131. Lilly's First Thanksgiving

Disclaimer: Shonda owns it. Not me.

Thanks for your patience, as always! And thanks so much to those that review, and all those that review anonymously whom I can't e-mail in a review reply. I appreciate them all so much! :)

Lilly wiggled in her bassinet after waking up, staring around the bedroom she didn't recognize. The only thing familiar to her was the sound of her parents' breathing as they slept. She rolled first to her left, expecting to see her mom like she always did. But when she was missing, Lilly rolled to her right, the place where her dad always slept. When she was met with pink, lacy padding on both sides, her lower lip quivered, and she let out a small cry, wondering where her two favorite people were.

As soon as Meredith and Derek heard the sad, little sound, they were pulled from their sleep. Meredith had barely opened her eyes when she swung her legs over the side of the bed. "What's wrong, Lillybug?" she asked, scooping her out of the bassinet. "Not used to sleeping by yourself, huh?"

"Is she okay?" Derek asked.

Meredith sat back down on the bed, letting Lilly lay on her chest as she settled down. "Yeah, she's fine. I think she's so used to waking up between us in the mornings. Maybe she got worried when she didn't see us."

"We're right here, Princess," Derek said softly, kissing the top of Lilly's head. He glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside nightstand. "Wow, 9:06. I didn't expect to sleep that long."

Meredith laughed, peeking into the back of Lilly's diaper to make sure she didn't need a change. "Technically, it's only 6:06 in Seattle, so we're still sleep deprived."

"Hadn't thought of that," Derek said through a yawn. "Oh, well. May as well get a jump start on the day."

"Did you have anything in mind?" Meredith asked, smoothing her fingers through his hair, his curls sticking out in every direction after sleeping all night.

"Yeah, actually," Derek said, scooting into a sitting position. "I was thinking we could drive out to the cemetery where my dad is buried. If you don't want to, I understand. I just thought it would—"

Meredith reached for his hand and squeezed. "I'd like that," she said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she echoed.

Derek smiled at Lilly, who smiled back at him. "I'll tell my mom, but I'd rather my sisters not know—nothing against them; I'd rather it just be the three of us, that's all."

"I get it," Meredith nodded. "If you want, I could nurse Lilly while you take a shower, then you could take her downstairs while I'm getting ready."

"I was kind of hoping I could take a shower with you," Derek said as he set his feet on the floor and stood up. "You know, like we did last time."

Meredith smiled. "Last time we did that, Lilly was the size of an apple and living inside me. We didn't have to ask someone to watch her while we... showered," she said, letting Derek take Lilly so she could adjust her shirt to nurse. "But once she falls asleep tonight, it's fair game."

"Really?" Derek asked in surprise.

"Well, we do have our holiday sex tradition. So yes, we can," Meredith promised, cupping his cheeks with her hands and kissing him before accepting Lilly into her arms.

"Okay, then. I'll make sure to eat light tonight," he teased.

"On Thanksgiving? We're probably going to be like beached whales in turkey comas," Meredith pointed out.

Derek pursed his lips as he considered that. "On second thought, maybe we should actually shower in the shower, and do the spoony sex thing after."

"Ooh, I like spoony sex," Meredith agreed, holding Lilly to her chest.

Lilly put her hand on Meredith's breast before latching, and Meredith snuggled her close as she rubbed her back. "I'm really glad you don't know what we're talking about, peanut."

"If she did, you and I would be footing her very expensive therapy bill," Derek chuckled.

"Which is why we need to let her Uncle Mark and Aunt Bridget watch her while we... keep tradition. I can't have sex with her in the room," Meredith said.

"I can't tell Mark to watch my kid while we have sex," Derek said, cringing at the thought.

"Well, I suppose we could ask one of your sisters. Or your mom. I'm sure she'd be fine with it," Meredith shrugged nonchalantly.

Derek glanced up at her and smirked. "The sarcasm... it's cute," he said, rummaging in their shared suitcase for his toiletries. "Fine. Mark and Bridget it is. Plus, a little babysitting practice couldn't hurt. I'm sure they're gonna make one of their own soon."

Meredith bit her lip, her conversation with Bridget the night before still fresh in her mind. But instead of bringing it up with Derek, she just smiled. "Yeah."

