89. Finally Choosing a Name

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I just wish I did.

Once again, I apologize for the wait between chapters. This is by far the most butt-kicking semester I've ever had, and I barely have time to do anything these days. Sigh. I'm doing my best though. And as always, thanks for being patient.

"Hey," Derek said as he entered the kitchen in an old tee shirt and a pair of jeans, the kind of outfit one wears to do unglamorous things, what Meredith instructed him to wear.

Meredith put a spoonful of peanut butter into her mouth and smiled. "Hey."

"So what exactly are we doing today?" he asked.

"I'm sitting on the couch and eating whatever baked good Izzie has to offer me, and you're helping Alex organize the attic," she told him. "Pass me the Oreos please?"

Derek slid the blue bag across the counter and watched her pull one out, then spread peanut butter over the top of the cookie. "That's gross," he chuckled.

"Actually, it's delicious," Meredith countered, putting it in her mouth. "Don't bash it until you try it."

"Fine, I take it back," he said amusedly.

Meredith reached up into the cabinet for a glass and Derek's eyes were drawn to her belly, twenty-five weeks pregnant now with their daughter. "Mer, you popped!" he all but exclaimed.

She looked at him confusedly as she pulled the milk from the fridge. "What?"

"Your belly button popped," Derek grinned.

"What?" Meredith glanced down at her belly, and saw for the first time her now protruding belly button visible under her snug white shirt. "Holy crap."

"You didn't notice this morning?"

Meredith shook her head. "No, otherwise I wouldn't have worn this shirt…"

"What? Don't hide it. It's adorable," Derek chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Derek," Meredith giggled, pointing down to the tiny protuberance of her belly button pressing firmly against her shirt. "This is not attractive."

Derek leaned in and kissed her. "Hmm… I think it is."

"You'll still want sex with me, even with the popped belly button?" she asked.

"Your body is beautiful. Everything about it. And the belly button," he said, splaying his hand over her abdomen. "She's definitely growing."

"We need to stop saying 'she' and decide on a name," Meredith pointed out. "Otherwise, we'll have to just go with Blueberry."

Derek smiled. "Well, she'd be the only Blueberry in her class," he teased. "Don't worry, we'll find it."

"Izzie's really grilling me lately. She wants to embroider her name on a receiving blanket, and every time I tell her that we haven't picked a name yet, she looks at me like I'm committing a crime," Meredith said.

"Picking a name is harder than I thought it would be. There's tons of names out there," Derek replied, trying not to laugh as he watched Meredith pack a dozen or so Oreos in a Ziploc bag. She'd been craving Oreos for a week now, and at the rate she was consuming them, they'd need more by tomorrow.

"What about…" Meredith pondered for a moment. "Brooke?"

"Not my favorite," Derek said. "Madeline?"

Meredith scrunched her nose. "Reminds me of the book about the little, French orphan girl."

"Actually, she was in boarding school," Derek corrected.

"Orphanage, boarding school, whatever. Still a no."

"Fine. What about… Alexis?" Derek suggested.

"We already have a Lexie in the family," Meredith reminded him, taking one last scoop of peanut butter before putting it back in the cabinet. "Oh, what about Natalie? I've always loved that name."

Derek shrugged noncommittally. "It's okay."

Meredith looked down at her belly and sighed. "Don't worry. We'll have one by the time you're born," she said. "And hopefully that day, my belly button will return to normal, too."

"It will," Derek chuckled, resting his hand on the small of her back. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Meredith smiled. "Let's go."

…

Meredith shook her foot back and forth as they drove toward her old house, looking out the window for a suitable place to stop so she could pee. When she spotted a coffee shop coming up on the right, she gently tapped Derek's shoulder.

"Pull in," she told him.

Derek quickly switched lanes and made a right into the parking lot. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm going to pee myself. She's bouncing on my bladder or something," Meredith said.

"Okay," Derek nodded, trying not to laugh. These days, his wife was peeing nonstop, even having to scrub out of long surgeries every few hours to empty her bladder. And he knew that in the coming weeks, it would only get worse.

"Don't laugh at me," Meredith warned. "I woke up with an extreme outie belly button this morning. And my boobs are sore because they're growing so much. And our daughter is using my bladder as a trampoline. When you can top that, you can tease me," she couldn't help but giggle.

"But you're laughing," Derek pointed out as they unfastened their seatbelts. He walked around to the other side of the car and took Meredith's hand. Normally, she refused to let him open doors for her, but since getting pregnant, the chivalrous side of him was hard to get rid of.

