45. Chapter 45

After Cloudy with a Chance of Murder and After Secret's Safe with Me

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Yes. I own cattle. No, actually I don't. Not Castle either. Rating: K Time: See above.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Kate asked, holding tightly to Rick's arm.

"Hey, I said I would, didn't I?"

Kate frowned. "That's not what I asked. Do you want to do this?"

"Yes. Definitely. My whole life has been preparation for this."

Kate nodded. "You're right. This is a terrible idea."

"No it isn't."

"Castle. I'm not sure…"

"I am. Kate, I love you. Now I'm ready. Let's just do this."

Kate looked into his blue eyes to try to read his mind. Yes. He was ready. "Okay, let's do this."

Rick pushed open the door and they walked through it. The receptionist looked up at them and smiled. "Dr. Burke is ready for you, please go right in."

Kate led Rick into Dr. Burke's office. The doctor was waiting for them by the door. "Kate! Good to see you again." He held out his hand to Rick. "Mr. Castle, I recognize you from your photos on the dust jackets of your books. Kate's told me so much about you, I feel like I know you somewhat."

Rick shook Carver Burke's hand. "Please, call me Rick."

"Okay, then, Rick. Will you two please sit?" Dr. Burke waves towards two chairs set up facing his chair. Rick lets Kate take a seat, then sits in the other chair. "Now, Rick, I don't know how much experience you've had with something like this, Kate says none, but if there's anything that bothers you, please let me know. And while I have chairs for you both, some people like to walk around, others sit on the floor. I just want both of you to be comfortable, especially you Rick, since this is new to you."

"I'm fine the way I am." He looks over at Kate. "As long as you're okay." Kate smiles at him.

"Oh, I should tell you, Rick, since I've been seeing Kate, I've read the whole Nikki Heat series. I'm very impressed and interested, on many levels."

"Wait! You've read the Nikki Heat books?" Kate interrupts. "You never told me that."

"Is that a problem, Kate?" Dr. Burke asks.

"No, no…It's not a problem, exactly. It's just that…" Kate looks over to Rick and holds out her hand for him to take, but the distance is too great. They can barely touch their fingertips. Kate quickly stands and goes to Rick. She sits on his lap and puts her arms around him. "I told you I always want you to be holding me." She whispers.

"Is this okay?" Rick asks Dr. Burke.

The doctor laughs. "Compared to some of the couples I see in therapy, it's refreshing. Please, I want you both to be comfortable. Now, Kate, do you have a problem with the Nikki Heat books?"

Kate shakes her head. "It's not a problem. I'm…Can you be jealous of a fictional character?"

Dr. Burke nods. "If you feel jealous, then you certainly can. Why do you feel jealous?"

Rick takes Kate's hand. "Honey, if there's a problem with the books…"

"No, please let me explain. To both of you." Kate takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, then opens them. "There's an officer who works in my precinct whose story is similar to Nikki's and mine. Her father was murdered and she became a cop because of that. But both she and Nikki didn't lose their ability to love, to have relationships with others, to be open. I did. It took me years to get where Nikki and Rook got to in the first third of the first book. That other officer has someone who loves her and someone she loves, something that until recently, I thought I'd never have. I can't help but ask myself, what's wrong with me? Why was I so alone for all those years?"

"Rick, can you tell us why you wrote Nikki as being so different from Kate in this instance? Or do you see the two of them as so different?"

Rick nods. "I definitely wrote Nikki as different from Kate in this instance. From the first time I worked with Kate I knew she was in pain, emotional pain. After a month or so, I learned just how much pain she was in. I just wanted to take the pain away for her, but that's easier said than done. "

Kate nuzzled his ear. "You're doing a wonderful job."

"Anyway," Rick continued, "since I couldn't seem to help the real Kate, I tried to help the fictional Kate. I guess there was also a bit of wish fulfillment in there, too. I wanted Nikki and Rook to be together just as I wanted Kate and me to be together. Mostly I wanted Kate to be happy, and Nikki to be happy."

Dr. Burke nodded. "Kate, it's perfectly normal for someone who loses a loved one to grieve deeply. In your case, the grieving process did go on for a very long time. But there are some people for whom the grief never ends. I think that your choice of employment, a homicide detective, may have just added more layers of grief to what you felt for the death of your mother. That's said, you were able to act positively on your grief, unlike many people. Ask yourself this: Would you feel better or worse about yourself if you had tried to keep living your old life after your mother died?"

Kate thought for a long while. "I'm happy with my choice. Being a cop gives me a satisfaction that I don't think I'd have otherwise. And it led me to Rick, who is the best thing that's ever happened to me." She turned to face Rick. "I want you to know that I love Nikki. I'm proud to be the real life inspiration for Nikki and I'm very proud to be your muse. I've even decided that Nikki Heat is a good cop name because Nikki is a good cop." Kate waited a beat and then added, "But could you have her wear some clothes on the cover of the next Nikki Heat?"

All three laughed.

"Actually, the model was fully dressed, but in skin tight clothing." Castle said.

"And everyone who looks at the cover thinks…"Kate left in to Rick to finish the sentence, which he did.

"Everyone thinks Nikki is nude." He confessed.

"And I'm sure they all think I run around naked while solving crimes." Kate teased.

Rick nodded. "Note to self: The next book will be Artic Heat, in which our heroine solves a murder while wearing a parka over seven layers of clothing. Much to Rook's dismay."

Kate smiled and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Dr. Burke, there was one thing I wanted to bring up today."

"Sure. What is it?"

"When I first met Rick, I didn't like him at all. I was a huge fan of his books, so I suppose that I had an exaggerated idea of what the world famous Richard Castle would be like. He was asked to help with a series of killings that appeared to be done by someone copying murders from Rick's books. I followed the leads and arrested a suspect. Everything was fine. I had my killer. A job well done."

"Except she had arrested the wrong man." Castle said." I told her that and she was, after a bit, able to see my point."

"After a bit?" Kate laughed. "I was furious with you. I arrested you and dragged you back to the precinct. I was ready to throw you in jail. Only your friendship with the mayor saved you."

"Like I said, after a bit, she saw things my way. But Kate is the best homicide detective ever. She'd have figured it out by herself."

Kate nuzzled Castle's neck. "Do you see what love does to your facilities for critical thinking?"

"Not a thing." He replied. "In fact my facilities are better than ever."

"If I can interrupt, how did this cause a problem, Kate?" Dr. Burke asked.

"Castle not only identified who the killer was, he chased him down and knocked him out." Kate smile at the memory of Castle running down an alley with one shoe on and one shoe off. "When the case was over, Rick asked me out to dinner. I turned him down. There were a lot of reasons. My fear of any kind of intimacy, for one. But part of it was anger at Rick for showing me up. I knew then that it was very unprofessional of me. I'm about catching killers, not taking credit for my work. And I've thought since then that if I had gone out with Rick, I'd have seen more of him. More of what he's really like. More than what you'd get just from reading Page Six. I'd have come to appreciate what a good man he is a lot earlier. I can't help but think that if I hadn't been so egotistical, we might have gotten together much sooner."

"Wait a minute, Missy!" Castle said sharply. "Egotistical is what I do, not you."

"Rick," Dr. Burke said, "how do you feel about that?"

Rick looked at Kate. "As much as I'd love to have been with Kate for a year or maybe two, I'm not sure that would have happened. We're both much different people that we were when we met. Kate is a lot more open than she once was, and I confess that I'm more mature than I was when we met. But, we'll never know. And for all the problems we've had getting together, we're together now and we'll stay that way. Always."

"Always?" Dr. Burke asked.

"Always." They answered in unison.