"Okay, I'm going to shower. I won't be long," Derek said, walking into the adjacent bathroom.

"Okay."

Once the bathroom door closed and Meredith heard the shower spray hit the floor, she looked down at Lilly. "You know, I really didn't expect Daddy to suggest going to the cemetery. His dad died a long time ago, but it's still hard for him to talk about it. I think part of why he wants to go is for you. He wants to make sure you know who your grandpa was, because Daddy loves you so much. And I think that's pretty cool of him, don't you?"

Lilly looked up at her with the trusting blue-green eyes that she reserved for parents, giving her a happy smile as she nursed. Meredith kissed the baby's tiny forehead. "Yeah, me too."

...

After breakfast, they bundled Lilly up in her winter coat, and trekked out to the cemetery where Derek's father was buried, a thirty minute drive from the Shepherd home. For Derek, the drive had become rote, even though he hadn't visited in years. Every memory of the day they buried his dad flooded back into mind. He could remember the cold January morning in perfect detail: the uncomfortable, heavy suit he wore, the sound of his sisters' crying, and his mother's red-rimmed eyes as she tried to hold herself together for the sake of her children.

They pulled into the cemetery, and Derek navigated the winding roads until he reached the row where his father rested. After turning the car off, Derek felt Meredith's warm hand take his, and she smiled at him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Meredith asked.

Derek looked over at her and smiled back. "Yeah. I do."

"Okay," she said.

They got out of the car, and Meredith scooped Lilly out of her car seat in the back, swaddling her in a blanket to keep her warm over her coat. Meredith tucked the baby's hat over her ears, then held her close. "There you go. All wrapped up like a burrito," she said.

Derek put his hand on the small of her back, and they began walking down the row of headstones. Before Meredith could even read the name on Derek's father's, she could guess which one was his. It was the most well maintained plot in the row, decorated with flowers and a grave blanket. And when Derek stopped in front of it, Meredith realized she'd been correct.

James C. ShepherdBeloved Husband and FatherSeptember 3, 1940 - January 21, 1983

Meredith heard Derek clear his throat as he tried to keep his emotions at bay, and she reached for his hand again. She laced her fingers through his and squeezed. "It's okay to talk about him," she encouraged gently.

"It's weird being back here. I haven't been here in... six years, I think," he pondered out loud. "My mom visits a lot. A few times a month. Once a week, if she has the time. That's why it still looks brand new. She's always replacing the flowers and shining the headstone. Every year on their anniversary, she brings a bouquet of daffodils for him."

"Yeah?"

"Daffodils were their flower. He gave her daffodils on their first date, and a daffodil corsage for every dance and prom. They had daffodils at their wedding. And every time my mom had a baby or they celebrated an anniversary, he'd give them to her. It was just their thing."

Derek wiped tears under his eyes with his coat sleeve, then wrapped his arm around Meredith's waist. She leaned into his warmth. "They really loved each other," she said.

"Yeah, they did. Even with five kids to raise—six, counting Mark—and trying to make ends meet, they never let the stress get to them. Never took each other for granted. She was a sophomore in high school and he was a senior when they met," Derek said.

"And they never dated anyone else?" Meredith asked with quiet admiration.

Derek shook his head. "Nope. Once they met, that was it. Even after he died, she never met anyone else, which made sense at the time. She had young kids to take care of; we were always her first priority. But even after we'd all gone away to college and grown up, she still wasn't interested," he recalled before smiling. "She always said she'd already met the love of her life, and even though he wasn't here, it didn't change how much she was still in love with him."

Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder, and savored just being near her husband and daughter. She was grateful for Derek and Lilly every second of every day, but knowing what Derek's mother went through, and seeing what a strong, loving person she was then and now made her feel even more blessed to have both of them.

"God, he would've loved you two," Derek said. "He never got to meet you or any of his sons-in-law or grandkids."

"He knows who we are," Meredith said, kissing the top of Lilly's head, kept warm under her hat. "Right, Lilly? Tell Daddy."

Derek reached for Lilly, who was on a mission to free herself from the fleece blanket Meredith had wrapped her in. "Come here, Lillybug," he said, his somber mood improving exponentially the second he held Lilly.

