Anastasia

I watch the Alpha leave, wondering why he's upset. Something that he said is still lingering, though. As soon as he disappears through door, a flash intrudes into my mind.

"You're so annoying, you know that? You should respect me more. I'm going to be Alpha someday."

The memory makes me frown. It's a single instance of a lifetime, but it tells me that there is more to come.

"Hey, you okay?" Derek has his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "You look like you're in pain."

"I just remembered something, from when I was a kid," I answer, and he seems happy enough with that. "Not much, just a small thing."

"Well, let's hope they all come back, huh?" It sounds insincere, but I think I must be imagining that.

Derek sits down, and starts telling me a funny story from when we were younger. It doesn't trigger anything like Jacob's did, and I have to wonder why. Maybe it didn't have the same impact.

Halfway into the story, there is a knock at the door.

"Uhm, come in?" I say loudly, glad that my voice has somewhat returned. The man who walks in looks achingly familiar.

I realize that his features match what mine should be, without the burn wounds and green eyes.

"Alpha Kierren," Derek says, smiling up at him. "Lovely to see you. Thought you'd have gone home."

"Derek," Kierren stares at him strictly, and I can feel his wolf puffing up. "May I have a few minutes with my daughter, please?"

"Okay, fine, geez," Derek gets up and walks to the door with a bit of a huffy attitude. I almost giggle. "I'll go get a snack then. See you later, Ana."

That's when it hits me what this Alpha Kierren man actually said. "You're my father?"

He sighs, and goes to sit down beside me. I don't recognize him, either, aside from the similarities that I see between us. I can believe that he is my father, but it doesn't seem like that's the kind of relationship we have.

"It's actually a fairly complex situation," he explains seriously. "You wouldn't have known me as your father even before this whole thing. Honestly, I only recently figured it out myself."

"That does sound a little complicated," I agree awkwardly. "What should I even do with that information? I don't remember."

"You were raised by your mother, Cassandra, and her husband as their own." Kierren says, not really answering my question, but triggering something in my psyche.

"Useless little bitch," There's a picture of someone in my head, saying that. I'm six years old, and I tripped over his foot. It's my father.

But it's not Kierren. "I don't remember you there, I…"

"I don't assume that you would," Kierren interrupts. "Something happened and your mother was exiled from my pack. She came here, found a mate, and raised you without ever mentioning it to me."

I remember being sick, and my mother sitting at my feet. "Don't worry, you'll be alright, my little Moon."

Another day flashes through my memory.

"Just let her die," that man, again, the one I thought was my father. A lie, all along.

"Jacob's father took you in when your mother passed, and you essentially grew up together," Kierren continued. "Well, that's what the boy's told me. Is it true? I suppose, somewhere in your mind, that answer has been locked in."

"I don't remember," I say with a shrug. "Maybe we did. Are you why my father hated me so much? Was it because I was not his?"

"I don't know," Kierren answered honestly, sighing heavily. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for your childhood. I can't tell you much about it, but there are other things that I can explain."

"Like what?" I am curious. Kierren is the first person who actually wants to tell me something, instead of asking me questions about what I remember.

"You are the daughter of an Alpha, Ana," he says with a voice of wisdom. "My only daughter, in fact. You are special and powerful, and that is why you have been able to survive this ordeal."

I feel my wolf stir at his words. It's difficult to believe what he is saying is true. "I've been suffering, always. Every memory that returns, is a memory of pain. Mockery, sickness, death. The loss of my mother, the hatred of the man I thought was my father. Right now, I hope that I never remember everything. I don't know if I can live with it."

Kierren seems to think about that for a moment. Then, his eyes light up.

"You know, if you don't want to stay here, you do not have to," he starts, making me curious. "If it is too difficult to remain in this pack, you have another home."

"What do you mean?" I think I know where he's going with this, but surely he can't be serious.

"I could train you to become the future Luna of my pack," Kierren replies calmly. It is very clear that he is not joking. "You are my rightful heir, and our people will need a strong leader when I am gone. Ana, you could come with me, and leave all of this behind you."

The offer is incredibly tempting, and I want to take it. I just have this niggling feeling in the back of my head, like something is trying to keep me here.

"Will you let me think about it?" I ask sincerely, and Kierren nods.

"Of course. Better a well-thought through decision than a hasty one." He stands up, and goes towards the door. "I will come to see you again, if you wish."

"Yes, please." I smile at him. It feels good to have a father that doesn't see me as trash. In every tiny flash that has come back to me, the man who I thought had spawned me was filled with hatred. It made me wonder why my mother ever stayed mated to him.

