Chapter 9

Fire enfolded the small village, screams of agony and fear roared throughout the air. I'm breathing—Running! To find my father. I'm calling out his name as I'm helping my people escape the burning houses that they once called home. I'm running, running, and running until I saw my father and Zuko's face just inches away...But I'm too late...I'm always too late...

And that dream always ends the same...with my screams of pain.

"NOOOOO!" I screamed, as I woke up from my bed, in the never ending nightmares that hunted me. I look to my left and than to my right, calming down when I realized where I was. I was in my bed with my husband that I had just married yesterday. Our marriage went on with no objections or complaints. Looking at him now, sleeping, he seemed harmless but this man took lives without a second thought but how can someone so dangerous look like an angel when sleeping? To anyone outside this room, he was merciless and I, his wife, saw a different side to him. Maybe, I judged him too soon or maybe I just feared the future where I died at his hand.

Slowly making my way out of our bed, I walked to the window to look up at the nightly sky, where the moon shines right through brightening up some and little parts of our room. I looked passed the trees and the gates that kept the palace safe and out of enemy's reach. But when I really looked, it was rather lonely. I now lived in a world that was so new to me and even more so, I was the Queen of people that didn't know the truth. The guilt ate at me, but it wasn't as worst as the nightmares...Maybe that's where me and Vain found common grounds. Through our pain. Maybe it was time I faced that. As I turned away from the window, I grabbed my robe and headed out from the room that I now shared with the King and marched towards the dungeon.

As each stepped welcomed me, the guards that guarded the dungeon welcomed me in turn. They bowed quickly "Goodnight, my highness. Did you come to visit someone?" I could see their eyes matching each other. Suspicion was what looked back at me. Nodding slightly, they made way for me to pass without question. As I continued forward, I stopped in front of a cell as silver eyes welcomed me. Vain looked tired but he got up to come closer to the steel bars that separated us "Came to entertain me or ask something impossible of me again?" I would have laughed but I didn't feel any joy within me, and I knew he felt it.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned. As everything processed in my mind, I wiped away a tear that traveled down the side of my cheek as I sniffled "Yesterday was my wedding...I'm officially Queen of Clover City." I could sense his confusion "Isn't that supposed to be a good thing? Now, you can let me out of this bloody cage and be on my way." I shook my head "No, because before my wedding...I found out who I am—or who I'm supposed to be." I looked at him desperately, clinging on to the bars "Vain, I was told me being alive is important to the world...And right now, I need you to tell me everything you know about the Princess of KiKan Valley and the Crimson Dragon—any information will do." I could feel myself breaking down "I can't live another day not knowing who I really am nor the history of my people...my real people—" he cuts me off "Moonjira, I need you to calm down. You aren't making any sense—and how can you be so sure I know anything about this place?" I finally calmed down a little, taking in his question. Backing away from the bars and shallowly answered him "You're a Witching...You guys basically know everything..." Vain, who had been listening intently from the beginning, sighed unknowingly. He backed away and leaned up against the walls of his prison "Moonjira, I was only a kid when the princess went missing—and presumed to be dead years later. Can you honestly call KiKan Valley a kingdom anymore?" he shrugged almost disinterested but carried on with his thought "Besides, if you really are the princess of KiKan Valley, you'll be sad to hear that after your disappearance. There isn't much of a kingdom left." my throat went dry and my feet cold. Looking at him, I insisted to know what he meant by that "What you mean, 'there is not much of a kingdom?' King Zoran, said his father and mines got along well." Vain sighed in distaste "I just don't understand. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you're the lost princess—" I felt myself feel rather stupid, trying to make Vain understand the gravity of the situation. Cutting him off "What I need isn't for you to adjust. I need you to tell me what you remember—what you know." Vain in frustration came off the wall in heat "Those days were dark, Moonjira!" his breathe filling the room. His eyes were clouded with darkness. I knew that I had touched a nerve, but I didn't have the luxuries of being careful—not now.

Looking into his eyes, I felt the hate that he stored within him. One that he kept buried deep within; but life was cruel and we both knew that. I tried again, "Vain...listen to me. I'm in a position where I can't afford being left in the dark. People have dead—and I'm sure more than ever that the attack that was made on Riverband wasn't just boredom..." Vain went to turn his head away from me but I slammed against the bars, grabbing his attention again "—I feel the hate that burns in you, Vain? Don't you wish for a world where it's different...Where you don't feel that hate?"

