36. Worth Not Giving Up

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own Grey's Anatomy.

Thanks for all the kind reviews. I really appreciate them.

It was the beginning of June in Seattle. The weather was getting warmer and it rained less and less every week. But along with the warmer weather came one month closer to the wedding. The wedding was just five weeks away, and both Meredith and Derek busier than they thought possible. Between work and wedding preparation, life never seemed to seem to calm down.

They were picking up extra shifts, so they could take a few days off after returning from the honeymoon to get some things settled in the house. Even her friends were taking on extra hours, so they would be able to spend some time helping them move into the house. Neither Meredith nor Derek had asked for their help; they willingly volunteered. And that was something for which both of them were extremely grateful.

Some days, they were even too tired to drive home, so they spent the night together in the on-call room. They were barely even having sex. As soon as their heads hit the pillow, they were out until morning. It was stressful and sometimes crazy, but neither was complaining. The result would be worth it.

Today, they were both on the same neuro case. The parents of a nineteen year old girl brought their daughter to have surgery on a previously inoperable brain tumor.

"Good morning", Derek greeted as he and Meredith entered their patient's room.

Both of the parents smiled, but their daughter, Bridget, didn't even acknowledge them. Meredith noticed the girl's solemn behavior, but chose not to mention it. After Derek and Meredith had thoroughly explained the procedure to the family, Derek asked, "Do any of you have any questions?"

"I don't even want the surgery", Bridget stated dryly, rolling her eyes.

"No…there's no questions", her mother interjected. "Thank you."

After Meredith and Derek exited the room, Meredith frowned. "What's the probability of this being successful?", she asked.

Derek sighed. "Well, the surgery is risky. But I've done it three times before, successfully."

"She seems pretty down", Meredith said sadly, referring to their patient.

"It's not a routine operation. I'm sure she's worried", Derek said with a nod, leaning against the nurses' station.

"Should I—do you think we should talk to her?", Meredith asked, showing genuine concern for the withdrawn teenager.

"I'm not sure there's much you can do", Derek replied. "But if you wanted to give it a shot, go ahead."

"Okay, well, Bailey asked if I would work for her in the clinic for a few hours today, so after that, I'll talk to her", Meredith explained.

Derek smiled. "Okay. Love you."

"Love you too", Meredith whispered as she stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him before they went in different directions, carrying on with their days at work.

--

Meredith hadn't planned on spending this much time in the clinic. But it seemed like just as one patient was discharged, another was admitted. And now she found herself treating a little five year old boy's arm because all of her interns were busy on other cases.

"Am I gonna be okay?", the small boy asked, whimpering through his tears.

Meredith smiled warmly at him. "You are going to be just fine", she said comfortingly before looking to his parents. "He's going to need a few stitches, but everything is okay." Meredith got up and went to get supplies when her cell phone rang. She flipped it open and tucked it under her chin as she grabbed a suturing kit off the shelf.

"Hello, Ms. Grey?", the woman on the other end said politely.

"Yes", Meredith replied.

"Hello, this is Karen from the dress shop. I just wanted to tell you that your dress arrived today with the alterations. Would you be able to come in sometime this week to make sure the alterations are okay?", she asked.

Meredith bit her lip. "Oh um…yeah. Yeah, I can. Can I come in on Saturday?"

"Sure, dear. That would be great", Karen replied.

"Okay", Meredith nodded, making a mental note so she wouldn't forget. Her mind was packed with so many other things already. "Alright then, bye."

She put her phone back in her pocket and gathered the remainder of supplies before heading back to her patient, whose tears had since been reduced to hiccups. "I'm going to fix up your boo-boo now, okay? You're alright, sweetie."

As she was finishing sewing up the boy's wound, more and more cases piled into the clinic. She was silently cursing herself for volunteering to work in there, because now it seemed as though she'd be trapped in there all day. By the time she finally left and went back into the hospital, four hours had passed, and she was exhausted.

"Hey, you okay?", Derek asked worriedly as he saw her running down the hall.

Meredith stopped in her tracks and turned around. "I really have to pee."

"Okay…", Derek chuckled. She spun on her heel and made a quick right into the women's restroom.

When she emerged several minutes later, Derek was waiting for her at the nurses' station. "Feel better?"

