133. Christmas Pictures

Disclaimer: I don't own TV shows.

As always, thank you a thousand times for your patience! It means so much to me!

The bedroom was dark, still free of any streaks of the barely risen sun. The time on the clock said 5:47, which meant there was just over an hour before the alarm was set to sound. But Lilly had other plans. Since she began teething, the days had been starting earlier, and her little cries of discomfort had been taking place of the alarm clock.

Derek heard his daughter crying first, and he pulled himself from sleep so Meredith wouldn't have to. She had back to back surgeries scheduled today, and he wanted her to get as much rest as she could. Derek rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, then scooped Lilly into his arm.

"Good morning, baby girl. Do your gums hurt?" he whispered.

Lilly curled into his chest and sniffled, and Derek patted her diapered bottom. "I know," he soothed. "Let's go downstairs and get a teething ring, so Mommy can sleep."

Meredith's eyes blinked open tiredly, and she looked at the two of them. "Hmm, hey. Is she okay?"

"She's fine. Just needs a teething ring. Go back to sleep," Derek said softly.

"M'kay," Meredith murmured, closing her eyes again.

Derek swung his legs over the side of the bed and padded out of their bedroom, down the hall, then descended the stairs. Lilly looked up at him with her tired blue eyes that matched his.

"Rough way to start a morning, huh? I think I'd rather be woken up by the alarm than by sore gums."

Lilly babbled something back to him, stretching her tiny limbs. Even at six in the morning, her sweet, little voice was enough to perk him up, and he smiled at her. "You said it," he teased, walking into the kitchen.

After taking a teething ring from the fridge, he went back into the living room. The house was still dark, but somehow, Derek managed to find the switch for the Christmas tree rotator and lights, and he turned it on. He and Lilly both blinked when the room was illuminated by the twinkling of the tree.

"You know, one of Mommy's favorite things to do is lie under the Christmas tree and look up at it. Now, she and I do that every year. I would lie under it with you, but that seems dangerous to do with a six month old," Derek said, lying down on the couch with Lilly sprawled on top of him, her cheek resting on his chest.

"Here, you can chew on this," Derek said, offering her the teething ring. He put it between her gums, and Lilly scrunched her face in disapproval. He laughed at the little wrinkles on her forehead as he took it out. "Too cold still? Where does it hurt?"

Derek ran his finger along Lilly's bottom gums and felt how hard they were getting, a sure sign that a tooth was going to pop up any day now. Before he could remove his finger, Lilly was already holding it in place with her hand and began chewing lightly on it. Her uncomfortable whimpers dissipated, and she focused her attention on the tree as though she were watching a movie.

Derek chuckled, putting his free hand over Lilly's back. "Whatever works. You can keep it there all day long if you need to."

It wasn't long before Derek noticed Lilly's eyelids getting heavy, and he kissed the top of her dark head of hair. "You can go back to sleep. Daddy's got you, Lillybug," he said before yawning. "In fact, how about we both go to sleep?"

Mere minutes passed before they both did.

And they were still sleeping when Meredith eventually came downstairs a little while later, dressed and ready for work. She smiled when she saw the two of them sound asleep on the couch. It was moments like this that made her wish her residency was finished, that she could go put her pajamas back on and curl up next to her husband and daughter. She loved her job, and knew that the grueling schedule and all of the early mornings would be worth it when she officially became an attending in July, but ever since having Lilly, pulling out of the driveway every day was a challenge.

Meredith took the blanket from the top of the couch and gently draped it over them. Just as she was closing the curtains to keep out any sunlight, Derek shuffled slightly under the blanket, craning his neck toward her.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Meredith said just as softly, sitting down on the coffee table. "You both look so comfy."

"It's okay. I like saying goodbye before you leave," Derek said. "When's your shift over today?"

Meredith checked her watch. "I start at eight. I'm hoping to be home by three. I'm doing a cranial nerve reconstruction with Mark. He knows we're getting Lilly's pictures done, so he'll let me go early."

"Hmm, using the good old Lilly name drop?" Derek joked.

"Hey, it works. Not my fault he turns to goo when we bring her up," Meredith pointed out. "Oh, and if she's fussy around lunchtime and won't take a bottle, you can bring her up to the hospital if you want. I like nursing her during my break, anyway."

Derek nodded. "Okay, I'll see how she's feeling."

Meredith smiled when she noticed Derek's finger in Lilly's mouth. "How long has she been holding your finger hostage?"

"Almost two hours. It's numb," Derek chuckled.

Meredith ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing it away from his forehead. "You're a good daddy," she said. "Thank you for letting me sleep."

