19: Friendsgiving

Friendsgiving: A long time tradition amongst close friends. A tradition that… I have never taken part in. Partly because… well I never had enough friends, and partly because I never had too much of a passion toward group events.

Emma got out of the hospital a few days ago, so we decided to celebrate by having a friendsgiving at my house. Well– not really a decision, it was sort of thrust upon me. Personally, I thought we should do it at Hailey's since she has the biggest house, but her parents are having a party so she couldn't hold it. Marc has a nice house, but I know his whole family comes over every Thanksgiving– I used to go to his house for Thanksgiving– and well, that's another dead end. The only other option was Emma, but she said she couldn't.

That left me.

I didn't mind having everyone over– it actually gave me some time to be alone with Emma since my house is pretty big and there will be 4 of us.

Naturally, I'll be doing most of the cooking- but I am still gonna make everyone bring one item of their choice.

"So, Emma. What are you gonna bring?"

"I'll bring… brownies!"

As energetic as always.

"And you Hailey?"

"Erm… I'll bring cookies."

Let's go! I was hoping she'd say that.

"And you Marc?"

"Well, I think it's only natural that my presence is enough of a gift."

I kicked him in the shin.

"This isn't even Christmas! Stop talking about gifts and take this seriously."

He looked like he was going to cry.

"Fine… I'll bring some of my mom's bread rolls."

"Thank you for taking this seriously."

I see… His mom's cooking is really good. As long as he isn't the one making them, we should all be safe. I'll never forget 7th grade foods class… never have I seen 30 people get sick that fast– some of them never even touched the food. I've never trusted Marc with food ever since.

"Well, that must just leave me… Okay! I'll make ham, mashed potatoes, and mac and cheese. Any requests?"

Emma raised her hand. "This isn't a request– it's just a question. How come you are making ham instead of turkey?"

"Well, that's simple. I prefer ham. Why? Did you want turkey?"

"No, that's not it."

"Okay. Any other questions?"

"Nope, none here." Marc said.

"I also have no questions." Hailey said timidly.

"Alright, and with that– I will see you all Thursday. We get off Monday and have Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday off, so there's no reason you shouldn't be able to obtain your item. Have a good break everyone."

"Bye Nate."

"Bye Nate~"

"Bye Nathan."

"HEY! That's not even my name Marc!"

"Sorry, just wanted to see if you'd notice."

"Of course I'd— whatever. I'm leaving. You're exhausting."

* * *

Sigh. Finally, all of the prep work is complete. Now, to wait for my guests.

I'm oddly nervous. Even though they've been to my house before, I still feel scared to show them where I live.

I'll text the group chat. Yeah, that will help.

"Hey— guy…'s. Ju-st wan ted to tell- y-you, I ha-ve, the food r-e-a-dy."

And send.

Okay, NOW everything's done.

…

God, I'm so nervous.

BZZZZZZZZ! BZZZZZZZ!

SOMEONES HERE!

"H-hello! Welcome to my home. Leave your shoes anywhere."

"Pardon the intrusion." Hailey stepped in and left her shoes in the mud room.

"…"

"…"

"Well… sit anywhere. The others should be here any time soon."

"A-alright. Can I use the bathroom."

"Yeah go ahead."

"Uh… where is it?"

That's right… she's the only one who hasn't been here.

"Erm… right down the hall at the top of the stairs. It's got a blue sign on the door."

"T-thank you."

Now, I'm not going to assume anything— but, I feel like Hailey may have taken a look inside my room. She came back and was even more awkward, and it also took her 15 minutes to come back.

BRRRING!

"Hello! Welcome!"

"Hey buddy!"

"Oh it's you… go wherever Marc. You know the layout."

Another 10 minutes passed before Emma arrived.

It was worth the wait. When I opened the door, she was wearing that same stunning dress from the night I met her. It glowed even brighter under the winter moonlight than it did that day back in August. Maybe it was because I felt there was someone I finally liked, but she looked even prettier than she had a few days ago.

"Thank you all for coming."

"Thank you for letting us come." They said in unison.

We all exchanged handshakes and I seated everyone.

"Erm… dig in– I made basically everything everyone requested."

"Don't mind if I do!" Marc said with a large grin.

"Thank you! … This is really good!" Hailey said.

"Wow! You're a really good cook!"

I smiled proudly, "Why of course I am!"

This is good.

This is how it should be.

We are all smiling.

I'm smiling.

A real smile.

I'm so glad.

It's been so long— so long since I've been genuinely, truly, undoubtedly, shamelessly happy.