Vain looks as if he was staring at a new possibility but that soon was replaced by dimming of his soul. He completely turned away from me "You should take to your husband."

"Why?" asking out of confusion "He's the one that told me what I know, hence why I came here—" he laughed, looking back at me "Do you really think he told you who you are because he wanted to be honest?—He told you because we are in a middle of a war." Of course, I knew we were at war! I also knew he didn't tell me anything about myself just because he cared. No. For me to believe that. I would have to be foolish. He continued without any regards for my feelings; but I hardly cared about that myself "His parents and your parents haven't been on the same team since you disappeared. This war we're facing. Was dealt to all of us when your parents backed the Zukokura notion plea to rid of the royal family of Colver City...Zuko's father Azulon was the one that said the king of Clover City ordered a hit on a baby who was born with the Crimson Dragon. So, whatever Zoran told you, was nothing but a quarter of the whole story." He got up close to the gate; lowering his voice as the air in the dark dungeon choked me. I swallowed in anticipation; there was not one single smile plastered on his face. Just one cold, fit expression "I suggest you talk to your husband."

It was as a cold wave of realization hit me and I stormed out of the dungeon, leaving not just the guards confused but myself.

If what Vain said was true. That means, Zoran has been keeping something far worst to himself or he just simply didn't know. Either way, I needed the truth. Bursting back into our room, I could already see a pacing King in wonder. As my presence's took him by surprise, it wasn't long that it bounce back in irritation "Where the hell have you been?!" Taking a moment, I shut the doors behind me and confronted him "I've been getting rather interesting answers to my past, my king. Should I tell you what I discovered before I tell you I know you've only shed just a small light in the part I play?" Zoran, stood near the fireplace in disinterested "I'm sure, what you learned is what I told you. Why the theatrics?" And here we are, back at ground zero. Any progress that I thought we had made was all thrown out the window. But it was my own fault, I had put to much faith in something that was already a lie. That was my mistake. I glared at him "Theatrics? Was it dramatic when I found out my real parents are backing the Zukokura Empire?" Ah, and there it was. Shock. Fear. Uncertainty that I had discovered a truth that he kept hidden. I couldn't be any more disappointed when I saw that same look on his face. The one that read, guilt. He could of jumped high—even low to cover up what I could be misunderstanding but he didn't. And that angered me further.

"You lied...YOU LIED—and had the galley to talk about me?!" I could almost laugh at my newfound discovery. He was no better than me and I knew that. He took a step closer, and I took a step back in disgust "I married you because you offered me the truth but only to find out that you kept something from me? Went as far to not mention that my parents blamed your family?" King Zoran was lost at every bitter word that spat out of my mouth. And for the first time, I saw nothing but regret. He took a step away from me; to think I believe. No doubt in my mind, that he was planning his words carefully—but no. That's what I thought. He turned to me—it was the way he turned to me, is when I saw just a man.

He sighed, spotting himself on the bed to look up at me "I didn't want you to think bad of your parents—You said it, yourself. You want Zuko dead. But you don't even know at what cost—I was trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what?! The truth is so bad that you chose what it would mean to me?!" he got up in his defend with his voice as loud as lions to beat an army "No!" he stared me in the eyes, and I did the same in turn. I felt a slight calmness in me, just enough to say the bits and pieces that was pulling together; but yet there was one question that didn't make sense. Why did my parents think Zoran's father had anything to do with my kidnapping? Why was it important that Zoran protect me from it? Why did it matter, how I view my birth parents? Questions after the questions but no answers. I wanted answers—I needed it!

"Why does my parents think your father, was the one that kidnapped me and, in the end, killed me?" bluntly stating the question that bothered me most. I could feel the air changing as it hang; Zoran was even more tense. He was hiding something. He was always hiding something when I was the one left bare in front of him. I hated he had that control. I hated it even more when I gave it to him. He spoke, as if the world would hear him and curse him for it. Zoran didn't even dare to look me in the eyes "Because your parents killed the women, he loved...My mother..." And like a nail to a coffin, I felt the air leaving my lungs. I always felt it was weird that the pervious Queen just disappeared but there was no word of what really happened. My adopted father told me many stories of the royal families. But there was always one story that circled. That the Queen of Clover City just vanished. But now I know, she didn't just vanish...My parents had killed her.

