Chapter 5 - SYMPHONY

(SYMPHONY)

“There are voices in my head, no matter how hard I try to listen to them, all they do is scream endlessly, there is this one voice, a younger voice... of a young girl who keeps shouting my name in anger, even when I try to tune them out, the louder they become. They seem to be working together to drive me insane, there is no clarity in the words they keep shouting at me, and every single voice shout something completely different from the other and it drives me insane to try to understand them one at a time. I don’t know what to do for the voices to stop what their doing to me, I’m slowly losing.” Anna spoke as she woke.

I had been watching her before she gained consciousness, the kind of fidgeting and awkward speaking she kept mumbling on and on about things which only exist in her mindscape, this gave me a clearer view on how her thought function worked. It seems as though that her mind is creating its own little world for Anna to escape too, every time she feels cornered in any sort, her mind relapses itself and takes her to that world, but then sometimes she has a difficulty coming back to reality that she stays there for too long or brings back the people who exist in that world with her mind, which might be the reasoning behind those voices which shout in her head endlessly.

She spoke as if she was coming back from an entirely different universe from ours, …

“Jess had a bright smile that day, she was even more beautiful than she was on any other Monday night, and the look in her eyes were somewhat pleasing. And even though she knew of what would come next, she still got up from bed and made me a fresh glass of orange juice with the hugest hug you could even imagine, and said, “you’re the only thing I worry might get affected from this.” kissed my forehead, tuck me into bed and told me a story. And before she walked out, another hug embraced my half-asleep body. Jess, Jess was fine that night, she was too beautiful to do that.

There wasn’t anything in the world she did without letting me know before hand.” Anna said in a river of tears, struggling to breath, as she held the tissues by her thighs holding each squeak inside, you could feel the pain she tried hard to contain with all her might, leaving everything to her will.

The misery in her eyes, could break you into peace’s in a single glance, yet she stared at me, giving me a sense of guilt, I felt like she needed someone to give her answers to the questions she was unable to utter herself. The expression she wore struck like lightening on a Saturday afternoon, waiting for a victim to add to its endless list. As I could not help but see her shattered heart through her miserable eyes and she picked each tissue in the box to satisfy her tear glands which had chosen to rid themselves of the load they had put up with.

“Okay Anna lets try something else, I’ll put you into hypnosis okay, that way, you can be able to tell what really happened that night, do you agree to this?” said Messie as she struggled to understand Anna’s words. And with a tiny subtle voice, Anna answered with, “Yes, let’s do that.” Messie got up from her chair and approached Anna with considerate caution and sat exactly one foot away from her on the coffee table, she asked Anna to lay herself down horizontally on the sofa and try to relax herself, she then held out a pendent on to of Anna. Right after she said,

“Look at the pendent Anna, follow it as it moves slowly, follow its direction clearly, and as you feel yourself slowly falling asleep, do not worry and listen to my voice. Now you will go back to that night, the night of the massacre, you’re slowly entering the kitchen, what do you see Anna?”

Anna, in her deep slumber then answered and said,” I’m at home, I can see mom’s favourite knives on the counter there, and the old blender which was near the breakfast counter, I haven’t seen that blender for a week now, and everything else loos the same, we still have those same colour curtains, but, … here comes Jessica, she’s still wearing her favourite grey slippers, I haven’t seen those feet for too long, and her grey sweat pants, there she goes to get me the juice. And here I come, I’m wearing the same pink Barbie night-dress, I can see her walking me to bed just as I remember. She is now coming out of my room and into her room, but wait, I don’t remember finding her in her room she was in the bathroom, and she, … wait, she’s opening her diary, I didn’t know she had a diary. She’s writing something inside, what is she doing?

Okay, she’s in the bathroom now, and for some reason she keeps looking at my teddy bear, how did she get it from me, I usually don’t fall asleep without it, what? why is she crying now, don’t cry Jess, what wrong Jess, why are you crying so much? Wake me up so we can talk about it, why are you crying all alone again? Jess!!, why can’t you hear me?

Wait, why is she holding a knife, she’s, … she’s cutting herself with it,

Cover it up Jess! PLEASE, please don’t do this, why is she covering her mouth, let me hear you Jess, wake me up or something please, Jess please,

Wait, I’m coming into the bathroom now,

Why am I just standing, Do something Anna?

Why aren’t I doing anything?

Jess is smiling at me, why is she smiling at me when she’s in so much pain all alone?”

And Messie disrupted with, “You’re slowly coming out of that place now Anna, your coming closer to my voice, you’re slowly waking up and leaving that place, and after I count to three you will be fully awake, … one, two three!” her fingers snapped, and Anna was back and awake from the hypnosis. With a broken heart, a bloody heart from the guilt and anguish which took over her mind.