Her Worries

~~~NATE'S POV~~~

"Look what you've done Nate! You just successfully made Catherine think that you regret that video call ever happened. That you regret meeting her and falling in love with her!"

My Mom's words were ringing in my ears.

It keeps repeating in my head until now. Even after hours.

And now I can't find my Catherine.

I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to sound like I regret it. Hell, that video call was the most important thing that happened to me. I just hope that it happened in a different circumstance. I wished that Mom and Dad just kept it a secret, that they shouldn't have said that it was done purposely.

But still, whether it was done accidentally or purposely, I wouldn't regret that it happened. Damn! I wouldn't regret seeing that image of her in that video. Mom was right when she said that I needed someone to make me happy again and complete. And she is right when she says that Catherine is the perfect person for it.

I will keep that image of her forever even until the next life. Why would I regret that moment? And even if that call didn't happen, I am definitely sure that I will fall in love with Catherine under different circumstances.

I am such a jerk. I shouldn't have snapped at my Mom just because of that. I've only thought of that now. I just hated the idea that I was played. That's all. And that made me lose my Catherine.

I tried to run after her but I already lost sight of her. Now I don't know where she is.

She is not even answering my call.

What if she is in pain? There is a great possibility that she is, emotionally and hell even physically.

What if she is having a flare-up, again because of me? What if she passed out alone in the streets? The thought makes me want to kill myself.

I promised to take care of her, to keep her happy but on the test of our relationship, I did the opposite, I failed her.

I called Grace and asked her if she might know where I could find Catherine, she cursed at me Boss or not. I found out that she was the one who called when she left and Catherine hung up on her.

Grace is mad at me and calling me names. Even telling me that I don't deserve Catherine. I know she is Catherine's best friend and she only thinks and cares for her. I don't mind her being mad at me, hell, I myself am mad at me.

Still, Grace is helping me think of a place where I can find Catherine.

I've been to her apartment, but it was obvious that she's never been there.

I went to my daughter's school but she's never been there as well.

Not even to her support group.

I already had my security team look at the CCTV footage at my company and found that she is not in the building but she did take a taxi a couple of meters from the building.

I just hope that she didn't go to her doctor. I know how her doctor feels about her and the last thing I want is to have him see how much of a failure I am as Catherine's boyfriend.

I am driving my car running around the city hoping to find her somewhere. Maybe she was just sitting somewhere or eating.

Then my phone rings, seeing that it is Grace, I immediately press the green button and connect it to the Bluetooth of my car.

"Try the cemetery," Grace said and I immediately made a U-turn. The cemetery is on the outskirts of the city. Grace texted me the details and I drove off.

I entered the cemetery and immediately left my car. I walked and passed a couple of tombstones looking around hoping to see a familiar figure in a good condition.

Until I spotted her, my Catherine. She is sitting on the ground, hugging her legs in front of a tombstone. Her back is facing me so I don't think she is aware of my presence.

I silently walked toward her trying not to startle her.

"Now I know why you ended your life," I heard her talk to the tombstone and I immediately froze.

Grace told me that this is where Catherine's mother is buried. But she didn't tell me how she died. Did Catherine's mother die of suicide?

I heard Catherine sigh. "I thought you were happy. Until you ended your life. Then I realized, you were not happy." Her voice is hoarse indicating that she has been crying. I hate seeing her crying and every time she is crying it always seems to be my fault.

"Still, I don't believe that taking your life is a better way to end it." Catherine continued and internally I was glad that she still has that kind of positive thinking. I've learned some of the patients with her condition are also suffering from depression. And some depressed people ended up killing themselves. I wonder if that is what happened to Catherine's mother.

Suddenly, the thought of Catherine having the same suffering scares me. I am scared to lose her. I cannot. I am just starting to enjoy life with her and I am already addicted to her. A life without her is not a life at all. And I was such a jerk for making her feel things that she is not supposed to feel.