It feels so good.

I hope this lasts forever.

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick!

The oven!

"Damn it…"

"My cookies!" Hailey jumped out of her chair.

She had decided to only prep the dough before coming, she figured it would taste better if she actually baked them here.

"I'm glad they didn't burn."

"Me too." She smiled. "Who wants cookies?"

"Me!" We all said in unison.

Today is like a dream.

I'm so glad we got to do this.

"Excuse me. I'm gonna go use the bathroom, Nate."

"Alright Emma."

I saw Hailey wince a little bit and mutter under her breath.

"So she's been here before."

' * * * '

I hate that I have to take these.

These pills…

I'm sure Nate knew that's what I meant– when I said I was going to use the bathroom.

It's embarrassing.

Y'know… everyone knows… Everyone knows what condition I'm in.

But, it's different this time.

No one's walking on eggshells like the people at my old school.

People…

They aren't all the same.

People are individuals— they aren't one conglomerate. One block that meshes together sharing the same thoughts.

Everyone is different.

Not everyone is bad.

Hailey,

Marc,

Everyone in class,

Nate.

They are all good people.

I'm so glad I met them all.

I don't have much left.

Time.

I'm going to be selfish though.

I won't let him know yet…

That I may have to get…

That I'm going to get surgery.

A surgery with a 10% survival rate…

But if it works… I'll be able to live with him forever.

I can't hurt him now… not when he's come so far.

I'm so proud of him.

You've grown so much Nate… you really have.

"He really is something…"

* * *

"Nate… can we talk on the balcony for a little bit?"

"Yeah… I'll be there in a second."

' * * * '

This is odd… I wonder what she could be wanting to say…

"Nate… do you ever look at the sky, and wonder what's out there?"

Huh?

"Yeah, I mean who doesn't?"

"Well… I do. A lot. I wonder about the other galaxies, the other life. The other me's in this multiverse. I wonder… is there a universe where I'm happy? A universe where I don't have to suffer from this disease? One where I'm normal?"

"You're normal enough. So what if you have a disease? You aren't any worse than any of us."

"I'm not normal!" She raised her voice… "Sorry… I shouldn't have yelled."

"I-it's okay."

She sniffled a little bit. Must be cold since she doesn't have a jacket.

I put my light coat over her shoulders.

"Thank you…"

"No problem…"

I started to shiver a little bit… I was kind of regretting giving her that jacket.

She came close to me and put half of the jacket over me.

"We can share." She looked at my face and smiled softly.

"Yeah."

"Nate?"

"Yeah Emma?"

"I'm glad I met you."

"What's with that all of the sudden?" My ears got warmer.

"I just needed to tell you that."

"Well I'm glad I met you too, Emma."

"Nate, how are you doing? Mentally— that is."

"I'm doing alright… living. It feels isolating to be in therapy, but I feel better afterward."

"It must hurt… doesn't it?"

"What?"

"It must hurt knowing that through all of the people that surround you, all of the things you have— you still feel alone. Beyond the nuance of this world, the fluorescent lights of city life and the cool wind that blows against your face, in the end— you're alone. You can be in a room full of people and still feel as if it were empty. you and your emotions. You and yourself. No one and nothing. Alone together."

What she said… It felt so profound. Like she was revealing a secret that I had denied for a long time. I wonder… What will it be like— When we are adults? When we have responsibilities. Families. Worries. Things that pull us apart. Will we still come together like this? Be close? Touch?

"Emma… to respond to that, I want to ask you something?"

"Ask away."

"Have you ever felt lonely?"

"Of course I have."

"Well it's the same for me…" I looked at her. "I feel alone. But I know I'm not."

"..."

"I'm not alone because I have you. And Hailey, Marc, and the people in class. I have all of you— people I know are here. So there's no way in hell I could be alone."

"I wonder about that…"

I put my arm around her.

"If you were alone, how would my arm be around you?"

She looked at me a little, smiled and laughed– just a bit. She wrapped her arm around my waist and moved in closer.

"I guess we aren't alone after all."

It felt nice.

The warmth.

The feel of her body against mine.

The subtle movements.

The warmth that pushed off the winter cold.

I stood there holding Emma and all of the sudden, a few white spots fell from the sky.

Emma put out her other hand and let a snowflake land on her hand and melt.

"It's here… winter has finally come."

"It has…"

Little did I know… Hailey saw us from behind, and while I smiled and kept Emma close; Hailey felt further than she ever had. Isolated. Alone. And she felt the worst feeling a girl in love could ever feel.

She felt that she had lost.