47. Chapter 47

After the Final Frontier

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I own none of the shows I've, um, borrowed from for this. Rating: K+ Time: The future, or maybe the past. Whatever!

Rick kissed Kate goodnight as they snuggled in bed together. They had finally finished their Nebula 9 marathon. After watching the first three episodes, Rick had gone out and bought Kate the deluxe Nebula 9 DVD set, including the blooper reel, the deleted scenes, audio commentary on the episodes by the stars, and a behind the scenes look at the show. Castle still wasn't a fan of Nebula 9, but he could see why Kate had been interested in Lieutenant Chloe. And he had to admit that Kate looked incredibly hot in her Lt. Chloe costume. He relaxed and thought of Kate as Lt. Chloe.

Lt. Chloe.

Lt. Chloe….

"Lieutenant Chloe." Captain Max barked. "What do you make of it?"

Lt. Chloe looked at her ruggedly handsome captain, but turned her attention to the viewscreen. "It's the space station the Algolans told us about, sir. I see a Fregolsian smuggler, a Tangarlan privateer and a Gol'Ack tramp freighter."

Captain Max nodded. "The Barsoomian space station. A place spoken of in whispers, when spoken of at all. A place where all things may be bought and sold. A place of danger, intrigue and high adventure. Yes! We'll stay here for a while."

"Captain. We're being hailed." Called the communications officer.

A face known to the crew appeared in the viewscreen. "Merleputter!" Said Captain Max. "What are you doing here?"

"I might ask you the same question." The cyborg replied. "Nothing good, I'm sure."

Lt. Chloe motioned to Captain Max. Captain Max understood at once. "We need some repairs." Max and Chloe said together.

They looked at each other as Merleputter shook his head. "Our intraspatial transmogrifier is burned out. Can you fix it?" Captain Max asked.

"I'll have to get it on a table and look at it. Can you pay?"

Max opened a leather bag and showed Merleputter a hoard of Delmorian rubies. Merleputter nodded happily.

In less than an hour, their ship in Merleputter's hands, Captain Max and Lieutenant Chloe walked onto the space station. "We'll go to the spaceport bar to pick up information while the rest of the crew watches the ship and Merleputter. I don't trust him any further than I can throw the Zelbinnion."

Lt. Chloe nodded as they headed for the raucous sounds that indicated the spaceport bar. Once inside the bar, the two stopped to watch a group of beings in long, flowing white robes, gyrating to the sounds coming from the stage.

"What is that, sir?" Chloe asked.

"Obviously a religious experience of some sort." Captain Max said airily.

"And the want everyone to shout?"

"Kick your heels up and shout." Max said positively.

"Throw your hands up and shout?" Chloe asked, curious.

"Throw your head back and shout!" Max insisted.

This deep religious discussion was interrupted by a red headed biped who approached the duo. Chloe disliked the redhead as soon as she got a look at her cleavage.

"Greetings, ruggedly handsome male. I am called Me'Red'Ith. How may I service you?" The redhead put her arms around Captain Max and hugged him. "You are strong, aren't you, Kit'tehn." She said saucily.

"Kit'tehn?" Max asked.

"A term of endearment among my people."

Before Max could reply, Chloe saw a tentacle slide from the being's arm. She quickly slapped it away from Captain Max.

"Hey!" Barked the redhead.

"Lt. Chloe!" Captain Max said sternly.

"Sir, she was reaching for your wallet with a tentacle. In no time she would have drained your VISA card."

"My Visitors Inter Species Account card?" Max said, shocked.

As the redhead walked away, she said, "I see your race goes for females who are skinny and flat chested."

Captain Max almost replied that Chloe had the most perfect bottom in the universe, and was otherwise gorgeous, but did not. He know the lieutenant's heart still belonged to Doctor J'Hosh, who was on a faraway desert planet being digested by a local resident. He had never liked the doctor, objecting to his bedside manner. Especially when he was near Chloe's bedside. "We should get a drink." Max said sternly.

They walked to the bartender, who smiled at them. "An' how may Oi serve ye foine beings this foine day?"

