Chapter 2 - September 15th (Wednesday) - Saki Ayase

The lunch bell rang, and I stood up with my bento in hand.

I called out to Class Rep, who was sitting next to me.

"Sorry, I have other plans today."

While speaking, I shook my bento and clasped my hands together in an apologetic gesture. It was my way of saying I couldn't eat with them today.

"Oh? Ah, the 'breakroom'?"

I nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine, it's fine. It's not like we made any promises. Heyyy, Ryo-chin, whatcha doin' for lunch?"

"The cafeteria, I think."

"Oh, no bento today?"

"My mom caught a cold. I'll have to go home early after school today to cook dinner."

"Oh dear, that sounds tough. Well, I guess I'll join you then. Alright, we'll be off to the cafeteria, Saki-san."

"Ah, yeah. Got it."

Saki-san… Yesterday, she called me "Sakippe," and the day before that, it was "Sakicchi."

Class Rep never seems to stick to one way of addressing me. It's not intentional; it seems she doesn't really care and just goes with the flow.

After apologizing to Ryo-chin, aka Ryokou Satou, I left the classroom and headed towards the library. Not to borrow books, but because my destination was a spot just before the connecting corridor that led to a secluded area.

In front of the library, there was a square with tables and chairs where students could study, read, or eat. It was free to use as long as it wasn't occupied. We called it the 'breakroom,' though I didn't know its official name.

I was meeting Maaya there.

As I walked down the corridor, I had a sudden thought. Up until about a year and a half ago, I had never eaten with my classmates. "Sorry, I can't eat with you," was something I had never had to say.

Things have changed. Now, I've been having lunch with them often enough that I feel bad if I don't say something.

With that in mind, I made my way to the breakroom.

"Sorry, did you wait long?"

"Just got here."

Knowing she would say that regardless, I placed my bento next to Maaya's seat.

I wanted a drink too, so I bought a bottle of tea from the vending machine in the corner of the breakroom. Holding it in my hand, I sat down next to her. It was a brightly lit seat by the window.

It had been a while since Maaya and I had lunch together.

Huh? As I sat down and looked at Maaya's lunch, I noticed something different.

It was a store-bought bento, probably from a convenience store or the school store.

"A bento?"

"Indeed it is."

"Indeed… Um, weren't you eating bread back in second year?"

"That's Saki for ya. You don't pay much attention to others, but you notice these things."

"Is that a compliment? Or an insult?"

"A compliment, a compliment. I always thought that, even when we didn't eat together, you paid attention to things like that. Like what people carried or wore."

"I… do?"

I wasn't sure because it was about me, but if Maaya said so, it must be true. I do have a tendency to observe what others are wearing or carrying. It's like the saying, "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles."

Maaya nodded at my question.

"You have good observation skills, Saki~. You naturally notice things and special abilities people have. It's like a basic component of adventuring, isn't it? You need antidotes for poison and status recovery items for paralysis," Maaya said as she tore open the plastic wrapping around her bento.

Her words feel a bit off, though. I mean, what's with "status something" or whatever? Some game reference?

I tilted my head while watching her tear open the bento packaging. It said "Miso Katsu[1] Bento" on it, and it had "Large Serving" written on it too. Quite a hefty meal. Where does she find room for it in that small body of hers?

[1: A meat cutlet that is either most commonly chicken or pork]

"Can you finish all that?"

"Absolutely! And as for why I'm not having bread, we had PE second period, didn't we?"

I nodded. Since our classrooms are next to each other, we often have PE together. That's when she invited me to have lunch with her today.

"I got really hungry. I had bought bread before coming to school, but…"

"Don't tell me…"

"Bingo! I had an early lunch!" she said as she thrust her finger upward.

Wait a minute. So, she ate the bread she bought in the morning because she got hungry, and then bought a new bento for lunch?

"Maaya, are you actually a boy?"

I've sometimes seen boys having early lunches.

"How rude. I'm a maiden full of modesty~"

"I don't believe that."

"I always have an early lunch when we have PE in the morning! Besides, we had long distance running today."

"Well… we did run quite a bit."

"I never hesitate to eat if I'm hungry! It's a no-brainer and just common sense for high school girls who have exams!"

…Really?

Doubting Maaya's common sense, I opened my own bento. It was just an ordinary lunch packed with leftovers from this morning. A piece of grilled salmon with nori, some leftover rolled omelets, and a bit of hijiki[2]. I made sure it was relatively low in calories.

[2: A brownish black sea vegetable/algae]

We both said "Itadakimasu" and started eating our lunch.

"You know, it still feels like you're distant, Saki."

"Really?"

Since becoming a third-year, I had been spending more time with Satou-san and Class Rep. It had been a while since we chitchated like this, but we saw each other several times a week in PE and more often in elective classes. I didn't feel much of a change in the distance between us.

"You even rejected my fireworks festival invitation, *sniff sniff.*"

*Wince.* O-oh. That. I knew she was faking crying because there weren't any actual tears, but I did feel a bit guilty about the fireworks festival.

"Well, y'know, that was… Yeah. I'm sorry."

