DILEMMA of a missing mother

I am Oluwatobiloba Benjamin,also known as Tobi praiz. I am from Oyo state.Let me describe myself to you,I am very tall,dark in completion, humble, nice and easy going.I love God and I love to worship him always.

The story am about sharing is a true life story of my mother.The pain of not having a mother,not just the pain,but when she's not dead but missing,it's a life trauma for me.

Ronke Alayande was born into the family of Chief Alayande,a very wealthy man in their home town ogbomosho. Chief Alayande married 10wives and had about 36children. my mum happened to be the first daughter of the first wife.Ronke Alayande was a genius,a very smart, intelligent and a very brave woman.she was born November 16.

she schooled in the north,both primary and secondary school level to university.she was indeed a very successful woman with dreams.she was very much loved by her father,and he really helped her with her education.

Ronke Alayande was a linguist. After school,she had worked with so many organizations and companies,the ones I could recall will state here.she worked in an airport as an international relationship manager,she also worked with the daily punch news papers ,and many more.she got married to a pilot, named Benson ikponwonsa,an indigene of Edo State.They got wedded in Abroad,and she gave birth to her first issue in America,and later they moved to Nigeria,and had their second issue seun.Tokunbo was her first female child,while seun was the second.

In a short while, everything changed,I was told they had an house made who was Bewitched that destroyed their home,and they both got divorced.I was told they really loved one another and suddenly everything went down the drain.so that was how Ronke Alayande and Benson ikponwonsa filed a divorce and everything ended,he took the two children from my mum and they parted.Couldnt explain if the man forcefully took the girls away,or my mum willingly let them go,that I can't say nor answer.The pilot man Benson ikponwonsa took the kids and he remarried.Tokunbo and seun were still very tender,so I know for sure they couldn't pick or figure out what was going on.

They got familiar to the new wife,so they knew her as their mother,but Tokunbo I guess knew who her real mother was,just relax I will let it out as times goes on.

Life was really hard for mum,no no I might not be there,but I saw most of her dairy,life wasn't fun to her.She dedicated her life to Christ,and she had alot of gold,jewries and lots more,the church she attended which was deeper life Bible Church,she was told to go burn them off. Later she was opportune to meet with the G.O Pastor Kumuyi,and she was prayed for.One thing about my mother is,she has so great connections far and near,she was an extrovert.She and Bola Ahmed Tinubu where very close friends,even with bisi Yusuf,I could remember we do visit him often cos he stays very close to us.I was her hand bag,so we were always going places together.After all,I don't know and can't figure out why and how,but I knew she got pregnant for my dad,after she lost her marriage.This father I don't know,don't even have any record about him,don't know where is town is nor village,and mum would never want me talking about him. So maybe they wedded or not,I can't say all I know is I came on board.

Now I was very much in the picture,mite not still know what was going on,but I knew my mum really stuffed.In that due process,she got married to a man,called Festus Jackson.I wasn't in,but I saw the pictures of their wedding,and I saw in same picture my mum was pregnant for him,but I guess she lost the baby. I would have had a baby sister if not that she didn't stay

Mr Festus Jackson absconded,I guess those men were coming to my mum for what they wanted,maybe be money can't really say,but they all left and after Festus,she didn't marry any man again,she was all alone to herself.Then we were staying at Toyin street, IKEja. we stayed there for a very long period of time.But while In that house,my mum was already building her house,I didn't even know,cos I was still very small,so I guess we were never a talking type.This same period,she was working with one of her close friend in a school named shadel Montessori School same at IKEja,my mum was the one handling the school,and guess I was just in KG class then. In no time,we left were we were at same IKEja,and moved to this woman's house Mrs Williams if am right,the owner of shadel Montessori School. suddenly one day,I heard she and my mum really fighting over a document, i can't really figure out what it was,but I knew something was going on,cos as at then,we've moved to thier house at IKEja,she sacked my mum in her school,not just that she sent us parking.

