Far away somewhere

"I am getting married."

My heart stopped. My breath hitched.

What did she say again? She is getting married? When? With who? Most importantly, why? Then what about me? What am I going to do? There is an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I am going to be sick. Why am I so concerned about being sick? I am going to die. My heart is beating like it won't beat again. I wish it wouldn't too.

"Austin?" She called me in a very low whisper. Her voice broke at the end. Her voice is hurt. I don't want to see her hurt. But I am dead inside. I just lost everything. I have no will to live anymore. She is sobbing and it's getting hard for her to breathe. But I don't care. She just put off the lights of my life.

"No."

"Austin…"

"No, no, no."

"Austin…"

"IT'S NOT TRUE! IT CAN'T BE TRUE, NO IT'S NOT!" I screamed at her. I don't know when I become so aggressive. Maybe the frustration I held back broke out. And because it's her unlucky day, she is the one who got to deal with it.

"Austin, calm down."

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME… NOR ABOUT MY FEELINGS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I AM STILL TALKING TO YOU"

"Listen to me, Austin _"

"I LOVE YOU"

I said it. I always wanted to say it. But I didn't have the courage. I wanted it to be perfect. To make her feel like the most lucky person. Because I thought she deserved it. Moreover I believed I had time. Now that I have said it, it feels like it was easy and simple. It isn't feeling special. I wanted it to be memorable. Now it's more memorable, isn't it? Why haven't I said it before? It's too late now… too late…

"I didn't know that you were blind to my feelings. I thought you knew. I thought I had time. But you were… you were…"

My voice cracked at the end. I want to leave. Go somewhere else. And live the rest of my life and wait until I die. I don't want to cry in front of her. I don't want to show her that I care. I should go away. If I stay here, I am going to go mad.

"Austin! I feel the same way too_"

"Shut up, just SHUT UP!"

I turned to walk away. But a sudden urge came to me. I turned to look at her. It is going to be the last time I see her. I walked towards her with the same anger. She just stood there and watched me with tear stained cheeks and swollen eyes from crying. Besides her swollen face, she is beautiful and my love didn't even drop by a bit.

I walked towards her with long steps. She was scared but too sad to move away. I reached her and cupped her face bringing her in for a kiss. Without waiting for her reaction I left her lips and walked away, leaving her frozen.

I don't even know why I did that. But I always wanted to. I wanted it to be special too. But due to the current scenario, there was no other choice. I can't ask for an engaged woman to kiss me. As if she would allow if I ask her. She is going to be like 'Austin, I am going to marry someone. How can you even ask blah blah blah'. But it was amazing. My first kiss is going to be someone else's wife. I am so messed up. How am I going to live?

I walked for so long that I don't even know where I am now. I am still angry and I don't even know why I am? Besides, why did I kiss her if I was angry? There was no specific reason. I felt like I should. Why was she crying? Maybe she said she loved me too? Did she really say that? Or was it in my mind? Why was I angry again? I should find somewhere to stay tonight. It's growing dark and the sky is getting cloudy. That's really helping in my current situation. Thank you so much God. If you don't mind, you no longer need to bless me if this is what you call blessing.

I lost her. Now I know I am cursed. I shouldn't have loved her in the first place. I should have just stayed in my room. Why isn't anything in my life going nice? Everything will end up hurting me. My heart is aching. There is an empty feeling in me. And I am too preoccupied to care. I am heartbroken. She broke my heart. What is she even doing? She came. Mended my heart. Then broke it. And left for someone else.

She hurt me. I am not going to forget it anytime soon. I am not going to get over it. I had wrapped my heart to present her. She just broke it into pieces in mid-air. Why are humans so cruel? I thought she was different. I shouldn't have trusted her. I was blinded by love. These feelings betrayed me. They made me hurt myself. She now left me alone in the darkness. Now I am alone fighting my urge to break down. I just asked for someone to comfort me. She left me to grieve.

I am now on a country road. It is so empty and dark. But I was too angry to be scared right now. Why should I be scared? I have nothing to lose. I will find someone, hopefully. I am not going to grieve forever. I will love someone else, won't I? Can I?

With a deep sigh, I walked towards the next place I saw with lights. They will help me for one night, won't they?

I knocked on the door. It was not a huge one like mine, of course. But larger than Emma's. There is a wooden door and the house is made of large bricks. I knocked again and the door creaked open to relieve a man in his late 40s. He is big and fat. Fatter than my dad. He stared down at me, waiting for me to explain my purpose of visit.

"Can I stay a night? It's getting dark and seems like it's going to rain_"

"Why do I care? Go an die somewhere else. Not in my doorstep" He shouted.

"Then you should say that I can't. Not to shout!"

"Who do you think you are boy?" He scoffed at me. He snapped his fingers and the bucket near by the well flew to me and dumped it's content all over me. It's soap water. "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

Very well then.

I am clunching my fists and opened my eyes to look at him. He saw me and backed off. He is scared. He is scared of me. He should be. I am the curse and I am more than happy to embrace that title now.

I looked over to the piles of bricks as I saw them move. It clustered together to form a very big man made of bricks. It is now a beast, no longer a pile of bricks, it has huge canine teeths and red small eyes, shining. I gave it a nod and it nodded back. Alright then.

I found my demon.

And I got a pray.

I turned to look at my reflection on the window panes. My eyes are red.

"Back to the matter, why did you just poured soap water on me?" I turned to him with a grin on my face.

I smiled when he whimpered.

I looked away closing my eyes when the blood splashed on my face.

Ok, this is fun.