The sound of a bird's chirp from my phone slowly reached my ears.
It was time to wake up. I looked at the clock that was hanged on the wall while I was getting out of bed. I woke up as usual. The habit that the body had developed can't be forgotten. This habit hasn't changed since I entered this school.
With the exception of some special circumstances that made me go to bed late, I have always woken up at 6am.
After that, I slightly arranged my appearance and started preparing breakfast. Although I don't have much appetite, I've been eating three meals a day, as a result I've a balanced nutrition, to the extent of living a life of having a good diet.
After that, I left the room at 8 o'clock to go to school.
The sequence of actions up to this point has not changed since elementary school.
-Originally, it should've been like this.
The former me went to school alone, studied alone, ate lunch alone, returned home alone.
This is me -Horikita Suzune's life, and at the same time, my nature.
The pitiful gazes that comes from the surroundings considering me as a solitary person are just meddlesome.
No, even an explanation such as meddlesome is wrong.
I can accomplish whatever I do.
Be it studies or sports, I have the confidence that I'm superior than my peers.
And more importantly, it's impossible for me to trust other people.
At first, everybody displayed a good attitude in order to approach me, but they would immediately leave. So I naturally distanced myself from other people. As a result, I never perceived loneliness nor inconvenience.
That's why this situation will inevitably continue. But recently, this has started to change.
Inside me, the tempo of my life has started to change quietly.
I feel that the time I spend being alone has been reducing.
I know what's causing this.
It's because of the resident of my neighboring seat in the classroom.
I casted a glance at Ayanokouji Kiyotaka-kun's seat, who has not arrived at school yet.
I don't know why, but no matter what attitude I adopt towards him, his attitude has never changed.
When we meet for the first time, it couldn't be said that I gave him a good impression. I thought I would be quickly ignored.
When I came back to reality, I realized that the time where I talk to him has increased.
Why is that?
Why?
These questions rush to my mind in quick succession, I'm unable to understand this.
I've never considered Ayanokouji-kun as a friend, never.
Although I don't know what he thinks, I only consider him as a person who sits beside me in the classroom by chance.
However, there is no doubt, my heart has some other ideas.
He has come to the classroom.
He looks like usual, slowly going to his seat while lacking enthusiasm.
During that moment, my classmate Kushida-san talked to Ayanokouji-kun.
"Thank you for the previous Sunday. You've really helped me."
She was talking while having a big smile in her face and waving her hands. These are acrobatics I'm not able to do.
"Let's go play again in the future."
"Oh, oh"
Being treated familiarly, he answered her while looking as if he was thinking that wasn't bad.
In other words, these two went somewhere on Sunday, didn't they?
...Nothing to do with me.
What people do in rest day in whatever place have no impact on my life.
Ayanokouji-kun greeted me with a stiff manner, different to how he treated Kushida-san.
I also used an equally degree of stiff tone to reply him.
And the conversation is over.
"Were you together with Kushida-san during the rest day?
I originally intended to end the conversation a moment ago, but I unconsciously let those words out of my mouth..
It looks like he treated those words as the everyday conversation and didn't look at me.
"She asked for my help because of Sakura. Then I had no choice."
He really treats Kushida-san with a different attitude. Is this due to the difference in the intimacy degree?
"I see."
I couldn't help but answer coldly, as if he was a stranger.
"Is there any pro..blem..."
Did he look at me because he felt my question was unexpected?
After that he looked as if he was startled and he pulled back while shrinking his body.
"W-what happened to you?"
"What do you mean?"
I totally don't understand why he would act like that.
There were no other strange things nearby.
"Ah, you have a very frightening expression"
A very frightening expression? Did I put on that kind of expression?
In addition, nothing happened before that could make my expression change.
But if I have to say it no matter what, it was just that I was a bit dissatisfied at Ayanokouji-kun's treats people differently. That's wrong, there's something more. He's someone who avoids troublesome things, he should dislike those things.
And yet he was called out by Kushida-san during rest days and he even accompanied her proactively. This really puts people in a bad mood.
Even though there shouldn't be big variations of the time spent in conversations, why is that?
"Really? I didn't plan to do that, it's like usual. I was only lamenting that you have become someone who does as one pleases. When I asked you for help I even had an embarrassed face, but when Kushida requests for your help, you easily agreed. I am just calmly analyzing where could the difference be."
Why did I speak so fast? Not even I could believe myself.
These words simply sounded like someone trying to divulge that they were gloomy.
Why is that? It slightly looked as if I couldn't handle my unfathomable heart.
After that, she approached as if she realized something and called Ayanokouji kun out to the corridor.
I didn't know why my eyes followed these two.
Kushida-san was looking this me far away. "...don't tell me, I'm treating Ayanokouji-kun as a friend?" I said that in a low voice, as if to let myself confirm that. Because he is always unmotivated, he's not really the type of person I like.
This can't be, right?
There shouldn't be any factor for me to treat him as a friend.
I'm no trying to boast, but I don't even understand clearly what a friend is. In other words, it's impossible that I can make friends since I can't comprehend this concept.
Perhaps I'm just in a bad mood because of that attitude of his.
It has to be this.
By distorting that only answer, my heart could relax a little bit.
I don't need friends.
-The me of that time really though like that.
Translation : Seven Seas