17. You're My Future

Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine. This is for enjoyment purposes only.

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She was exhausted, completely exhausted. Ever since she was paged back to the pit after the trauma, she had been in the OR all day, doing surgery after surgery. But now she was home, and she still had to rant to Derek. She figured ranting sounded like a better word to use then yelling. No matter what she called it, she knew that she had to talk to him tonight. Going to bed angry wasn't an option, and if that meant waking him up, she'd do it.

"Hello, sweetheart", Linda greeted with a smile as Meredith walked into the house. "Oh my, you looked tired…"

"Yeah. Sorry, I know we were supposed to…that I wasn't supposed to work all day, but then there was a pile-up on the highway, and I couldn't leave…", she said, chewing on her lip.

"No need to apologize. I understand", she said assuringly. "Izzie and I were actually baking. We got to talking about banana bread, and I gave her my recipe, and then we just decided to test it out. There's some in the kitchen if you're hungry…"

"Oh, yeah, thanks", Meredith smiled.

"Okay, well, I was just making myself a cup of tea, and now I'm back off to bed. See you in the morning, sweetie." Linda pulled Meredith in for a hug and kissed her cheek.

"Night", Meredith replied with a soft smile. "Oh, um…where's Derek?"

"He's in the shower. He's already been in there a while, you know how he is about his hair. I'm sure he'll be done soon", Linda said with a laugh, turning and heading for the stairs.

"Yeah. Okay, thanks", she giggled softly. "Oh…congratulations! I heard Amy is pregnant."

"Yeah, she's already ten weeks along, it's her first. I completely forgot to tell Derek when I got here", Linda laughed.

Meredith laughed along with her. "Derek was so excited when he told me."

"He and Amy were always close. She's my baby, and Derek was so protective of her", Linda said with a smile. "That's fifteen grandchildren. I'm so proud of all of them."

"Derek told me all of their names once, but I was so overwhelmed, I forgot most of them."

Linda patted Meredith's shoulder. "I'm sure you'll learn. They're going to love you."

Meredith just smiled and nodded. "I hope so…"

"They will. I know it", Linda said with an assuring smile. "Night, dear."

"Night", Meredith said back. "And tomorrow, we'll spend the day together. Derek wants to show you the land."

"Oh I'm looking forward to that."

"Me too", Meredith smiled. "Night." After Linda made her way upstairs, Meredith went into the kitchen.

"Whoa", she muttered to herself, noticing all of the banana bread on the table. She cut herself a huge slice and shoved it into her mouth, not even bothering to use utensils. The last thing she'd eaten was the bag of chips this afternoon, so needless to say, she was starving. When she heard the shower shut off a few minutes later, she headed upstairs.

"Hey. Did you just get in?", Derek asked, pulling on his boxers followed by some pajamas.

"Mhm", she mumbled, making her way into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm brushing my teeth…"

"You seem upset. Are you okay?"

"I smell like surgery but I'm too damn tired to take a shower tonight", she answered with a mouthful of toothpaste. "And my back is killing me."

"Want me to rub it for you?"

Meredith spit into the sink. "What I want is for you to tell me why you turned down the opportunity to be chief."

"Wait? What?"

"Why didn't you tell me that the chief offered you the job?", she asked, the anger evident in her voice, but still low enough that Linda couldn't hear them from down the hall. "I had to find out from your mother."

"Meredith, I—"

"Was it because you thought you had to take care of me? That you thought I couldn't even take care of myself?" She was snapping at him. She knew she shouldn't be getting angry, but for some reason, she was in the mood to pick a fight. She was tired, bitchy, and getting crampy. And unfortunately, Derek was the one she took her anger out on when she was upset.

"Meredith, he offered me the job the day after the wedding. We weren't together, or at least that's what I thought", he explained softly, not wanting to upset her more.

"You came to Seattle to be chief", Meredith countered, trying to keep her voice down.

"You're right. I did", he said with a nod.

"So…what? You gave that up?" She quickly ripped off her jeans and sweater, and rummaged through Derek's drawer for some sweatpants. After she found a pair, she changed into a new pair of panties and hopped on each foot until her bottom half was covered in the sweats. Derek pursed his lips to keep from laughing. He always knew Meredith was much less graceful and a lot clumsier after a long day, and watching her rant and rave while hobbling around half naked made it almost impossible not to kiss her.

"I didn't want it."

"What do you mean you didn't want it? I remember you keeping me up at night while you bitched about him giving it to Burke instead of you."

"That's when I thought I wanted it."

"Was it because I drowned?"

Derek was taken off guard. He and Meredith had talked about her drowning, but she rarely brought it up. They had come to terms with it, and both of them felt at peace with the subject. "What?"

"Is that why you turned it down?"