"Irrelevant."

"Okay," Derek conceded. "Sorry." He opened the door to the coffee shop and Meredith walked in ahead of him, searching for the bathroom. "Want anything?" he asked.

Before walking toward the bathroom, Meredith studied the menu board, biting her lip in contemplation. "Yes," she said. "Uh… a hot chocolate. Oh, get some donuts, too. We can take them over to Alex and Iz's."

"Do you want a strawberry frosted with the sprinkles?" he asked.

Meredith smiled at how well he knew her. "Yes, please."

"Got it," Derek grinned, pulling his wallet from his pocket.

"Thank you," Meredith replied as she walked to the bathroom.

After paying the cashier and receiving the box of donuts and four hot chocolates, Derek was waiting off to the side for Meredith when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned on his heel and saw Meredith's father standing there, giving Derek a tentative smile.

"Thatcher," Derek greeted, slightly startled by his appearance, but even more nervous at how Meredith would react. "Nice to see you."

"You too," Thatcher returned, shoving one hand into his coat pocket as the fingers of his other hand nervously tapped against his paper coffee cup. "So, uh, how are you?"

"We've been really great. Meredith's getting bigger everyday—but don't tell her I said that," Derek laughed. "Working a lot, getting ready for the baby. How've you been?"

"Oh. Good. I'm working at U-Dub… research, you know. But I have the day off today, so I volunteered to babysit Laura for the day. Figured I could use all the caffeine I could get," he joked, holding up his large cup of coffee.

"Yeah, Mer and I watched her for a few hours over the holidays. Hard to believe she's three already," Derek said, swallowing thickly as he saw Meredith from the corner of his eye.

She stopped in her tracks for a few seconds, then approached the two of them, putting on her best smile. "Hi," Meredith said, placing a hand over her belly. "I uh… how are you? We haven't seen you in a while."

"Good, good," Thatcher nodded, his eyes immediately drawn to the baby bump under his daughter's shirt. "My God, look at you," he beamed.

Meredith bit her lip and blushed slightly. "Yeah. She's getting big, which means I'm getting big. I don't know if Lexie told you, but we've having a girl."

"Actually it was Laura," Thatcher chuckled. "I swear it's all she ever talks about. And I'm sorry—sorry that I haven't called. I was going to call… a few times, actually. But I know how busy you both are. I didn't want to bother you," he said apologetically.

Meredith waved it off. "Don't be sorry. It's… we could've called, too."

In an attempt to avoid what could become an even more awkward situation, Derek graciously intervened. "We should have you over for coffee sometime, or we can go out to lunch," he offered.

"That would be nice," Thatcher agreed. He smiled at Meredith, then quickly reached around to his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. "You know, I carry this around with me everywhere I go," he said, proudly showing them their daughter's eight week ultrasound photo they'd given him months ago.

"You do?" Meredith asked softly.

"Right next to a picture of Laura on her birthday," Thatcher said. "It's funny. You spend so many years carrying around pictures of your kids... now grandkids."

Derek smiled. "You should be very proud."

"I am," Thatcher nodded. "I'm proud every day."

"So, uh, I'll call you then, about lunch or something," Meredith said kindly. "It would be nice... to see you again soon."

"You too," Thatcher said, sincerity in his voice. He shook Derek's hand, then gently hugged Meredith.

Derek watched the gesture between father and daughter, and smiled to himself. Even if they were never the closest of family members, they had been making huge strides in the right direction for a while now, and Derek was glad for it. Not only for the two of them, but for his own daughter.

When they made it back to the car and pulled out of the parking lot, Meredith flipped open the donut box and began munching on her strawberry frosted one. "Of all the coffee shops in Seattle..."

"What? You two did fine," Derek assured her.

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just feel awkward around him."

"Why?" Derek asked.

"I don't know. There's just a lot of... crap in our past, you know? But compared to how we used to be, I guess this is good, right?" she asked in between taking bites of her donut.

"Of course it is. You guys have made so much progress. He carries our ultrasound picture in his wallet. He cares about you," Derek pointed out.

Meredith smoothed her shirt over her belly. "I really think he wants to know her... the baby, I mean."

"He will," Derek said. "He'll be as good a grandpa to her as he is to Laura - if that's what you want. I think he's willing to make the effort."

