Column (Ch8- Strange Mental disease)

Written by-Silver crown

Ch-8 Strange Mental disease

My mood was ruined when someone sitting beside me started sobbing. I patted Zhou Chi's shoulder.

This boy must be feeling emotional when he thinks about his childhood memory.

My audiences become downcast too. Lowering their heads or rubbing their eyes.

I was wondering why they became like this when I was talking about my mischievous and amusing moment.

The answer was given by my right-hand man Sanlang.

"You had a very pleasant time when you were a child," he said.

I scrutinize his countenance. I felt a little bitter when I saw his watery eyes.

With a puff, my guardian angel and the little devil appeared. They approached my ears and said

"You F@ck up."

"Oh sh#t! no good."

My joyful story strategy backfired cause I didn't pay attention to their living conditions or situations.

Most of us are laborers who do the lowest class of jobs to survive. There is no way that their childhood memories might be as good as mine.

They don't know about my past or past life drama. So, when they unconsciously compare their memories with mine, they start to feel their life is sad or uncomfortable.

I hurriedly think about how to get over this crisis and reply

"What are you saying? You don't even have a single happy moment in your childhood?" while making a skeptical expression on purpose.

"I don't remember. I might have had a happy occasion or two when my parents were still alive." Sanlang said looking downcast.

"Lucky for you. You got the most pleasant memory among us"

I felt his words hide some spike in them. I patted Sanlang's back lightly. Then I faced Zhou Chi, my left-hand man.

"Why are you crying? Miss your home?" I tone my voice to a soothing one.

Zhou Chi is one of the weakest lads inside this cabin (spare the Shrimp who died today). But he always wears a stoic façade pretending that nothing can shake him.

Nevertheless, I knew, he was the most emotional one (spare the Shrimp who died today). I felt like I was caught by my parents when I was robbing my little sibling's toys.

"I miss my home too. I haven't been home for three years. Ha ha." I jovially said.

"Why are you laughing? Are you mocking us "Someone wailed.

Oh, I remember him, He is the one with a goatee. His nickname was Sharp chin. I spread my hands and explained

"Life is filled with twists and turns. Whatever I have in the past doesn't matter anymore."

"It all becomes a story and a memory of the past."

"Currently, I'm sitting here together with you guys."

"Even if I cry my lungs out, time doesn't go back to my past."

"So instead of crying over spoiled milk, I'd rather laugh and appreciate precious moments of my past."

I ignored Sharp chin's provoking tone and elucidated my audience in a gentle voice.

"I am not saying don't recall back your bad memory or miss your family. If you keep living, you will have both good and bad times."

"Just because most of them are bad doesn't mean good times and your experience in past aren't precious."

"When a storm comes, brace it. When the breeze arrives, enjoy it."

"Whatever bad thing happens or trouble comes, learn something from that. When good times come, carve them into our hearts."

"Rather than staying inside the past, trapped with sad and emotional moments. I learn my lessons from them and appreciate them."

"If you are unsatisfied with your past then live a life you will be proud of and remember."

"We still have a long way to go. If we don't give up halfway, we still have plenty of time to live and make our memories."

I continued to appease the crowd with my blabbering. Successfully stabilizing my shaky position again.

I ended my speech seeing their unsatisfied yet convinced expressions. I secretly let out my holding breath.

These lads are becoming more and more unpredictable and unruly. Is this how parents feel when their children reach puberty stage?

"Well, I don't think anyone has the mood to continue."

"It's already late. Let's sleep. We need to get up early unless you want to eat morning mint." (morning mint- dropping into the sea with rope suspending at legs to wake up)."

That being said everyone returned to their respective place and prepared to sleep.

This ship is really weird, it doesn't shake a bit even though we are moving on the water. Maybe they used some sort of method I didn't know.

I could hear the sound of the parting wave from the ship's movement but no shaking or vibration could be felt inside. We could sleep comfortably as we were sleeping on the grounds.

However, no matter how comfortable this room was, tonight would be a sleepless night for me.

Facing toward the moon shining from the cabin's lantern window, I laid down on my arm.

I made a rule not to talk about the dead roommate in our conversation. So the remaining people are spared from mental breakdowns.

If we mourn death after death, we will start to lose our sanity. In the past few months, a couple of roommates have already perished. Some of them die in the hands of Blue robe lads. Some jumped into the ocean and some died in the conflict between roommates. Now, one died inside the feeding room. I stopped my line of thought. With negative thinking, there will be more chaos, more mistakes, and more deaths.

Gazing at the moon, I couldn't help but think about 'Shrimp' who died in the feeding room.

If I moved a few steps faster toward another cell, I might be the one who died.

I'm so disgusted about myself when I think about his death again. I'm not a Power Ranger who will save everyone but this time I felt nauseous about myself.

When I saw Shrimp's gruesome death, the first thing I felt was horror and relief.

Yes, I was relieved that I wasn't the one who died.

Only after cooling my head, I noticed my knees buckle and drop to the floor. The sad thing was that stupid Shrimp might be thinking that I would rush and help him.

The only fingers Shrimp left were toward my direction. I closed my eyes and started to meditate.

This mental disease becoming worse and worse. I don't know where the disease started in my past life but I still remember what it feels like.

When my disease flares up, I cannot control my hands. I could only think about how to reach more than I already have in my hands. My thinking became selfish and egoistic.

I had a narcissistic personality disorder in my past life. To reach my goal, I'll go for it by hook or by crook without considering anything else.

When I was selling cheap shaved ice, I saw myself in my customer's shoes. I see myself earning more than him and doing better in my imagination.

'I'm better' is screaming in my cells.

I want to be better than everyone else (my customer).

It was just comparative passion and a child's wild imagination when the symptom began.

Later it becomes a curse for me. I felt frustrated, envious, and greedy when I saw people better than me.

The inferiority complex and my mediocre ability are unable to satisfy the need for my disease.

I started to use awful and underhanded methods to triumph over my rival.

For an instance, when I moved to middle school (town), I only have a mediocre rank in my class at first.

I wasn't smart like town kids and I don't have a guiding teacher at home like them.

Even though I studied hard and burn the midnight oil, I couldn't reach the top. Then, I started to use twisted ways to get the top rank.

Doing homework for rich kids to spy about teacher's question range in tuition lessons. Praying in the temple to curse those who rank above me.

Shouting about past exam mistakes in the last ten minutes before the exam, creating a psychological impact on peer examinees.

Last not but least cheating in the exam with signs-notes if necessary. I did everything I could to thrive above others.

A little bit of rivalry and competitive spirit is good and makes you develop at a rapid speed. However, mine is a mental disease that drives me to harm myself and the people around me. Hopefully, this yoga meditation technique will suppress this uncanny disease. I really don't want to become a twisted and black-hearted person like my younger past self.