Seven

"The pain of yesterday is the strength of today." - Paul Coelho

Brandon

I watched Callie sleep for what felt like hours. The world was still slightly spinning, but it was easy to focus on her.

I planned to lay in her bed until I sobered up, but she was so scared. I noticed that her hands didn't entirely stop shaking until she was fully asleep. She tried to hide them, but I could still feel their movement under the covers. I wanted to hold them, steady them, but there was a line that I mentally had to draw with her.

I mean- I'm sleeping in her bed, yes. I'm watching her mouth twitch and counting her freckles, yes. But I won't let it get past this infatuation- this girl will not be my rebound girl. She deserves better than that.

I wanted to touch her, cradle her face. For her skin was so warm, so addictive. Me in her apartment was like an alcoholic in a bar, and god I wanted a drink. I'd even settle for a sip of her. A single drop would suffice.

It was infuriating that she genuinely believed that she was unattractive. It was laughable, even. That's when I made her look up at me so she knew I was completely serious, and asked how she couldn't see herself the way the world does. The way I do. I was still drunk so I almost forgot about the mental line I drew, because I was going to kiss her. Hours after my breakup with April, I was going to kiss this woman. This traumatized woman that was new to bars and new to, well, almost everything. How could I even think about doing that?

As stupid as it sounds- I was almost glad she saw a damn ghost behind me. Because if she hadn't and continued to look up at me through those long lashes, I would have wrapped my hands in her hair and pulled her mouth to mine.

Okay, I wouldn't actually be glad..but it partially relieved me that she backed off until I saw the fear all over her face. Initially I thought it was because of me, but then I remembered the same look behind her viridescent eyes at my apartment. They held more than just fear, they held pain. She would grip the part of her shirt that touched where her heart was and gasp for air like she was having a heart attack. It scared the hell out of me..

I think she was deeply distraught and maybe even had PTSD from her mothers death, and that was the reason for the visions and hallucinations. I would actually recommend her therapy, but she made it clear how she felt about that, so I respected it. We all grieve differently, some worse than others. If I saw my dead mom in front of me I know I would quite literally shit myself, so I couldn't even begin to imagine the fear that resided in her.

I tried not to ask more about her mother, even though I found myself growing really curious about the woman. I know she was someone incredibly special to Callie, but that was about it. Did she have the same color eyes? Did she have the same mouth and same smile that lit up a dark room? I kept the questions at bay, and listened as she talked about dental school.

Her mother's inheritance was not much, but it was enough to pay for her schooling and the rent on her studio apartment for a little while. It was small, but for some reason it felt more like a home than my place ever did while lying there beside Callie. I asked her if she was happy with school after noticing a dental hygienist book beside her bed, and even though she said yes, her eyes told another story. I wondered if she had other dreams..

Her full name was Calliope Jane Sanders.

Calliope. When she told me, all I could do was smile and repeat it over and over to make sure I wouldn't forget it, which made her cheeks turn pink. I haven't heard that name before. Like her, It was beautiful.

She said she turned 22 just a few days prior, which made me sad for her all over again. I couldn't stop thinking about what a shitty birthday that must have been. I'm 23, and while I hated birthdays and everything about them, I always did something because April would force me to. I thought to myself in that moment that maybe I could do something for her, maybe a late birthday gift? But what could I possibly get the girl I barely know? And would doing so be crossing the line I drew? No, It couldn't. Friends give friends gifts all the time..

As I was about to ask her more about her life to get a better idea, she closed her eyes and began to fall asleep. I watched her and softly sighed, my hand still propping my head up as I looked down at her. I hated that the corners of her eyes looked so raw and red. It was as if she rubbed tears from them constantly. She probably cried every single day.

I slowly move a strand of hair that fell over her eyes as she stirred in her sleep after about ten minutes; thats when her hands finally stopped trembling. I let out a sigh of relief when they did, not even realizing that I was tense as hell knowing that she was afraid and there was nothing I could do. It was an agonizing feeling.

I tried to fall asleep as well, trying my hardest to forget the sight of April on top of my classmate in our bed. The bed we first made love in. The bed I told her I loved her in on one sunny morning when we were happy- when she actually was a decent person. She changed so much- but I guess that's what people do. They change.

I finally fall asleep looking down at Calliope, counting her freckles instead of sheep.

_

"Brandon..Brandon." I hear as I'm suddenly being shook awake. My eyes peel open, and I turn my head to see Callie beside me. Her hair was now wrapped up in a bun that sat on top of her head, and two strands of hair were falling from it and framing each side of her face. Wow.

I shake the intrusive thoughts from my mind as I realize there is concern filling her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask, quickly sitting up.

"Open the door, B!" I hear a familiar loud voice coming from outside Callie's apartment along with six knocks in a row. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It's April.

"How did she know you were here?" Callie whispers, brows scrunched together in concern. I wanted to smooth them and tell her it would be okay.

"She has my location. I forgot to turn it off." I say and run a hand through my hair that was sprawled every which way. "I'll take care of it."

I stand up and stride to the door, growing more pissed off by the second. I had to calm my mind before I opened it, I didn't want to scare Callie if I start yelling. I don't do it often, but this incident was literally last night and my blood was still boiling thinking about it. I expect Callie to go to the bathroom to hide, but she stays sat on the bed with her fingers picking at her bottom lip; a nervous habit I noticed she did.

