Trial 2 - Part 2: Not Like This

The snow was blowing hard - Like bullets falling back down to earth, the world was buried in darkness, and nothing came down; In the silence that was broken only by the howling wind, where the snow and a voice were the only two things in the world - That voice was mine. Grunting in pain because of my mutilated crotch, still seeping with blood, a dark crimson blood. Dark blood that no longer had any blood in it. The blood that once flowed was dead, dead in me.

The smell of vomit was starting to overwhelm me - I'd been standing on my head for too long - I tried to keep myself upright, but it was getting more difficult by the minute. My eyes were closed - When I opened them again, I could barely see anything in the darkness that surrounded me. But I had to see. I had to see what was in front of me. I had to see - and I started walking in the direction that I thought was the closest place. It had to be the closest place, where there were some people.

I stumbled on and on in the dark - my mind in a fog, making way through the snow that blocked my path. My feet in the way of my destination, like a giant. The snow was all over the place, I stumbled from the place of one foot to the other, never staying on the same place, and it did nothing to slow me down. I could feel my body, it had no power over me, it was the snow.

It was too hard for me to walk on that day, and I fell a few times, but no matter what happened to me, it had no effect on the snow. Every now and then a gust of wind would come, a gust that swept down on my feet. I need medicine, bandages, anything to stop the bleeding. But there was nothing to be found; no one to be found. I need medicine, I need it now more than ever; I was going to bleed out if I didn't get some help.

The snow was blowing so hard that it made me fall back, again and again. And I couldn't do anything about it, I was too weak to stand, and besides, I didn't want to stand. I couldn't do anything; it was hopeless. I couldn't see anything, anything could happen, anything - Anything! Anything could happen, anything was allowed. Anything, anything, anything was allowed. I didn't care anymore, everything was allowed. My mind would not stop, I thought of everything that could happen, every way that I could die. Every way that I could die. I thought of all the horrible things that could happen. Every way that I could die. Nothing was off limits; I could do anything. My eyes wouldn't shut, I couldn't shut my eyes. I wouldn't die - if I couldn't die - I had to live.

The snow covered me in a thick blanket, I couldn't even tell where I was going. There was only snow in the darkness. Nothing to be seen, and no hope - I was stuck in the snow. My body was tired, I was weak, but the only thing that I was afraid of was death. There was no reason for me to die. I couldn't die.

I couldn't live, I couldn't see, I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I needed to stop the pain, to stop the bleeding, to stop the pain - the worst pain that anyone could ever know. The worst pain that anyone could ever experience - to stop the pain. I needed to stop the pain. I needed to stop it, I needed to get out of here, but there was nothing I could do. I could do nothing. I just had to try. I was going to die here, but I wouldn't die alone. I had to live, I had to die - but I was already dead, and I had no time to die. I was already dead, and I had no time to die. My eyes wouldn't shut, I had to stay alive - I couldn't die. My eyes would not shut, and I needed to stay alive, I had to live. I needed to stay alive - and my eyes wouldn't shut, and I didn't want to die, I needed to stay alive.

The snow was covering me up, and I had nowhere to go, I had no way to get out of the snow, it was coming at me, and I had nowhere to run, there was nowhere to go, there was no way out, but I wasn't giving up. There was no way out, there was no way out, but I wasn't giving up. There was no hope, but I wasn't giving up, I needed to live, I had to live - I couldn't give up. This is where my death started, the world and everything I had were dead, nothing was there, and I was dead - I was dead; but I was so lonely. There was no way out, no way to get out of here, there was nothing I could do. The world was dead, and I was dead - there was no way out. There was no one - there was no one to help me. I could stay here, but I couldn't die, not like this.

Not like this...