Chapter 1

We all want to show the world the best parts of ourselves. Sometimes it isn't easy to do when we aren't confident in our personalities—worried that we might not fit in with other people, who desperately change themselves to fit in. For me, I want to feel the thrill of enjoying life, but the feeling of excitement and rush is replaced with fear and anxiety.

Every night, I dream of not being shy, or anxious. Dreaming of going out with friends, and having the best days of our lives. Only to wake up to realize that I, simply am not the type of person who can be that way. To be that outgoing, or bring people together.

I have tried over the years but, social interaction gets me nervous, and I can't find a comfortable way to communicate with others. I can't be the me that I want to be and live the life I always dreamed of.

I don't want to be the next president, or a famous pop star, or anything related to things like that. I want to live a fulfilling life, surrounded by friends and family. It's so simple and possible yet, here I am struggling to get anywhere socially. When it comes to family, I don't know my relatives. Originally, my family lived in Florida, we moved to Connecticut. My parents told me it was for their work but I will eventually meet my other relatives in time. Speaking of my parents, they work constantly but, always make time for me.

They are also a bit overprotective. Especially on nights when they have to work. We have a security system and if it goes off, the police are immediately notified. No one is entering and no one leaving. I think that's because I am always alone with no friends or anyone really, they think I might be a target for bad people who might want to take advantage of me.

Currently, it's the summer before my senior year of high school. My parents are busier with work during the summer than during the school year so I have the house to myself more often. I wanted to try working during these summers but, my parents hate the idea of me being outside the house unless I am going to school. I don't understand why they are so protective of me, but my parents are just that, parents. I am their only child so, I have gotten used to this "precious jewel" life.

Fortunately, they do allow me to be outside in the garden. Where we live is almost like a forest area, it's a large neighborhood, so backyards have patches of trees that lead to other backyards. Our backyard has a large wooden fence that's about 10 feet high. No one can see into it, or get into it. It also has hidden monitors.

I think you are starting to get how overprotective my parents are, and the kind of life I have been living. I don't mind it, this just shows how much they care for me and my safety. It's not like they are the ones stopping me from making friends, I am just bad at it because of my anxiety.

They gave me this garden because they thought that maybe it would help me. It has a stone path leading to my flower bed of roses. Then to the right of them is the pond where I miraculously helped lotus' grow.

Then I have a flower I like to call "my camellia". Beautiful crimson red, with nice long stems. It's almost like a rose but picture the rose naturally spreading out its petals wide enough that it doesn't look like a rose anymore.

Back near the house is where I like to keep my sunflowers, and last but not least, my gardenias, the centerpiece of my garden. All these different flowers represent what I aspire to be. Sunny, kind, wise, and brave.

Looking out my window I realize the weeds I have to remove tomorrow. Hopefully, the rain stops by then. I notice that dandelions grow more rapidly during this time of year. They remind me of my anxiety. The weed keeps growing even though it's not wanted. My parents say anxiety isn't a bad thing, but too much of it won't be a good thing either. Like how it makes me too anxious to meet people even though I want to.

My Dad says that wanting something is a good place to start progress. Sadly, he said that years ago. I go to the bathroom to wash my face and get into bed. I think people should appreciate the dandelion more, a dandelion is almost like a rose in winter. I wonder if I can be as strong. Just like a weed, I'll find a garden bed where I'm wanted, sooner or later, right?

I close my eyes and drift off into a heavy slumber. For someone who does practically nothing all day, I felt ridiculously tired.