Possessive and emotionally consumed

***Matty's POV***

Another night spent with Taylor, I don't think I can imagine being without her. I'm getting desperate now, I'm really trying to hold my shit together. Ross calling me up like that really nearly ruined it all. I was so close to shouting down the phone, but I can't because she will realise somethings up.

He's fucked off with me. He's got every right to be, it's all because the girls were putting on bets over who would get with her. At the time I knew she was special and yeah I wanted her bad. I didn't quite realise how I would feel like this, I've not experienced this before. How could I have known? I was a little bit of a dickhead, maybe I deserve my comeuppance ?

I just only hope I can keep a lid on it all. Any opportunity he gets Ross will capitalise on, and he'll end up laying with her all night, not me. I cannot have that.

Before having sex with her tonight I was shocked at how I was feeling, possessive and emotionally consumed. I was so close to going in without a condom again, she was completely lost underneath me. I had a brief thought of I don't want to wear this, I want her and I want everything with her. Then I mentally slapped myself around the face. We're gonna have to talk about contraception, I need to gauge where she is with it all. I will just respect what she wants and go along with that.

I feel like I'm cracking up just a little bit. First it's that I want to have her around me and nobody else, and then I want to punch any guy that glances at her. And then I'm planning days out to places she will like. Meeting her mum and buying her fine jewellery. I even nearly told her that I wanted to get her pregnant during sex earlier. I'm just completely consumed and I mentally apologise to all the girls I have fucked over for making them feel even a fraction of this.

I look down at her sleeping and try my best to fall asleep with her in my bed.

*** Flashback ***

I called her last night, my aim was to get the ball rolling. She's really different however to any girls I've met before. I found myself talking to her all night long and wanting to keep her talking for once instead of wanting to shut her down. I've woken up alone with such a hangover after the party at Ross' and I find myself wishing she was here to wake up to.

He seriously thinks he's got her. I think of him, his hands around her, her stroking his hair on my sofa when we were at mine the other night. Drives me insane. That is not normal, Rachel would always try to get me jealous. Never worked. I instantly remember the drunken nonsense of the party and the girls betting on me or Ross. Shit that's not good, I need to stop drinking for a while. I'll deal with that some other time, hopefully they will all just forget about it. Everybody was pretty drunk.

I'm going to text her, I've had a plan about where I'm going to take her. I take a second to marvel at the thoughts I'm having about this girl. It's a bit unnerving. Not normally how I would be at any stage of any relationship. I want to take her to the place I used to go as a child, with the rose garden, I send mum a quick text asking for the postcode. She replies and sends a winky face too. I told her about Taylor. Very very unlike me. Mum almost fell over she was so shocked. She came over to me and gave me a hug, "welcome to being an adult my darling" she said laughing.

Maybe she's right and I am growing up. It's like I met Taylor and now slowly parts of me that I didn't know were there are coming forward. I sigh and text her, like I said I would. I want to call her but I don't want to intrude. I want to hear her voice. Lord what is happening? I decide to have a shower and head to the skate park. Do what I normally do and hope all these thoughts pass. Or I could go over to hers? No I tell myself, too creepy and Tom-like. Give her a bit of space.

I'm skating the half pipe, I see Rach, Pippa and Ryan enter the park. Rach gives me a longing look. At times I wish she would just hate me, and act like I didn't exist to her.

Ross is down with everybody else, he's sociable and nice. He likes being around people. I decide after a while to join the rest of them.

I find myself so bored beyond belief. I keep checking the entrance to see if she will happen to come waking along with her friend and Malachi.

Rach sits next to me and hands me a can.

"Thanks but I'm not drinking" I tell her staring at my cigarette.

Pippa laughs out loud "the fuck" she's beyond shocked. That says enough about how bad my drinking addiction had been getting. I can change that now, stop myself escalating out of control.

"I'm not drinking, got a problem with that?" I say to her.

It's now that I realise how boring my life was before her.

Rach takes the can back. And settles down with her own next to me. I'm about to head back to skating when Ryan says "anyone heard from Taylor then".

What is it with this guy he's always asking about her. I keep quiet this time around no need for them to know I've been speaking with her.

"I haven't heard anymore, I was kinda hoping she would come here" Ross says bless him. He would do so much better if he just were a little bit more forward and insistent.

"What about you Matty?" Pippa directs at me

"Nah nothing" I tell her, play it cool.

"Looks like neither of you have a chance with that one then boys" Rach laughs clearly a little bit pleased.

"Who the fuck cares" I tell them. I want off of this subject. I need to make them forget about it all. If I play it down as if I don't care they will shut up and leave me the fuck alone.

"It was just a bit of stupid banter, I'm not breaking my back for any girl" I tell Rach. I'm beginning to think these people bring out my worst.

I skate some more then decide she's not turning up. Because she's different and she's not going to do what I assume she will. She's always going to do the opposite. I hope she's okay, I deliberate messaging her but don't want to be too full on. I want so badly to go home shower and then drive to see her.

I nod to Ross before I leave, he's on his phone. He better not be talking to her. God what's happening to me? I wouldn't normally give a shit. Now I want to grab his phone and check it for any messages from her.

It's Wednesday tomorrow and that means I have another whole day before I see her for our date. I decide to spend tomorrow getting some new jeans and aftershave for my first date ever with a girl.