"I want her to know him. She'll never meet my mom. I want her to know my dad," Meredith said, immediately feeling guilty. Her dad - the father that was absent most of her life - wanted to be involved, but Derek's dad never got the chance. When they stopped at the red light, she took his hand. "I'm sorry," she said.

Derek looked over at her. "For what?"

"You had a great dad. And he never got to meet any of his grandkids," Meredith explained, giving his hand a small squeeze. "I'm sorry she'll never meet him."

"It's okay," Derek said softly. "I think he's always with me. And he'll always look out for her," he said, nodding towards Meredith's belly. "Just like your mom will."

"You think so?"

Derek smiled assuredly. "I do."

Meredith leaned her head against the headrest and mirrored her husband's smile. "Good."

"Little Eloise is very impressive... already bringing families together," Derek boasted of his unborn daughter.

"Eloise? Like the little girl at the plaza? We're so not naming our daughter that," Meredith told him, laughing.

"I know. I just wanted to see how you reacted," he grinned, pulling into the driveway of their old house.

"Mmhmm," Meredith smirked as she shoved the last of her donut into her mouth. She handed Derek the carrier with the hot chocolates and made sure she had a good grip on the box of donuts before they got out of the car.

They walked up to the front door, knocked twice, then entered. "Hello?" Meredith called out.

Izzie met them in the foyer and smiled. "Hey," she said cheerfully. "Thanks for coming."

"It's no problem. You guys helped us move out. Happy to help," Derek said.

"We have donuts," Meredith said, handing Izzie the box so she could take off her coat. "And hot chocolate."

"Where'd this come from?" Izzie asked as she accepted the box.

Alex came down the stairs, adjusting the watch on his wrist. "Hey. Oh, donuts." Izzie opened the box for him and he scanned over the choices before pulling out a Boston cream and biting into it. "Where'd these come from?"

Meredith sighed amusedly. "From the coffee shop on Bryant Ave... where we just happened to run into my dad."

Alex laughed. "Nice."

"Haha," Meredith replied wryly. She shrugged. "It wasn't that bad, actually. He's... sweet. In a previously-estranged-father-daughter relationship kind of way."

"So you didn't plan this meeting?" Izzie joked, selecting a blueberry donut for herself.

Derek shook his head. "No. Mer had to pee, so we made a quick stop."

"She was bouncing around on my bladder. I couldn't hold it until we got here," Meredith explained.

Izzie's eyes traveled down to Meredith's bump and she gasped in delight. "Your belly button is sticking out."

"Yes, thank you for pointing that out," Meredith giggled. "Derek noticed this morning. I was going to change into a looser fitting shirt, but apparently, he finds it cute so I didn't."

"It is cute," Izzie agreed.

"Told you," Derek chuckled.

Alex wiped some cream from the donut from his mouth with the side of his hand and shrugged. "I think it's kinda creepy."

"That's what I said," Meredith replied, staring down at it. "But it means that she's growing, so I'm happy."

"Speaking of 'she,' pick a name yet?" Izzie hinted.

Meredith smirked. "No. Not yet."

"Iz, let it go. When they pick one, they'll tell you," Alex teased her, finishing off the last of his donut. "Is one of those for me?" he asked when he spotted the tray of hot chocolates sitting on the side table.

"Yeah, one for each of us," Meredith nodded. "Sorry it's not coffee. But I don't let Derek drink it on our days off. It's my rule."

"He knocked you up. Only fair," Alex kidded, taking a sip from his cup.

"I think so, too," Meredith said, smiling playfully at her husband. "Okay, go do your man stuff."

Derek took his hot chocolate from the carrier. "What are you two gonna do?"

"I'm going to feed her," Izzie replied, pointing to Meredith. "She's still way too tiny."

"Hello?" Meredith laughed. "I'm getting the basketball belly. And my boobs are like grapefruits."

"I wouldn't even know you were pregnant if you turned around," Izzie countered.

"You should see me naked then. That might change your mind," Meredith teased, taking her hot chocolate from Derek when he handed it to her. "Tell her, Derek."

Derek ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "I... have no comment," he chuckled.

"Okay, go," Meredith giggled, pointing toward the stairs so they could get done whatever needed to be done.

Derek and Alex nodded, and trudged up the steps, a hot chocolate in each of their hands. "We expect beers later!" Alex called out jokingly. "And pizza!"

"Got it!" Izzie yelled back. She turned to Meredith and smiled. "Come on, I have cobbler."