As I tried to brush it off, Maaya lifted her head with a bright smile. Why is she smiling?

"Ah! Didja go with someone else?"

"Uh, well…"

"It was Asamura-kun, wasn't it!?"

"Hey, not so loud…"

I put a finger to my lips to shush her. Her intuition was too good. And what's with those puppy-dog eyes? Was she really that curious? No, I'm sure she was. Usually I'd try to dodge the issue here, but Maaya already knew now.

"Well, um, yeah."

"Oho!"

"Shh!"

What's with that shriek…?

Considering I had turned down her invitation to the fireworks festival, I didn't want to lie to Maaya now. This feeling of not needing to hide things was different from what I felt in the past. Asamura-kun and I had also agreed it was okay not to be overly secretive.

I conveyed a "I won't talk about it any further" to Maaya—whose eyes sparkled with curiosity—with a blank expression. She pouted a little but seemed to give up.

Sipping her strawberry milk through a straw, Maaya said, "Anyway, let's set that aside for now."

"Please, feel free to set it aside forever."

"Then let's leave it at that. How's the prep for the cultural festival goin'?"

I was relieved to hear her switch to a less nerve-wracking topic.

"Well, it's alright, I guess… What's your class doing, Maaya?"

I realized I hadn't asked her yet.

"An escape room."

"Escape…?"

What on earth is that?

"Dontcha know what an escape room is? I guess it's kinda like a puzzle-solving game. The premise is that you're locked in a room and can't leave until you solve the puzzles."

"Locked in? And why do you have to solve puzzles to get out?"

"There's a bunch of different backstories and scenarios. The main point is that participants cooperate with each other in order to enjoy the game. Groups of up to six people navigate through sections of the classroom, advancing only when they solve the puzzles. If they exceed the time limit, they fail and get kicked out halfway through."

"Hm hm."

"Maru-kun knows a lot about these kinds of games. He's created a solid storyline and puzzles. The boys are making the set pieces, and the girls are workin' on props. Like a cow's head."

"A cow's head!?"

"For a sacrificial offering. It's obviously a fake. You know, like putting candles on your head or making eyeball soup, bat wings, and lizard tails."

"S-sounds like a witch's cauldron… What's the setting?"

"That's for you to find out. You should definitely visit with Asamura-kun on the day!"

"I'll… consider it."

I felt like I was losing my appetite. Still, there wasn't much left, so I forced myself to finish eating.

"What's your class doing, Saki?"

"A maid and butler café and casino."

It wouldn't be fair not to share our plan. Essentially, it's a standard café but with waitresses in maid outfits and waiters in butler outfits. To add a unique twist, we're decorating it in a casino style, where customers can play casino-themed games (without actual stakes). We're also serving stylish drinks designed to be Instagrammable.

"Oooh~, you're really going all out."

"Class Rep seems to like it…"

"Oh, that girl came up with the idea? Sounds like her."

Even without much of a connection, Maaya seemed to know her. Class Rep did stand out, after all.

"Are you going to wear a maid outfit, Saki?"

Of course she'd ask that. That's why I didn't want to say anything in the first place.

"Well… It's a class decision. It'd be awkward to refuse."

"I'll definitely come!"

"Uuu… Okay, please do," I replied, Maaya smiling from ear to ear.

"Saki, you've changed, huh~"

"In what way?"

"You've become a goof. In a good way!"

"Don't think you can get away with anything just by adding 'in a good way.'"

"Haha, Saki's scowling!"

I pursed my lips and glared at Maaya, but she didn't seem to care at all. In fact, she started laughing.

"Hmph~"

"Hahaha, it's so rare to hear you use sound effects!"

"I'm just imitating you, Maaya."

"Yep, you're a goof. A proper goof."

Maaya kept laughing, and I puffed out my cheeks in mock annoyance.

But that only made her laugh even harder.

"That's good! How great! To think you used to be the cool, stylish, and composed beauty who kept people at distance, Saki."

"And now?"

"Now, you're just plain cute and adorable!"

"Huh…"

Cute? Adorable?

Who on earth is she talking about? I've never thought of myself that way.

"Oh? What's wrong?"

"Am I… turning into a mess?"

"Hmm? Why d'you think that? I just gave you a compliment."

A compliment? Really? But… I believe in living strong and being noble, and I've always tried to embody that. To strive towards that. And yet…

A goof.

Cute.

Adorable?

When did I change into that?

"Have I really changed?"

"You've changed, you've changed. You're probably a completely different person from last year. Ah, love really does change a girl."

"That's not true."

There's no way love can change a person like that.

Admittedly, though, I've felt a sense of growth by choosing to rely on and lean more on Asamura-kun. But that's growth, not a transformation of my core self.

"Well, whatever," Maaya said happily.

"It's not like I disliked you the way you were before. I liked that you too."

"…Stop with the embarrassing lines."

"Even your blushing is cute."

"Don't know what you're talking about."

I forced my face back to a neutral expression and resumed picking at my bento. Reacting further would only delight Maaya more. Still, my chopsticks came to a sudden halt as I found myself lost in thought. It occurred to me that lately; I might be losing the ability to view myself objectively in many ways.