Captain Max looked aghast. "Tell me the name of your tailor so I can avoid him like the Arlennein plague. Really? A bright green suit, a metallic yellow shirt, and a purple sweater vest?"

"Don't forget the plaid billycock hat." Chloe whispered.

"We Gaels are known for our fashion sense, Boyo!" The bartender snarled.

"Perhaps I could have a glass of Scotch?" Max said quietly.

"The chief engineer of a passing ship bought all of ours." The bartender said with a sneer.

"A glass of white wine, then?" The bartender obliged.

"I'll have an Industrial Strength Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster." Chloe ordered. "Make it a double."

The bartender blanched and began shivering, but he donned a hazmat suit and made Chloe's drink. Chloe slammed it down and put her glass on the bar, upside down. "Are you sure that was a double?"

The bartender nodded. "Of course. Air ye accusing me of sumpin'?"

Before Chloe could reply, a small green being appeared by the bartender. "The bouncer I am. Problems there are?"

"Who are you, the Credible Hulk?" Max asked.

Suddenly they were accosted by a blonde female, displaying, in Chloe's opinion, far too much cleavage. "I am Jahina. You are a newcomer, Captain?"

"Why yes? And you are…?" Max said slyly.

"I am a publisher. I publish information of all sorts. I can pay you handsomely for your knowledge."

"Ruggedly handsomely?" Max asked, checking himself in the mirror behind the bar.

"Certainly. If I may, I'll just hook you up to my mind melder and copy all of your memories." The blonde produced an odd machine and began attaching it to Max's head.

"Captain, are you sure this is a good idea?" Chloe narrowed her eyes and stared at the blonde. "I'm sure she's from the planet Bimb."

The blonde shrugged, "So, I'm a Bimbeaux, so what?"

"Just confirming something." Chloe sneered.

"Lieutenant Chloe, don't worry about a GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" Max's eyes rolled back in his head and the machine began accessing his memories. Jahina pulled out a neural whip and began yelling. "Think faster! Much faster. Do you have thinker's block? Think!"

Chloe shrugged. Max was the captain. He must know what he was doing.

Chloe noticed that two more redheads had sat down next to her. A scantily clad young one and a garishly dressed older one. Being so close, Chloe could not avoid hearing their conversation.

"Kiddo," the older redhead said, "who comes to a sleazy space port bar to study?"

"Gram, "said the younger, "if I want to get into a good assassin's school, I need good grades. Now ask me the study questions."

"The Tsao Lyn are..?

"A religious order." The younger one replied.

"And what is always with a Tsao Lyn?"

"A brindz hound. They're psychically bonded to one another at birth."

"And how can you tell a Tsao Lyn temple?"

"There are small sandboxes outside of the temples. Each hound needs a private space to defecate."

"And so the boxes are…? Asked the older redhead.

"The sand of one hound crapping."

The two redheads high fived each other, then glared at Chloe. Chloe glanced over at Captain Max, who except for the fact that he was drooling, seemed to be in complete control. "Captain, I'm off to the ladies room." The wax in Max's ears began to melt. Chloe strolled off.

Once in the ladies' room, Chloe noticed something odd at the far end of the room. She drew her Thorian blaster. A ghostly apparition resolved itself into…

"Roybi Wan! My mentor!" Chloe cried. "But…but you're dead."

"Not even close. I just went to a higher plane of existence. Kind of like getting called up to the bigs from the minors. Sort of like Nuke La Loosh."

"Cool!" Chloe said. "But that means that you're a…"

"A Boogie Knight." Roybi Wan said. "It's a good gig. The doc loves it, too."

"The doc?" Chloe said, breathlessly. "Is J'Hosh there?"

Roybi Wan looked embarrassed. "I'm afraid he's with…Well, he's with the, um, young ladies we were promised for dying for our cause."

"You mean he's with seventy-two virgins?"

"Not any more."

Chloe thought about that and shrugged. "I don't feel so bad about tripping him into the Great Pit of Carkoon, then."

Roybi Wan stiffened. "There is a great disturbance in the Force."

"What is it?" Chloe asked.

