Cannot erase the past

I awoke early in the morning to the sound of my dooring opening. I covered myself in the covers to try and avoid the inevitably of the morning sun.

"Lady Viola, wake up, please. You have to take your medication," It was Nurse Nevi holding in her hands a glass of water and a new, blue pill.

"I thought I took my medication at dinnertime?" I inquired. The memory of what I overheard last night still fresh in my mind.

"We decided to add another to help you heal faster. You are passing out too much, it is an iron pill," She explained calmly. She was a bad liar, she never makes eye contact when she gives me my 'medicine'. I sat up and took the medication but hid it under my tongue again. I saw she was watching me closer and that I couldn't use the same trick twice, and I don't have Little Livian here to defend me either. Seeing no way out I swallowed the medicine she handed me and drank the water.

"May I return to sleep? I feel tired," I asked. She nodded her head before leaving me alone to rest. I laid down and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

When I next awoke I was being shaken awake. I opened my eyes but it hurt as I tried to focus on what was happening. Everything was too bright and blurry. I could barely make out it was Little Livian staring back at me and I smiled.

"Why must you wake me so early too?" I complained jokingly. My words were slurred as I laughed like a drunk.

"Early? My lady, it is almost 4 pm. The nurse instructed me to let you rest and that you were feeling tired today but I couldn't take it anymore!" She spoke to me with such anxiety I felt awful for resting so much. I tried to sit up but my vision refused to focus. Much of the day had been wasted I had to get up. I tried to stand but my legs felt weak as my head spun endlessly until I landed onto the stony floor.

This time while I slept I dreamt of walking through the corridor outside of my room. The walls were towering and filled with blurred-out portraits of previous mistresses and Emperors. There was a blank space on the wall I staring at until I heard shouting around the corner. I couldn't see anyone but I could listen to everything they were saying. The voices echoed, never getting closer or farther.

"I said to keep her memories at bay not return her to a coma!" It was His Majesty shouting undoubtedly. I heard Little Livian crying in the distance and my head was splitting apart again. I must be hearing my surroundings, I needed to wake up.

I walked around more but the halls were just a loop.

"Your Majesty, this is all we can do. There is no medication to make the heart forget. If she remembers him after losing all her memories, we cannot erase that!" Nurse Nevi was pleading. I could hear worry and regret in her voice. I knew she must not want to do any of this but I couldn't stop my anger from being directed at her.

"I don't want to hear it!" There was a loud crash in the hallway I couldn't see as I opened my eyes to see my ceiling. There was a rush of sounds down the hall as I stood up again. I was still dizzy but not as bad as earlier. I was able to stand as I went to my door. The shouting was outside my room and I was still confused at precisely all that was happening. The door was locked of course so I started to pound on it.

"Hello? Please help, help!" I desperately cried. I felt so scared and my body was shaking uncontrollably. I wanted to regain my composure but something in me made it impossible. I tried to take deep breaths but my lungs were aching it did nothing. "Please, help me!" Everything around me was trembling, it wasn't just my body as the brightness burned my eyes.

The door was quickly unlocked as I sank to the floor, my weakness returning. I moved aside as best as I could as His Majesty opened the door followed by Nurse Nevi and Little Livian. He bent down and picked me up in his arms again.

"Leave us" He commanded as my ladies bowed their heads. I still was unable to control myself as I trembled and reached out for them.

"No, help, stay" I desperately cried as they closed the door. What was happening to me? Why couldn't I stop this intense feeling of fear?

His Majesty put me down on my bed and I immediately retreated to the corner where the bed met the wall. I was still trembling but my vision was better focused but everything was wrong. Colors were brighter and stretched as things around me seem to contort in strange positions. I was too busy looking around trying to figure out what was happening to pay any mind to him. I didn't notice he was talking to me until he placed his hands on my face to grab my attention.

"What is wrong?" He pleaded with me. Despite my struggle to focus, I could feel he was concerned for me. I tried to breathe deeply again.

"What is happening? Everything is wrong, help, help," I cried. I still couldn't control my speech. Whatever I was thinking came out in strange mumbles. It was difficult to think as I closed my eyes to calm down. I started to scratch the sides of my head so he took my arms and held me tight for a couple of moments. I hated that it helped.

As my anxiety subsided things started to return to normal. My head was aching and my mind felt foggy. I tried to focus on my breathing again with some success this time. The room wasn't misshapen anymore, but things were still too bright around me as it hurt to have my eyes open, but I fought through it.

"Thank you" I whispered. I was still trembling but not as bad as earlier. He finally loosened his grip on me and I was able to breathe easier. He started to pet my head. Even though I was better, I guess my filter for what I spoke was still not working properly.

"What did you do to me? I heard you last night," I stated. He froze at what I said—probably wondering how to respond. "I want the truth, it wasn't part of, whatever this was I know that much," I saw his eyes widen with fear momentarily, unsure how to proceed.

I stood up and looked at him in his eyes with intent. "What did you do to me?" I spoke slowly even though anger filled me, but I refused to raise my voice. I empathized with my words as I watched him unable to comprehend the situation.