I glanced at the view out the window. The scenery didn't look much different to summer, maybe because it was still mid-September. The leaves were still green, and the grass maintained its vibrant color. However, the sunlight was softer than in the peak of summer, and the sky no longer held that intense summer hue.

Seasons change slowly, almost imperceptibly.

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when summer ends and fall begins. The changes come gradually. We can't perceive the difference from one day to the next. It's only suddenly when we realize, "Ah, it's already autumn."

I looked back at Maaya, who was still smiling at me. Apparently I seemed like a goof to her now. The problem was, I hadn't noticed this change in myself. I couldn't even tell how others saw me anymore.

It wasn't always like this. I used to be aware of how others viewed me, at least in terms of my appearance. I always cared and understood how I was perceived—or so I thought.

I shifted my focus from the scenery outside to my reflection in the window. My familiar face stared back at me. My long hair, now almost as long as it used to be, needed trimming. Small round earrings still adorned my ears.

I wanted to be a self-reliant and attractive woman, like my mother.

I wanted to stay on top of fashion while also excelling academically.

I had always checked my reflection to see how I looked. It seemed normal for a girl. Some students falsely labeled me as a girl who flirted with boys and played around, but I didn't let it bother me. Those were the words of people who didn't matter to me. I believed I maintained the perfect image of "Saki Ayase" for myself, and felt there was no discrepancy between my self-assessment and how I appeared on the outside.

But these days, I'm not so sure.

Whether it's because my relationship with Asamura-kun has settled into a comfortable routine or for some other reason, I feel like I can't control how others perceive me anymore. Why?

"Calling me a goof… that's rich, coming from you, Maaya."

"Hey, Saki. Don't single me out as the only goof. Instead, wanna fall into the ways of goofiness together?"

"Pass."

"Aww. *Sniff sniff.*"

We continued to eat our lunch while laughing and sharing silly conversations. I found myself appreciating the comfort of this moment, and it confused me.

I felt like I couldn't get a handle on the current "Saki Ayase."

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

After going to work and coming home with Asamura-kun, something happened during dinner that evening.

We were eating in the living room, watching TV for a change, because Yomiuri-senpai had mentioned some economic news that piqued our interest.

After the news program ended, and the segment shifted to popular new products, Asamura-kun suddenly asked, "Have you ever kept a journal, Ayase-san?"

I accidentally swallowed a whole chunk of potato I was chewing on. It felt like I might choke for a second, but I forced it down. It was painful. The lump slid down from my esophagus to my stomach. Phew.

"J-journal? As in a diary?" I barely managed to ask. Did he notice how thrown off I was just now?

"Yes, the kind you write in."

Asamura-kun said this without showing any visible concern. Well, what else would he be referring to? Oh, well, there's that spice made from a type of laurel tree[3], but yeah, that's not it.

[3: にっき (nikki) means diary while ニッキ (also pronounced "nikki") means cinnamon, the spice derived from the bark of Cinnamomum verum, part of the laurel family (Lauraceae.)]

"Ah, aaah, yeah. I used to keep one. Not anymore though."

"Really? So, it's from way back?"

"That's right, that's right. From a long time ago."

Just one year ago, actually.

I thought about the diary stashed deep in my desk. The diary that vividly describes how, after becoming part of Asamura-kun's family, I started to fall for him.

I was aware my heart was beating faster and faster, as the emotions that resurfaced from remembering the contents of that diary became vivid.

Oblivious to the turmoil inside my heart, Asamura-kun mentioned how Maru-kun had told him that keeping a diary helps you see yourself objectively.

"Well… I guess you could say I was able to view my own thoughts objectively, maybe."

I managed to say that, even though I thought it wasn't entirely the case.

It's not just about the thoughts in my head. It's about how writing in the diary also vividly replays the emotions from that time.

"Sometimes it becomes just so objective that it's a bit embarrassing, and I often found myself burying my face in my hands and asking, 'What was I thinking…?'"

Asamura-kun looked surprised.

But it's true.

It's not just about my thoughts. The clear memory of my emotions from when I wrote those entries was because I had externalized them in a diary.

Self-awareness. Self-awareness, huh? It was definitely through that diary that I realized I was in love.

Trying not to let Asamura-kun see how shaken I was, I fumbled through the rest of the conversation.

Having finished cleaning up after dinner, I took a bath first.

While soaking alone in the tub, I pondered. Maybe me not being able to see myself objectively anymore (or as Maaya would say, becoming a goof) is because I stopped keeping a diary…?

"But still…"

I mulled it over while splashing the surface of the water.

Restarting it now feels odd.

Once again thinking about the contents of that diary stashed in my desk, remembering the swirling emotions from when I wrote it, I imagined myself writhing in embarrassment, internally screaming "Ahhhh!"

"I'm jealous," and things like that—why did I have to write them in the diary?

If anyone read that, I'd definitely lose it and probably scream in embarrassment, regardless of who it was. No doubt about that. So can I really restart something that risky now? I'd like to be able to reflect on myself again. I want to, but—

"A diary, huh."

My murmur sank into my cleavage submerged in the water.

Along with a sigh.