Meredith followed her friend into the kitchen and sat down on a stool at the island, ready to eat whatever Izzie put in front of her. As she was sipping on her hot chocolate, she nearly choked when the baby kicked again, hard. "Holy crap. Right in the side," she sputtered, managing to laugh.

"She kicked?" Izzie asked, eyes wide. "Can I feel?"

"Yeah." Meredith took her hand and placed it where her daughter's tiny feet were busy kicking. "Feel that?" she asked as her daughter delivered a more mild kick this time.

"Oh my God," Izzie all but whimpered, smiling sappily at her. "That's so adorable."

Meredith laughed as she tucked some hair behind her ear. "Last night, she did that while... you know," she said. "Derek and I were... anyway, yeah, he was pretty freaked out."

"Did he keep going?" Izzie asked interestedly as she sliced Meredith a piece of cobbler out of the pan.

"I wanted him to," Meredith divulged, knowing that if Derek knew she was sharing tidbits of their sex life, he'd be mortified. "But he waited until she stopped. It's my fault. I accidentally put my hand on my belly when she started doing it, then he kind of knew," Meredith giggled.

Izzie put a slice of peach cobbler in front of Meredith, then cut herself a piece. "So... how is the sex?" she asked candidly.

"Izzie," Meredith gasped lightly, putting a forkful of the pastry into her mouth.

"What?"

Meredith sighed and gave in. She and Izzie had been friends for five years; sharing sex details was practically a given. "That book you gave us has lots of pregnancy positions in it. Fun stuff," she said. "Which is good, because once she's born, no sex for six weeks. And even then, it'll be tough to find the time at first. But yeah, pregnancy sex? I highly recommend it. We're doing things we've never done before."

"That makes me really glad you guys don't sleep down the hall anymore," Izzie said jokingly.

Meredith blushed. "We broke a headboard trying to make a baby this summer," she admitted before glancing down at her belly. "Definitely worth it though."

Izzie couldn't help but agree. The proof was not so hidden under her friend's shirt. "Guess it was."

Two hours passed before Alex and Derek trudged back down the stairs, hauling boxes of goodwill items, bags of trash, and a few other odds and ends that Derek thought Meredith might want to hold onto from her childhood. "All done?" Izzie asked, a beer in each hand, as she and Meredith emerged from the kitchen.

"Mostly dusty crap," Alex shrugged, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. He smiled when Izzie handed him the beer. "Thanks."

"We found a box labeled 'Meredith - baby stuff,'" Derek grinned, taking the other beer from Izzie. "I'm excited to look through that."

Meredith rolled her eyes amusedly. "Probably just blackmail pictures."

"I still wanna keep them," Derek upheld. "That way our daughter can have them."

"Yeah," Meredith smiled as she leaned against the banister, one hand draped over her belly. "That would be nice."

"Pizza should be here soon," Izzie said. "One pepperoni and one Hawaiian."

"Hawaiian?" Alex asked before downing another sip of his beer.

"Pineapples, ham, and bacon," Meredith said excitedly. "When I saw it on the menu, I made Izzie get it. I've been craving pineapple all day."

Derek smiled in feigned agreement. The thought of pineapple on pizza didn't appeal to him at all, but for Meredith, he'd have a slice. It was the least he could do, considering that she was housing their daughter. "Mmm... sounds good."

Meredith narrowed her eyes at him. "I can't tell if you're mocking me or not."

"Would I mock you?"

She laughed. "Yes."

...

Meredith sat up in their bed, a large pillow behind her to support her back, and paged through the photo album that had been buried in the back of the attic at the old house all this time. It was comforting to know that at least her father cared enough to take pictures, but also sad that her childhood was really only documented until she was five. After that, other than her school portraits, the rest of her life wasn't really preserved through film. Just random pictures here and there by relatives at family events, or with her friends while she was in grade school. Still though, she smiled. Because their daughter was going to have millions of pictures. Baby days, kindergarten graduation, birthday parties, holidays, proms, her wedding. All of it.

"Hey," Derek said as he stepped out of the bathroom, freshly showered and wearing pajama pants and a tee shirt. He slid under his side of the covers and kissed her cheek. "Still looking through this?"

"Yeah," Meredith replied. She saw a picture of her five year old self smiling in her kindergarten picture, with pigtails and a missing front tooth. "I haven't seen this picture in twenty five years," she said.

Derek kissed her temple. "You were a beautiful little girl," he said softly. "I think she's gonna look just like you."