"No", he answered honestly.

She unclasped her bra and roughly pulled a tee shirt over her head. "Derek, after my near-death…whatever, you hovered. You hovered big time. And I know that you only did it because you care about me, but Derek…you can't just—you had a chance to be chief. And I know that I'm probably the reason you didn't take the job."

"You're right. You are."

"Oh, well, I'm glad", she said sarcastically.

"Meredith", he sighed. "I didn't want it. You're right…when I first moved out here, that was my goal, to become chief."

"And when did that change?"

"When I realized that you were the most important thing in my life. So being chief…who cared? What I cared about was you…having a future with you."

"So I'm the reason you gave up on your dream. Do you know how awful that makes me feel?" She could feel the tears starting to prick in her eyes.

"Meredith, my dream is not to become chief. It's not, and I don't ever want you to feel like you're responsible for me not taking the job."

"Did you feel like you had to choose? Choose between me and your career? Because Derek, you know that I would have supported you."

"If we hadn't broken up…"

Meredith sighed. "Yes, if we hadn't broken up…"

"But we did—we broke up. At least, I thought we did. I didn't talk to you or see you for seventeen days. But I assumed that we had broken up. And I still didn't want the job. Richard could have offered me all the money and perks in the world, and I still wouldn't have taken it. If he offered it to me ten years from now, I still wouldn't take it."

"You wouldn't?", she asked quietly.

Derek shook his head. "No. I wouldn't. And do you know why? Because I want our family to come first. I want to come home at night and sleep next to you. I want to be there for the first words, and first time crawling and walking, potty training. I want to do all of it. And if I would have taken that job, you know I wouldn't have been able to do those things."

"I just don't want you to regret not taking it", she admitted sadly.

"Meredith, come here", he said softly, outstretching his arms so he could wrap them around her.

She huffed before walking over to him, letting him put his hands on the small of her back. "What?"

"I don't want to have any regrets. And if I took that job, I'd regret it. And I don't want you think of it as me picking you over my career, because that's not true. I realized that you were my purpose in life. And being chief wouldn't have meant anything if I didn't have you. Because even though we broke up, I knew this thing with us would never be over. I knew that one day we'd get it right…one day, we'd get our lifetime", he said with a soft smile.

"I just wish you would have told me…"

Derek nodded. "I know. You're right, I should have told you. And looking back on it, I realize that the right thing to do would to have been straight with you."

"Then why weren't you?"

"Because I didn't think it was a big deal."

"Derek—", she started before he cut her off.

"When I came out here, I was done with relationships, with women, with anything resembling love. I came here for a fresh start. I came here thinking that one day, I would be chief. But then, I walked into a bar one night in July for a drink, and walked out of it with the love of my life", he said with a small smile before pausing. "And I know that you would have supported me, I do. But Meredith, you gave me a second chance—a second chance to do what I had given up on when I came out here. And I wasn't going to risk that. You mean too much to me. Our future means too much to me. That's why I didn't take the job."

"Okay", she whispered, nodding her head slightly.

"Okay?"

"Yeah." She bit her bottom lip. "Okay."

"Are you mad at me?"

Meredith shook her head. "No."

"You're not?"

"I just wanted to know why. And you gave me your reasons", she said softly.

"I'm sorry, Mer."

"No, it's…I shouldn't have snapped. I'm tired and crampy right now", she yawned. "And you're the one I bitch at when I'm moody. Get used to that, by the way."

Derek chuckled softly. "I don't mind."

Meredith wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest. "I love you", she murmured.

"I love you too", he said, kissing the top of her head. "Come on, let's get into bed so you don't fall asleep standing up."

"Kay", she yawned. The two made their way over to the bed and Derek pulled her close to him. "I promise I'll come to bed all hot tomorrow night for the sex…", she said tiredly, cuddling into his body more closely.

"If you're feeling crappy, we're not having sex."

"If I wasn't so exhausted, we'd be doing it now…"

"Even with my mom here?"

"I'm horny", she mumbled.

"You can barely keep your eyes open", he said, laughing softly.

"I'm always horny when I'm PMS-ing. Besides, if we don't have sex tomorrow, we're going to have to wait a week or so…"

Derek chuckled. "I can live without sex, you know. I'm not some sex addict."

"But…we like sex…all kinds of sex…"

"That sounded kinky."

"It's true", she yawned.

"And you wonder why I call you Porny", he chuckled.

"Shut up", she giggled tiredly, squirming in his embrace to absorb his body heat.

"Oh I forgot to tell you…"

"Hmm…"

"Amy and Tom—that's her husband—they want us to be the godparents", he said with a smile.

Meredith's eyes shot open and she looked up at him. "What?"

