Chapter Forty

Having driven home after getting off the phone with Dawn, Cierra showered and headed to her computer to find a career placement test.

Looking over the first page of questions, Cierra found herself at a loss. Did her anxiety 'sky-rocket' near deadlines? Did she get teary when listening to an emotional story? What was that question even for, to see if she would make a good therapist?

She had been expecting questions like, 'Do you enjoy taking care of animals?,' 'Are you creative?,' 'Do you like to be in charge?' Not these that suggested she needed to know something about herself on a deeper level.

Completing the ten pages of questions, she waited for her results. She hoped to see something like 'designer' or 'marine biologist.' Something fun that didn't suggest sitting behind a desk all day filing paperwork for some mega-corporation somewhere.

She was disheartened to see that her results were things like 'political scientist,' 'socialogist,' and 'landscape architect.' While she liked helping people, she wasn't sure she wanted to dedicate her life to it as a sociologist and working in politics sounded nightmarish.

Leaning back in her chair, she mulled over her options some more. A landscape architect could be interesting. Then again, she thought to herself, how interesting could planting bushes in certain patterns be?

Cierra thought back on what Dawn had said about wanting to make money and not end up like her parents. How could she not have noticed Dawn's wanting to better her circumstances?

She looked at her phone, hesitated, and put it back down.

Her face grew hot; Cierra could imagine her image right next to a definition of privilege: Middle class girl unable to decide on future as she has too many choices.

She lived in a nice house with a car her aunt and uncle gifted her, what did she really have to complain about?

Stomach starting to twist, she tried to think back on all the times she must have made Dawn uncomfortable. What had it been like for her when she first saw Cierra's house? Or how her aunt and uncle treated each other in comparison to Dawn's own parents?

Sighing heavily, she balled her fists and hit at her desk.

"Ow! Owowow," She immediately regretted it, looking at the sides of her palms that had made contact with the desk and seeing how red they were.

Her eyes welled with tears. Had she ever been a good friend to Dawn?

DING. A message pinged from her social media.

Trying to dry her eyes with her sore hands, she opened the message. It was from Nora to the group: 'Remember, we're going to our training realms from now on. No deviating.'

Cierra felt this message was more for Lonnie than anyone else, but she liked it anyway, giving it a thumbs up.

Cid unexpectedly rubbed his head on her leg, and Cierra bent down to pick him up.

"Thanks lil guy," Cierra said, scratching him behind the ears. In response he side-eyed her, before laying in her lap.

Picking up her phone, she sent a message to Dawn.

'I thought it over: I'm gonna direct clown gore, but specifically only in financial places.'

She smiled to herself and waited for Dawn to reply. It took a few minutes, but when her phone lit up, Cierra grabbed at it, checking her messages.

'But am I gonna get to dress like the clown tho?'

'Why not clown in one movie, and murdered accountant another?'

'Deal, but only if I die while photocopying my butt.'

Laughing, Cierra put her phone down. Maybe one day she would be able to tell Dawn about the dream realms, and introduce her to Nora, Hans and Lonnie. Perhaps then the future wouldn't matter as much, and they could work on saving the dream realms together.

Downstairs over dinner, Cierra decided to broach the subject of a future career with her aunt and uncle.

She worked her way to the topic in her mind, dragging the food around on her plate until her aunt interrupted her.

"Cierra," She put her own knife and fork down, "I have watched that carrot run a mile in its own juices."

Both her aunt and uncle looked at her expectantly.

"I was talking to some friends earlier, and I," she paused trying to find the best wording, "I realized I don't know what I want to do in college or after or anything, really."

Her aunt let out an 'Oh' of relief and exchanged a look with her husband.

"That's it?" Uncle Trev asked, looking Cierra over, one eyebrow raised.

Cierra narrowed her eyes at them, "Yes, that is it. That's what I've been agonizing over all day. You don't have to make it sounds so trivial."

"Oh sweetie," Cierra rolled her eyes, she hated when her aunt called her 'sweetie,' "Of course it's not trivial, it's just… no one really knows what they're going to be doing at your age."

"Yeah, I mean, I started out as an English major and moved into law years later," Uncle Trev jumped in. "Just take it easy, the first two years of college are just pre-requisite classes anyway. You have plenty of time."

"But what if I don't find anything I like?"

"Well, worst comes to worst you graduate with an English degree and teach ESL overseas," her aunt laughed.

"Riiiight," Cierra said, going back to assaulting her carrots. Uncle Trev's dream back in the day had been to teach English in Japan, but it had never come to fruition as he had gone back to school for a master's in law instead.

She tried to imagine what that would look like for her, teaching kids in some faraway country while her friends back home built careers.

"Maybe I'll just go into accounting," she mumbled to herself.