"Only she'll have perfect hair and be chatty like you," Meredith giggled. She felt the baby's foot pressing into her side, her hand coming to rest over the spot on her swollen belly. "See, she agrees with me."

"Is she moving around?" Derek asked, placing his hand next to hers.

"Yeah. She always seems to move around before bedtime. I guess she's getting herself comfy for the night," Meredith joked. "Maybe it's her way of telling us to go to bed so she can get some sleep."

Derek chuckled. "Daddy promises that we'll go to bed very soon," he said to her belly.

Meredith flipped the thick photo album closed and set it gently on her nightstand. "More tomorrow," she yawned. She glanced to the box on the floor full of her childhood items. Unable to resist looking through it, she turned to Derek. "Could you get that box?"

"Yeah," he nodded, flinging back the covers and hoisting the cardboard box up onto the bed. There was a light brown teddy bear on top, and Derek pulled it out. "Cute," he grinned. "Does he have a name?"

"No idea. Maybe when I was three he did," Meredith laughed. "I think I got it for Christmas." She rummaged through the box some more and pulled out a worn, plush doll from inside. "Oh my God," she said softly, running her fingers through its yellow yarn hair.

"What's this?" Derek asked.

Meredith smiled. "My Lilly doll. I got her the day I was born. I had no idea I still had this..."

"Well, she was clearly your favorite," Derek judged, based on the doll's wear and tear.

"Yeah. I brought her everywhere. She's in just as many pictures as I am," Meredith said. "I really can't believe she's been in that box all this time."

"Who named her?" Derek asked as Meredith handed him the soft pink baby doll.

"I don't know. She was always just Lilly." Meredith smiled sadly, nostalgically. "After my dad left, she was all I had. My mom never wanted pets, so she was who I talked to."

Derek wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cheek. "Looks like she's been good to you."

"Yeah," Meredith whispered. "She really was."

Silence permeated the air for several moments while Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder. He traced his fingers down the tattered seam of the doll's dress, a small smile coming over his face. "What about Lilly?" he said.

"Hmm?" she hummed.

"Lilly. For the baby," Derek clarified.

Meredith raised her head to meet his eye line, contemplating the idea. She blinked a few times as she stared at her little doll Derek was holding, then she smiled back at him. "Lilly," she repeated, listening to how it sounded when it rolled off her tongue. "Lilly," she said again, slower this time.

"Lilly Shepherd," Derek added, testing the waters.

Their daughter gave her a gentle kick, perhaps one last attempt to get comfortable for the night, and Meredith rubbed her palm over her bump like she'd done minutes before. "Lilly Shepherd," she whispered, gazing down at her swollen belly. When she looked at her husband again, all she could do was nod and smile some more. "I love that."

"Me too," he said, a grin radiating from his face.

Meredith laughed, giddy with joy and relief and love for the tiny person kicking her from the inside. "Did we really just name our child?"

Derek leaned in and kissed her, then settled his forehead against hers. "I think we did," he said. "Only took us twenty-five weeks."

"It's beautiful," Meredith said softly. She felt the pregnant lady tears burning in her eyes and she giggled, grabbing a tissue from the box on her nightstand. "So, okay then. Lilly."

"With two Ls?" Derek asked.

"Two Ls," she echoed. "I like it with two instead of one." The enormity of the moment hit her and she ran a hand through her hair. "Our daughter has a name."

Derek leaned down and kissed her belly. "Hear that? You're officially named."

"Yes, you are," Meredith smiled.

"Now she just needs a middle name. Any other dolls in that box?" he teased.

"Don't think so," Meredith said, laughing. "We picked a first name. That's enough for tonight."

His palms settled on her cheeks and Derek pressed his lip against Meredith's, moaning when her lips parted and she granted his tongue entry into her mouth. "Hmm..." he moaned. "Are we..."

"Having sex?" she finished for him. "I guess we could. We did just make a kind of huge decision - without even arguing about it."

"We did," Derek agreed. "It's very impressive."

Meredith smiled at Derek as he lifted up her shirt and kissed imaginary circles onto the skin of her swollen abdomen. This was one of the more profound moments in life, and she planned on reveling in it with her husband.

"We love you, Lilly," he whispered against her skin.

Her heart fluttered inside her chest when Derek said it. And Meredith knew they'd chosen right when Lilly gave the inside of her belly a tiny, approving kick upon hearing her father's voice as he called their daughter by her name for the first time.