Magic Tingle...

"Tom, I think your magic 'tingle' ain't worth shit now." Markus remarks as he leans against an upturned concrete bollard, which'd somehow found itself on the side of the road deep in the Badlands outside Night City.

"Don't call it the 'magic tingle' you gonk fuck. That catches on around camp and I'll string you up!" Tom grouses in response, sitting in the shade under a hastily erected tarp.

"Well, we've been here for two days straight now and seen nothin'! Me's thinking you only got lucky the last times!"

Tom sighs and shrugs, "You think picking out good spots to ambush rich folk nine times in a row is a fluke? Last time it took three days but we were eating and fucking for weeks after."

Markus lets a grin show at that, "Yeah, then some dog went too far and had the girls kill themselves. What a fool..." he shakes his head, face palming, "But that don't change how long we been here, the rest of the guys are getting antsy!" he gestures at the eight or so other men lying in wait nearby.

"Yeah well, we're Raffen's, even if we hit it big they won't be happy. Douchebags..." Tom sourly spits, only to pause as his ears twitch. "Hey... You hear that...?"

"Hear what?"

"Listen!... It sounds like, company." a grin splits Tom's face, "Big company too, I told you we'd hit it big! Looks like we're eating meat tonight boys!" he shouts, prompting the group to get ready for an ambush.

...

A minute passes however, and yet still never had ventured over the hill...

"You sure you heard something?" Markus questions unsurely.

Tom nods, "Obviously, I'm surprised you can't hear it yet, it's getting louder!"

...

More time passes, and Tom's complexion had begun to slowly pale, drawing some worried glances from his posse.

"Something wrong?" Markus inquires, not liking the way his friend was looking.

Tom shakes his head, "I think we may have made a mistake..." he says, just as a large shadow leaps over the hill, and down the road towards them.

"The fuck is that thing...?"

"S-stay down! Stay down!" Tom shouts as he spots the threat, the gleam of its rust-coloured metal sending a chill down his spine. The size of it alone was enough to worry, let alone everything else.

Markus does as his friend asks, but the others don't, all electing to cheer instead and driving their cars into the road to block the incoming vehicle.

"Ahahaha! Look at that thing! We're gonna be rich!" one guy shouts and the others laugh with him... But this quickly fades as the vehicle continues, despite the road blockade.

"Say, Bobby, that thing don't look like it's stopping no time soon..."

"GET OUT THE FUCKIN' ROAD YOU STUPID BASTARDS!" Markus roars, turning the men's heads towards him... Just as the large tank hits the blockade.

*CRAAASH!*

Men go flying as the tank collides with the cars headfirst, splitting the first desert truck in half and prompting an explosion that envelopes the rest.

*BOOOOM!*

The screams of Tom and Markus' men ring out, some with their bones crushed to paste, while others simply scream due to the fire burning them to death. They'd thought this was it, but the tank spins around into a U-turn and comes straight back at them, this time aiming for the single Raffen man standing unscratched in the middle of the road. He stares at the car like a deer caught in headlights, then his folds like a wet rag as the vehicle hits him.

*SPLATTER!*

"H-holy shit!" Markus utters in complete shock, "T-Tom what the fuck did you get us into!?"

"I don't know! Do you think I'd bring us here if I did!?"

"Don't get fucking smart with me! ALL OUR GUYS ARE DEAD!"

"Markus you-" Tom starts but pauses as the sound of grinding gravel sounds out behind his friend. The tank slowly pulled up some meters from them, facing them...

Both immediately throw their hands up, discarding whatever pride they might've had as raiders in order to save their skin. They just stand there silently as whoever was driving that Metal Harbinger stares at them, Tom can't help but grimace as sweat drips down his back from his neck...

"YOU." a loud synthesized voice shouts from the vehicle, "DO YOU WANT TO LIVE!?"

"Yes! Oh god yes!" Tom exclaims, ignoring the dirty look from Markus.

"DROP YOUR WEAPONS."

They do so, throwing their rifles, pistols, knives, and even the guns hidden in their boots to the ground.

"DROP YOUR CLOTHES."

They hesitate, but the tank drives a couple inches forwards, prompting them to discard their clothing as well, leaving them standing in the desert completely naked.

...

"K-KISS THE GROUND." the voice commands with a slight initial stutter.

They do so.

"KISS EACHOTHER."

"What the fuck..." Markus can't help but ask, baffled.

"J-just do what they say, do you wanna die?" Tom hurriedly whispers.

"Sick fucks." Markus growls, leaning in and giving Tom the quickest peck on the cheek ever observed by man.

"ON THE LIPS."

...

Another peck, yet the tank's voice blares again after a moment.

"USE TONGUE."

"GO FUCK YOURSELF! I AIN'T DOING THAT GAY-" Markus starts, but stops when two large heavy machine guns deploy from the sides of the vehicle, lasers aiming directly at each of their foreheads.

"U-USE TONGUE." the voice repeats.

"Tom, if we get out of this alive I'm going to gut you." Markus growls, his face turning blue from sheer rage.

"I don't care, as long as you never mention this to anyone..." Tom replies with gritted teeth, slowly approaching his friend as the voice orders.

"I mean it," the man continues, nodding downwards at the man's flaccid cock, "You get hard and I'm cutting it off, I swear to whatever sadistic piece of shit god that exists."

...