My legs grew weak, my body frail and everything felt once again, lost. Zoran's arms drew me in, for there was a lot more to discover. I felt my head against his chest as he spoke slowly and even kinder, in the space we shared "Don't think to much of it. It was quick." I couldn't believe the words I was hearing; he pushed him away and stared in disbelief as the fire grew in the fireplace.

"It was quick?" I said angrily "She was your mother, Zoran. It shouldn't have to be quick!" The fire burst out of its place of home and surrounded us in a circle. My anger subsided as the flames around burned around us and just like that, was put out. I was confused. Looking around the now burned circle, Zoran closed the distance between while taking my face between his thumb and index finger. He examined me closely, taking in my eyes; I wasn't sure what he saw in them but whatever he did changed everything. As he let me go with a sigh "Your eyes...they are changing."

"Changing how—What just happened?" We stared at each other. He knew fully well what I meant and what I wanted to know. Everything and all things were coming in full spin, and I was the top. He sighed, almost panicked and self-aware "We will have much to discuss and go over but right now, I need you to listen to me." shaking my head in disappointment "Not until you understand that you can't just tell me what you want me to know—" he cuts me off "—I'm doing what I have to for you to survive this! This is bigger than just me telling you what I want you to know. I'm trying to keep whatever remains of your life intact!"

"Exactly! It's my life! And you don't get to decide what's intact or not. And if I have to live a life where just not the king but my husband choosing what is. Sadly, I would have been better off dead." my words could have burned a hundred different people under the sun. And I'd understand the agony in their screams because to me that was lost hope. And that's what I was feeling...lost hope. I could even stand to be in the same room with him but yet we shared it. And here I thought I'd have a partner. How could I have been such a fool. I turned my back on him as soon as he went to explain, slamming the door behind me.

At first a wondered around the palace. People greeted me with smiles, but I just couldn't find it in me to smile back. Everything felt different. My parents were supporting the very war the people in these very walls feared. And I was supposed to be their queen. And to make matters worse, my parents thought Zoran's father had something to do with my kidnapping...And with my mind clear and anger so far at reach now, I could see how and why he kept that information away from me. Even went as far to lose control of the crimson fire. Pulling up to a balcony, just on the west wing of the palace, I felt lost among other things with feelings that mastered up in confusion and unwanted but yet unspeakable emotional pain. Things just kept repeating and the more things I learned I just wished I could unlearn. I'm living in a constant moment of regret, and it was getting tiring. Sometimes, it felt I was just better off dead.

Minutes turned into hours on that balcony. I stood there staring into the distance hoping for a time where things were simpler. Where the man I knew as my father was alive and that I wasn't the lost princess to some civilization who carries the crimson flames of the crimson dragon. Just saying it in my hand, that alone was enough responsibility-that even a princess should bear. But yet, I did. I can't keep wishing and hoping that things were different. I need to be stronger. I need to control the future so things have a better outcome, so this nightmare for the world and myself can end. With my thoughts feeling more clearer than they have ever been since I've came here, one thing was for certain...I needed to become stronger no matter out. My fate and the world depend on it. I can't run from destiny. My path has already been paved. Taking that thought in, someone came up behind me, dropping something soft and warm on my shoulders. He gave a sad smile and joined me on the balcony, took him a minute before he spoke "I'm guessing things aren't going well?" Mal was always reading my mind. He always knew something was wrong before I even had time to speak. For the first time, I felt sorry that I accused him at all. That everything that has taken place, was my fault because I share a bloodline that I can't erase and that my adopted father dying was far from his doing. This time I believed in the words Mal told me, taking his hand into mines "I'm so sorry, Mal..." tears finally became my being. It covered and expressed everything that I was feeling and that broke me. Mal, being who is didn't say a word. He took me in his arms, hugging me tightly as if he was protecting me from the cruel world as he lightly stroked my hair. It was a moment of silence that said everything and nothing all at once.

In this moment, I mourned my father, I mourned my past and who I use to be. And now in his arms, I mourn a destiny I didn't choose but chose me. And since my father's passing, I feared something much worst. I looked up to his face and I knew one day, I may lose him and that made my cling to him tighter.

I can't lose another person.

I won't.