I take a step deciding to make my presence known to her. I wanted to hug her tightly and never let her go. But I stopped when I heard her speak again, this time with a strained voice as if she was about to cry, again.

"Mom...I was happy. It was short but I am. That was the happiest moment of my life. With him beside me. His daughters are around me. But suddenly it all burst out. He...he...regretted it."

At her last words, I felt my heart squeeze inside my chest to the point that it was about to explode. No, love, I did not regret it! I wanted to scream and tell her.

"I...I d-don't de-deserve t-to be happy," She added in between sobs and I cannot take it anymore.

"Love..." I called her in a low soft voice afraid that any noise could make her shatter in her already vulnerable state.

I noticed her body stiffen. She raised her hand in front of her, probably attempting to dry her tears.

I walked around and kneeled in front of her. That's when I see her red face and red swollen eyes. How long has she been crying? I wondered internally. She failed to dry her face because there were still tears in the corner of her eyes.

I reached out and cupped her cheeks with both my hands. My thumbs were gently stroking the swollen space under her eyes. I could see that she was trying to avoid my gaze.

"Look at me, love." I pleaded. And it takes some time for her eyes to meet mine and I could tell that she was struggling. "I never regretted it, love. Don't ever think that I did because I don't. That day that my eyes landed on you during that video call, I immediately fell in love with you. That day is one of the best days of my life. It could probably rival the day that my daughters were born. And I will never regret that day. Not in this life or the next. And even if that day never happened I would definitely still fall in love with you on a different day, still, I will not regret it."

I see her lips tremble and she tries to stop it by biting them. And hell, I wanted to kiss her. I always do. But not now, not yet. I will make sure that I have all the chances in life to kiss her.

"But..." She started and I cut her off already knowing what she was about to say.

"I might not like what my Mom did, but I don't want it any other way. I don't regret it, especially since that is the reason I met you. I don't mean it that way, love. I don't mean to make it look like I regret it, that I regret ever meeting you and falling in love with you. In fact, I was thankful for it. Sorry if I made you think that way."

She started crying and I helped her stand up. Once we were standing, I wrapped my arms around her tightly. With all the fear I felt earlier about losing her, seeing her is not enough. I need to feel her.

"Love, please don't do that again," I pleaded as I rubbed my palm on her back. "I was so scared when I couldn't find you. You were not answering my calls and I thought I was going to lose you. Though I deserve to feel all that I was worried about you."

I buried my face in the crook of her neck inhaling her scent. I felt her shudder and she tightened her arms around me. She is still sobbing I could tell.

"I love you so much with every fiber of me and I will never, ever regret that. I need your love, don't leave me please." I only lost her for a couple of hours and I felt like I would lose my sanity. I finally made her mine just a couple of days ago and I am not ready to lose her. I will never be ready to lose her.

I felt her nod her head and I sighed a relief. But that is not enough. I pulled away from her and put my hands on her shoulders. "I want to hear it, love," I said looking through her eyes.

She sighed. "Nate, I was afraid that I made a wrong decision when I agreed to be your girlfriend. In the back of my mind, I am still worried that one day you will regret ever meeting and falling in love with me. And this morning, all those worries came pouring out overwhelmingly." She said in a broken tone and I leaned my forehead to hers. I am so stupid for giving her the idea that I regret it.

"I'm so sorry, love."

"Nate, I don't want to see your regrets. I don't want to face your rejection. I cannot take it. It would be too painful,"

"No. No. No, love." I stop her there, afraid of what she is going to say next. I pulled away and made sure that my eyes connected with her. "You'll never see that in this life or the next. I promise, love. Please, believe me. I will never make the same mistake again. I will never let you feel that way again. I love you too much,"

She stares at me blankly before she nods her head and wraps her arms back around me. She rested her head on my chest and sighed heavily. "I want to go home," She said. It may seem that this conversation is over now, but I know that she still has those worries in her heart and I promise to take away her worries little by little.

"I'll take you home," I said but not releasing her. "Grace and my parents are waiting to kill me,"