"I wanted you to."

"Well, I appreciate it," Meredith said. "So do you think we should cancel her pictures? I know it's just teething and she's not actually sick; I just don't want her to feel crummy."

"Nah, she'll be fine. Once she wakes up and has some breakfast, I'll give her some baby Tylenol. That always knocks the pain out. By the time you get home, she'll be her bright and shiny self," Derek promised.

Meredith laughed softly. "Okay."

When she made no motion to move, Derek cocked his head and smiled. "Really don't want to go to work, huh?" he guessed.

"No," she sighed, scrunching her nose.

"How about we come visit you anyway, whether she's fussy or not? Maybe it'll help break up the day a little," Derek offered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Lilly and I can sit in the gallery and watch your surgery, then we can go have lunch in my office, so you can nurse. She loves the hospital," Derek said, rubbing Lilly's back with his hand.

Meredith smiled. "She gets that from me. My mom got me a suture kit for my birthday, and the nurses always had fruit baskets being delivered to them, so they'd give me bananas and kiwis and stuff. I'd sit in the gallery all day slicing fruit and stitching it back up. I could out-suture most of the interns by the time I was six."

"That'll be Lilly in a few years. Only, you know, without the..." Derek stalled as he tried to come up with the right words.

"Complete parental neglect?" Meredith offered, laughing in spite of herself.

Derek nodded in agreement. "I was trying to be tactful, but yeah, that sums it up."

"Yeah, well my mother wasn't exactly the tactful type," Meredith pointed out. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to Lilly's cheek. "But don't worry; that'll never, ever happen to you. I'll see you at lunch, okay? Mommy loves you, Lilly." She handed Derek the remote and kissed him again. "Here you go. Just in case she stays asleep on you for a while and you get bored."

"Good thinking; thanks."

"You do realize how jealous I am right now, right?" Meredith joked.

"Yeah, I got that," Derek said, smiling apologetically.

Meredith smirked. "Good."

...

The automatic doors of the hospital opened with a swoosh, letting Derek and Lilly pass through. Derek smiled at the familiarity of Seattle Grace, one that he had become so accustomed to since he began working there. But every time someone asked if he missed coming to work full time, with the hustle and bustle of back to back surgeries, he always gave the honest answer: no.

As much as he loved his job, and enjoyed coming to work a couple days a week as opposed to the normal six or seven, the OR wasn't nearly as important to him as Meredith and Lilly were. Meredith deserved the chance to finish her residency on time, and Lilly deserved stability. If he could ensure both of those things, being a part time surgeon for a while was a small sacrifice.

Derek bounced Lilly in one arm, and held a paper bag with lunch in the other. He spotted the Chief paying for a cup of coffee at the coffee cart, and flagged him down. "Chief," he called out.

Richard turned around, smiling from ear to ear when he saw the two of them. "Derek. It's good to see you," he greeted, reaching for Lilly's hand to shake it. "You too, little lady. How are you?"

"She's good. We're going through the teething woes, but she's a trooper," Derek bragged as they walked across the main lobby toward the elevator. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Of course," Richard said eagerly, swapping his coffee for Derek to hold, so he could take Lilly. He hugged her and let her sit in his arm. "I remember when Meredith was teething. The only thing that helped her was frozen bananas. She loved them," he said nostalgically, like a father talking about his daughter.

"Lilly, too. Our freezer is stocked with them," Derek said.

The Chief smiled down at Lilly. "You're just like your Mommy," he said, stepping onto the elevator with Derek.

"She really is. Mer says she looks like me, but everything she does reminds me so much of her. They make the same facial expressions. They both scrunch their noses the same way. Lilly doesn't even have teeth yet, but she still bites her lip. She loves surgery, too. We're on our way to the gallery to watch Mer finish up in OR 2."

"I think it's fair to say the surgery gene came from both of you," Richard said. "Is Meredith on call tonight?"

"No, just until this afternoon. We're actually having a photographer come to the house to take Lilly's six month pictures, so it's gonna be a Christmasy theme. Should be fun," Derek said.

Richard smiled. "Hard to believe that she's six months old."

"I know. I remember getting her six month sonogram pictures, and I couldn't believe how big she looked in those. Now, Meredith and I joke that she's practically an adult."

"One day, she'll take over the Chief of Surgery position," Richard said, chuckling when Lilly reached for the penlight in his coat pocket. "See, she's already a natural."

"You can hold the spot for her for the next thirty years. Probably less. She's a genius," Derek boasted again, just as they stepped off the elevator onto the surgical floor.

"Or maybe, she could take over for you," Richard said.