I take in a deep breath, and open the door to reveal April. The first thing I notice is a ton of old mascara under her puffy eyes. She looked horrible and exhausted, but I knew It was only because she was upset she would be forced to move back in with her parents. Her tears had nothing to do with me, and while it did hurt a bit, I was slowly beginning to not give a shit anymore. She would no longer control me.

"Thank god. Please just hear me out." She says, out of breath. I shake my head, looking her dead in the eyes. I watch as she looks at me, and then slowly behind me.

The selfish part of me wanted her to see Callie. I wanted her to feel at least a twinge of pain that I felt; but it wasn't going to happen. I refused to use her like that. I take a step to the right, blocking her from April's view.

"You're with a girl?" She practically hisses, narrowing her eyes at me like a venomous snake with a deathly bite. "I assumed this was Jake's place."

"Assumed wrong." I spit back, trying to control my hands as they begun to shake.

Her gray eyes were filling with tears, and while it slightly hurt to see, I had to remind myself of what she did.

"This was over a long time ago, April. Way before last night, I think you know that." I say, trying to control my emotions.

She wasn't always like this. Our relationship was fucked, but before things took a turn for the worse, we actually were really happy. I was happy. We've been together for two whole years, but I've known her half of my life. I practically grew up with her, I grew up to love her. So while she has treated me horribly these last few months, it didn't erase the fact that at one point I believed I would get on one knee in front of her. So this still hurt like a bitch, way more than I thought it would. I was always an emotional guy, which screwed me over most of the time. Especially in this relationship, which was the biggest reason I didn't leave her for so long.

"You don't mean that." She cries, and I hate that my heart sinks for her.

"You cheated on me." I whisper, shaking my head. "I can't believe you cheated on me."

Her cries turn into sobs, and I can hear Callie's footsteps from behind me. She was probably trying to give us privacy.

"It was a moment of weakness, I-"

"Don't say that." I stop her right in the middle of her fucked up sentence. "You don't think I have moments of weakness? You don't think I haven't seen beautiful girls and wondered if maybe they would treat me like I wished to god you would? I wonder all the fucking time, but I don't fuck them or even kiss them because you were my endgame."

At this point her face is in her hands and she's shaking her head, clearly not wanting to hear the words that felt so good to get off my chest.

"Some love you have for me," she looks up and motions behind me into Callie's apartment. "You're fucking someone else too just a day after ending it with me. Clearly it wasn't that hard on you."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I step closer to her, just inches from her face. Did she actually just say those words? Was I hallucinating?

"You know what? Fuck you." I say softly enough that only she can hear me. Her lips form a thin line and her eyes widen. I stare at her closely, finding all of the features that I used to be in love with hideous now.

"You wonder why I wanted to use a condom." I scoff, no longer giving a shit. "I knew deep down you were out being a slut-" My words are stopped when the palm of her hand comes into contact with my face, slapping me hard. I wasn't exactly shocked that it happened, but I was shocked that Callie was now between us.

"You can leave now." Callie tells April bravely. She looked angry.

The look on April's face could only be described as disgust. It made me sick to my stomach to see- because I had a feeling she was about to say some hurtful shit, and I would be damned if she hurt even one sliver of Callie's feelings.

April starts to laugh, actually laugh. She looked insane. Unrecognizable. Tears were down her face and she was laughing hysterically. My blood begins to boil.

"Nice downgrade." She looks Callie up and down, then back to me. Callie's face stays stern and hard like stone.

"I said you can leave now." She says before I can get a word in, not seeming to take April's insult to heart. Thank god.

Still though, it pissed me the fuck off. I stare at her like I never have before, with a sliver of hatred..I never thought I'd hold that kind of feeling for anybody, but here we are.

"Forget the two days. I want you out today." I grab Callie's hand and pull her back into her apartment with me.

April opens her mouth to say something else, but the door is already slammed in her face. It felt good, but it solidified that it was truly over.

I turn around and slide down the door until I meet the floor. Callie hesitantly sits beside me, watching me for a moment before looking straight ahead like I was. I hated that I felt sad. God I hated it.

"You really do love her." Callie whispers in a sympathetic tone. I swallow the hard lump that was forming in my throat, refusing to let my eyes betray me with tears. I turn to look at her, and she looks at me.

I ignore her words and grab her chin with my pointer finger and thumb, pulling her face closer to mine. Her breath hitches, and I make sure she is looking right into my eyes for what I wanted to tell her next.

"You're not to be compared to a word like that again, not on my watch. You're far, far from a downgrade Calliope." I tell her, meaning it with my entire heart. I tried to think of a word that described her the way I truly saw her, but no word could even come close to measuring up. No word could come close to describe this magnificently beautiful woman. "You're perfect." I whisper after a few seconds of silence, her eyes boring into mine the entire time.

I hoped to god she didn't take April's insult to heart. I didn't want her to believe that bullshit. Callie's mouth slowly grows into a smile, and without really thinking, I pull her into a tight embrace. She freezes for a moment, but finally wraps her arms around my back, resting the side of her head on my chest. I rest my cheek against the top of her head, feeling more comfort from a stranger than I ever have from my long time girlfriend.