I trust him

Who could resist a guy like Matty saying that to them. I stand back up and face him.

"Condom or..." he begins.

"Without" I tell him straight away. Reckless bad girl I'm becoming.

He doesn't have to be told twice. He slowly unclips my suspender belt. And pulls my thong off. He maintains my eye contact the whole entire time. He leaves on the stockings I notice. He kisses me on my lips urgently.

"Do you trust me, Taylor" he asks.

"With anything" I reply.

He turns me around so I'm facing the other way.

"Okay get comfy on the bed" he tells me.

I climb on still facing away from him.

I hear a clinking noise. I trust him. He's at my side and he cuffs me with the hand cuffs we bought together. He clips one to his bed and one to my wrist checking they're not too tight.

"No moving babe" he tells me.

"Okay babe, this may be a bit more intense" he says.

He caresses my tummy pulling it up, my bum sticking up in the air. He keeps his hand underneath me. First he strokes me in between my legs. I'm overwhelmed with how different it feels.

Then I feel him enter me slowly.

"Fuck" he says

And I couldn't agree more.

He goes nice and slow at first.

"Okay babe ?" He asks me hoarsely

"It feels great" I tell him.

"Good girl" he says

He picks up his pace a little. Thrusting harder and deeper, it feels like I'm going to reach my ending much quicker than I normally would.

His hands are holding my hips, he slips one of them down underneath me and starts playing with me whilst he's thrusting from behind.

I find myself moaning his name as he finds a good rhythm inside of me and I finish. He swiftly pulls out and comes a couple of seconds after me.

He undoes the cuffs. And I turn over on the bed. He climbs in beside me, wrapping his arms around my naked body.

He's breathing raggedly whilst stroking my hair back. Staring into my eyes he tells me

"I love you" and I can't help but to kiss him.

I strip myself off completely, I don't mind not having anything on around him. In the past that thought would have horrified me. I was never ever naked around Tom, not completely. Even during our first time having sex I think I had his shirt on.

Thinking back to that one time, what Matty has done is incomparable. I'm not sure Tom took my virginity properly because it just didn't feel the same as this does. It was over within minutes how could he have had sex with me.

"Matty I think you're the first person I've ever had sex with" I tell him his eyes are closed and he opens them.

"What makes you say that babe" he grins

"Well when I was with Tom that one time it didn't feel you know like this" I tell him.

"It was much quicker and I couldn't feel him you know thrusting into me" I clarify, blushing.

He rolls me a cigarette and then himself one. Smiling.

Once lit up he says "doesn't sound like he knew what he was doing babe" smirking.

I laugh, I can't help it.

"You definitely do" I say to him smoking my own.

He chuckles, "did that feel good babe?".

"More than good." I tell him.

"You must have had practice" I hint.

"Are you suggesting I used to be a whore" he laughs.

"Nope, but what's your rough ballpark figure" I pry.

"Of sexual partners I mean" I ask smiling.

He faces me again, "you actually wanna know?" He asks.

"Of course I do. Spill" I tell him and he laughs.

"Just to clarify you are my first relationship and sexual partner I've had that has meant something to me." He starts softening the blow.

"Yeah yeah, numbers please"I tease him.

"Including you in that it's 19" he tells me.

I'm blown away.

"Matty! That's ridiculous, you know that is like more than some people have in their lifetime right" I tell him.

"I know but like I say some of that is just one night stands" he says.

"That's like 6 ish girls a year for the last 3 years" I say doing the maths.

"I know, it's kind of disgraceful. What can I say?"

He tells me, he's looking wary now.

"You got around" I say, I finish my cigarette and lay back down.

"Okay it's not like I felt like this though, like each time I didn't feel anything for them. Like I said before I thought I would never love anybody, Ryan always had girlfriends and Ross too, I just felt like I was missing something. I ended up hanging around with Jay, because he seemed the same as me. He was worse in fact" he tells me propped up on his elbow looking at me.

"If it helps I'm not proud of it" he adds.

"If they didn't expect anything back from you then it's not really bad, but do you think they all felt the same as you" I say.

"Fuck if I know I was always gone by that point" he says.

"That's what was worse I guess, I really fucked up with Rach though. I decided to calm down after that" he says.

So I knew it was bad. Not quite this level but bad.

What if I'm just another Rachel? My mind goes through nightmarish possibilities of Matty just up and leaving my life. I go quiet.

"I ugh don't want to lie to you, you asked and I told you. Ross, he thinks that's what I'm doing right now and that's adding to how he's acting with us" he tells me.

Why did I ask, I feel like my body is going numb.