Same time trying to move,my mum met one of her friends too,she's also a owner of a school at shasha, Emmanuel nursery and primary,my mom also worked with this woman for years,and I think then her house was ready,but too far to the school,so we were staying somewhere,that I can't place now.The school I was,I wasn't paying a dim too.

one day again,my mum had issues with this woman,same document issue and we left the school. This time around,we moved to her House,but before moving,My mum was working with a friend again at Toyin street an hair dresser. They all used my mum,and refused paying her,but the intriguing part of it was,my mum was already building her house

My mum bought her land at Ayobo for 1thousand naira.This woman really suffered,even while she was pregnant of me,I was given birth to at 7month or so,cos I was told I was as small as a baby lizard,that I was in an incubator for months, nobody thought I would survive,that was y I was named Oluwatobiloba. while she was pregnant of me,I kept wondering if she wasn't saying very negative word's,cos I found the pain in the diary,she never told me anything.so at last,we moved into her house,and life began,just that the distant from Ayobo to IKEja was a very far one,but mind was settled cos home is home.

Ayobo was a very bushy area at then,even till now,it not that opened,how hard it was then,my mum became a man, would cut the grass,plant so many things on the ground.it wasn't easy for her there at all,but the rest of mind was,it's her house.so she met a pastor there too, pastor Alabelewe of a blessed memories now. He was a pastor,but a tiller of the ground,he was a good farmer,he planted everywhere they've not parked into just to survive with family and the church,and most times they sell their harvest. Mr Alabelewe was a good father to me,a pastor of CAC church,the family took me as their son,and most times my mum would go and work outside,I would always stay at their place without my mum leaving anything and I would be fed till any Time she comes back...

so one faithful day,my mom gave me money to go find something to eat,I got to the place I ate,I ate and left, when I got home,mum asked me,where I ate I told her and she said I should take her there which I did. My mom had a very long conversation with the woman,and before I knew it,I was already staying with the woman and her family. Iya ibeji happens to be a very good woman,a very good dedicated Christian,but she's married to a Muslim husband with about 7children.I was already getting used to living with people,so boom I found myself there. Iya ibeji sells food stuff's,and cooked food..so often times we hawk either bread or cooked yam and stew everyday with her children. She never maltreated me for ones,what ever measure she mets her children is same as mine.so while there,mom had so much time going to IKEja to work ,she comes in ones a while. I could remember the first time she took me to church,I slept through out the service,I guess she would be the first to take me to church from the inception. Then I was already in a primary school, Emmanuel nursery and primary school I guess was just in primary 1. but my age I can't say how old I was.life was on and on..I really enjoyed iya ibejis place cos she really took me as her child. but from the inception,I noticed my mum never allowed her siblings near her,she said it so loud,if I see anyone of them around my house I will cut off their head.

Her father died,I don't know her father,not sure we've met before,so she travelled to bury her Father,she came back and they shared all her father's property,all my mum's shares she rejected,I heard her always say clearly,I don't want blood Money, everything that was entitled to her,she rejected all and never wanted to see her siblings around.one day her mum came around,so I had to go back to my mum's house with her mother, sooner or later my mum left and went back to IKEja,left I and her mum in her house,one day mama told me she wants to be selling kerosene,so I had to be Hawking kerosene,when my mum heard it,she was really mad,though I don't know if that was y my mum sent her mother away,but all I saw was my mum came back one day and sent her mother away,didn't just send her away,she really embarrassed this old woman in public,called her a witch and told her to leave.so mama left for ibadan,and after few weeks was told mama fell from bath and died.

