Anastasia

I'm lost in an endless alley of darkness, something cold and wet touching my face, disappearing to leave me feeling warm before returning. I don't know what it is, but as much as I blink my eyes I can't adjust them to the darkness.

"Ana!"

It's a distant call, so soft that I almost don't catch it.

"Ana!" A female voice rings out in my ears, and I feel myself frowning. I can't see anything, but the voice echoes all around me.

I'm turning my head, but all I see is black. There's no one around, but the voice calls out again, "Anastasia Marie Blye!"

I frown as I try to get a sense of direction of the voice. It's all around me, hugging me in its familiarity. No one ever bothers to call me by full name. I'm so used to being called slurs and silly things like Ana-banana, so it takes me by surprise when I hear my middle name.

It's too dark. I know something's wrong when the voice calls my name again and bounces off when it fades, returning to my eyes. With my vision stripped, it's like my hearing is heightened and it feels like I'm trapped somewhere.

"Anastasia Marie!"

I gasp when the voice sounds closer now, because it's unmistakable. It's Gisele. But I wonder why I can hear her at all, and start to question if it's simply in my head.

"Ana!" I feel the warmth of fingers closing around my wrists, and I'm taken by surprise when I feel my own fingers moving off my face. "Jeez!" Gisele chuckles, "we stopped playing ages ago! What are you still doing counting?"

"Counting?" I ask, confused. It takes me a couple of seconds to blink to get accustomed to the sudden brightness all around me, but before I can, Gisele grabs my hand and drags me behind her. "Gisele? Is it really you?"

She clicks her tongue, and it's only when she momentarily glances back over her shoulder, that I'm knocked by how bright her face is - almost as if there's a light being shed on her. "Duh!" she says playfully, "Don't you remember you called me here?"

"I did?"

Oh, yes, I did, I remember ruefully as I notice where we are. I remember suggesting we go out like old times, and how eager she was to catch up after I left to live in the cottage. But it's unlike what I recall, the air around as light as our feet as we walk towards the edge, a faint glow of purple haze in the air. It's almost like there's lavender growing close by, and my nose searches for the plant I've never seen growing here before.

The edge of the ravine was never a pretty sight. It was always dull, the air heavy with what smelled like a swamp. The air I'm breathing now is fresh and comforting, and as Gisele pulls me along, I frown as I stare at her hand.

It's warm, lively, and I can't exactly pinpoint why I find it so strange. I just know. I can feel it, but I don't know why.

Gisele lets go of my hand and proceeds to sit down, draping her legs over the edge and kicking them gleefully. She looks up and pats the spot next to her, and unsure of what we're doing here, I sit down anyway.

She whistles as she takes a peek down between her knees. "It's a long way down, don't you think?"

I shield my eyes from the blistering sun with a hand above my forehead, feeling suddenly nervous about looking down. I was never one to suffer from acrophobia, but right now I hate the idea of us being here.

"Why are you so calm about it?"

Gisele follows a purple butterfly that emerges from down below, the flapping sound of its wings lost when she claps both her hands around it.

"Gisele!" I exclaim with a gasp, grabbing her wrist to coerce her to let it go. "You're gonna kill it!"

"No, silly," she says with a grin, and opens her palms to let the butterfly go. But instead of flying away, the butterfly hovers in front of our faces.

Frowning, I reach out and cup my palm beneath it, watching how it doesn't move from the sudden gesture. It remains there, for our viewing pleasure, and Gisele reaches out and strokes its wing.

"Do you ever wonder what happens to our souls when we die?"

Stilling, I turn my head slowly towards her. "Why are you suddenly thinking about death?"

Had she seen me during one of my sessions? Or did Jacob tell her that I took pleasure in bruising my own flesh?

"I'd say it's like a butterfly," she cocks her head to the side as she watches the butterfly, "with the gift of flight, flying up towards the moon."

She points up to the sky, and I have to do a double-take. The sun sets, but not at its usual pace. It's being chased away for the moon to take over, and the sky turns to navy night.

"How did you do that?!"

"Do what?"

"Change the -" I stop when I see her face, which glows with pulsing light as bright and pretty as the moon. "Gisele! Your face!"

She smiles softly, her round face as brilliant as anything I'd ever seen. "You don't remember, do you?"

"Remember what, Gisele? What's going on?"

Out of nowhere, she claps her hands together, sending the butterfly out of its daze and flapping its wings as it flies away. "Don't you remember what happened to me? I too flew away just like that."

"I don't think I follow?"

"It was here, Ana. Remember how you jumped across from there?" she points across to the other edge of the cliff. I look over, and notice that the sound of the water below grows louder, almost as if it's rising.