Derek stopped and turned to the Chief. "Me?"

"I'm not gonna be here forever, Shep. One day, someone else will be sitting behind that desk. You're the only one I'd consider for it," the Chief said in a way that told Derek he was serious, and not simply offering the job as a compliment.

"Chief, I..." Derek said, before Richard cut him off.

"I'm not saying it's going to be tomorrow. It may not be for a few years," he said, sensing Derek's hesitation. "But let's face it. I'm not getting any younger. If I don't step down, I'll eventually get pushed off. We both know that. All I'm saying is think about it."

They reached the steps to the gallery, and Richard kissed Lilly's forehead before handing her back to Derek. "It was so nice to see you, Miss Lilly. Now you go have fun watching your Mom save a life. She's very good at that, and you will be, too."

"Thank you, sir. Good seeing you," Derek said.

"You, too," Richard replied, giving a polite nod and excusing himself when Patricia waved him down with a stack of paperwork.

Derek adjusted Lilly in his arm and walked up the steps that led into the OR gallery. "Teething advice and a job offer. A lot can happen between the lobby and the OR, huh?"

Lilly babbled up at him, and Derek smiled. "My thoughts exactly," he said. "Okay, let's go watch Mommy and Uncle Mark repair facial nerves. I reserved us front row seats."

The gallery was nearly empty, only two residents sitting in the back row taking notes and sipping coffee. Derek smiled at both of them, then walked over to the intercom, pressing the 'on' button. "Guess who's here," he said into the speaker.

Meredith and Mark glanced up at the gallery, both smiling under their masks. "Hi, baby girl!" Meredith said happily, waving up at them with her free hand.

Lilly smiled excitedly when she heard Meredith's voice, and her eyes were immediately drawn to her down in the OR. Derek held her closer to the glass so she would have a better view. "Isn't that neat, Princess? You've been in the OR since before you born. You spent nine months at the OR table inside Mommy."

"You sure she's not gonna get nightmares from seeing this guy's face peeled off?" Mark asked over the intercom.

Derek shook his head. "She doesn't know what she's looking at. If she were a toddler, I wouldn't bring her anywhere near it," he said, grinning from ear to ear when he saw how invested Lilly was.

"Gotta admit, she pays more attention than most interns do," Mark said. "Okay, Lilly. Watch your mom anastomose the hypoglossal nerve to the facial nerve."

Meredith looked at him with wide eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Show off for your kid," Mark insisted, handing Meredith line of suture.

Derek and Lilly watched from the gallery as Meredith put her natural talent to work, connecting the nerves with all the delicacy and precision of a world-class surgeon. He kissed the top of Lilly's head and smiled, full of pride and awe.

"Mommy's the coolest, isn't she?"

...

It was a quarter to four, fifteen minutes before Megan, the photographer, was set to arrive. Meredith walked down the steps with Lilly, who was dolled up in her red dress, white tights, and pigtails with tiny, red bows. All signs pointed to smooth sailing now that Lilly's teething troubles had seemed to subside, and both of her parents hoped that things stayed that way for the next hour.

Meredith set Lilly in the corner of the couch, making sure her dress was wrinkle-free. "There we go. Now we just need you to sit still until the nice picture lady gets here," she said as Lilly grabbed at the hem of her dress. "I wish you were old enough to bribe."

Derek walked into the living room from the kitchen, grinning when he saw his daughter. "You look so beautiful, Lillybug."

"Thanks to the curly Shepherd hair she inherited, there was more than enough for pigtails, so I went for it," Meredith said.

"I love them. See, wasn't all of that pregnancy heartburn worth it for that great head of hair?" Derek teased.

Meredith ribbed him with her elbow. "Funny," she said wryly. "But yeah, it kinda was."

"That's all I'm saying," he said. He knelt down and pushed the coffee table off to the side, so they could take pictures in front of the fireplace like they wanted. "So, I was thinking we could put Charlie in a few, too. Maybe have Lilly lean against him or something."

"Oh, I'd like that," Meredith said. "Megan said we could do a few outfit changes. There were some samples online that were really cute. She provides all the props for home shoots, too. Bailey uses her for Tuck's birthday pictures every year."

"If Bailey vouches for her, she must be good," Derek said, catching some drool on Lilly's chin before it could get on her dress. "We're gonna get some good pictures today, right Lilly?"

Lilly blew bubbles with her mouth, giggling when one of them popped, and Meredith smiled as she wiped the baby's lips. "The Tylenol must have kicked in if she's laughing at spit-up."

There was a short knock at the door, and Derek rose to his feet. "Guess that's her," he said.