He sat down on the grass and set Lilly in his lap, and Meredith followed suit. She was unsure of what protocol dictated in an unfamiliar situation like this, and she bit her lip as she watched Derek's face. He stared at the headstone in front of them, his lips pursed in thought. But when she saw that look dissolve into happiness, she felt that same happiness fill her, too.

"You know, he wouldn't have wanted us to be sad, especially not on Thanksgiving," Derek said, tucking Lilly's foot back into her Ugg boot, then the blanket after she'd managed to wiggle it free. "He'd want us to be happy."

"What made him happy?" Meredith prodded, hoping to spark the conversation. She wanted Derek to open up and talk as much as she wanted to hear the stories of his childhood, the ones that helped shape him into the man he was today.

Derek snuggled Lilly closer to his chest after she leaned into him. "Being a dad. He loved being a dad. And he always made sure that the two of us got time to ourselves, away from the estrogen festival in our house," he chuckled. "You know that tree house in the backyard?"

"Yeah."

"My Dad, Mark and I built that one summer," Derek said.

Meredith turned her head toward him. "Really? That tree house is huge."

"Yeah. The wood's been replaced two or three times since we built it, but it's the same design," Derek nodded. "My parents turned the basement into a playroom for all of us when we were little. Eventually, Mark and I got tired of the girls always taking it over. They used our G.I. Joes as Barbie's husbands, and turned our Erector Sets into Barbie's amusement park."

"I was never a fan of Barbie, but you've got to admit, that's creative," Meredith giggled, warming up with the sunlight hitting their backs.

Derek rolled his eyes playfully. "Yeah, very," he joked. "My Dad saw that we were losing ground, so he decided we needed our own space. He helped us draw up blueprints, then we went and bought all the wood. It took us two weeks to build. We were so proud of it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. We hung out in there every day. Even my Dad would come up sometimes, usually on Friday nights when my sisters blasted music in the basement and had dance parties. It was quiet up there. No one bothered us. We would talk or play card games; sometimes we'd listen to the game on the radio and eat popcorn. It was fun," Derek said.

"Lots of good memories?" Meredith guessed.

"Really good memories. Some of the last ones I have of my Dad, actually. We planned on putting in a retractable rope ladder, so the girls couldn't climb up the wooden steps on the tree trunk and invade us. He died before we got the chance," Derek sighed, taking hold of Lilly's hand, kept warm in her purple mitten.

Meredith rubbed her hand over his thigh. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"I remember a few weeks after my Dad died, I was up in the tree house flipping through his baseball card collection. He had a whole album full of them. Anyway, next thing I know, Mark climbs up and hands me a rope ladder, and tells me to get up off my ass and help him install it," Derek said before laughing. "Even at twelve, Mark had an extensive cursing vocabulary. My Mom was grateful that I never picked up on it."

"Sounds like Mark hasn't changed," Meredith joked.

"No, he really hasn't," Derek agreed. "So that afternoon, we installed the rope ladder by ourselves. I never would've built it if he hadn't made me. It was his way of helping me move on. Helping me cope, you know?

Meredith smiled, pulling him closer to her. She'd seen Mark gush over Lilly enough to know that he had a sweet side, but to hear about those small moments of compassion he showed Derek made her grateful to him, too. "That's what your Dad would've wanted."

"I know. That's why I'm really glad that Mark was around. We didn't talk about feelings or anything, but it was nice just having him there. I didn't have to put on a brave face for him."

"It's good that he was there for you," Meredith said.

"Mark and I were close before that, but after my Dad died, we were like brothers. He practically lived with us until we went to college. Then we shared a dorm for four years... which was fun, except for when he'd try to hook up with girls while I was studying on the other side of the room," Derek recalled.

Meredith laughed. "Yeah, Mark really hasn't changed. Well, until he met Bridget, anyway."

"Yeah, and I don't know why this conversation veered to Mark," Derek said.

"He was there for you when you needed him the most. I get that. You were there for me after my Mom died, and that still means the world to me," Meredith said, scooting closer to him on the grass. "Do you have any more stories about your dad? I really like hearing about him."

"God, tons," Derek said, unzipping his coat and bundling it around Lilly to keep the slight wind from blowing on her. He kissed the top of her head. "You know the music box in your room, Princess? That belonged to Daddy, and before that, it belonged to my Dad. His mom hand-painted it for him. Whenever I walk into your room and see it on the shelf, it reminds me of your grandpa. It's like a piece of him is always with you."

