Four

"We are all broken, that's how the light gets in." -Ernest Hemingway

Callie

I look down at the mess of makeup that I sprawled across my bathroom counter. Most of it was covered in a thin layer of dust from not being used in forever, and while I loved using it, I've lost the energy to even bother over the last few months.

Tonight though, I was planning to take Brandon up on his offer for drinks at the bar he works at. I told him while we were texting the night before that I would just go ahead and pick up my bracelet while he was working.. a two birds one stone type of thing.

This forced me to actually go to the bar instead of saying I will before ghosting whoever invites me like I usually do. And I wonder why I don't have any friends.

I finally force myself to look up at my reflection in the smudged mirror in front of me. My eyes weren't as dark and puffy as they were the previous nights thanks to a bit more sleep and a sliver of serotonin from texting a boy.

I applied some foundation with an old beauty blender that was overdue for a cleaning as I reminisced on our small conversation the night before.

What's your favorite drink?

I remember smiling when I read it, because I had no fucking clue. I would just buy the cheapest bottle of vodka in the shop and shot it. I did the same when I was younger with friends that are now ghosts in my life. I swallowed the hazy memories and replied honestly.

Same stuff you took from me the other night. Want that back by the way.

I cringe at my own attempt at being funny after hitting send. Just the thought of alcohol actually made me dry heave, but truthfully, I missed how it made me feel. It took every problem I had and, for just a little bit, tucked it into a corner in the back of my brain.

He always replied within a few minutes, never kept me waiting long. Not that I was waiting..

Ha-Ha. Not happening. We'll go light.

I hate the fact that I could see myself blushing in the mirror at the memories of a man I literally just met. A man with a girlfriend. But it wasn't like I was going to try anything, I would never in that circumstance- but I will admit it was a bit of a let down that he was taken. Not that I would appeal to him anyways, or even have the guts to try.

I sigh at that annoying thought that hasn't gone away since I've gained some weight- I called it my depression weight. I actually didn't eat a lot since my mom's death, but when I did, my entire kitchen would practically disappear.

I've always suffered from body dysmorphia, and when I was a teenager I swore I was obese when in reality I was everything I want to be right now.

I debate on which lipstick color to put on to hide the dull color, but go with a clear lipgloss instead. My lips were one thing I did kind of like about myself. They were plump and had a nice shape, if only they weren't chapped and torn from my anxious lip biting.

I'm twisting the cap back onto the gloss as I hear something fall from behind me. It's a small apartment, so I could hear a pen drop if it were to happen. But this was different, it sounded too close for comfort.

Goosebumps arise on my neck as I slowly turn my head around. I see nothing out of place, only my bed with the covers scattered every which way like usual and my school books sprawled across the floor.

"Calliope" I hear suddenly against my left ear.

I immediately throw myself in the opposite direction in horror, trying to scream but not finding the ability to do so. I slide my back down the wall slowly as my throat began to close up. I wanted to flee the apartment, but I didn't want to even chance seeing my mother in the mirrors reflection. I had a feeling deep in my bones that she would be there, staring.

"What do you want from me?" I whisper, trying not to cry.

Silence.

I sit for a moment until I could gain the courage to get up. It was so silent that the only thing heard was my racing heartbeat and shaky breathing.

I jump in fright as I hear my phone vibrate against the bathroom sink. I reach my arm up slowly to grab it. It was a text from Brandon:

Just a reminder :-)

505 Westworth dr

I squeezed the phone in my hands that were finally starting to stop trembling. The brain is powerful, maybe I imagined it..

I know what I heard, and what I've seen, but the one question that wouldn't leave my brain was why? If this was really somehow her, why would she want to scare me?

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, forcing myself to believe that I was just imagining it before standing back on my feet. I don't dare look back in the mirror.. I just put on my outfit and leave as fast as I possibly could.

I definitely didn't want to go "light" on the drinks tonight.

Brandon

I come to work with more of a positive energy than usual today. With clinicals and working every other weekend, I dread anything that's not my bed. And the stress with my girlfriend was only adding fuel to the fire.

She came home last night after her little mystery trip that she took the night I met Callie. She said she went to stay with a friend because of our fights, which was understandable. I hated the fact that I was relieved to see her not there, and when she did finally walk through the door, I wished she would turn right back around. Shitty, I know.

The first thing she did was hug me and cry onto my chest. I remember her looking up at me with her gray eyes that I used to see a future in; I wiped a crocodile tear from her cheek and let her kiss me. I kiss back, only because I felt like I had too. I moved my mouth against hers, trying to feel some passion. Trying to feel that spark again. I cradled her head and deepened the kiss, trying so hard to feel it again.

It never happened, though. It was like kissing a stranger. It got ten times worse when I said we had to use a condom as she tried to take my pants off. She's been trying to get me to stop using them, but I really didn't want to risk shit right now.

I slept on the couch after that. Happily.

"You get laid or something?" Jake said with a hand on my shoulder, shaking me from my thoughts while I cleaned dirty glasses.

"Jesus." I shake my head, throwing the hand towel over my shoulder before facing him. He was my coworker here and works full time, so I don't see him much, but when I do he really is the life of the party and is quick to cheer me up.

"What?" He laughed, wrapping an apron around his waist. "I saw you smiling at your phone when you were walking in. You get a tit pic?"

I scoff. "Yeah right. Haven't gotten one of those in a minute. I'm on the couch."

"Again?"

"Yep." I try to focus on the limes I'm now cutting on the counter and not at the door like I have been since I got here. I wonder if she's on her way.

"I know you hate when I ask this, but why do you stay?" Jake shakes his head. "I mean, she's hot, but what else does she have to offer?"