"When I talked to her today, she asked me if you and I would like to be their baby's godparents."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"They don't even know me…"

"You're going to meet them at the wedding. And besides, she always wanted me to be the godfather, and it only makes sense that you would be the godmother", he explained softly, brushing a few strands of hair off of her face.

"I um…okay", she nodded. "Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'm not going to say no to them. They asked and…we sort of have to do it", she reasoned.

"Are you sure you're okay with it?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah."

Derek kissed her forehead. "Thank you, Meredith."

"What exactly do they do?"

"They hold the kid at the baptism."

Meredith looked at him dryly. "Ass…I know that. I mean, what exactly is our role as godparents?"

"Nothing, really. I mean, I guess it's something sort of important, but it's more so just a title", he shrugged.

"Oh. Well, that's easy then."

"We'll probably have to fly out there though…", he said cautiously, waiting for her response.

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense…"

"She's due in early September. I think they usually baptize around a month old, so we'll probably fly out there in October. Is that…okay?"

"Yeah. I'm going to have to work a lot more shifts to make up for the time I miss, but that's okay. I…this is good, Derek. The family thing…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah", she said softly.

"We'll be married by then."

"That's weird."

"Good weird I hope?"

Meredith laughed through her yawn. "Yeah, good weird—exciting weird."

"Good. Oh by the way, Mark is the godfather of ours…"

"I sort of figured that", she giggled. "Can we have two godmothers?"

"Izzie and Cristina?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. They're both my maids of honor. I want them to be the godmothers."

"Okay", he said with a smile. "We could do that."

"There's no rule against it or anything?"

"No", he laughed softly. "There's no rule against it."

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't know, Mr. Religious…"

"Mr. Religious?"

"I'm tired. That's the best I could think of."

"There's nothing holy about what I'll be doing to you this time tomorrow night…", he whispered into her ear, nipping on her earlobe.

"Stop it", she whined. "I'm tired and you're…making me all turned on…"

Derek chuckled softly. "Sorry, I'll stop. Do you want me to rub your back instead?"

"Mhm", she mumbled into his chest, pressing her body as close to his as she could, wanting to feel every part of him against her.

Derek began rubbing her sore back, feeling her body relax into his arms. "Your hair smells good…"

"It probably smells like blood and guts", she groaned.

"I assure you it doesn't smell like blood and guts", he laughed, sniffing her flowery scented hair once again. "Your hair always smells good."

"Hmm…we need to take another bath together. We haven't done that in a while…", she sighed, a content smile on her face as Derek gently rubbed her back.

"We should", he agreed. "And when we move into our house, we can take baths together all the time…"

"Big bathtub", she said with a smile.

"Very big bathtub that we can do all sorts of things in. Your bendiness is going to come in handy in that bathtub", he smirked.

"What did I say?"

"Hmm?"

"No sex talk. Or I might have to let you take advantage of me."

"Nah, I'll wait. I'd rather have you awake for it", he said softly.

"You should know by now that I don't have to be fully awake for you to take advantage of me", she giggled.

"You'll want to be awake for what I plan to do to you tomorrow night, believe me."

"Hmm…big things planned, huh?"

"Mhm. So I want you to sleep now so you'll be well rested for the fun."

"Okay", she whispered. "Love you…"

"I love you too, Mer." He kissed her forehead softly. Not even a minute later, Derek heard the snores making their way out of her small body. He gently shifted to his other side to retrieve his trusty earplugs. After fitting them into his ears, he rolled back over to wrap his arms around her once again.

As he watched her sleep, he thought about the events that had occurred tonight. She came into the room angry and ranting. And fell asleep contentedly in his arms. He understood why she was upset, and he should have told her about turning down the position. But in his mind, it wasn't a big deal. Meredith was the most important part of his life. The children he and Meredith would have together, they were what mattered.

He had seen what being chief had done to Richard's marriage. And he was not going to let that happen to him and Meredith. He wanted to be there for everything. Nannies wouldn't raise their children. Meredith and Derek would raise their children. If Derek would have taken the position, he knew he would miss out on so much. Instead of staying up with Meredith for the midnight feedings, he'd be buried under a pile of paperwork, too tired to drive home after a long shift. To Derek, that wasn't acceptable.

He would never let himself be a stranger to his own family the way Ellis was to Meredith. He wanted to show Meredith that this could work. They could be surgeons and still have a happy family. Managing both wouldn't be easy, but somehow, they would find a way to do it.

They were Meredith and Derek. They were the Seattle Grace Legend. Together, the two had overcome every obstacle that had been thrown at them. And they would continue to be successful, both in their careers and in their love for one another. That was the only option they were willing to accept. They wouldn't settle for anything less than their fairytale. It wouldn't be perfect. Sure things wouldn't always be easy. But maybe there was beauty in the imperfection.

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