I'm nothing without you

I don't know where to start but what I really feel rn know noone is feeling it, have you ever feel so depressed at the same time happy bc I escaped from you. I never felt like this before you've been good to me at the same time not good, sometimes I feel like I'm not enough for you bc of your actions.. I'm in a state were I don't know where to go and how must I move on while you keep showing up in my life, I tried to ignore but I can't.