Meredith scooped Lilly off the couch, following Derek to the door. The woman on the other side of the glass looked to be around thirty, with blonde hair and glasses, who had a rolling suitcase next to her and two large bags slung over her shoulder.

Derek stepped to the side and held the door open for her. "Come on in. Thanks for trekking all the way out here. We know it's a bit of a drive."

"No, it's no trouble at all. I'm Megan. It's so nice to meet you. Meredith and Derek, right?" Megan said, shaking both of their hands. She smiled at Lilly and gave her hand a tiny shake. "And you must be Lilly."

"Yep. She's all ready for you," Derek said, bouncing her in his arm.

"She's gorgeous," Megan complimented.

"Thank you."

"Did you have anything in mind for today's shoot?" Megan asked.

Meredith nodded. "She's almost six months old, so we wanted to do Christmas pictures to send out."

"Aww, summer baby?" Megan asked.

"June 5th. She's an almost-summer baby," Derek chuckled, noticing how Lilly looked with interest at all of the photographer's equipment. "Doesn't this look like fun, Princess?"

Meredith stood in front of Lilly and gave her a quick scan, making sure her hair and dress were neat, and there was no food on her face. Satisfied, she kissed Lilly's forehead. "Perfect," she said.

Derek tickled Lilly's belly with his finger, and the baby broke out in her usual giggles. "There's the smile we need."

"Babies are much more comfortable in their own homes. I tend to get a lot more laughs and smiles when they're in familiar surroundings. She'll do great," Megan assured them. "You can browse through the sample book I brought for ideas. We can sit her in a wrapped gift box; or we can tangle her up in some Christmas lights with some over-sized Christmas balls scattered around her; maybe we can do some with her in leg warmers and a knit snow hat."

"All of those sound really cute," Meredith said as she and Derek flipped through the album of photos.

"We can do them all, if you'd like. Your daughter is so cute that I might just need to put her in my sample book," Megan said, loading a new roll of film into the camera. "Are you thinking of doing them in front of the fireplace?"

"Yeah. Maybe some in front of the tree, too. She loves the Christmas tree," Derek said. He set Lilly in front of the fireplace, making sure she could support herself sitting up. "There we go. Good job."

"Sure, we can get some tree pictures. You're my last appointment for today, so I'll stay as long as you want me to," Megan offered. She turned toward Lilly and smiled warmly at her. "Are you ready for your photo shoot, Lilly?"

Lilly looked up curiously at the three of them. Normally, her afternoons were spent nursing with her mom or watching her dad cook dinner, or going up to the big, fancy place where they worked, so people could make a fuss over her. So, sitting in front of the fireplace in a frilly dress with some shiny, black thing pointed at her was a little strange. But her parents seemed to celebrate every time she smiled, so she went along with it.

When Derek made a fish-face at her, Lilly gave them a wide smile, still free of teeth, giving Megan the chance to snap a picture.

"Good girl!" Meredith cheered in relief.

Derek clapped in encouragement. "One down, one million to go."

...

Over the next hour, Megan had taken upward of a hundred pictures, and by the end, Lilly had practically fallen asleep leaning against Charlie. She'd been a trooper, though, cooperating through outfit changes and various poses. The pictures they'd gotten were perfect, so a little sleepiness was well worth it. Lilly even slept right through her bath, not even waking to nurse.

And now, she was still sleeping, snoozing away in her bassinet while Meredith brushed her teeth in the bathroom. Derek sat in bed and browsed through the collection of Lilly's photos Megan had put onto a flash drive for them. Lilly looked beautiful in every one, so beautiful that they'd probably end up buying the whole set.

Lilly sighed softly in her sleep and Derek glanced over at her, smiling at the way she scrunched her tiny nose. Since substantially cutting his hours at the hospital after Lilly was born, the prospect of eventually going back to work full time was daunting enough, let alone taking over as Chief of Surgery in a few years. And while he understood the magnitude of the opportunity, he wasn't sure he would accept it. Derek had been going over his conversation with Richard all day, and he wasn't sure what to expect from Meredith when he told her about it. But still, he knew he had to. She was his wife, and she needed to be able to give her input.

The bathroom light flicked off, and Meredith walked into their bedroom, wearing the Dartmouth tee shirt he loved so much. She pulled out her ponytail and smiled at him before climbing on top of him in bed. She cupped his cheeks and kissed him, starting at his neck, working her way to his jawline and finally settling for his lips.

Derek was happy to oblige, kissing her back and tasting the minty toothpaste she'd just used. "Hmm, as much as I love this, Lilly is right next to us," he murmured.