"Yes", Meredith sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "I haven't sat down in four hours."

"Have you eaten anything?", he asked.

"Nope", she yawned. "I'm gonna go get something from the vending machine."

"Mer, you need more than just a bag of chips", Derek said with a small smile.

"I'll get chips and a granola bar then", she giggled. "And a soda."

"That's real healthy", he smirked. "Why don't we go down and get something to eat?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Fine."

"So what did you do in the clinic?", Derek asked as they stepped onto the empty elevator to go to the cafeteria.

"Lots of stuff…", Meredith replied vaguely. "I stitched, I gave shots, I splinted ankles, I did some tampon training. Well, at first, George was on that case, but I figured that would be mortifying for both him and the girl, so I switched with him."

"Yeah? How'd that go?", he asked. They stepped off the elevator and walked the short distance to the cafeteria.

"I think I did a damn fine job", she said with a giggle.

Derek laughed. "I'm sure you did."

They quickly purchased some lunch and left the cafeteria, opting to sit somewhere quiet. They found an empty gurney in an unoccupied hallway and sat down.

"Oh, my dress is in!", she said excitedly. "I have to go in on Saturday morning to make sure everything is okay with it."

"Five weeks", Derek grinned, leaning in to kiss her.

Meredith smiled against his lips. "Yeah."

"Can't wait", Derek said with a soft smile, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"I can't wait for a day off", Meredith giggled. "But I guess getting married is exciting too", she said jokingly.

"You're funny…", Derek smirked.

"You know I'm kidding", she laughed as she popped a chip in her mouth. "We still have a lot to do though."

"All of the big—well, I don't know how big you can call a wedding that consists of fifteen people—but all of the bigger things are already taken care of. It's just the little things", Derek responded.

"Our vows aren't exactly little things", she said, rolling her eyes.

Derek smiled softly and kissed her cheek. "I'm already writing mine down."

"You're—what?", she asked in shock. "How do you find time to do that?"

"It's easy", Derek shrugged. "Just say what you feel."

"I've never been good with…stuff like that", she said with a mouth full of food. "I'll end up rambling, and embarrassing myself."

"I guarantee I will love whatever you write. Even if you ramble", he smiled assuringly.

Meredith scooted closer to him and kissed his cheek. "Okay."

The sound of Derek's cell phone ringing made them both jump slightly, their peaceful quiet being interrupted. Derek got his phone from his pocket and answered it. "Hello?"

After the caller introduced himself, Derek placed his hand over the receiver. "It's the man from the appliance store", he whispered. Meredith leaned her head against the wall and took another bite of her sandwich while Derek talked on the phone. After he hung up, Derek looked at her. "They want to deliver and install this Saturday."

"Are you able to meet them there? I have to go pick up my dress, then I'll come by to meet you there", Meredith said with a nod.

"That's fine. I'm just glad we both have the day off."

Meredith took a sip of her iced tea. "Well, that's what spending three nights in a row on call gets you."

"Are you staying tonight?", he asked.

"Yep. You?"

Derek ran his fingers through is hair and sighed. "Yep. Another on-call room sleepover then?", he asked with a chuckle.

"I guess so", she smiled. "But don't count on sex. I'm exhausted."

"We haven't had sex in a week", Derek pointed out.

"If you want to have sex, fine. Just don't wake me up during it", she giggled jokingly.

Derek laughed. "I'll remember that."

"Good", Meredith teased, looking at her watch. "I still want to go in and see Bridget."

"They were talking about going home…", Derek sighed sadly.

"What do you mean? Without the surgery, she'll die", she said worriedly.

Derek let out a breath. "She doesn't want it. And she's nineteen, so her parents can't force her. I convinced them to think it over, and they could get back to us tomorrow."

"Derek, she has to have it. It's—without it, she won't even make it to twenty."

"She knows that", Derek replied. "Even still, she's saying no."

"I need—I have to talk to her", Meredith said with a nod.

"What are you going to say?", he asked as she hopped off the gurney.

"I just…she can't die, Derek. Not when we can help", Meredith insisted. She threw her trash in the trashcan and kissed his cheek. "Love you."

Derek smiled warmly at her, beaming at her determination. "Love you too…do you want me to come with you?"

