Anastasia

Weeks have passed, and I've managed to salvage somewhat of a friendship with Jacob. We never mention the night that he found me bloodied on the floor and I am grateful for that. Today, I've spent most of my time wandering around the house, not willing to go anywhere.

It's one of those days where the distance between Jacob's rank and my own becomes blatantly clear.

"Damnit, stupid thing." I hear Jacob's voice from his bedroom and I am immediately curious. When I reach the doorway, I see him standing in front of a mirror, fiddling with a sapphire blue tie around his neck.

I watch him with amusement. It's his turn to host the Alpha Hunt, an annual gathering where the Alphas of the region convene to honor the alliance and peace between them. It's not an actual hunt, though it used to be.

Instead, it's a black tie event, where all the highest-ranking wolves for dozens of miles around us come to make small talk and look down on the rest of us. Every year, there are so many snooty wolves there, I'm surprised they still eat veal and not caviar.

"Do you need some help?" I say, making my presence known even though I wanted to keep watching. At least I would have something to laugh at if I did.

I can't go to the ridiculous gathering of the elite, of course. My blood is so low in the rankings, I wouldn't even be invited to an Omega party. What I can do, however, is work with a necktie.

"Oh, you noticed I'm having a hard time, huh?" Jacob seems embarrassed, throwing his hands in the air. "Maybe I should just go without it. It's stupid, anyway. Who needs ties?"

Since he doesn't bother to ask me to leave, I step inside the room and walk towards him.

"You can't do that, you're hosting the whole thing." I clear my throat and put on a fake high society voice. "What about your image, dear boy? You wouldn't want them thinking you're some kind of Beta."

"Yeah, yeah, very funny," Jacob says, rolling his eyes at me. "Can you fix this situation?"

He turns around, and I have to keep myself from bursting into laughter. He has managed to do something with the tie, but one side is far longer than the other, and the whole business is skew.

"I believe so," I answer, trying to remain serious. "Can you get it loose first? I'll have to start over."

If I touch him for too long, he might notice the heavy waves of butterflies that are fluttering through my limbs. Instead, I watch as he pulls the whole mess apart, before he hands the tie to me.

"Okay, so, put up your collar," I instruct, and he does as he's asked. "Oh, obedient, aren't you?"

"Come on, Ana." Jacob shakes his head. "You're enjoying this way too much."

"I think I'm enjoying it just the right amount, thank you," I reply with a snide smile. "Now, stand still, if you please."

Jacob does so, keeping his eyes on me as I step closer. Something electric shoots through me, but I hide that reaction by focusing on my task. I lift the tie around his neck.

I am so close to him that I can hear his even breathing above me and feel the heat of his skin through his shirt. My hands are shaking slightly and I try to keep them stable. I remember that my mother taught me how to do this.

Her voice echoes in my head while I work. I wrap the thicker part of the tie around the thinner one three times rather than once, then pull it up at the back. I follow this by pushing the thick section through the loops that I have created, and pull it down.

For most of this, I am incredibly aware of how little distance there is between our bodies. I could look up, and Jacob's lips would be only a few inches from mine. It makes me falter a few times, but I finally get it right.

After a couple more adjustments, the tie is perfect. "Yeah, so, there."

At first, Jacob doesn't move away from me. He waits until I lift my face towards his, and even then, stares into my eyes for several moments. I feel the goosebumps race across my skin as a spark flits between us.

I almost expect him to lean down and kiss me. That is the message that lies in his eyes.

But then, Jacob blinks a few times and clears his throat. He quickly swings around to look at himself in the mirror.

"Oh, that looks pretty cool, actually," he says, adjusting the tie a little more, probably so that it's looser around his neck. "Thanks."

"Sure." I step back a few times, just to get distance between us. My heart has started beating too fast and I don't want him to notice.

"I should probably get going," Jacob sighs. "Not looking forward to this that much. Bunch of old, grumpy, elitist geezers."

I chuckle at that. "One day, you'll be one of them."

"Doubt it." He turns around and walks past me into the hall. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah," I answer, trying to hide the lie. I wait for him to go all the way down the stairs and out of the house before I start moving again.

I'd already decided earlier that I've overstayed my welcome in his house. It's time for me to go back to my own place. My injuries have healed and my heat has passed. There's no reason for me to be here anymore.

On top of that, it's been torture to be so close to Jacob without being able to touch him. Even though we're on good terms now, his words from weeks earlier are still hammering themselves into my head.

He could never love me, and I can't be around him knowing that.

I don't think that I should leave without saying anything, but I can't do it to his face. As soon as I watch him disappear around the corner of the street through the upstairs windows, I start looking for a notebook and a pen.

I try four times before I finally decide that I'm never going to have the perfect note. I end up writing something incredibly impersonal and practical, just to let him know where I am.

"Thank you for letting me stay here. It's time to go home – Ana." It has none of the words that I want to say to him, but I decide that it's enough.

I place it on his bed, wondering if I'm really fine with it if that's the last thing that I tell him. Over the torturous weeks, I have started thinking of suicide again. I don't know if I can spend my life knowing that the man I love doesn't feel the same way.

The decision has not been made, but the option is on my table. Either way, the note doesn't say anything that it doesn't need to. I eventually decide that it's good enough, and that it's time to leave.

I gather my things from the bedroom in a suitcase, and head downstairs and outside. I've deliberately put on a hoodie, so that I can pull it over my head and stomp mysteriously down the street.

I've turned three corners when I spot a group of unfamiliar wolves standing in a small field beside some houses. They seem to be milling about, not doing much. They're not exactly dressed for an event, but I can't think why they would be there if not for the Alpha's Hunt.

"It's being held at the center of town," I call over to them. A few look up, clearly confused that I am addressing them. "That way."

I point in the direction of the hall where all of the events are held. "The Alpha's Hunt?"

Some of them nod, one waves, and another gives me an awkward thumbs up. Others still seem confused.

I decide that I'm not going to offer any help beyond that, and I keep walking. I have too much on my mind to try and socialize with a bunch of high ranking wolves. Tomorrow, it would be the talk of the town.

Medeia would probably accuse me of being a gold digger, or that I'm trying to get up higher through using an Alpha for my own gain. I don't really care about that anymore. All I can think about is those moments that I would be standing so close to Jacob.

I know that he feels something more than he's letting on, but that could be a delusion. It would be better if I just accept that nothing will ever happen. That I will always just be the wolf that killed his mate to Jacob.