Meredith looped her arm through Derek's and kissed his cheek. "He is, Derek."

They spent another hour sitting in front of the grave site, and the more Derek talked about his father, the more relaxed he became. His somber mood faded to a happy nostalgia, one that made Meredith glad they decided to come. She knew how much Derek still missed his dad, even though he'd been passed away for nearly thirty years, and she would have happily sat there all day with him had he asked.

Before they left, Derek tucked a laminated picture of Lilly into one of the bouquets of daffodils, with the words To Grandpa, Love Lilly written on the back.

...

Like most events in the Shepherd house, Thanksgiving was big. Lots of adults, lots of kids, and lots of food. The kitchen table was actually comprised of five different tables that spanned the dining room and living room. For Meredith, even the thought of planning a Thanksgiving dinner like this was overwhelming, much less executing it smoothly. But after so many years, the Shepherd family had it down to a science.

Lilly sat on Derek's lap, her blue eyes wide with wonder as she surveyed everything. Compared to the quiet dinners she typically ate with her parents and Charlie, even she seemed to sense the enormity of whatever it was that was going on. After Derek's mother said grace, the chaos began, and all of the food started making its journey from one of the table to the other.

"Here you go. I pureed some of the vegetables for Lilly and put them into little bowls for her to try," Linda said as she set a small tray between Meredith and Derek's place settings.

Meredith smiled at her mother-in-law. "You didn't have to do that."

"Thank you," Derek said.

"It's no problem, sweethearts," Mrs. Shepherd said, giving both of their shoulders a gentle squeeze before making her way down to the head of the table.

"She's like Super Mom. She cooked three turkeys and still had time to cook for Lilly, too," Meredith said in awe as she fixed Lilly's hair bow. "I was just planning on mushing up the vegetables on my plate to give her."

Derek tickled Lilly's belly with his finger. "That's because your grandma loves to spoil you," he chuckled.

"You two do it, too," Mark chimed in, grinning at them from the other side of the table.

"So do we," Bridget reminded him.

"Yeah, I guess we do," Mark admitted. "She's too cute not to spoil once in a while."

"I guess you guys are getting in lots of parenting boot camp with Lilly, huh?" Kathleen asked.

"Derek and I changed her diaper in the airplane bathroom. We actually did a damn good job, too," Mark boasted jokingly.

Derek laughed as he fixed the frill of Lilly's dress. "I did all the work. You just held her."

"Could you have done both of those things by yourself?" Mark challenged, scooping a heaping amount of stuffing onto his plate. "Didn't think so."

Meredith fed Lilly a spoonful of pureed carrots, smiling when she happily accepted it. "Good girl," she praised. "Mark and Bridget are great with her. They're going to be amazing parents," she said, glancing over at Bridget, who smiled back at her.

"How was it going back to work? I remember it was so tough with all my kids," Liz said.

"It was hard. It still is. I hate being away from her. Derek's been so supportive, though. If he hadn't taken time off, there's no way I'd be able to finish residency on time," Meredith said. "And he brings Lilly up to the hospital nearly every day."

"She's such a good baby. She makes it easy," Derek said, giving Lilly a spoonful of peas. Lilly made a face as she gummed it around in her mouth, then spit it out. "Easy baby; not a fan of peas," he laughed.

Lilly rubbed the mushy peas all over her chin with her hand, and Meredith quickly reached for her napkin. "I think that's the first food she doesn't like. She's been such a good eater," she said as she gently wiped the excess off Lilly's face.

"Oh, that reminds me. Lilly needs to try some of the pumpkin pie I made. I remember how much Derek loved it when he was little. None of the girls liked it, but he couldn't get enough. So if she's anything like her father, she'll love it, too," Linda said.

"Ooh, how's the sound, Lilly? Want to try some pumpkin later on?" Meredith asked, laughing when Lilly smiled at her. "Okay, good. It's a plan."

"How has Adam been with his feedings, Ames? Any issues with the acid reflux?" Derek asked his sister, who held the baby against her chest with one hand and ate with the other.

Amy took a sip from her glass and nodded. "He's been great. We know all the tricks now, so he hasn't had a problem. He's such a mellow baby. And Kyle's been so great with him."