Just like the river below us, the memory comes rushing into my mind like a tidal wave. I'm scared out of my mind, understanding why I feel as if something isn't right.

The woman sitting next to me isn't real. I mean, she's as real as the warmth exuding from her fingers as she gently takes my hand and squeezes it. She's as real as her smile that reaches her brilliant blue eyes, and as real as the feeling of comfort from being in the presence of my best friend.

But she's not real. Gisele died a long time ago, from right here where we sit. It's only now that I look down and notice that there's a piece of earth missing from between us, having broken off the way it had almost a year ago, when her wolf attempted to hang on. I remember my horror, the shriveled cry escaping my lungs as I tried to get to her in time. And the sound of her cries reverberating across the open expanse, the sound of cracking bones as she hit the bottom comes rushing back to me.

"Gisele, I - I -" I choke on my words, not sure why I'm here in the first place. Did I too fall to my death, and was this my reckoning?

Gisele swiftly takes my hand in a firm grip, shaking her head, her light blonde hair swaying in the wind with the ends seemingly giving off what looks to me like pixie-dust in all the colors of the rainbow. I am instantly dazed by her enchanting features, and forget momentarily that I played a part in this beauty leaving this Earth too soon. Until she speaks, and reminds me of the countless nights I've spent blaming myself for tearing two fated mates apart.

"It's not your fault, Ana."

"Of course it was, I was right here, right here close enough," I begin rambling, "close enough to save you and I didn't. I didn't save you when I was the one who led you here and I -"

She presses a dainty finger to my lips. "Shh. I wouldn't have made the jump if I thought you were trying to kill me."

I mumble over her finger, "I wasn't trying -"

"Exactly. And I know this," she prods her finger into my chest, "because I know my best friend."

"I don't deserve to be your best friend."

"Of course you do, Ana. You deserve everything in this world. And you deserve to live a happy life."

"I'm already dead, aren't I?"

I stare out into the ravine, where the water down below splashes against the rocks in its race to get to the river mouth.

"You're not dead yet. But you will be if you don't learn how to forgive yourself for what happened."

"How can I when no one else does?"

"You mean Jacob?"

Hesitantly, I nod my head, unable to look her in the eyes and admit that the most painful thing is having my heart broken by him. There are many things I can face, even getting my nose broken by those that hate my guts. But to see the hatred in Jacob's eyes is just too much for me to bear.

Maybe I am meant to die. I'd much rather sit here with my best friend and live out eternity if it means she doesn't blame me for what happened. But she sees right through me, and with her fingers on my jaw, she pulls my gaze towards her.

"You need to live, Anastasia. I don't believe it was anything but fate that brought us together and took me away. Jacob might have chosen me as his mate, but it was always you that he loved."

I gasp in surprise, "That's not true, Gisele. He loved you."

Gisele giggles as if what I'm saying is amusing. "Oh, he loved me, alright! But not the way he loves you, He only picked me because I would have born pups for him. If it wasn't for fate, he'd have picked you, Ana."

"You're being ridiculous, Gisele!"

"No, you are!" she snaps, and I can see that the playfulness has left her eyes. "You and Jacob shared something special long before I came into the picture. I always saw the way he looked at you, Ana. And it's still there, I know it. I think that everything that's happened, happened for a reason. And maybe if he didn't lose his mate, he would never realize just how much you mean to him."

"He'll never forgive me -"

"He will. It's just up to you to decide if you can forgive yourself."

"Do you forgive me?"

Gisele didn't need to say she did. She showed me, by wrapping her warm arms around me.

"There's nothing to forgive when you did nothing wrong. Now," she says as she holds me away at arm's length, "you'd better wake up, or you're going to drown."

"Drow-"

Suddenly I fall off the ledge, hanging onto the crumbling edge. Gisele stretches out her arm and offers me a hand.

"Grab my hand, Ana," she says calmly.

I glare at the soil cracking under my touch and shake my head.

"Grab my hand!"

"No! It's gonna break off!"

"Anastasia Marie Blye, grab my hand!"

I gather all my strength to reach out and take her hand, and as soon as the warmth from her palms touches my skin, I'm floating in the water, being carried away down the mountain. My head dips in, and icy water fills my nose, when I feel myself being pulled out. I can't make out who it is, but there's two strong hands under my arms, pulling me to safety.

Coughing and spluttering when my head is finally above the water, I look up to the edge of the cliff and notice that Gisele is gone. The sound of rustling leaves alerts me and I painfully crane my neck to the side to see the silhouette of a wolf disappearing between the trees. With water in my lungs, my body feeling foreign from the abuse of the fall, I shut my eyes and pray that Death comes for me.

At least now I can die a peaceful death from the closure Gisele had just given me. At least she forgives me, and even if I can't forgive myself, I am ready to meet my maker.