It was time to bury ma,we all travelled,even on the burial day,my mum had a very strong fight with one of her siblings,and we left to Lagos

we got to Lagos,I was really affected by all this movement,and staying from one person to the other, really affected my school most especially,but had no choice. To the extent that,I bared all surname name, Tobi wise, Tobi ikponwonsa, Tobi Benson, Tobi that mum will just come one day and say Change your surname.it wasn't really easy for her to,it now I was able to understand all she went through.well no doubt,I grew up to be very smart,hard working and intelligent just like mom.now at home,it was sometimes only me, sometimes mum will go two days she won't come home.But she was a very caring woman,she never allowed me go hungry and I really really love her,she hardly beats me only when I ask about my dad,that's when she gets so angry.life was fun with her,she never accepted defeat,she was too strong for herself. There was nobody for her,just her but she didn't lose out. Iya ibeji was cool,infact my mum never had any issues with her,they were just friends,just that people fear my mum gan.

And the community respect her alot.

What a life,a graduate with so much degrees, working for her friends and not paying her,so one day I just found out my mum built a big table and was selling alcohol,a graduate,but she just wanted to feed and not beg I guess,

That was how a graduate became a paraga seller. And back then that she travelled out,she was fun of drinking and smoking,so this added to her again,she sells and still get drunk. she met so many horrible men,that most of them sometime wanna take advantage of her always,but my mum get serious madness for head oo. Ronke is a very beautiful woman,with a very long hair, her hair do reaches her back. All of a sudden,she started acting weird,so much that she would start shouting, remembering the past talk about it and say alot of things,even at that I didn't understand all was going on.She would always call Benson and her children,said so many things. she would lay curses on her siblings and all. it was really draining at this point,she became a talk of the town. She was really a famous personel. so we started feeding from paraga, seriously my mum was a bad cook,she would cook and most times I don't eat it,cos she cooks like she's outside the country,and she taught me how to live on junks till date. Everything about my mom is sweet very Sweet she was just the best mum,cos she really took care of me and never allow me suffer a moment.

It was December,my mum beckoned on me to follow her to IKEja,there was this friend of hers Dupe Jembewon,she worked with her and didn't pay her,so she wanted to go collect her money. When we got to IKEja,we didn't meet her,we were told she has travelled out of the country,so my mum visited two or three places cos we had nothing on us,nor wat to eat and I guess she was helped,so we moved going home. That night we go to Ayobo very late,and we were told ORO would be out,we were just a bus stop from the house,but it was late we couldn't move. God so good,deeper life were having their retreat,at IBTC Ayobo,so we moved in,and slept over.

We got up the next bout going home,and my mum was like she wants to see pastor Kumuyi,but didn't allow her to,so we left for home. When we got home,I loved what I saw and wanted to go back,so was calling mum on the bed, mummy was just laughing so loud, nothing came to my mind,I just said mummy have gone and I left,that day should be 24th of December,cos I came back home the next day. So I got there,I played, prayed,enjoyed the music and we ate free foods..

25th they played too many hyms before closing and I moved close to the choir listening to them and I was just crying.

I got home December 25th,the door was widely opened,I was calling mummy mummy no response,I started looking for her everywhere,some will say I saw her passed,some will say I saw her there,that was how the story became and history till date.This was the beginning of life for me,I wasn't yet 10,but I saw hell. and I could remember one day while I was in school,my mum had a very fatal accident that she was in coma for weeks,I cursed that day,that day would have taken her away rather than missing. I became alone,nobody was in,no helper,no family,was alone in the house, always shouting at night,my mummy,thank God for some people around, they've always come through for me to feed,my school was pending for 3good yrs,this missing gave me a phycological trauma,I couldn't fight it all alone

After a short period of time,my mum's family showed up,how they knew what happened,I can't say,they just made a search for a day and that was all,my mum's immediate sister of blessed memories took me to her place,Aunty Bose to had her struggles,she had almost similar issues with my mum,she also married a governor and before we knew it,the marriage broke and it was a tug of war for her too. She started thinking, drinking and smoking,I didn't really stay with her for too long,cos she was struggling where she was to,I had to return back to Lagos at my mum's place.

Aunty Bose Alayande was a graduate too,a very beautiful talk light skinned woman,very nice and hard working but she had no issues,and she really took me as her own.