"I wonder if you know this, Ana, but your Alpha loves you." Kierren turns back quickly, as if he's just thought of that. "Even if you never remember it, I am sure that he will never forget."

At that, he leaves, and I am left to wonder about his words.

"I could never love you!" Suddenly, it is as if a dam is breaking in my head. Memories run over one another, some screaming, some whisper-quiet. I can't find the sense in any of it, can't see the story that they are supposed to tell. They stop, the day of Gisele's death, and I am reeling.

I can't stop the tears from rushing at me from all sides. Has this really been my life? Did I kill my best friend, or, at the very least, cause her death? Does Jacob actually hate me?

That's the last thing I can remember now, and nothing beyond it. I try to rack my brain but I can't find anything there. I decide that I will ask Derek when he comes back.

"Where'd he go?" Derek saunters in, half-chewing at a doughnut. My head picks one specific memory of him, suddenly and wildly.

"He's going to get sick of you," Derek continues. "He's going to turn his back on you. So, you better pray to the Moon Goddess that you have your shit together when that happens. Because who will you live off of then? Leech!"

The Derek in my memories is nothing like the one standing in front of me now. What is this?

I am instantly angry. "I remember a lot more now."

The words are said through gritted teeth, and Derek stares at me in surprise. "What?"

"You told me that I was a leech. You dated Medeia, and you hated me." I want to jump out of the bed and scream at him, but my body won't allow it. "Why did you lie to me? Can you please, for fuck's sake, tell me the truth?"

"Whoa, whoa, okay, let's relax, shall we?" Derek walks closer, places his doughnut on the bedside table, and sits down in the chair beside me. "I did say that, because I was a jealous idiot."

I don't say anything. If he's lying, he'll catch himself in it.

"You've always had a crush on Jacob, okay? And I was jealous of him," he says, almost as if he is testing my reaction. "Ana, look, you were my fated mate, and… I didn't like that you were in love with someone else. That's why I was such an asshole to you."

"What?" This is news to me. "We were mates? What do you mean?"

"You broke it off with me, a while ago, because you were still in love with Jacob," Derek sighs, and looks dramatically out of the window. I can hear that he is hurt in his voice, and I decide that I will hear him out.

"Rejected me, in front of everyone," he continues. "I was devastated, but I still loved you. I still do now. Jacob… Jacob isn't right for you."

"Because he hates me?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper. "For what happened to Gisele?"

Derek stares at me for a moment, as if he is trying to think of how to explain the whole thing to me. "Because you're my mate, Ana. You've always been fated to me. That's why you felt something the moment you woke up. Even when you forgot me, our connection was there."

I feel like I have to trust him, but I still have a lot of questions. From the expression on his face, I can tell that he will be patient if I ask them. I search through them to find the most important one.

"Does he still hate me? I know that it's my fault that Gisele died." I wring my hands together as I cast my eyes downward onto my legs. "He probably thinks that I deserve this, doesn't he? That I should have been the one who died, and not her?"

"Well," Derek's voice is strained, and it's clear that this is difficult for him to talk about. "Look, Ana, the first thing I want you to know is that I don't think it was your fault. Nobody could have predicted that the cliff wall wouldn't hold. She could have jumped faster, or stayed back if she was unsure. It's not because of you that it happened."

Derek reaches out and takes my hand in both of his. The soft comfort of it helps me to settle, even if this situation is devastating to me.

"I'm not asking about you, though," I almost whisper, unable to look at him.

"I'll be honest here, Ana, I don't really want to tell you this," Derek squeezed my hand, and the sympathy in his voice threatened to destroy me. "But I will if you insist. I'll do anything for you."

"Tell me, please."

"Okay, but know that I would never think of you like this," Derek sighs, leaning forward so that he is closer to me. "Jacob got drunk at a party a few weeks ago. He said that, if he could turn back time, he would make sure that you were never born. That's why he felt bad when you got hurt. He felt guilty that he said that. At least, I think that's why, he didn't say anything to me."

The words slice deep wounds into my soul. I am reminded of the memories that I wish hadn't returned. Jacob saying that he could never love me. Gisele's lifeless body. The hatred that I'd seen in him afterwards.

"I can't believe it," I sob, the tears unable to take away the hurt.

"Listen to me, Ana," Derek insists. "I'm not going to throw you away like that, okay? I'll be with you, and if you want to be with me, then I would be honored."

There's a small part of me that wants to deny him, but he's the only one that I can trust right now.

"Okay," I say, and lean against his shoulder. "Let's be together."