"That's okay. I can do it", she said softly, squeezing his hand quickly before making her way down the hall toward the elevator.

--

Meredith walked into her patient's room, biting her lip nervously as she contemplated what to say to her. She noticed that Bridget was sitting in bed watching TV, no sign of her parents anywhere.

"Hi Bridget. I'm Dr…I'm Meredith", she said with a small smile.

Bridget muted the television and smiled at her doctor. "Hi."

"Where are your parents?", Meredith asked.

"I told them that I needed some time to think, so they went home", Bridget replied, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

"So, uh, Dr. Shepherd told me you didn't want to have the surgery…", Meredith started.

"Yeah", Bridget said simply.

Meredith bit her lip. "Why?"

"I just don't want it", she whispered, facing the window instead of Meredith.

"I know you're scared, but Dr. Shepherd has done this before—successfully", Meredith said with an encouraging smile.

"Look, I know you're trying to help, but it's just—don't. I'm fine", she said with a nod.

Fine. Meredith always knew that word would come back to haunt her. "You're not fine. There has to be a reason why you don't want it."

"There's no reason to have it", she whispered sadly.

"Why is that?", Meredith asked gently.

Bridget turned around and faced Meredith, her eyes glossed over with tears. "Please don't shrink me."

"I'm not", Meredith replied quickly, shaking her head. "I just want to understand."

"I don't want to be a burden to my parents. They already think I'm depressed. They already think I'm screwed up. Wouldn't it just be easier this way?"

"I'm screwed up too", Meredith shrugged. "I think we're all a little screwed up from time to time."

"Yeah, and yet you became someone. You're a doctor", she said before noticing her ring. "And engaged. That's more than I'll ever be."

Meredith looked at the sullen girl and felt a twinge of pain in her heart. "It wasn't always that way, you know." Bridget looked at Meredith but said nothing.

"I think you and I are a lot alike", Meredith nodded.

"How?", Bridget asked in a whisper.

"The way you're feeling. I felt that way for a long time", Meredith admitted sadly, taking a seat on the girl's bed. "I didn't think I'd…ever be a doctor. I never thought there was someone out there that would love me for me. In high school, even in college, I was the quiet, misunderstood one. Girls didn't want to hang out with someone like me. Guys never wanted a relationship with me. Sex, sure. Lots of sex in college…", Meredith sighed before stopping herself, noticing how Bridget was laughing slightly. "Sorry. That was sort of inappropriate."

"Anyway, that was all I ever thought I'd have. I got straight A's, just like you do." Meredith noticed the teen looking at her curiously. "Your mom told me that you're in college—math major, right?"

Bridget nodded. "Yeah."

"You have potential. You're bright, and you're kind, and sweet. And I just—I don't understand why you wouldn't want to live", Meredith admitted sadly.

"Because I'm never…going to get what I really want. I don't think I'm ever…getting married or having kids. I'm almost twenty and I've never even had a boyfriend", Bridget said as tears rolled down her face. "Guys don't like me that way. No one is going to want to marry someone like me. So the way I see it, if I'm just going to be living out the rest of my life alone anyway, what's the point?"

Meredith felt her own eyes sting with tears. "I've thought the same thing many, many times in my life. There were times when I wanted to—when I did—give up. I gave up on the idea of finding love before I had ever even experienced it. Stuff like true love just wasn't in the cards for me, you know?"

"Me either", Bridget whispered as she continued to cry.

"The first serious relationship I ever had didn't come until recently for me. Derek, well, Dr. Shepherd, he's my um…"

"He's your fiancé?", Bridget asked in shock.

Meredith nodded and smiled softly. "Yeah. He is. And he's—I didn't think someone like Derek existed either. I didn't think I'd ever call someone the love of my life. But he is. He really is", she whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek. "When I met him, I just…everything changed. For the first time, I knew what it felt like to be loved unconditionally. And I know he seems perfect, with that hair and that smile, but he's not. When I met him, he was damaged too, just like me", Meredith admitted. "But I think we healed each other."

"Yeah?", she asked softly.