Life was back,went back to my mum's place and life continued, one day,one of my mum's sister showed up again,that's the one after Bose,I was always looked after by the people around my mum's house,so when she came to pick me,I was very happy,and I felt this was how my suffering would end,oh God.

Joke was married,married to a pastor,with two kids I guess, but while she came to pick me,she was pregnant of another,I was happy, full of joy that I would not see suffer again.We got to ibadan,and another life sprang up.Joke was a teacher,and was doing extremely well.she stays in a three bedroom flat,and was very much ok.

she came to pick me on Friday,and we got there on Friday evening,I was happy to see everyone,her husband,child and the maid. That day i ate jollof rice and fried meat,and I was like since when. So everyone left to sleep till the next day which was Saturday. When we woke up,I saw the maid already almost starting to prepare her house chores,so she called me closer and told me,is this where you came to live,wajiya Ori eh a paaaaaa..meaning I will suffer my head will turn to bald head...I replied her,it a lie,she's my mother's sister,I never knew I was decieving the deception in me,that very day I saw action,Joke sent the maid to buy palm oil in a nylon,and while she was trying to pour it into a tin, some poured,and boom she received a very dirty slap,and the maid got up angry and decided to leave,that leaving means she was tired,means it has been happening,but still I didn't count it,that same day,she was to wash all the dirty cloths,wash 3 toilets and baths,mop the whole floor plus steer case,and cook. She left to Lagos,and immediately I resumed the work of a maid,I wasn't yet 10yrs,I took the responsibility cos I use to have this very big stature,very deceiving stature.it went on and on,she forgot I was her sisters son, infact it got to a point I was like,was this a planned work, because I was coming so she felt no need for a maid I would fit it,so many things came my mind.

One day after school,it was a Friday,by then I was already in jss1, the work was too much for only me,I do the house chores and cook,it was really pressing me down,my mum's trauma was hitting me hard of why she would just leaving,so that Friday,I was scared of the work to be done on Saturday,I have to think of running away,I left the house that evening I left to anywhere,the maltreatment was just too much for me,I trecked from the house to gurumaragi,then people started stoping me,you this small boy where are u going to,I told them RCCG camp,they said it's still far that am I trecking I said yes,it was getting late,so they sent me back that I should go home it very dangerous walking that place at that time,so they stopped a bus going back to ibadan for me and I dropped at second toll gate,that was where another journey began.

I found a home at till gate,we were sleeping anywhere we saw,we lived on a daily basis by tying bread for those who hawk. Life was another thing there,we had a general name there,they call us omo sanle..but I was different, everything about me was different,so people kept observing me.

one day,a bus pased,and I read everything on it,they said they thought as much,that where do I come from that I look different that I even spell and read well ,but because I didn't want to leave that place to go home,I left that place to another,one day again,the people we do help to tie bread complained bread was missing,that was how they broke bottle and stabbed my hand,and they said that very day I must go home..

I got home,my mum sister saw me and was crying,when we entered,she used broom to decorate my body,I still started enduring,so later they wanted to relocate by to Lagos,and we did. Getting to Lagos,it was my mum's house we went, before we went they already put someone in the house,they drove the person and we moved in.we were moving in and moving out,and everywhere the story was same,her husband really loved me,took me as a son,but because he loved me,they were still always having problems all because of me.

I was in school,but house chores took over me,I couldn't read I was always working or coking....one day my mum's sister told me I was going to go out the way my mum did,that day wasn't funny at all....I was ready to do anything,later she begged.My eye saw my back,she really made life hectic for me.

Eventually was about finishing my scce and I was almost making up my mind to go and never return again,she was after my mum's house even after my life,so many prophecies came out on it and she acted it,at last I left her,managed and struggled to go to school, write my gce, really really saw hell,but still I never allowed anyone know what I was going through.