"You like being a big brother, buddy?" Mark asked the toddler, sitting in his booster seat between his parents.

"Uh huh! I share all my toys with him, and we watch Yo Gabba Gabba together," Kyle said. "You like that show, right Aunt Meredith?"

Meredith smiled with as much enthusiasm as she could muster as she chewed on some turkey. "Mhm. Yeah. I love it," she said.

"We let Lilly watch it sometimes. She'll lie in her boppy seat on the couch and smile the whole time. Although, I gotta say she's way more interested in neurosurgery," Derek began before everyone around the table let out good-natured sighs, always ribbing him for being the brain man of the family.

"No, I'm serious. One night, Mer was watching one of her mom's old surgery tapes to prep for her tumor removal, and Lilly was obsessed. If it hadn't been close to her bedtime, she would've happily watched the whole thing," Derek boasted, letting Lilly try the string beans this time.

"As much as I hate to pump his ego, it's true," Mark vouched. "There was this one time when their shifts overlapped, and I offered to take Lilly while they scrubbed in on an emergency craniotomy. We sat in the gallery and she watched the whole thing on the TV monitor. Blood, brains, scalpels, everything. Never turned away. If it wasn't against the rules, I'd swear they'd bring her into the OR in one of those Swedish baby holder things."

"A Baby Björn," Derek corrected, giving Lilly a sip of her bottle. "And yes, we would."

...

Lilly fell asleep that night while she was still in the bathtub, not even waking when they dressed her. It had been another successful Shepherd Thanksgiving dinner, one that left everyone satiated and happy. Meredith could barely keep her eyes open as she lay on the bed, Lilly snoozing on her chest. The tryptophan from the turkey was getting the best of her, and she was fairly certain that without a caffeine injection, there's no way she'd have the energy to make good on her sex promise to Derek.

"Falling asleep?" Derek chuckled as he walked out of the adjoining bathroom after hanging Lilly's bath towel on the towel rack.

Meredith inhaled deeply as she stretched, the scent of Lilly's lavender baby lotion wafting to her nose. "Maybe," she admitted. "If you're willing to do all the work, we can still have sex. I already gave Bridget a heads up about watching Lilly for a while."

"I'm beat. Rain check for the morning?" Derek suggested, crawling in next to her in bed.

"Yes, please," Meredith agreed.

Derek rubbed his hand over Lilly's back. "Someone was tired, huh? She has to be exhausted to fall asleep in the tub. She loves it in there."

"She has a belly full of pumpkin pie," Meredith said, kissing the top of the baby's damp head. "Your Mom was right. She loves it as much as you did."

"I know. She was going to town on it. I wasn't sure how she'd be with some of the new foods she tried. Besides the peas, she loved it all," Derek said.

Meredith laughed. "Yeah, and what goes in must come out. Have fun with that diaper. My Thanksgiving gift to you."

"Hmm, maybe we'll get lucky and it'll happen tomorrow morning when we're having sex, and she just so happens to be with Mark and Bridget," Derek teased.

"Then we'd technically be getting lucky twice," Meredith pointed out. She splayed a hand over Lilly's back, and put the other on Derek's cheek before she kissed him. "I had a really good day."

"So did I. Thank you for coming with me to see my Dad. It's... that really means a lot to me."

"It meant a lot to me, too," Meredith said, moving her hand to the curls on the nape of his neck. "And do you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because you find a way to take all that pain you feel, and channel it into something good. You're the best dad Lilly could've ever hoped for. You even put your career on hold to make sure I could have mine. No one's ever done that for me before... you know, care about me like that. And you take such good care of Lilly. I meant what I said at dinner. I wouldn't have been able to do any of it without you. So even though you didn't really have your Dad growing up, I like to think he helped make you the man you are, and I'm grateful to him for that. He'd be so proud of you, Derek," Meredith said.

"Thank you, Mer," he said softly.

Derek smiled, watching how Lilly scrunched her nose in her sleep, exactly like Meredith did. Just has he leaned down to kiss the back of her head, Lilly let out a rumbling sound beneath her blanket, and Derek couldn't help but laugh, his lips against her dark hair. "Perfect timing as usual, Lilly."

"I'll start unsnapping her pajamas. You get the diaper supplies," Meredith laughed.

Derek swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Yep, on it."