11: You
I wonder. When did I get accustomed to the thought. The thought of death. The thought that everyone I care for will leave. Why did I choose to live that life–– that mentality? How does one go from a happy child to a death shrouded man. Every person I care about… everyone… I wish I could trade my life for theirs. It's like I'm–– I'm cursed! Why am I here… this shiny white linoleum floor. This constant beeping… Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Make it stop.
*BEEP*
Make it stop.
*BEEP*
Make it stop!
*BEEP*
"I SAID STOP, DAMN IT!"
…
"Excuse me sir…"
Shit, did I yell out loud?
"U–– Yes?"
"Erm… your–– ugh–– your girlfriend is awake."
"She's not my–– whatever, where is she?"
"Down the hall and to the left number 104"
"Thanks…"
As I walked toward the room Emma was being held in, I felt my stomach fall and it felt like my guts were spilling out. My legs were heavy, and the dread was falling on my shoulders like I was carrying an elephant on my back. I reached for the door and grabbed the knob. It was cold, unlike a usual hospital room that might have a curtain or push door, this one had a circular metal knob, almost like the one in the waiting room. But contrary to the one in the waiting room, this one left a cold sting up my arm. My hand locked when I tried to turn the knob and I felt my chest tighten.
"Hey!"
"..."
"Well? Y'gonna say anything?"
"Are you… okay?"
"I'm still standing, aren't I?"
"Well, technically speaking, no you aren't"
She was lying in a hospital bed. She had swapped her outfit for a gown and she had a drip connected to her arm. There was a heart rate monitor next to her bed and it was beeping, but slowly. It seemed like her heart was much slower than the average person. Like she wasn't alive, or close to that.
"Well, aren't you a smart ass. Y'know, I could've told her to not let you in. I've been to this hospital before, the staff knows me."
"Hey… Emma?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you gonna… die?"
"Aren't we all?"
"That's not what I–– Look… I don't want you to–– Just don't die."
I started to choke up a little bit and I felt my eyes get moist. I don't know why, but for some reason, although I had only known this girl for a few days, I felt a strong urge to protect her. I felt much closer to her than we actually were. Even physically, I stood almost across the room from her, not at an arm's length. We were virtually strangers.
"Hey… stop looking at me with such sad eyes! I'm not gonna just die on you, okay? We haven't gotten to talk enough yet, and school starts on Friday. I'm not just gonna drop like a fly"
"Sorry. You're right…"
School does start on Friday, huh. I guess I had sort of forgotten about it considering last Friday was my birthday and the party. I wouldn't say this week has been chaotic but this final week of summer vacation did melt away very quickly.
"Nate, can I ask you something now?"
"Erm… sure?"
"Can you be my friend?"
"Huh. What kind of question is that?"
"Just answer it will you?" She blushed heavily and I could see that on the monitor her heart rate had gone up.
"Sure… but why do you ask?"
"Yay! I'm so happy! Thank you! Thank you very much."
"... No problem, but why did you ask me that? I was under the impression we were already friends."
"Well… all the girls at my old school were mean… they would stop being my friends after something like this happened. I only had a few friends left after I last went to the hospital. People don't wanna be around someone who is sickly and all."
"What the hell?"
"Nate…?"
"That's so… disgusting. Why would they just leave someone in need?"
"No! Don't worry… it's not like they left or anything–– it's more like they couldn't stand being around me. It made them sad."
Who cares if they get sad. Why would they just leave her? Someone so kind. So strong. So pure and genuine that after all this. The pain that they just went through. Over and over it's happened to her. Even after passing out on the road, she still didn't care about her well––being, she just wanted to know if we would still be friends.
"Okay… Emma, I've made up my mind."
"Huh? Made up your–– what? What are you talking about?"
"I'm gonna help you make friends, I want to make sure that you don't suffer in your last year of high school. I may not have many friends, but I sure as hell am not alone. So if a loser like me can be surrounded by kind people and have a good amount of friends, someone as amazing as you can have tons! If they make fun of you for being sick, to hell with them. You can't control it."
She was crying. Like no one had ever said anything so nice to her in her life. I don't think what I said was all too great, in fact I kinda think it was a stupid thing to say. Even then, I want her to be happy. I don't want her to suffer by herself any longer.
"Thank you. Thank you so much Nate."
I put my hand to hers, with the IV in her arm, I heard the clatter against the bed and I clasped my hands together over hers.
"I WON'T LEAVE YOU!"
She blushed even harder, and I knew that I was blushing as well. For a moment I thought over what I said and then said,
"NO, NO, NO, NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, THAT WASN'T A CONFESSION OR ANYTHING. I WAS JUST… oh god."
She burst out laughing, I could feel the heat in my face.
"H––Hey! S––s––say something!"
"Sorry, sorry… hahaha, I just, I needed that."
"Well, you know what they say–– laughter is the best medicine."
"Hm, I guess so."
"I wonder…"
"Huh?" I felt confused because she seemed to have muttered something to herself.
Whatever it must've been nothing…
' * * * '
"I wonder…" Could he be the one to save me?
I wonder… Could it be you?
You?