"It's more complicated than that-" I stop when I realize he's saying the exact words I'm saying, mocking what I usually tell him when he asks why I don't leave April. He knows me all too well.

"Look, I'm just saying I think you'd be happier, that's all." He nods in the direction of the entrance doors as the bell rings, indicating a customer was coming in.

"You got that? I already called the table with the college girls." He winks and pats me on the back before walking away to the corner booth overflowing with giggling sorority girls.

I look up immediately, and I'm met with a familiar pair of green eyes.

She looked different, more alive. I always thought she was good looking, but seeing her now in this lighting with her gaze pouring into mine, the only word I could think of was breathtaking.

She's visibly nervous as she slowly walks towards the bar. She's gripping the strap of the familiar bag that's over her shoulder, and I finally smile at her. She smiles back, and it was like both of our anxieties slowly began to dissolve.

"Hi." She says as she slowly lifts herself onto the wobbly barstool, and before I could respond I found myself reaching across the bar to grip her arms as she almost tumbles off the stool from sitting too far to the side.

"Shit, are you okay?" I ask, holding a hand over each one of her arms to make sure she was secure. She huffs and scoots more toward the middle of the seat, visibly embarrassed.

"I have the best luck, huh?" She laughs softly and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, some purple peeking through. I grin and finally remove my hands- her skin was so warm that the feeling of it lingered on my fingertips long after they've been removed. To no longer be touching her was like a disgrace, a crime, a sin.

"Brandon?" She shakes me from my trance right as I realize I've been staring for a bit too long. Shit.

"Yeah, sorry." I run a hand through my hair that was getting way too long for my comfort. I force myself to overlook the way my name looked when falling off of her full lips that were naturally pink and shiny with gloss and immediately reached above my head to get a glass.

"You look good." I add without making any eye contact as I concentrate on the drink I've been wanting to make her since she said she was coming.

She stays quiet and leans up off the chair a little to try and peek at the drink I'm making her. I smile and continue to mix different juices with some vodka, which was what she said was her favorite. Or more like all she knows.

"How strong is that?" She asks, and I expect to look up to see her smiling, but she's serious.

"I thought we agreed to go light tonight." I set the drink on a napkin before sliding it towards her. She finally flicks her eyes up to mine, and it's like I'm under a spell.

Fuck.

Her eyelashes are long and the black mascara she's wearing makes the color of her eyes pop even more. I never knew what the word captivating meant until now. Because god, that she was. She has makeup on, and I can faintly see her freckles behind the covering. I wished I could see them fully again like the night we met.

"Can we go medium instead?" She holds the straw with her pointer finger and thumb and takes a sip of the drink.

"Because you're with me, fine." I say, meeting her in the middle. She looked like she needed a few drinks. Behind her beautiful eyes still held trauma and pain, she tried to hide it, but to me it was clear.

"Oh wow." She swipes her tongue across her bottom lip to gather the extra juice from her sip that turned into straight up gulps.

"That would be a Sex on the Beach." I proudly say before sliding an orange slice on the rim.

"Oh I've heard of those." Callie takes another drink, a cute dimpled grin wide on her face as she sips the straw. "You look good too, by the way."

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. If Jake sees me like this, I will surely be buried in questions by the end of the night.

"Thank you, Callie."

I swear I see her cheeks turn pink before she looks back down toward her glass, swirling the straw around while thinking of something to say. It was kinda cute how shy she was- it was clearly her first time in a bar.

She watches me as I grab another glass for her next drink, and as I begin to prepare it I see a familiar wave of blonde hair walk through the door.

"Good luck with that, man." I feel Jake say suddenly from behind me with a chuckle before hauling ass to the backroom.

Dick.

"Hey baby." April says in an innocent tone before sitting in the chair directly next to Callie. She said she would be with her friends again tonight, and I knew for a fact she was only here to ask for money. Again.

Callie visibly sinks lower in her seat and finishes the remainder of her drink almost immediately. April doesn't look in her direction, only at mine with her cheek resting on her palm. Was she just going to pretend she didn't scream at me last night over a condom? Was she just going to pretend that she told me I was a piece of shit with alcohol clear on her breath before slamming our bedroom door and locking herself in for the remainder of the night.

"How's your shift?"

"Just started." I reply too quickly and continue to make Callie's drink. I'm really not in the mood for her fake conversation that always leads up to money.

I place the finished drink on the counter and push it towards her, and for some reason making eye contact with her right then and there felt like breaking a law. It felt like slow motion, and it only sped up when April slowly turned her head to look at Callie.

I tear my eyes from hers and back to Aprils. Her eyes held nothing, nothing that I could tell at least. I couldn't see anything past the grey color; she was an expert at hiding her emotions and was a hard shell to crack when we first started dating. It was worth it at the time, but now her heart was closed back up and I wasn't sure I wanted to put in the effort to open it again.

I reach into my back pocket and open my wallet. I gather the amount she usually asks for and slide it across the bar. She smiles and leans over to kiss me and whisper a quick "thank you, love you" in my ear before walking back out the door to her car full of obnoxious friends.

"Wow" Callie whispers, breaking the silence that was lingering since April left. "Maybe you should make yourself a drink."

Before I can respond Jake is behind me trying to retrieve extra glasses from the above cabinet. He was laughing at Callie's remark and shaking his head.

"Shit- for that woman you'd need an entire bottle of moonshine."

I join in on the laughter as soon as I see Callie covering her mouth to keep her second drink from being spat out.

"Why do you think I work here?" I roll my eyes as my coworker walks back toward the sorority girls that were starting to dance in the middle of the bar to the music. I focus my attention back to the glistening girl in front of me and put out two shot glasses for each of us.

"Just one." I say, holding my pointer finger up with a smirk.

She smiles back, her shyness visibly starting to melt.

"Just one."