"The Evil Senator Mar-Brac Low-Ken is attempting to delay a wedding. The rat! I'll teach him to have his Death Star built by the lowest bidder." Roybi Wan disappeared.

Chloe shook her head. "What kind of dead mentor hangs out in the ladies' room?" She asked herself.

Chloe walked back into the bar to find Captain Max throwing up and no sign of Jahina. "Good riddance." She muttered.

A large armored being suddenly stepped up to Captain Max. "Yo, bro! You need a new crewman? I'm ex-military, totally buff and I come fully equipped with my very own weaponry, Vera and Winona." The being flexed his muscles. "I was with the dude that did the Kessell run in under twelve parsecs."

Captain Max tried to uncross his eyes. "Ump…Emp…Umpr…Impress…Cool." He stuttered.

Grasping that her captain might not be in complete control if his facilities after the mind melder experience, Chloe quickly spoke. "A parsec is a unit of measurement, not a unit of time. It's a parallax of one second of arc, or about 3.26 light years. You're not a qualified space being. We have no need for you."

The armored being glared at her. "You're dithpicable!" He slurred and stomped off.

"Pretty good, geek jirl." A sultry voice said from behind her. Chloe whirled around to face a comely, dark skinned woman staring at her. "But Captain Boy is totally wiped out by the mind melder. If you're going to get any use out of him, you need to get him some worm spice. I happen to know the duke who runs the planet it comes from."

"You know John Wayne?" Chloe asked, suspiciously.

"No, the Duke of Earl."

"Should you be dispensing spice?" Chloe asked.

"I'm licensed. Look, Sweetie, take a look at Captain Boy over there." Chloe looked. Captain Max was singing under his breath. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here's is my handle, here is my spout." Regrettably, he was exposing his, um, spout, much to the glee of the ladies.

"You need to take a chance." The dark skinned woman said. "So, you've gotta ask yourself: Do I feel lucky today? Well, do you, punk?"

Chloe grabbed Captain Max's VISA card and made a purchase, expertly signing his name. The dark woman smiled. "Say hello to my little friend." Up rolled a small, cylindrical droid who wolf whistled at Chloe, but held out a small packet of worm spice. Chloe poured the spice into Max's mouth. His eyes uncrossed, he shook, he shivered and then he looked at Chloe. "Thanks, I needed that."

"Are you okay, sir?" She asked.

"All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia." He said indomitably.

A hush fell over the bar as the tramp of approaching, booted feet was heard.

"It's Herself!" Someone cried.

"Herself?" Chloe asked the dark woman. "Who is that?"

"The owner of the space station, Lady "Steel" Doors!"

"LSD?" Captain Max said, wonderingly. "Do they call her the Lizard Queen, by any chance?"

But Lady Steel Doors was upon them. Her eyes glowed red. Her tongue lashed from side to side. Her voice, like brazen trumpets, screamed, "You two! Out of my space station! NOW!"

Captain Max frantically clicked his heels together saying, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

Lieutenant Chloe grabbed Max and headed for the elevator that would take them from the bowels of the space station to their ship. Once in the elevator, she relaxed. The elevator suddenly dropped a floor or so and Captain Max grabbed for Lieutenant Chloe, his hand finding the most perfect bottom in the Universe. His mind told him to remove his hand, but he looked into Chloe's eyes and saw the same lust and desire he knew was in his own eyes. "Lieutenant Chloe." He murmured and drew her to him, kissing her lips softly, then with more passion.

Lieutenant Chloe.

"Lieutenant Chloe?" Kate said, around Rick's mouth. "We're you dreaming about Nebula 9?"

Rick found his hand had slipped down the back of the running shorts Kate had worn to bed and now cupped what he knew was the most perfect bottom in the Universe. "No. I mean, yes. I was dreaming about you as Lieutenant Chloe. You're a far better Chloe than Stephanie Frye. You're perfect as Chloe. You're just perfect."

Kate kissed him lightly. "Aw, that's so sweet. "She looked over at the alarm clock. "So, do you want to fool around, Captain Max? We have time before we have to get ready for work."

Rick nodded. "May fortune guide my journey."

Kate giggled.

Author's note: My, I really did borrow from a lot of places, didn't I?