Meredith laughed against his lips. "I know. That's why I'm keeping my hands on your face and not snaking them into your pants," she said.

"Good idea."

She rolled off of him and onto her side, resting her head on his chest. "I know I said this already, but thank you for bringing Lilly up to the hospital today. I always love when you guys visit."

"Happy to do it," Derek said before kissing the top of her head. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. "So, Lilly and I bumped into the Chief today on the way to the gallery."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. We got to talking and he, uh... kind of offered me his job," Derek said.

Meredith raised her head to look at him. "He what?"

"Not now. But eventually, you know, down the line when he's ready to retire," he explained.

Meredith sat up and leaned against the headboard, so she would be at a better angle to talk to him. Even before saying a word, she could read his body language, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. "You don't sound excited," she said. "I mean... you're gonna take it, right?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"You don't know?"

"I need time to think about it," Derek said.

"Derek, if you want the job, you should take it. We can make it work," Meredith said in support as she reached for his hand.

Derek sighed, running his thumb over her knuckles. "I don't know if I want it."

"That's why you came to Seattle in the first place," Meredith reminded him.

"That was a long time ago. If this were five years ago, I'd be ready to sign the contract. Life is different now," Derek said.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to give up on the things you want," Meredith said. She glanced down at their hands, and when she looked up again, there were tears in her eyes, ones she willed away but still came anyway.

"Derek, you're taking time off for me, so you could be here with Lilly while I worked, so we wouldn't have to put her in daycare. And you did it without a second thought. Pulling out of the driveway every morning is always the hardest part of my day, but I'm so grateful to you that I'm able to do it," Meredith said.

"I did it because I love you, and I love Lilly, and I haven't regretted that decision for a split second. Our family comes first. We decided that before Lilly even existed, and I'm afraid that if I were to take the job, I'd go back on that promise," Derek said, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"Derek, you wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. And Richard isn't going to retire for a few years, anyway. Would you consider it if Lilly were in kindergarten?" Meredith asked, trying to tread lightly, instead of bulldozing him into a decision.

"What about the next baby we want to have? What if he or she is a toddler?"

Meredith chewed on her lower lip with her teeth. "Well, we could always..."

"Postpone having another baby? No, we're not doing that. We're not putting our lives on hold so I can take a job I may not want, anyway," Derek said, shaking his head.

"If you really don't want the job, that's okay. But there's a difference between not wanting it and feeling like you shouldn't take it. I just want you to make the decision for the right reason," Meredith emphasized, her eyes studying his, hoping he understood what she was trying to say.

He swung her legs over his, so she was sitting on his lap. "You know why I wanted you to be able to finish your residency on time?"

"Because you're a great husband and father," Meredith answered.

Derek smiled at her. "Because I want to save lives with you. That surgery today... Meredith, you were flawless. Literally, flawless. That's how I want to spend my career. With you. In the OR. I want to witness all of that talent and brilliance firsthand; not just hear about it from behind a desk and a pile of paperwork. I want that for us."

"I want that, too," she said softly.

"And that's something we wouldn't be able to do if I were Chief. We both know that," Derek told her.

Meredith let out a sigh. "I know. I guess I just feel kind of guilty."

"Guilty? Why?" Derek asked in concern.

"Because. You made this huge sacrifice for me, and I feel like I'm holding you back," she admitted.

"You're not holding me back from anything. You never have. Mer, without you, that job would be all I had. But then I fell in love with you, and you gave me Lilly. Now you're on your way to becoming an attending, and I can't wait to work with you every day. We can both be surgeons and parents, and not feel like one has to come at the expense of the other," Derek said, his hands resting on the small of her back.

"You've given this some thought, huh?" Meredith guessed as she played with the curls on the back of his neck.

"Yeah. I have."

Meredith nodded slowly. "So, you really don't want to do it? You're not just saying that because you think you can't, now that we have a baby? If you want to sleep on it, you can. I mean, you have a few years before you'd need to decide, anyway. Seriously, that's totally—"

Before she could continue on with her ramble, Derek cut her off, pressing his lips to hers again. Meredith only moaned in response, making no protests. She weaved her fingers through his hair, and when they finally pulled back for breath, she rested her forehead against his.

"Wow," she whispered, her skin flushed and her insides tingling.

"Yeah."

Meredith raised herself off his legs and peeked into the bassinet, where Lilly was still sleeping. Confident that they could sneak away for a while, she grabbed the baby monitor off Derek's nightstand. "Come on," she said.

"Where are we going?" he asked, following her out of the room.

"Wanna have sex in front of the fireplace?"

Before he could respond, she was shimmying out of her pants, and he answered by taking off his own.