Are you gonna stay there now?" Ahsoka asked.

"No, not yet."

Not yet, that only meant he would be leaving her in the future and suddenly all of Ahsoka's resolve of before was broken and she started bawling.

"Don't leave me! You can't- I don't- you have to stay!"

It wasn't fair! She didn't want Anakin to leave her, not even for some stupid mission!

I'm never leaving you, Anakin sang, voice like a thousand choirs. You're mine.

Promise?

Her brother smiled down at her, gently tracing all her markings before wiping away her tears.

Promise.

X

Sometimes Shmi felt like she had just arrived at the temple. She still had a hard time calling any of the Jedi above the rank of Knight by their proper titles, nothing to say about her lack of education. Studying with Anakin had been for her own benefit as well, and her son was not lost to her, but Shmi wouldn't be learning at his side anymore.

"Gone your son is now," Yaddle said.

Shmi liked the mischievous Jedi. Whereas Yoda often hid his weariness beneath his amusement, Yaddle had no such troubles. She said what she believed and treated Shmi's thoughts with the same importance she gave the great philosophers preceding even her.

"Ani will be fine," Shmi said. "He has Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon."

"Yet troubles you sense."

There were always troubles when Anakin was concerned, but not so much that Shmi had to be concerned. She had raised her son well, he knew he was cherished and loved. It wasn't a job you could be done with after a while, parenting and children didn't work that way. For all that the Jedi said a lot about attachments, they were fiercely protective of their lineages.

"A mission I have for us, my Padawan," Yaddle spoke up again after a while.

Other times, Shmi felt like she had lived at the temple all her life. She knew their customs, the secret passages and the dances they taught their young.

"Master Yoda won't be pleased," Shmi said, her smile an exact mirror of her son's.

Yaddle shook her head. "Pah! Never happy he is. His Padawan we must track down, lost he has become. Old Master Yoda is, and old his Padawan is. A stubborn lot they are and easily rile each other up. Good you are with younglings, good you will be for the whole Order. Help me cause some more chaos, my Padawan."

Shmi began to walk beside her new teacher, retuning back into the temple and walking away from the ship hangers. When she had arrived at the temple, she'd never expected that her life would turn out like this.

"Yes, Dai Yaddle."

Her teacher looked up to her, a proud look on her face. "A fine Jedi you already are, Shmi Skywalker. A great one you will be."