Meredith smiled slightly through her tears. "Yeah. So the reason I told you all of this…is because I want you to have the surgery. Because there is someone out there for you. And I know that right now, you don't think so. But if you die, you'll never have your chance to find him. You won't get the chance to find love. He's out there waiting for you. So please, don't give up."

Bridget nodded and buried her face in her hands as she wept. Meredith hugged the girl and let her cry on her shoulder. She heard footsteps walking into the room and looked up to find Derek staring at her in amazement. He cocked his head slightly and blinked.

Meredith simply smiled and nodded, letting Derek know that Bridget had agreed to have the life-saving surgery. Derek felt his heart swell with love for her and he nodded. "I love you", he mouthed.

Meredith smiled and mouthed back, "I love you too."

--

Later on that day, Bridget had her surgery. And of course, it had been a success. When Meredith checked on her in recovery, she smiled at her doctor. "Thank you, Dr. Grey."

Meredith took the girl's hand and squeezed it softly. "Thank you. Thank you for not giving up."

After Meredith did her post-op exam, Bridget's parents stopped her in the hall. "Bridget told us that you were the one to convince her. And we're just—thank you. Thank you so much", her mother cried, pulling her in for a hug.

Meredith was slightly startled, but just smiled and hugged the woman back. "You're welcome", she said humbly. Meredith didn't feel as though she did anything heroic. She just did what she had to do. If anything, her talk with Bridget made her more grateful for Derek, and the love they shared. A few years ago, she didn't believe in love or soul mates or forevers. Stuff like that probably existed, but she'd never have it.

But then, life proved her wrong, and she found the only person who could make her believe. She couldn't imagine her life without Derek. And she didn't want Bridget to give up on her own chance at finding that kind of love. Because that kind of love didn't come around that often. But when it did, it changed your life forever.

--

When Meredith's day shift was over, she made her way to the on-call room that she and Derek usually slept in together. Her day had been long and tiring, and she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in Derek's arms. She was hoping to God that her night on-call would be quiet, so she could actually get some well deserved rest.

"Hey", she yawned as she shuffled into the room, pulling the hair tie out of her hair and putting it on her wrist. She quickly took her shoes off and put them next to the bed.

Derek smiled. "Hey."

"I'm exhausted", she said, crawling in bed next to him.

"Me too", Derek agreed. "How's Bridget?"

"She's good", Meredith nodded, smiling slightly.

"What did you say to her?", Derek asked. He kissed her forehead and pulled her closer to him.

Meredith melted further into his arms when he began rubbing her back. "A lot of things", she said tiredly.

"Oh, come on", he chuckled. "You have to tell me how you convinced someone to have surgery. That's not easy to do."

"We just…talked", Meredith said simply. "She wasn't scared about the surgery. She was scared about what would happen afterward…the rest of her life. She figured that dying was better than spending the rest of her life alone."

Derek looked at her confusedly. "Why would she be alone?"

"For the same reasons I thought I'd be alone", she replied honestly. "She didn't think she'd find love. And yeah, I know that finding a man isn't the most important thing in life, but…you can't help but think about things like that. She'd already given up hope before she could be let down. It's…easier that way, I think. I had the same thoughts running through my head at her age", she confessed sadly.

"You did?"

Meredith nodded slightly. "Yeah", she whispered. "I never thought I'd…fall in love, or plan this life that involved a husband or kids. That's not me. But then I met you. And all of that changed. And I just…I didn't want her to give up on that. Because it's—it's just something you don't want to give up on."

"So because of you, she not only gets to live, but you gave her a reason to want to live", Derek smiled, his face full of love and pride for her.

"I just didn't want her to die", Meredith said softly.

Derek pulled her on top of him and kissed her. "And that…is why I love you."

Meredith smiled. "Are you trying to get sex from me?", she asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"No", Derek laughed. "I just don't want you to fall off the bed, so we're switching sides. I'd rather me fall off than you", he said as he rolled her onto the inside of the small bed.

"You're sweet", Meredith giggled. She wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him up against her body.

"You're not going to accuse me of being corny?", he asked jokingly.

Meredith kissed him softly and smiled. "Hmm…not tonight."

"I love you", he whispered. He brushed some hair off her face and kissed her forehead.

"I love you too."

Together they fell asleep in the comfort of each other's arms, both grateful to have found the love that was worth not giving up on.

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