I started doing so many odd jobs to survive,slept under the bridge, slept so many horrible places,God so good,how it happened I can't say till now,my mum's first daughter added me up on Facebook,I was shocked,after a long prayer on the mountain,she showed up,cared for me,sent me money,even to school and in no time she left,I was still a lonely dude,very lonely,I was always praying,going from mountain to another,just wanted to know what's going on with my mum....I searched...I cried...so many horrible things happened ..but I faced it all...

One day,I sold all was in my mum's house, though twas for her sister,sowed a seed and fled out on the mountain,and boom,I was a very good dreamer,but I never saw my mum in the dream,then I knew something was wrong,this aches me so much...I really suffer Ed went on a mountain just for her,did 3days dry and God showed up...I saw her in my dream,not just seeing her with full directions...So I immediately took my bags and left to where I was led.....but God has been so good to me,he always send people like angels to me,I had this covering from where where,I could remember when i lost hope,I had to sleep at Ajah bus stop for 3days,it was a woman God used for me,I didn't even let anyone know what was going on,she just called me after 3days and wanted to know where I was,at first I was so reluctant to tell her,but later I did and immediately she found a room,paid and I was at her place for a whole week before I moved in to my place. So many times I was sick,but not that too much sickness,my sickness hasn't been more than typhoid or malaria,I have never been hospitalized,God have so much kept me...he has so much preserved me. What more can I say,how much can I thank him.

Joke and her husband had always had strong fight all because of me, sometimes the husband fights her on y she would be maltreating me,after some time,we parked to oshodi,and life began there,later back to my mum's house,and later we went to ikotun.we didn't stay too long in each houses we were cos joke was a very troublesome woman.,She was just a bully,she fights everyone.Nobody just seem to like her,at this point,I was already growing up to be a senior boy,there was a time I had to leave for her husband family place when the wahala was too much,there in Offa,I was supposed to be in ss2,I was brought back to ss1 cos I was totally dull.Life became Sweet in Offa,the families really took me in and helped me so bad. At last,I sat for my neco,and from there for the very first time I fell in love with a girl,we brought our love life to Lagos,and we continued,my results came out and it was really awful,I cried,at then joke and her hubby had a terrible fight when she got to know I was with the husbands family,before I came back to Lagos.All I was even going through didn't even make me think of love,I was out of love and maybe bcos I didn't do it through out my secondary school,I wasn't too used to it I guess.

so where we were,they gave them quit notice,and at this point,I was already taking to my hills to run and never come back.At last,they left to my mum's house,I refused to follow her and they found their way,I went mine,same time one of my cousins and his friends came to Lagos,they couldn't stay in their place so we stayed in their former house together till when the rent expired.God so good,I had this woman very close,she knows about everything I was going through and she helped I and my cousin to get a room,we stayed there for few times and my cousin couldn't cope the wahala of Lagos,so be left for ib,but before he left,we really suffered together,we were really hustling like mad,every Saturday we visit parties just to eat,we did every odd jobs available,so one day be decided to go and meet his parents,I was left alone.The owner of the house we were sold the house,and I was sleeping in a church with some big boys.we were always praying and fasting,in my local church at ijegun,my pastor too was a very nice man to me,so beckoned on the members to bring money to get me a room which everyone did,that was how I got a room,though in same church I was the choir leader there and that was were I grew myself.life continued there,I really husstled,worked like something else and boom one day a pastor friend took me out for an all night,I ministered through out that Friday,and the next morning the pastor told me I had a calling that am a pastor,he opened one bottle of oil on my head but I ran away,never knew I was gonna come and meet it back,only if I knew then .

I was singing,I was going for ministrations,so I keep wondering y the pastor and so many more.several pastors started telling me,even my dreams told me.I became more confused,didn't know wat to do again.I was in a large congregation I was till called out told the same...still I refused,the last one that made me sober was how I got to the church and the man of God said same thing,then my brain started shifting then I saw I need God to show me what else,cos nothing seems just not to work again....so I kept on and on...and I traveled and God revealed where my mum was....now did I go????? how was it